Since it's so hot out, I thought I would make some lemonade for everyone. So here's your warning that we are going to get into some mature situations.
Chapter 21:
And that's the problem with being happy, Inuyasha groused. It just doesn't last.
Another letter had come from Japan – this time from Mavis. Kirsten's message had been received by Sesshomaru and they were awaiting a reply. The good news was that the demon lord had not killed the messenger out of hand. The bad news was that he was actually considering Kirsten's offer of a new arm.
Inuyasha was not happy at the thought of his brother here in the modern world. And even less happy at the thought of his brother in the same city. Although he had been reassured that if Sesshomaru came, he would not be staying at the Windrows, Inuyasha shuddered to think of the havoc that Sesshomaru and his retainers could create in someone's household. The child, Rin, would not be a problem. But Jaken, by his very nature, was liable to cause trouble. Inuyasha knew that Tamisé and his people would be able to handle the little demon - it was the big one that worried him.
He had found Kirsten working with a solidograph of Sesshomaru, and that had worried him as well. She seemed fascinated with the demon lord, which caused him to feel a stab of jealousy. Inuyasha did not want the little mutant's attention taken up by his brother, although she had told him that considerable time would have to go into making a bionic arm if Sesshomaru wanted it. Inuyasha thought he had understood Kagome's reasoning in suggesting the whole undertaking, but now…
Even though he did not have that right, Inuyasha was beginning to think of himself as Kirsten's protector. He understood that it was partially the influence of Shane's tapes, but the feelings he had towards Kirsten seemed so strong and real. He found himself starting to growl every time Jonathan touched his wife, and he had to leave the room whenever they kissed. Inuyasha felt himself overwhelmed sometimes by feelings he did not completely understand. He would try to talk to Tamisé about them, but often could not find the right words. Tamisé's gentle smile and pats on the shoulder only made him feel worse, and he would hide his face in shame. He liked Jonathan – he did! – but if these feelings became any stronger, he would be challenging his friend for the right to be Kirsten's man.
And where would that leave Kagome? She needed his protection more than ever, and it seemed he was letting her down.
OoOoOo
The first heat wave of summer hit the city. And because that was just the way things went sometimes, the Windrows' air conditioner broke down. And because life's like that, it would be a day or two before the repairman got around to them.
Inuyasha had been tossing on the bed in the heat, unable to sleep. Even shedding all his clothes had not cooled him. Jonathan had promised that the air conditioner would be fixed tomorrow, but that did not help now. He thought about going up on the roof, but remembered that Kirsten had told him the shingles would be far too hot.
He was beginning to wish that he had taken Tamisé up on his offer to sleep at his home instead. Little Ryan had been sent over earlier, since the small child felt the heat worse than the adults.
Inuyasha's ears twitched at the sound of a low cry and he sat bolt upright, listening intently. It came again, and he thought it could be Kirsten. It sounded like she was in pain. Inuyasha grabbed his shatsu and shrugged it on, not bothering to tie it closed. He picked up the Tetsusaiga from where it was propped beside the bed and unsheathed it. Moving as silently as a shadow, he got off the bed and left the room.
He moved quietly down the hall, stopping by Kagome's door and pushing it slightly open. There was nothing wrong here. Kagome, at least, had managed to sleep in this heat, although she moved a little restlessly. She wore a light cotton nightgown, but he could smell the perspiration on her skin.
The moan came again and he turned to go the other way to the master bedroom. Had someone broken in? It would have been easy enough to do, since they had opened every available window. And if Kirsten was in trouble, where was Jonathan?
Inuyasha raised the Tetsusaiga and willed it to transform. Stealthily, he pushed open the door to the master bedroom and stepped cautiously inside, not sure of what he would find.
The sight that met his eyes caught him unprepared. He stood rooted to the floor, as he struggled to comprehend, and when he finally did, he knew he should exit immediately. But he could not move for the life of him.
