Reviews :
chuckiboo : ... I'm going to blindly assume this guest review was you but if it wasn't, I do apologize. Thank you for your insight! You've definitely hit the nail on the head, there.
Burgie : You're absolutely right! An ugly truth she has to face, for sure.
Song Listened To :
Eye of the Storm ft. Laura Brehm by Tut Tut Child
-TRIGGER WARNING-
This chapter mentions drug usage as well as graphic themes, conversation and scenarios revolving around unaliving oneself.
*Chapter 142*
Stood still in the mouth of Gideon's bedroom door, the haunting image of Gideon's seemingly lifeless body laid across his bed was something Vanellope was certain was going to be melted into the back of her brain for the rest of eternity. In finally getting her legs to move, she slowly pressed about the opposite side of his bed, so to be closer to his face. With caution, she sat down next to his upper body, causing the middle of his bed to decompress with her added weight. With tenderness, she easily ran her hand into the back and side of Gideon's soft auburn hair. A perfect match to Ralph's coloring, she grimaced a little and, upon said sit, she got a solid waft of Gideon's human scent. She firmly wrinkled her nose at the vicious, gnarly hit of booze, weed and body odor, she squeezed her eyes shut and coughed a trembling exhale as she continued to rest her patient, loving palm to the back of his head. She looked off, inhaled a deep breath and tried to keep from grappling Gideon's shoulders and jarring him awake, as if that'd somehow shake the two out of this sliver of a nightmare.
"Gideon," Vanellope lovingly cooed, her eyes welled with tears as she scanned his dresser, once more. The haunting image of splayed acid tabs, empty beer bottles, his items haphazardly strewn, it was only here did she notice some of his furniture looked messed with and broken, as if whatever trip he was on had caused him potential physical confusion. Tears threatened to stream her cheeks, her breath shivered out of the gape of her quivering lips, she shook her head and was at least thrilled to see Gideon's rib cage rising and falling, though she almost sickly wished he'd have a game over, here and now, so to reset his ailments back to normal. Through tears that finally escaped, she tilted her head in an ironic show of cheery, motherly love and warmly cooed down to Gideon, once more, "Baby, can you hear me?"
Vanellope eased a trembling sigh through her nose and knew it was useless, the way Gideon's eyes fluttered behind his closed eyelids, the almost dead-frozen lay his body was in, Vanellope sucked in a breath and knew he was long gone inside his mind. She removed her hand from Gideon's scalp, though only mere inches, and within doing so, she flared her own purple circuity, causing the shiny golden strands of Gideon's hair to glisten underneath the dim glow of it all. She hovered in hot contemplation, the risk she took diving into his wildly unstable mental state right now, she squeezed her eyes shut and was aware she could likely be tossed about in the chaos that was Gideon's hurt. Rancis's words sliced through her brain on repeat, she didn't want to admit that she had inadvertently allowed this drama to carry on, due to fervently keeping her eyes up to the clouds instead of directly dug into the issue right in front of her. As if wanting to punish herself and ride the motherly drive to yank her cub from danger, she stiffened her grimace and gingerly returned her palm to the back of Gideon's head, though this time, her flared coding meshed with his in a vicious yank of a collective, lucid swallow.
Vanellope flinched, within the blink of an eye, she wobbled on her now standing positioning and firmly looked about. Gideon was nowhere to be found, she stood in a white plain of easiness, something she was entirely certain she'd never see upon bravely tagging along for Gideon's trip. She hugged her arms close to her chest, she wore a pair of black jeans cutely ripped at the knees and a cream blouse, which had cute little minty details along the ends of it. Her long black hair was straight and slicked down her back, though as she nervously tucked said hair behind her ears and turned to take a further look around, she somehow could feel something brimming inside of her, as if she simply wasn't visiting Gideon's state, though Gideon's mind was now a blank canvas for her to explore her own demise on. In realizing this, she began to feel panic set in. This wasn't simply a wild, nasty ride Gideon was going to haphazardly drag her through, this was something Gideon had somehow conquered and was beyond offering her a show of his own wreckage, but instead, eager to show her to her own. What simply was something she was prepared to endure now turned into a house of mirrors, mirrors in which she'd have no choice but to look herself in the eye and either run or fight.
