authorsnotes: minor edits - 2022
do read the end notes on this one, kinda important... lets just say dear sansa is not a little girl anymore.
do review and tell me ya thoughts!
songrecs: billie bossa nova - billie eilish
An hour or so passed before Jon approached her. Sansa had been sitting in Jon's tent, an extra crib had been brought in for her by one of the guards, and she had been sat on it for an hour, looking into space, thinking, contemplating, her mind far, far away.
It was something she'd often do in the Vale, be far away in thought before someone dragged her back. Only in the Vale her thoughts had been dreams of home, of her family, now they weren't dreams, they were memories that she thought of, as her gaze drifted.
She thought of Joffrey, of his cruel sneer, his cowardly expression when confronted, his idiot guards. She thought of his death, of him tumbling down the steps, hand clutching his throat, face purple, drool at his chin. She thought of his eyes, like glass, open, not blinking, open and wide, full of fear in his last moment. He had died in agony, in fear, and Cersei had wept over his body.
She thought then of Cersei, of her pain, of her tears, of Cersei screaming her name, as she ran from King's Landing.
She thought of her Aunt Lysa, her screams as she fell through the moon door, growing fainter and fainter.
And then she thought of Littlefinger, of his gaze, penetrating her mind, of his lessons, hour after hour of teaching, of his crying, of his head rolling to the floor.
She should have been crying perhaps, or horrified. But instead she smiled.
He was gone, he was gone, and he could not hurt her anymore, he would never hurt her again. And so, as she sat on her bed, just gazing into the distance she was smiling, a little smirk on her features. She was safe, most of her enemies were gone, and yet she still stood.
She turned her head as Jon entered the tent and offered him a tentative smile. It was good to be back with him and she could not wait to see Bran and Rickon. She hoped they would find Arya too, and then the remains of the Stark pack would be back together.
Sansa Stark was back, Alayne Stone was gone, gone forever. It almost felt like a death and Sansa took a second to mourn for the girl before coming back to herself and turning to Jon, she wouldn't mourn Alayne, but she would learn from her.
"Is it time?" She asked simply, though fear knotted in her stomach again. They needed to return to the Eyrie to see them bend the knee, she understood that, but she had no desire to ever step foot in the Vale again, necessary as it was.
"Aye" Jon said with a nod, "You want to stay here?" He asked with a smile, Sansa was a good liar, she had been under Cersei's twisted mentorship and Petyr's tutelage, but Jon could still see through her … when she let him.
Another of Littlefingers lessons; lies are like gold, worth the world, but letting someone see through your lies to get what you want? That is like rubies, worth the world too, but in a different way.
"Yes please" She said, and Jon laughed to which she rolled her eyes. Perhaps she should have just asked, but that hadn't even occurred to her.
"Stay in the tent, I'll have one of Greyworm's most trusted, Blackrain guard you. If you need to leave take him and go no further than the main tent" He said with a serious look at her to which she nodded before he made to leave. However, she jumped and grabbed his arm, to which he paused.
"Jon wait" She said before biting down on her lip as he turned back to her. "I … I just wanted to apologise properly" She said with a determined nod of her head, no falsehood or deception here, just a need to make things right, "I was awful to you in Winterfell I know, and I am truly sorry, can you ever forgive me?"
"Sansa there is no need…" He began but she shook her head, a determined expression on her face, she would see this put right.
"Forgive me" She insisted to which Jon laughed.
"Aye alright I forgive you" To that Sansa smiled and pulled him into a hug. They hugged for a moment before she let him go.
"Okay" She said with a little nod, "I'll see you soon"
"You will" Jon said as though it was a promise, and perhaps it was. Either way it made her smile and feel a little more relaxed that he had to leave. "We may be a while, but we'll sup together tonight or perhaps break fast on the morrow if you want to sleep"
Sansa nodded and then Jon was gone. She glanced outside to see a man stood rigid at the left of the entrance to the tent. This must be Blackrain. He nodded at her as she looked at him and she felt oddly reassured. Jon wouldn't leave her with a guard that would hurt her, she knew that, and so she stepped back into the tent, and she still felt safe.
It was a good feeling; a comforting feeling and it was no surprise that within minutes of climbing onto her bed with the aim to simply relax she was out like a candle blown and snuffed out.
God it had been hours. He wanted nothing more than to climb onto Viserion, plummet down below and go to sleep. Dark had long settled over the Eyrie, and though the days were shorter thanks to the long winter they were now enduring he was sure it had gone dark hours ago.