Kirsten spied him over her husband's shoulder, but other than her eyes widening in surprise, she did not betray his presence. Inuyasha raised his arm as if to shield his eyes from the sight, but still he made no move to leave. Kirsten's gaze was jerked back to her husband, as Jonathan gave a low cry and collapsed into her arms.
As if this had been some kind of signal, Inuyasha found himself able to move again. He backed away, shaking his head, then ran down the hallway. All he could think of was to get away.
OoOoOo
"Oh God, Jon," Kirsten whispered.
"Uh? What?"
"Inuyasha – he was just here. He must have heard us and thought there was a problem."
"What! Oh, just great! We should have locked that door."
"Too late now, Jon. Poor guy! He looked really upset. I'd better find him."
Jonathan rolled over to let her up. Kirsten grabbed her wrapper and started from the room.
"Kirsten – he's a big boy, you know. He knows about the facts of life."
Kirsten turned and the look on her face made Jonathan shrink back a little. "Jon – you haven't worked as much with him as I have. Despite the fact that he looks like a full-grown man, he isn't – not inside. He's naïve, Jon, and innocent in the ways of men and women. He may have heard and seen things, but I doubt that he's put it all together before now, no matter what you and Tam have told him. And you must know that he's got a full-blown crush on me."
Jonathan grinned. "Yeah – how could I miss that? Alright – go get him."
Kirsten left the bedroom and went down the hall. Inuyasha had not gone into his room – her hearing was acute enough that she knew he had gone downstairs. Kagome was standing in the doorway of her room, rubbing her eyes sleepily.
"What's going on?"
"Inuyasha is just a little upset. Did you see which way he went?"
"Downstairs. Should I come with you?"
Kirsten shook her head. "No, dear. Not just yet. I need to speak with him in private."
"What happened?"
"Nothing for you to be concerned about."
Kirsten turned and padded down the stairs. A quick survey of the ground floor told her that Inuyasha was not there. When she saw the back door open in the kitchen, she knew he had gone outside, and probably had climbed a tree somewhere down in the ravine. He had a tendency to head for heights when he was upset or nervous.
She slid on the canvas shoes she kept by the back door for gardening and went outside. She called him in a low voice, knowing that he could hear her perfectly well if he were anywhere in the vicinity.
Inuyasha had not climbed a tree. He had found his huge willow down by the bank of the creek and sat against its trunk, trusting the trailing branches to hide him from view. He had forgotten that Kirsten's sense of smell was almost as acute as his own.
"Inuyasha? You in there?"
"Go 'way."
"Not a chance, my boy."
She pushed through the branches and knelt in front of him. He twitched his shatsu to cover his lap, although it could not completely hide the evidence of his shame. Kirsten smiled and he turned his face away.
"I thought you were in trouble, sensei," he ground out between his teeth. "I thought he was hurting you."
"He wasn't, Inuyasha."
"I know that now. It shames me that I was so ignorant. I stayed when I should have left."
"It's okay. No harm's done."
"But it's not okay! Sensei…" He finally looked at her and she could see tears in his golden eyes. His whole body was tense with brutally suppressed emotion.
"There's more to this than just the embarrassment, isn't there?" Kirsten reached forward and scratched behind his right ear. He tossed his head to dislodge her hand. "Want to tell me? It'll make you feel better."
"It won't. It will make things worse."
"Inuyasha," Kirsten said with an edge to her voice. "If you have accepted me as your sensei, then you must tell me. We will work through it together."
"Do you promise?"
"Of course. Inuyasha, there's very little you can say that can embarrass me. I am a doctor and I am a warrior – not to mention wife and mother."
"I can't…"
"You can. Take a deep breath."
He inhaled shakily, then lunged forward to grasp her hands. "I…I love you, sensei. When I saw you with Jon, I wanted… I wanted to tear him off you. I wanted to … be in his place. And I feel terrible about it! I've tried and tried to ignore these feelings for you, but they just grow stronger and stronger."
