Thanks to elecktrum for beta-ing this chapter.
Dealer
Chapter 5: Things Change
Two years later Luke married Mara Jade. I remember receiving a frilly little invitation in the post, to a ceremony at the Temple hall. I remember Luke downright insisting that I get to be a bridesmaid on his behalf; showing up and feeling just as out of place at the bridal shower. Leia was perhaps my only support through the ordeal, and I think she didn't much approved of Mara Jade either, more than once biting her tongue. I remember the wedding; the ceremony; the vows; the kiss. And it's impossible for me to forget the way I felt as Luke held me in his arms and we moved across the dance floor with more grace, more elegance than any two people had ever shared before. I had to leave, and I bid goodbye to the newlyweds, giving Mara a stiff, one-armed hug and Luke a warm embrace. I wished them luck, and he promised to see me in another five weeks for his oil change.
I had known it could never work. But not everything is what it what you think it is. That night, I cried myself to sleep. And you know what? Luke never came. Maybe he sold his speeder; maybe he switched shops, who knows? He never bothered to show up for his appointment, for the first time in seven years, so with a heavy heart I put a line through his name in the book. I hoped, at first, that maybe he had forgotten, and would comm me the next day. But, the call never came, and I eventually crossed out all his appointments for the year. The last time I heard from him was when he promised to come and see me at that wedding.
So I was 30 years old. I'd dated a little, but not much. I was just as content to sit in my apartment, instead of going out, in my socks and wet hair, eating Gungan Puffs in a bowl of blue milk and watched reruns on the holotube, my lazy cat curled up on my feet; rather than get dolled up to get wasted at a bar. If I wanted something, I would break out the bottles and whip up a FireDancer and numb my memories with that until I could drift into fitful sleep. I hadn't slept well since that wedding, and sometimes I reached the point of exhaustion, collapsing into sleep because of nothing else. I tried to shrug it off. I needed to get on with my life. Luke Skywalker was apparently out of it.
I spent the morning balancing the books in the store. There were another two young people working at the store now, and Cee would be leaving after the end of the next summer to go and study on Yavin IV. It was winter now though, and I had layered my clothing against the cold. The shop was a bit chilly, and I grabbed a smock to cover my clothes as I headed to do some work on the Falcon. The huge ship took up six of the ten hangars, but Han was paying us well to fix whatever was wrong with it now that he was hung up so often with Leia and their twins Jaina and Jacen. I banged my way up into the maintenance hold irritably. I was prone to mood swings, which my psychologist told me was due to my 'brutally tragic and tormented past'. Yeah, okay, I had stopped seeing her and turning to meditating whenever I got angry. I didn't have time for that now; I wanted to get this work finished so I could get back into the heated store.
"Hey stranger." a familiar voice commented from below me. I was tucked up in the hold, and I shrieked an obscenity, and then I froze. I knew that voice.
"Luke?" I called, far too fearful to look.
"Yes?" the voice called. I dropped my head out of the door, and soon my body followed. I flipped in the air so I was standing right side up, and I dusted off my hands on my smock, surveying him carefully.
He looked older, more distinguished. He had a bit of a beard, and carried his shoulders with a nobler stance than he had when I had last seen him three years ago. It was extremely awkward, for me, standing there; and soon he pulled me into a hug, dotting the front of his precisely pressed tunic, as he would have in years past.
"Look at you!" he said, his eyes tracing my lanky form. I took a shaky breath. And then my hand collided with his cheek in a resounding slap.
"Don't bullshit me, Skywalker." I informed him. He stood there in a daze, his hand clapped over his reddening skin. "Why are you here?"
"There's a youngling named Kierii. She's not going to be chosen as a Padawan to one of the knights, and I honestly don't think she's cut out for the order. She's good with her hands, and I thought you might consider adopting her. She's 9, she won't be any trouble."
I sighed, and I thought of all the pain and suffering I had been through by the time I was her age, and the large amounts I would endure as I aged. I thought about how my family had been so unfairly seized from me, and how I had missed out on so much in life.
"Sure." I said abruptly. "I'll take her." I paused. "I don't want anybody to have to suffer like I did."
"Alright. Can you come to the Temple tomorrow to meet her?"
"I'l—Yeah. I'll be there." I said, biting my tongue. This little girl had nothing to do with Luke, and I shouldn't take my anger towards him out on her. "Tomorrow at 1800 hours."
"Thanks."
I looked at him
"I'm not doing it for you. You don't have to thank me."
I turned on my heel and started to walk away. He grasped my arm, and I tensed.
"I'm sorry." He said, looking at me. I refused to meet his gaze, ripping my arm from his touch.
"For what, Luke?"
"You know…"
I started down the ramp to the shop.
"Tell me."
He mumbled indistinctly.
"What?"
"For never showing up. For never calling. Mara said she would prefer it if I didn't have anything to do with you anymore."
"Oh, that's really nice." I snapped.
"I didn't have a choice! She made me choose! I'm married to her; I love her!"
I stopped and looked at him, my shoes squealing in protest on the cold stone floor.
"Do you?"
He faltered for just a moment.
"Yes."
"Does she love you?"
The response was slower this time.
"Yes, I do." A defiant voice called from the doorway. Mara Jade stood there in all of her arrogant glory, leaning in the frame of the door. She had witnessed the whole thing as Luke and I bantered back and forth. The way the words rolled off her tongue told me that she was fighting here; and she didn't want to lose.
"Luke." I said, looking at him and shaking my head, "People who love us don't make us choose." He gaped at me as I spun around, marching back towards the Falcon.
"You –" I pointed a finger at Mara from the ramp, "Can remove yourself from my property before I have you arrested."
"I'm law enforcement. You can't do that!" She exclaimed indignantly.
I backtracked until I was standing back on the stone floor.
"Then I will forcibly remove you."
"I'd like to see you try." She snarled, her hand going to her hip. The Force surged with my anger.
"Believe me, hon, I have nothing, and I mean nothing, left to lose."
It was at this point that Luke managed to coax Mara into leaving, guiding her out the door. I sighed heavily, collapsing to the ground and hugging my knees to my chest on the cold metal ramp of the Falcon. I was right – I didn't have anything left.