Upon even so much as thinking about the word 'mirror', Vanellope sharply flinched as said house of mirrors suddenly erupted into existence around her. She scoffed a startled noise, took a few steps back and began to shallowly pant in panic. Her reflection angrily peered back to her in a sheen of solid mirrors, hundreds of them above, below and about her. She shook her head and now felt scared to move. She peered into her own eyes in full terror, now the idea of finding Gideon and escaping his lucid state relied on either another person to come shake her from this collective, on the physical realm of Gideon's bedroom, or coming cleanly out of it at Gideon's will. It was here did she now fully regret exterior swapping with him, what she thought was going to be a triumphant rescue mission to free her son of hurt was now a deep dive into her own issues she was successful at stuffing for all of these years, until now. Wrought with horror, she continued to step backwards until she bumped into a mirror behind her. Grateful to still have her sense of touch, she nervously turned around and was willing to brave her own eye contact, though upon gazing headlong into the mirror she had turned to face, she flinched and was shocked to see the ground level of Diet Cola's inner workings, her once humble abode.
Vanellope scoffed a shaky little noise of bittersweet, nostalgic confusion and somehow felt compelled to press closer to the mirror. Intuitively understanding this was an opened realm, she pressed through the mirror and eased into the hot, sticky environment she used to live in, once upon a time. She heaved a trembling sigh and got a nervous look about. The old, shattered race track that hung above the boiling cola pit, the little fort of a home she slept in nightly, the dusty round about Ralph had taught her to race on, she grimaced and felt a wall of memories seemingly crush her insides. Though she wanted to feel confused as to how on earth Gideon could ever have this vivid of memories of this place, she was fervently reminded that every last inch of her own joy, sorrow, grief, happiness, wins and loses all were stored deep into Gideon's coding, much like the rest of her children. A hot wash fell over her as she pressed closer to the cola pit, understanding that this tree had roots, the health of the fruit that grew from the ends solely relied on the healthy soil the tree was dug into. Downloads of information aggressively swarmed her brain in the incoherent press of Gideon's adult voice, all things he had been wanting desperately to say, though somehow Vanellope had to wonder if this wasn't so much Gideon's ideas, but Vanellope's inner monologue that Gideon's coding had in a vice grip. Memories and unresolved trauma he had accepted from Vanellope, par for the course of being self programmed.
As Vanellope looked about, she knew any stray thoughts could pop this illusion and slip into something much darker. She did whatever she could to avoid it, though as she pressed closer and closer to the white-hot boiling pit of cola, her eyes began to see strange, swirling patterns in the bubbling nonsense. She heaved a trembling breath and somehow couldn't stop her imagination from letting shapes, images, moving pictures to messily dance for her, her gaze glossed over in enchanted wonder, she somehow felt a peace about it. The strange peace she always felt before she ever launched herself into this pit, knowing a permanent game over wasn't in store for her, though somehow the sweet release of death, even if just for a moment, was enough to satiate the world of sorrow she had once experienced. She narrowed her gaze and could hear a voice in her ear, Gideon's voice darkly encouraging her to just take one more plunge, the peak feeling of happiness before lofting over the brim, the feeling of falling into freedom, the sting of boiling cola that would engulf her before the world fell black, she fluttered her eyes in delirious dreaming and took a few daring, confident steps up to the edge of the smaller cliffside she was hovered at. Not thinking, not allowing the time to ponder her motives in Gideon's lucid state, she leaped, feeling full confidence that joyous feeling of peace would aid her in this venture, though upon losing contact with the ground and staring headlong into the boiling pit of cola she was now destined for, she felt a a hot sting of regret suddenly hit her between the eyes, such a grounding, solid feeling she had never felt whilst in this sticky predicament. With the kick of regret, she gasped in a nervous yell of dread and watched as the pit underneath her suddenly morphed into a black, sticky mess that opened up upon her colliding arrival.