Kirsten gathered the half-demon close in a warm embrace, ignoring his obvious arousal. She pulled his head down on her shoulder and felt his tears soaking through her thin wrapper. She patted his back in a comforting manner.
"There now. That wasn't so bad, was it? I love you too, Inuyasha. You're very special to me."
He raised his head to stare into her silver eyes. "You… love me too?"
"Inuyasha, I love you the way I love Tam and Tayne and all my friends. It's the same love you have for Miroku, Sango and Shippo – and even old Kaede. But it's not at all like the love I have for Jonathan and the love you have for Kagome. Inuyasha… this feeling you have for me… it's not truly love, you know. It's infatuation. I feel it too, but I understand what it is that I feel. And I know that it will transform itself into something else, something more appropriate, the longer we know one another. But it will never be what Jonathan and I have together. You understand?"
Inuyasha put his head against her shoulder and wept again as if his heart would break. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"It's not wrong to feel what you're feeling, my dear. You're beginning to mature emotionally at a rapid rate, and things like this can seem overwhelming."
"Are you mad at me? Because I watched the two of you?"
Kirsten laughed low in her throat. "No." She gently disengaged the half-demon and sat back so she could see his face. "But don't make a habit of it."
Her smile brought everything back into perspective for him. No – he had no right to this woman, and if he were brutally honest about it, his feelings towards her were not as deep as his feelings for Kagome.
"Why didn't you say something?"
"Because Jon might very well have attacked you. No – it was easier to let you stay."
"Does he know…?"
"He knows everything, my dear. So does Kagome. You mean to tell me you didn't hear them coming? That you didn't scent them just over there? They've been there almost since I found you."
Inuyasha lowered his head to his hands. "So I've done it to Kagome again. I've been with another woman while she stands by, wondering if I'm worth the trouble." Ah gods! Had he completely ruined his chances with Kagome?
"You're worth it, Inuyasha."
Kagome pushed aside the willow fronds and fell on her knees in front of him. She hesitated only an instant before flinging herself into his arms.
"Kagome…"
"Hush, Inuyasha. Just hold me."
He put his arms about her, then clutched her tightly to him. "Forgive me," he whispered.
"There's nothing to forgive."
Kagome raised her head and smiled. The anxiety died in the half-demon's eyes, to be replaced by a more ardent gaze. Kirsten put her arms about them both.
"Hey!" Jonathan said. "Room for me in this group hug?"
"Sure!" Kirsten laughed, drawing him in.
It was some moments before they all disengaged.
Inuyasha touched Kagome's cheek gently as Jonathan and Kirsten watched with approval.
He wanted badly to kiss her, but was afraid of where that might lead the two of them. He was ready now – more than ready, but was she? Was she ready to leave David behind and come back to him?
He could not – would not - declare himself until he was sure of her. After what had happened between him and Kikyo, Inuyasha could not leave himself open and vulnerable again. The first time around, the pain had been almost more than he could bear. He wanted Kagome in ways that he hadn't wanted Kikyo – he'd been too young and immature, perhaps. But now… now that he understood the difference between infatuation and real love… it was Kagome he envisioned in his arms. He wanted to hear her cry out for him the way Kirsten had done for Jonathan.
Kirsten coughed a little. "Inuyasha – you should tie your shirt closed."
Inuyasha's golden eyes never left Kagome's. "It won't help, sensei." He grinned at the blush on Kagome's face as she glanced downwards. The blush grew deeper on her face.
Jonathan guffawed. "Come on, then, lad. A run through the creek should solve that little problem."
The older man pulled the protesting half-demon up. With a longing look back at Kagome, Inuyasha allowed Jonathan to begin their run.
OoOoOo
Kirsten smiled at Kagome. "Well… I guess that's settled then."
"But I don't understand what he saw that upset him so much."
Kirsten raised an eyebrow. "He found me in the arms of my husband, my dear."