He had wanted this over quickly, and yet it had not. First, they had to explain the situation with Baelish to the Vale, before rooting out his men. Then thankfully little Robin Arryn had bent the knee without complaint but had cried and screamed that he wanted 'his Alayne' back (and why Aegon felt annoyed at that he chose not to question or look too closely at), before a young woman had hurried him inside. They then had to wait a while for a suitable Lord to be brought up to the Eyrie, but it had been a worthwhile wait when Lord Royce of Runestone had been named Regent by the other Lords until Robin was of age. Now they were simply sifting through the final details of the treaty.
Aegon knew he needed to learn to be patient, but this was beyond the pale. He couldn't help that he felt formalities such as this were pointless. They had known before they'd even landed in Westeros that the Vale would bend, so why all the pomp and circumstance? Aegon knew it was necessary, the 'Southern' way of doing things, but it was tedious all the same.
He knew Jon felt the same way, and he felt on edge, his gaze constantly flickering to the door. But whereas Aegon wanted to escape to do something more useful he knew Jon wanted to check on Sansa. Oddly Aegon had that same urge, but again tried not to think about it.
Yet, he did think of her gaze, he couldn't help himself. He was stuck on those eyes, they had such depth and yet he sensed there was more to them, a wall in place currently closing him off. Part of him wanted to break past that wall … though how and why he wanted or planned to do that he didn't know.
He should not strike too close a friendship with Sansa Stark, it was not sensible. She would go North soon with her brother and eventually marry some Northern Lord. He would go South and marry a Southern Lady. There was little point lingering on her.
And so, he tried to shut her out of his mind, but she lingered, it was just those eyes, and the flash of a smile he had seen, those were the things that remained imprinted in his mind. The steel that had threaded her gaze before Littlefingers execution was also at the forefront of his brain. He'd felt proud of her, which was not a reaction he should have had. He was not sure why he was reacting to her like this.
"Aegon" He was snapped out of his thoughts but gave no indication he hadn't been listening. Thankfully, he nodded and that seemed to be the right thing to do, though Dany shot him a look that he knew she didn't buy it.
"I believe we are done gentleman" Dany spoke, and they all rose. Aegon stood last with Jon and the Lords of the Vale bent the head to him, as well as Jon out of respect. Soon the hall was empty, and they walked back outside, the last Kingdom conquered. As tiresome as it had been Aegon was grinning as were Dany and Jon.
They had done it, they had conquered, now it was time to rule.
"So, the next thing will be your coronation Aegon" Dany said with a nod of her head, "Jon you already had yours correct?"
"If you count the Northmen chanting my name and proclaiming me King in the North then aye" Jon said with a cheeky grin to which Dany rolled her eyes and made to swat him which Jon easily ducked, faster reflexes than him, to his chargrin.
He'd faced Jon only once in the training ground and would not be doing so again, at least in public, in private Jon had knocked him down many-a-time, and each time he'd come closer to beating him, though never close enough.
"Aegon, we'll hold yours in the Throne Room, or perhaps the Sept?" Dany said chewing on her lip, and Aegon smiled at her, a smile of indulgence.
"I think the Throne Room" He said, "Though it won't be the same without Jon there" He said, shooting his brother a look, to which Jon laughed and Dany pouted.
"You're right" Dany said with a nod.
"Ouch Dany" Aegon laughed, "How did that feel to say?"
"Like vinegar" Dany spat back which sent both brothers' laughing and Dany shaking her head before she spoke again.
"Jon are you sure you can't come? We can celebrate our victories! One last celebration before you return North?" She asked, eyes wide, knowing exactly what she was doing.
Jon shook his head initially but Aegon could tell he was waning on it, and one last look from Dany had him crumbling.
"Fine" He said and Dany grinned, Aegon clapped his brother on the shoulder. It would be good to have him present and to spend a little more time with him. It cheered him up from the boredom of the meeting and as they reached their dragons he was grinning.
"I'll have to see Sansa settled first though" Jon said, with a shrug of his shoulders to which Aegon felt a prickle of annoyance at the words, speaking now before he could stop himself.
"Bring her" Aegon said with a nod, he didn't catch the look Dany threw him, a look that screamed 'What is going on here?', he ignored that look … for now.