Instead of a boiling sensation that came and went, Vanellope shot through the pit of sticky black and erupted on the other side with a vicious collide onto solid ground. Vanellope jolted, her coding angrily buzzed about, her lungs did absolutely everything to stagger air either in or out of her lungs, though with the paralyzing hit to the ground, she trembled in the discombobulated kneeling position she took to try and get her bearings. She sucked in a raspy, firm breath and suddenly erupted into a gasping, choking fit. Her boggled eyes looked about, though before she could properly understand that she was inside of a memory, she flinched in shock as Taffyta suddenly came up on her, shoved her shoulders back and kicked her back to the ground. Upon the tumble backwards, Vanellope gasped and caught herself, amidst her choking, though she swiftly noticed she was her downgraded self, cutely dressed in her striped leggings, her causal mint hoodie and brown skirt, Taffyta's, Rancis's and everyone else's little voices somehow magnified in her brain as the image of them tearing apart her own, freshly built cart played out before her as if this simply wasn't a memory, as if her whole entire life up to this point didn't even exist. The kick of the chocolate dirt, the angry splay of Sugar Rush's hot, noontime sun on her wet cheeks, the nasty words out of Taffyta's and Rancis's mouths as they dove into their fresh carts and revved off into the distance, Vanellope heavily panted and desperately looked about in horror. Although still wrought with the crippling pain of colliding with the ground, as well as being shoved and kicked by an individuals she had grown to adore and do a substantial amount of life with, she lurched to a sit and tried to stand so to begin making sense of all of this, though upon standing, the vision before her melted away in a drip of sticky colors. With the foundation she was on, it, too, melted, and she went rocketing back into the scene of falling into the boiling pit of cola.
Vanellope uttered a hard yell of exhausted terror, the once peaceful feeling of colliding with the hot lake now very quickly was overwritten with terror and resistance. Due to this, it turned into it's sticky, gooey blackness as she came into contact with it, once more, and like prior, she came out the other end in a full crash to solid ground, no mercy in said deliverance. Vanellope laid on her side in stiffened, crumpled, paralyzed horror, and though she wobbled to a sit and heavily panted out choking breaths, due to having the wind knocked out of her again, she uttered a hard cry out to the atmosphere and quickly gathered where she was. This time, she was inside her own bedroom, one that was hers about six months before her and Ralph reunited, after their upgrade. Long before swapped codes, long before babies or a smoothly-running kingdom and code room. She confusedly got to a wobbly stand, her legs trembled, though she flinched as Rancis gently moved into her room and gestured for her. Vanellope sagged and allowed tears to escape her, finally. Somehow, she forgot she was still inside Gideon's many layers of lucid nonsense. She gasped for air and grappled for Rancis's hands, though he looked at her with a show of almost wary authority.
"Rancis," Vanellope wheezed, sweat dripped down her temples, "Rancis, help me get out of here."
"The only way to get out is to face it," Rancis stabbed, though Vanellope flinched due to the fact that Gideon's voice was coming out of his figure. Rancis looked mean, angry, hateful. He sharply pressed on through the grit of his teeth as he got in Vanellope's face, "What did I just tell you? You and Ralph are blind to the issues right in front of you. Time to face the music, love."
"I-I can't, I can't," Vanellope whimpered loudly through tears, her hands urgently grappled Rancis's lower arms, though she stumbled as he suddenly hissed away into black smoke and vanished.
"It'll be easy!" Gideon's deep voice murmured into an echo chamber, though with Vanellope's thoughts now cued to the word 'music', his deep voice somehow trilled into eerie, haunting music that sounded cheery on the surface, though lilted in and out of off-tones that instilled the deepest feeling of fear she had ever experienced.
Vanellope uttered a cry as her darker surroundings began to melt, she urgently looked about and was desperate for the floor to at least remain, though as she double-took about her old bedroom, she flinched as she took note of a singular body-mirror keeping it's integrity amidst it's melting surroundings. She whimpered a few cries, stumbled over to the mirror in nervousness and almost was too scared to peer into it. Upon catching eyes with her own reflection, she sagged and was at least relieved nothing looked too different. She heavily panted and held eyes with herself, seconds, even minutes went by as the room slowly melted away. The singular white tile she stood on, as well as the mirror, were the only things remaining outside of the black void her melting room exposed. She held tight eye contact with herself, and it was in this tight eye contact did she realize something within herself. Even when getting ready in the morning, even when checking to see if her outfit was okay, even when brushing her hair or doing anything that required daily usage of a mirror, she vehemently avoided eye contact with herself, at all costs. Her insides clenched, she shook her head and felt a wall of anger rise within her, and with the final allowance of these emotions to brim over the edge, she grimaced a tight look of rage and clenched her fists in defense. She flinched in solid surprise as her reflection began to speak on it's own, in her own voice.