"Oh." Realization dawned. "Oh! Oh, my."
"Come on. Let's go put the kettle on. Jonathan won't bring him back until he's under control again and fit to be in the presence of decent females."
"How did you know? How did you know what to say and what to do?"
Kirsten put her arm about the girl's shoulders as they trekked back to the house. "Long before I met Jonathan, I had a terrible crush on Tam. I even made advances, which he very gently pushed aside. He gave me somewhat the same talk as I just gave Inuyasha about the different kinds of love. Tam made me see that I could never have what I thought I wanted from him. He told me not to give up hope on finding the person I was meant to be with. It took a long time, but finally Jon came into my life. Inuyasha was in a similar space to where I was then. He just needed to be told that his feelings were valid, but misplaced."
"Kirsty… do you think he really loves me?"
"What do you think, my dear?"
"There are times I'm not sure. Especially now. He's changed so much since we've come here."
They came to the kitchen door and let themselves in. Kirsten filled the kettle with water and plugged it in while Kagome got out some mugs.
"Kirsten, how do you know when you've become a woman?"
"Huh? Where'd that come from?"
"Well – it's just… Someone told me I wasn't a woman until I… I … you know… did it," Kagome blurted out.
"Who told you that? David? What a moron." Kirsten patted the young girl's shoulder. "Being a woman has nothing to do with it, and everything to do with it, if that makes sense. All I know for sure is that it has nothing to do with age."
Kagome plopped into one of the kitchen chairs. "Kirsty – when did you know?"
Kirsten's eyes grew misty. "I don't think I really became a woman until I held Ryan in my arms for the first time and put him to nurse. In that moment, I had fulfilled every purpose a woman's made for." She smiled at Kagome. "But I think becoming a woman is a series of stages, both physical and mental."
Kagome shifted nervously on her chair.
"Kagome – is David pressuring you to have sex?"
The young girl nodded miserably.
"Don't let him do that to you. If it doesn't feel right, then it's not right."
Kagome began to cry silently, huge tears rolling down her cheeks. Kirsten came over and put her arm about Kagome's shoulders.
"Just tell him no if you don't want to. If he doesn't respect that, then he's not worth your time." Kirsten knew she had to tread lightly here. Saying the wrong thing could have quite the opposite effect. Kagome had to learn to make her own choices and stand by them. "Kagome, making love can be a beautiful thing – if done for the right reason and with the right person."
Kagome nodded, and Kirsten saw that she was beginning to reassess her situation. The young girl dried her eyes.
"I'd like it to be with someone who really cares for me. Someone who loves me."
"Then make your choice wisely."
By this time, the kettle was whistling. Kirsten unplugged it and poured the hot water into a teapot and added teabags.
The tea was just ready when Jonathan and Inuyasha came in the back door, panting and sweaty from their run. Inuyasha's shatsu was now carefully tied closed. Kirsten handed around mugs and sipped at her tea.
Inuyasha gave Kagome a piercing look. He could tell that she had been crying. The half-demon laid his clawed hand gently against the young girl's cheek, his gold eyes wide with concern. Kagome put her hand over his.
"I'm okay, Inuyasha. Kirsty and I were just having a serious talk. About stuff."
Gazing into the expressive golden eyes, Kagome thought she found what she had been hoping for. Unlike David, Inuyasha would never demand anything from her that she wasn't ready for. He would never coerce her into doing things she wasn't comfortable with. No matter what he wanted from her or how badly he wanted it, Inuyasha would wait and accept her choice when it was made. And maybe that was partly what love was – acceptance of the other person's choices.
Maybe he had never told her how he felt because he wasn't sure she felt the same way. Being hurt the way he had been could have made him cautious about revealing his feelings and leaving himself open to be hurt again. Or maybe she was really off-base and Inuyasha wanted to be with Sharon instead of her.
I'll give it just a little longer, she thought. Just until I'm really sure about what I want and who I want.