"She won't go to King's Landing" Jon said, "Guarantee it"
"She should" Aegon continued, reaching Viserion and patting his companion on the side. "It would be good for her to see it, get some closure, and perhaps you can stay for the trials, surely Lady Sansa would like to see Cersei's head roll?" He said and Dany laughed at that as she mounted Drogon. He and Jon followed suit, and Jon seemed to consider what he had said.
He paused, "I'll ask her" Jon said, and Aegon nodded, feeling a sense of relief for some reason.
He did not want to investigate too closely the feelings he was having in regard to Sansa. He did not want to think of them for the moment, and so with a smile he plummeted down to ground again, he felt cheered … for more reasons than one.
She woke and it was light out.
For a moment she felt panic, and her hand flew to her chest. She looked around frantically before she realised, she was in her tent, the night before had not been a dream.
Petyr Baelish was dead, and she was safe. As soon as she recognised those facts she calmed down quickly, even smiled a little. It hadn't been a dream! She was truly safe, she was with Jon, she was okay.
She had also slept for a while it seemed. Jon's bed had been slept in and he was gone. She often didn't sleep for too long but perhaps it was months of poor sleep catching up to her? She had also only achieved a handful of hours of rest the night before, it made sense she needed to rest for longer, she guessed that was why Jon hadn't woken her up. Still she had slept for long enough and pulled herself out of bed, Jon had said they could break fast together and it seemed early enough to still be able to do that, and so she needed to get ready.
She hesitated however, she had no new clothes, and yet she noticed a dress and cloak hanging on the back of a chair in the tent. Approaching she saw the clothes must have belonged to Daenerys.
They were fairly modest, though she could do without the twin cuts on either side of the skirt, she supposed she'd just wear her petticoat underneath so not to show her legs. Sansa liked to dress modestly, she'd never be the kind to wear plunging necklines or backless gowns, but this seemed suitable. It was a deep blue which Sansa appreciated, blue, alongside purple was one of her favourite colours.
She made use of the bowl of water to wash and quickly dressed. A set of small clothes had been left for her, and she changed into those, but had to put on yesterday's petticoat, thankfully it was clean. Next, she pulled on the dress. It fit well, though it was a little loose in the chest and a tad short at the ankle it still felt okay. It was better than wearing yesterday stuff. It was a deep blue, with scales embossed on the arms and gold twirling around the bodice in ribbons made of scales. The cuts were designed to expose her legs a little but instead they exposed her inner white skirt. It looked a little odd but not too bad She slipped her feet into her slippers (white also), before tugging the cloak someone had left her round her shoulders. The cloak was a deep grey, and light, trailing onto the floor, and yet it was comfortable, and had a hood if need be. With a little nod to herself she walked outside.
It was light out, but the sky was grey and there was a chill in the air. There was more of a hustle and bustle around camp now and Sansa couldn't help but feel a little nervous. She felt calmer as Blackrain approached her, and as she took a step to the main tent he followed. She probably should have just carried on but instead she turned back to him.
"Blackrain isn't it?" She asked and he simply nodded so she continued, "Are you my permanent guard?" She asked, and again he nodded. "Don't you need to sleep?"
"No my Lady" His accent was thick but he sounded kind which reassured her, "I sleep little and have already had my sleep" He spoke the common tongue but not well it was clear, "I will protect you".
"Well, thank you" Sansa said with a small smile, and he nodded again. She felt the urge to nod back and did so before making her way to the main tent. She felt safer with him by her side. If Petyr were here now, she knew Blackrain wouldn't let him near her, that comforted her.
Soon she entered the main tent, and it was quieter in here. There was a long table set up. Aegon sat in the middle with Jon next to him on the right who was opposite Greyworm. Dany sat on Aegon's left with Tyrion opposite. She realised she could either sit alone or opposite Aegon. Oddly, she felt nervous about sitting opposite him, but she tried to remember he was supposed to be a good King.
She may never trust a Southern King again, but she could at least give him a chance she supposed. Jon seemed to like him, and she felt Jon was a good judge of character. She also couldn't deny the effect his gaze had, had on her … it had made her mouth feel dry, and her own eyes widen, unable to look away. She tried to shake those thoughts away as she took a step forward.
She knew it was foolish to think of him like that and quickly quelled those thoughts. She also tried to quell the thought that learning as much about a foreign King (for he would be when she returned home), would only be to her advantage, she didn't need to follow Littlefingers lessons at breakfast.
'You need to follow them at all times' Another lesson, and one she knew he was right about, even if she didn't acknowledge it.
"Sansa" Jon said in greeting standing to his feet, "We're just about to break fast" He said with a smile.