"You can't expect your own children to break generational curses, you can't bring them here and expect them to do all your dirty work," Her reflection meanly spat, Vanellope clenched her teeth and felt Ralph's wrecking anger course through the grapple of her white-knuckled stance.
"I never said they had to," Vanellope meanly retort, her reflection didn't miss a beat.
"You never said they DIDN'T have to, either," She argued, Vanellope stiffened.
"I don't want this anymore, I don't want any of this hurt, I don't want Gideon finding himself in dangerous situations," Vanellope tearfully begged, anger continued to hover in her aura.
"He will if his foundation is quicksand," Her reflection hissed as she leaned deeper into the other side of the mirror, this caused Vanellope to clench her fists harder with the proof that she would fight back lest this weirdly get out of hand, "Just because you toss your own drama into a pit of boiling lava doesn't mean your children should have to find a way to keep you from the cliff's edge."
"I know, I KNOW," Vanellope angrily shouted, the tendons in her neck tensed as she stiffened her spine, "I just moved on from being banished because everyone got their memories back, King Candy was essentially erased, it didn't matter anymore!"
"But YOU matter! Your feelings matter, those memories are imprinted into your coding, how come you've never told anyone that you were still hurting?" Her reflection yelled back, equally as angry, the room began to melt faster.
"Because I know they were under a guise, it wasn't their issue to apologize for," Vanellope bellowed, though she huffed a shaky noise as the melting room suddenly exposed that dreaded, glowing, boiling soda pit directly underneath the singular floor tile she was stood on. She gasped, looked down, and then fervently peered hard into her own reflection, as if to show desperation for this situation to not keep repeating itself.
"So, your unresolved, stuffed sorrow is now so aggressively dug into your own coding... Ripe material that made it's way into each new life you programmed," her reflection darkly grumbled, her eyes glowed with the boiling pit underneath them, "This starts and ends with you... Once you realize that YOUR own problems caused this, and neglecting to confront them, then you'll be able to properly help Gideon."
"I want nothing more, I'm tired of this," Vanellope begged, she jolted in a wobble of a nervous whimper and now took note that the singular tile she was standing on was beginning to melt.
Her heart raced, the sickening, delightful feelings of falling into the pit coursed her, how desperately she wanted to continue this cycle, though now she had the understanding that the other side of the boiling pit concluded with a firm smackdown to the planet, a slap of reality begging her to end these cycles. Begging to heal her own coding for the sake of the children she brought about, children that didn't ask to be here. She inhaled a shaky breath through her nose, sourced the true source of her happiness, being Ralph and the beautiful life they had created in full, abundant love, and with these fresh feelings, she allowed their shared, royal purple coding swarm her hands. She knelt down in a crouch, firmly planted her palms to the melting tile and eagerly gave the melting tile every last ounce of her fresh coding, thus solidifying it to a perfect white square, once more. She got to a firm, confident stand, and though her voice shook, though her face was wet with sweat and tears, she glowered down her reflection with a new sweep of pride and stabbed a conclusion through the grit of her teeth.
"Get out of my way," Vanellope darkly urged, she sucked in a thick breath through her nose and squared up with her reflection.
Although her reflection seemingly stood in assertive assuredness, the haunting collection of their fervent gazes finally melted into softer understanding, and with such, Vanellope felt relief finally course her whole being the second her reflection took a singular step back and faded away. Still stood on her solid square, she took note that the mirror in front of her now sprawled to a portal of openness, a white plane of easiness, and with confidence, she pressed through this mirror, like last time, and removed herself from the memory of the boiling pit, once and for all. Upon stepping through, she felt the knee-jerk reaction to turn around and look back, though with a squeeze of her eyes shut, she allowed the portal behind her to close, once and for all, and the licks of the heat emanating from the boiling soda pit ceased to exist for the first time. Vanellope heaved a long, trembling sigh of relief and allowed her eyes to remain closed, though she stiffened in the jolt of full shock as a ripple of Gideon's adorable, toddler voice cried out from the distance.
