Hmm… Instead of the usual 'thank yous' I'd like to tell all the reviewers how sorry I am for taking forever to update! And it's not even a happy chapter. Oh well… I fancied playing around with the aftermath of the betrayal when Sirius sent Snape to Moony. I also thought I'd try the present tense for a change; tell me what you think! Anyway, well done andrea-88 who guessed 'hell'. And thanks Queen of the Paperclips and Albino Redneck for two interesting ideas (for me to use later...)
H is for Hell
The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers…
- Jack Sparrow, Pirates Of The Caribbean
It's funny how beautiful people are when they're walking out the door.
-Mandy Slade, Velvet Goldmine
He can feel it - somewhere deep inside him - this cacophony of sound. A rattling breath catches in his chest. His heartbeat is so loud that it echoes in his ears. What's more, he's crying. Noisily, the odd gulping sob. He wants to scream; he'd give anything to drown out the noise of the wind and the rattling window panes.
At some point James appears. "Why did you do it?"
He doesn't know. It's all a blur and all he can remember is the swirl of grey clouds, streaked with black soot and the bloody colour of a red sunset.
"Tell me."
If he listens hard enough the wind tells him what he's done. Traitor… Traitor… Traitor… He plays it over in his mind, varying the stress on the two syllables, hoping to make it sound better.
"I don't know why I did it," he says. He can't meet James' eyes; he stares out of the window, watches the reluctant dawn, thinks of what he's done.
James exhales in what may or may not be a sigh. "Remus wants to see you."
He follows James from the dorm, down the staircase, across the Common Room. It's still so early; there's no one around.
In the imfirmary, Remus lies on a bed, neatly cocooned in white sheets and an extra blanket. His face is pale: his lips chapped and nearly blue; his cheeks hollow; his eyes empty.
"I nearly killed him, Sirius."
"I'm sorry."
"Why did you do it?"
"I-" He wants to say it was just a childish prank. He wants to give a reason- any reason. "I don't know," he says.
There's a scratch down Remus' cheek. It's very fine, barely a hair's-width across- faintly pink and somehow beautiful. Yet it's nothing compared to the bite marks and bruises: the branded-on evidence of the wolf.
And last night was especially bad; last night Moony had to make do without Padfoot.
Last night was a betrayal.
"I'm sorry," he tells Remus. He thinks maybe if he can only repeat it enough…
But no. Remus' eyes aren't so empty now. They flash anger and hurt and - above all - disappointment.
"I'm sorry," Sirius says, for the third time.