"Should I move my Lady?" Greyworm asked and Sansa shook her head with a smile.
"No need Greyworm" She said kindly, before turning to look at Blackrain, "Blackrain please join us, sit next to your brother" The Unsullied guard looked a trifle shocked at that but ne nodded and took a seat. She missed Dany's approving smile and Tyrion's smirk as she turned away.
She made her way around to sit opposite Aegon. She felt nervous and she didn't know why. It was nothing to do with him being a King, it was something else, something she couldn't quite identify.
But she tried to ignore it as she sat, and servants brought around food and drink. She declined the wine, taking water and filling her plate with fruit, breads and a lemon cake or two. She looked at Jon as she noticed those, and he grinned at her before returning to his food and his conversation with Greyworm and now Blackrain. Dany was chatting happily to Tyrion about the Faith but Aegon was quiet, looking down at his plate. She remained quiet too, more at ease now, before Aegon spoke.
"Lady Sansa" His voice was a weird mixture of the Westerosi lilt, and the accent of the East, but he spoke clear and well, his voice was warm as well and again Sansa felt her mouth go dry. "I hope you slept well?" He asked and Sansa nodded, before he continued, "Good, I hope you are comfortable, if you lack anything you need don't hesitate to make it known" For some reason those words made her cheeks feel a little warm and she dipped her gaze hoping he didn't notice, though the slight twitch to his mouth told her he had.
"Thank you, Your Grace" She said lifting her gaze again, feeling a little bolder for some reason, she had spoken to many Kings after all, she should treat this no differently, "But I am quite comfortable, and besides I will be home soon, I will have all I need there"
"Of course," He retorted and again Sansa felt a little warm, she wasn't sure why. Her gaze met his again and they both fell silent for a moment, their gaze's locked. Her blue to his violet. The air felt a little charged and she gulped as she noticed his jaw tighten a touch.
"Though Jon may wish to talk to you about that" He said then, breaking the moment in which Sansa broke their gaze. Why on earth was she feeling like this? All flustered and a little unsettled. And yet it wasn't a bad feeling, not at all, it was strange and not entirely welcome.
'Life is not a song…'
It wasn't, that lesson rung in her head, she ignored it, foolish, but she did.
"Talk to me about what?" She asked, her eyes widening as she thought about his words, forgetting all courtesy then, though that seemed to please him as he grinned a little, not that she focused on that. Instead she focused on his words. Why wouldn't she be returning home? He however did not elaborate, and she turned to Jon who had overheard them and shook his head, and she felt herself calm.
"Don't be alarmed Sansa" He shot his brother a glare, "Just a discussion from yesterday" He said with a nod before eating another piece of bacon. She noticed he ate with his fingers and Sansa knew she'd need to admonish him on that, he was a King he needed to have some semblance of manners … though she noted Aegon did the same. Daenery's however ate with a fork, she wondered if the Dragon Queen had tried to hammer manners into them and had failed.
"What discussion?" She asked, probing further and Jon let out a small sigh.
"Thanks brother" He said, and she noticed Aegon smirk again with a shrug which she did not like and could not stop her glare, which he certainly caught and only grew his smirk at.
"Sansa" She tore her gaze back to Jon, "Aegon and Dany asked me to attend Aegon's coronation" He said simply, and Sansa nodded that made sense, so why would that affect her? She realised then as Jon paused and she felt her blood run a little cold, felt those knots tie in her stomach again. No, no, absolutely not.
"No" She said out loud not meaning to, and she noticed Aegon's smirk disappear. At that she stood to her feet, the cutlery clattering a little to which she winced. "I apologise" She said, remembering her courtesies, her courtesies had always protected her, would always protect her ... another lesson...
"I need some air, excuse my Lords, Lady, Your Grace" She said before she stepped back and hurried outside. She heard someone follow but she did not look back, instead she dipped around the side of the tent, taking herself away.
She felt two dominant emotions. She felt angry, angry at Aegon's smirk. He had clearly set this up for whatever reason, and she hated him a little for that. She also felt scared and she knew that was why she was overreacting, she was frightened. She did not want to set foot in King's Landing ever again and she knew it was her fear that had her hating Aegon and fleeing the main hall.
She felt like her stomach was twisting and turning, and she was pacing now as she saw the last person, she wanted to see turn the corner.
Well he felt like an asshole.