"Mommy!" Gideon's little voice cried in full distress, Vanellope felt every single last ounce of her maternal instincts roll over her in a protective rage, though as she opened her eyes to source Gideon, she was relieved to see him maybe a hundred feet off, stood in the blankness, not even two feet tall, an adorable little bean of hands and feet and a sprout of auburn hair.
"Gideon," Vanellope exhaled in rushing, elated relief, though she she began to hurriedly press towards him, she felt panic begin to set in, once more.
As she began to panic, she could tell this was changing Gideon's attitude. He began to full-on cry, the kind of open-mouthed wail only a child awoken from a horrific nightmare would emit. True cries that she could indefinitely differentiate from simply a hungry cry, or a cry from a tantrum, this kind of a cry made her heart throb in full, empathetic sorrow. With said echo of his dreadful, truly scared and sorrowful wail out into the universe, Vanellope hurried to answer the call, once and for all. She began to run, though due to this, she took note that the atmosphere about her began to turn black with that sticky substance, once more, though this time, it was somehow twisting and turning with shapes, eyes, noises she could somehow feel prickle her skin. She could taste blood at the back of her throat, her footsteps began to sludge as if she was in a waking nightmare, and as she stumbled to the ground and outreached for Gideon, his desperate cries only got louder and more tearfully urgent.
"Gideon, I'm coming, momma's here," Vanellope urged nervously, she shook her head and felt maternal desperation crawl over her, the sheer fact that her young child was so blatantly exposed to the wall of nastiness now beginning to drown her heightened her panic all around.
"Mommy, I'm scared," Gideon's adorable, nasally voice drowned her eardrums like molten goo, her heart raced in terrified desperation, she knew she needed to get her act together before she could properly help Gideon, the image of his little hands and arms outreached for her embrace had tears spilling down her cheeks.
"Almost there, I'm coming!" Vanellope cutely called through the desperate struggle of tears, she grunted to try and get to a stand, though as she hurried a toss of a glance over her shoulder, she came face to face with the huge, toxic blob of gooey mass.
It stared her in the face with hundreds of eyes, a mess of faces that spout nasty words from old, horrific memories she had yet to digest, somehow she allowed all of it to steamroll over her, as if it was detriment to allow it all to surface before she could defeat it. She grit her teeth and allowed it all to aggressively play over in her mind, her banishment, her destroyed cart, the hundreds of times she was kicked to the curb, Lash's cruel take over, evil words lofted her way, the peril and trauma her whole kingdom has been through, the fights she's endured with loved ones that have stuck in her skin like venom, she sucked in a deep breath and strangely allowed it all to soak into her lungs. How desperately she wanted to keep it there, to marinate in the sorrow and really allow pity to ruin her, she grimaced a hard cry out into the atmosphere, sat knelt on her legs and grappled her knees as she emit a harrowing cry out to the atmosphere, releasing all of it, once and for all. She coughed and heavily panted as her limbs trembled, she shook her head as tears flood her face, she shivered with tremors as her body aggressively released everything, though just as she felt the urge to throw up, she flinched in gasping surprise as Gideon's adorable little voice replaced all of her sorrow with the fervent reminder that she now had the ability to fulfill the duty she set out to complete.
"Mommy," Gideon adorable toddler voice tearfully begged, once more, though this time, he was much closer in proximity to her.
Vanellope urgently looked over her shoulder and pierced her exhausted gaze into Gideon's, and with a swipe, she turned about, held her arms out wide for Gideon's little figure and immediately yanked him up into her motherly embrace.
"Sh-shh, I'm here," Vanellope whimpered into Gideon's little shoulder as he grappled his trembling arms about her neck in a desperate grip. She firmly cupped the back of his head and heaved a trembling sigh into the side of his sweet face as her soothing, shaky whispers cooed into his little ear, "Momma's here, I gotcha, you're safe..."