And certainly, everyone else thought that as they all turned to glare at him as Sansa left. She didn't storm out, no, she apologised and walked swiftly but did not storm. He had to admire her self-control, her courtesies, but he felt bad for forcing her to use them.
Of course, he felt bad, he had pushed a little bit too far and now she was upset. He knew he shouldn't feel this bad, or this big of an urge to go after her, she was no one too him! And yet he did care for some reason and as Jon stood, he stood too, though his brother glared at him as he did. Blackrain had rose too, until Jon shook his head and the Unsullied nodded and sat back down.
"Let me go" He said, raising his hands in surrender and taking a step towards the tent flap. "I messed this up, let me fix it" Jon seemed to hesitate before nodding and again he noticed that look from Dany which he dutifully ignored before making his way outside. Though he did not miss Tyrion's 'Be nice' yelled at him before he stepped outside.
He noticed she was gone, and it was a long walk to her tent so she could have only gone right or left. He chanced left and he was pleased to see he had been right.
He was not pleased however to see her pacing back and forth, her hair a mess from where she had evidently ran her hands through it, and said hands shaking. He felt worse than, a deep guilt in his stomach. He had to make this right, he didn't know why he felt such a need to fix things, to protect Lady Sansa but he did, and so he would.
Simple, though part of him realised it would not be in the longrun.
"Lady Sansa" He spoke, and she turned to look at him, she didn't glare this time, clearly in better control of that and he almost frowned. That unsettled him a touch; he preferred honesty to a wall of courtesy, but he understood why. "I apologise for upsetting you"
Sansa nodded her head then, her expression unreadable, infuriatingly unreadable, and she took a step back. For a moment Aegon could dare hope it had been that easy, but no. He saw her walls were in place, and he resisted the urge to let out a sigh.
"I am truly sorry" He said, moving to lean against the tent pole, "I put you on the spot, hoping it would encourage you to come, as I'd like you at my coronation" He said simply. Aegon was an honest person and he could see his honest explanation had her taken back a little, those walls seemed to drop a little at least and so Aegon continued on.
"It was wrong of me to do that" His said, more sincere.
He had been wrong to put her on the spot like that. Aegon was ruthless when it came to getting what he wanted and usually he didn't feel bad in doing so, but with Sansa he felt bad, he really did, even though he barely knew her. She had an alarming effect on his emotions, something he would confront later, for now he just wanted to make her feel better.
"I cannot return to King's Landing" She replied, and he nodded his head, which again surprised her, though she seemed to be a little warmer to him, taking a step closer without even realising so, though her expression remained unreadable.
"I understand" He said taking a step closer too. "If I were you, I wouldn't want to either" He paused then, another step closer, this time by both of them. "But I would go"
"Why?" Her voice was a whisper now, and their gazes had met again. Blue to purple, locked on to one another.
"Because it will make you stronger" His voice was lower then, and again she took a step closer. She was close enough now he could reach for her, and he did, but only her hands. She looked a little bewildered at such a gesture but accepted it all the same, he wasn't sure why, again he couldn't read her, and that unsettled him even more.
"What if I'm not strong enough in the first place?" She whispered, her gaze betraying her a little now, giving him a look in, but he shook his head.
"I think you are" He said simply, and he saw the naked fear in her eyes then, her eyes that were now clouded with tears, readable, clear to him.
He hated himself for being the one to put them there, and yet if that meant she would face her fears and come out stronger … he would accept that. "And if you're not you'll have Jon, and Tyrion and Dany, and Blackrain by your side" Another pause, "And me"
"I don't even know you" She responded, but she didn't remove her hands from his grasp, if anything she leaned in a little closer, though he could see her gaze shutting a little, which he didn't like, but knew he couldn't stop.
"I know" He said, his thumb smoothing over her skin then, "And I'd like to rectify that"
There was a smile from her then, and a small nod, and for a moment they just stood, stood with hands held, gazes locked, until Sansa spoke.
"I'll come" And Aegon smiled, and they remained for a moment more.
sooo thoughts?
so one of the main issues I had with this fic was how passive sansa was, and how I basically wrote her like book 1 sansa, when she is not that! I really enjoyed updating her, she is a player! now don't get me wrong she's not totally some ruthless, gunna take over littlefinger 2.0, I don't agree with how hard they went with that in the show, but I do think there is a balance. sansa has been shaped by big players, she has been moulded like this, to the point a lot of it will be unconscious! so, I've rewritten bits to reflect that and prefer it massively.
do fav/follow, all that jazz, ty
speak soon