Gideon's little voice wailed in full upset, harrowing cries of unadulterated sorrow Vanellope knew was paired with his current, adult struggles, she squeezed her eyes shut and firmly held the back of his head as her other arm came underneath his rear and allowed his little body and legs to straddle her waist. She shakily got to a stand, with Gideon firmly in her embrace, and as she stood on solid ground, she continued to so lovingly shush warm, teary notions into Gideon's ear as she soothingly stroked up and down the back of his head, neck and the backs of his little shoulder blades. After a few moments of Gideon's sorrow now able to lay peacefully in the white easiness of Vanellope's free disposition, he finally began to settle in little, boyish whimpers of teary cuteness in Vanellope's neck. She held him tighter than she could ever recall, she swayed his adorable little toddler-self as tears freely flowed, they both marinated in what definitely should have been. Although Vanellope was well aware Gideon was a loved child, one she gave attention to, she grimaced and understood that he required a bit more of it, a different type of attention than her other children, and it was here did she know she had work to do. Work she could now accomplish with full clarity.
"I've gotcha, you're safe," Vanellope whispered lovingly as the two finally collected themselves after about ten minutes of gentle existing, soothing rubs Vanellope deployed to Gideon's scalp and back, "I'm never going to let you go... Never."
"I'm sorry," Gideon's little voice whimpered, though Vanellope was well aware this was his inner adult speaking.
"You have genuinely nothing to be sorry for," Vanellope mumbled quietly, she gave the side of Gideon's little head a few firm smooches, "I'm the one that's sorry. I failed you... This will never happen again."
"Don't leave me," Gideon hiccuped, tears continued to flow from his little face, though he had greatly calmed.
"Never, never in a million years," Vanellope urged through her own tears, she grimaced and squeezed Gideon tighter into her embrace, "I love you more than life itself... I love you more than anything."
"I love you, mommy," Gideon's little voice pressed in true, diligent honesty, and though Vanellope wanted to sit and dote on her little baby like no time had passed, she was reminded that Gideon's adult body, in their physical realm, had drugs still in his system.
"C'mon... You gotta wake up," Vanellope whispered knowingly, she intuitively knew that she had somehow pulled Gideon through the nastiness of said drug trip, and it was now her duty to somehow get it out of his system physically, "It's not gunna be pretty."
"I don't want to," Gideon cried nervously with a gentle squirm, Vanellope gave him room to be expressive, though remained calm.
"No way around it," Vanellope assured softly, though she inhaled a deep breath and allowed their shared coding to swarm every last inch of their bodies.
As if clipping in and out of reality. Vanellope sucked in a tight inhale and suddenly felt her limbs unlike she had been previously feeling for what felt like hours. She peeled her eyes open and found herself still in Gideon's bedroom, her hand still warmly glued to the back of his head, though she nearly crawled out of her own skin the second Gideon's deep voice suddenly sucked in a sharp, aggressive gasp. He sat up as if jarring himself out of a nightmare, though as he suddenly rocketed to an upright position, he huffed a loud cry of defiance, grappled the footboard of his bedframe, leaned over the darkened wood of it and violently expelled everything in his stomach, out onto the tiling below him. Vanellope sucked in a shaky breath and now had to eagerly collect herself and allow her jarred thoughts to comprehend what was happening, she watched as Gideon's back and strong shoulders lurched for another cough of full-vomiting he aggressively continued to expel onto his tiles. Vanellope's coding clicked to correction, she stood and allowed her maternal instincts to continue to roll.
"Yep, yep," Vanellope griped cutely with a nod, she rounded Gideon's bed and stepped about the pile of vomit on the ground, by his footboard, and riding off of the adrenaline still coursing through her, she grappled her hand underneath Gideon's big upper arm and began to lift him in encouragement to stand and make his way to the bathroom, "C'mon, I'm here, I haven't left... Let's get to the toilet, you can do it."
Gideon's deep, raspy voice uttered a shaky grumble as he did whatever he could to get his limbs to work, though as he stood in a tower above Vanellope, his dizzy, sunken eyes looked about in nervous wonderment and he fully wobbled into Vanellope. She grunted, stood her ground, kept him centered and supported his weight as she escort him to his bathroom, thankfully nearby. She haphazardly flipped the light switch, stumbled both her and Gideon to his toilet, and in the motion of lifting the lid and allowing Gideon to fall into a stumbling kneel to it, he grappled the rim of the bowl and continued to violently expel everything in his stomach, now into the toilet. Vanellope heaved a long, shaky sigh as a strange course of lifted relief hugged her coding, she closely knelt next to him and rubbed her live-wired palm up and down his spine in a soothing, rocking motion. Gideon's deep voice clipped in coughs of continued expelling, his arms and shoulders violently shook as it all continued to come up, though just as Vanellope was sure it wouldn't ever stop, the aggressive panting through Gideon's nose carried on for a lot longer than prior. He loudly continued to dryly swallow, his hot breath trembled out of his figure, and after about two minutes of this, Vanellope lifted and reached for the lever to flush the toilet. Once it all vanished in a swallow, Gideon sat back a little, though continued to lean close to the toilet just in case.
"Easy, easy breaths," Vanellope whispered in a soothing coo of comfort as she continued to rub up and down his back, "I'm here... I'm here for as long as you need me."
Gideon panted, his dazed eyes peered into the now clear toilet water, he shook his head a little and didn't dare look his mother in the eye. Sweat and tears dot his face and shone underneath the bright bathroom lights, his arms continued to tremble though Vanellope was thrilled to see that he was beginning to calm.
"I had no clue y-you... Continuously killed yourself, like that," Gideon whimpered in a collection of grimacing tears that now became of him, he shook his head and finally braved her equally as teary eyes. He furrowed his brow in brewing contemplation and staggered a conclusion, "It felt good until you realized it solved nothing..."
"My own trauma isn't yours to have or deal with, love," Vanellope assured through her tears, she shook her head and lovingly brushed his messy auburn hair out from his eyes, "This is entirely my fault... I had no clue this would all carry over, and so violently and aggressively stay so dug in. Whatever you're dealing with is because of mine and Ralph's issues, that's not fair to you."
"I still have my own issues, though," Gideon staggered nasally, his eyes looked about in nervous confusion, as if maybe he was sobering up, though the delight of it all was lingering.
"Sure, but it shouldn't double-down with your parent's issues," Vanellope eased a small little giggle and sighed in returning relief, "Let's focus on the light at the end of the tunnel, from here on out, okay? No more numbing with drugs and alcohol... This wasn't fun for either of us."
"It was in the moment," Gideon darkly grumbled as he glossed his hazy gaze back to the clear toilet water, "Anything's better than this..."
"It can be solved with easiness now that my issues aren't piggybacking yours," Vanellope soothed as she continued to warmly brush back Gideon's sweaty bangs, "I've made mistakes... I aided you to this point. I'm very sorry... I beg your forgiveness."
"I forgive you," Gideon huffed without hesitation, his sweet though exhausted gaze peered into hers, and though wrought with darkness, Vanellope could still see that twinkling ball of youthful joy deep at the back of Gideon's gaze, "I love you..."
"I love you, too," Vanellope staggered through trying to keep her composure, she narrowed her gaze and shook her head, "I'm going to call Lash and tell him you're staying here, for the night. We can mull things over more so, in the morning, okay?"
Gideon nodded in gentle defeat, as if he maybe didn't want to stay on palace grounds, though somehow, the sanctity of his childhood bedroom felt removed from it all. He marinated in the warm touch of his mother's hand, the soothing shush of her voice, he felt relieved to finally have someone in his corner that truly understood the sheer, colossal depth this all entailed. He knew he needed sleep, he knew he needed to face his and Kepa's minor issues, though furthermore, he knew he needed to decide if palling around with Callum, like this, was worth it or not. Desperate to cling to Callum, who was eager for vengeance and justice just as much as he was, though equally as desperate to cling to Vanellope and Kepa, who wanted nothing but to lift Gideon up in the name of love and light, he squeezed his eyes shut and was desperate to have his cake and eat it too. Both sides were tantalizing, golden mana from heaven, he allowed faded shapes and images to dance about the insides of his eyelids in the promise that one day, somehow, someway, he'd find a secret avenue that would truly gift him with everything he ever desired, no matter the cost.
