Dealer

Chapter 6: Full Circle

"Happy birthday Mom!" a fifteen year old Kierii announced happily, parading into my bedroom with an elaborately wrapped box and a tray of food. The wafting aroma of baked goods hit my nostrils, and I perked up a little, peeking from under the covers. "I made you breakfast. You know it's the most important meal of the day." I looked at her, laughing as she tried to play innocent. The only reason Kierii ever makes pancakes is because she likes to eat the batter. She set the tray down on my cluttered nightstand, handing me my present. I yawned widely, pulling at the paper with sleep-uncoordinated hands. Eventually I got around to prying open the box to find a tiny, hand-carved pendant.

"It's a japor," she explained. "It's for luck."

"That's something I could use," I said, threading the ribbon in the box through the top of the pendant and draping it around my neck. Kierii smiled, and I ran a thumb over the woodwork appreciatively. The former Jedi initiate was a skilled craftsman and talented with her hands, the hard wood was whittled precisely, smoothly into every groove.

"How about breakfast?" She asked, picking up the tray. I eyed it, counting three pancakes total.

"Aren't you going to have any?" I asked, looking at her with an eyebrow raised. She flushed. I sighed. "You ate all the batter again, didn't you?"

She laughed, shrugging.

"Maybe?"

What happened next I felt, and Kierii felt it too: a sudden loss in the Force, a powerful presence that had been there was now gone. It was a maddening echo; a sudden emptiness followed by a sudden rush as it tried to adapt to the drastic change. I had never had any training; and it had been six years since Kierii had trained in the temple, but we both were struck with the sudden blow. Something drastic had just happened.

"That's Master Mara's signature!" Kierii gasped. And then, another surge of grief washed over us. My breath caught in my chest, and I gripped my bed sheet. Oh no.

Luke.

I sprang out of bed, grabbing the first clean outfit I could find from my closet and shuffling out of my pajamas and into it as fast as I could, traipsing through the apartment and out the door before I had my shirt over my head. I trampled down the steps, crushing my unwashed hair under my helmet and gunning my bike to life, throwing one leg over it.

"Mom! MOM!" Kierii yelled, chasing after me. "What's going on?"

I hesitated, the motor on my bike idling. My adoptive daughter stared at me, confused, her hands defensively on her hips.

"I promise I'll explain it all later."

As I pushed my way through the morning rush, I decided it probably hadn't been a good idea to keep my tumulus past with Mara Jade and the argument that ended my relationship with Luke a secret from my daughter. Now, now, if what I thought had happened happened…

I pulled the keys from my bike before the engine was off, tossing my helmet on the walkway besides it. The tough material scratched across the ground, knocking to a halt besides the machine. Those were two things I would normally never do, and that I threatened Kierii with a month of scrubbing the shop by hand with if she did. By the time I ever reconsidered that I could have melted the engine on my bike or irreversibly damaged my helmet, I had run through the doors of the Temple and straight through the lobby, up the Grand Staircase, and around to the living quarters. It had been a long time, years and years, since I had been in the Temple, and it had been even longer since the only time I had even seen Luke's quarters – the time when he had given me the grand tour of the place. Instinctively, I drew off his painfully acute emotions, leading myself to his door. There I slowed down, catching my breath and attempting to make myself look presentable. I had literally run out of the apartment half-naked, pulling on my shirt, so that was a bit difficult, but I did my best, glancing at my disheveled reflection in the mirror before slowly letting myself into Luke's quarters.

He was sitting on the bed, his head in his hands as he started blindly out the window. He was in shock, utter and unbelievable shock. Unfortunately, I knew exactly how he felt. Walking over to him, I lowered myself gently onto the bed besides him.

"I'm sorry for you," I muttered quietly, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. I felt little grief for Mara Jade, that much was true. She was an evil person with her own agenda, as far as I was concerned, and she had taken away my best friend. But it pained me inside to see this kind, compassionate man reduced to tears. "I'm so sorry."

And I sat there as he let sobs rack his body, resting my chin over his shoulder and smoothing his hair. And, I didn't tell him it would be OK, because when somebody you're close to dies, it never is.

Luke had always been one of the most selfless people I had ever known. He was kind, he was happy, and he always seemed to know exactly the right thing to say. I remembered all those years ago when a similar situation had transpired.

"I'm so sorry," a familiar male voice came. I looked up through bleary, swollen eyes, my face moist with my tears. Luke. I quickly counted in my mind. He wasn't due to have his oil changed for another two weeks. I swallowed hard, trying to stop the uncontrollable sobs that seized my chest and lungs again and again. But I couldn't, and salty streaks continued to roll off my face. "Oh Force, I'm so sorry," he said, sitting down next to me on the speeder bike. I just cried and cried, and he just sat there, one arm draped around my shoulders.

I sighed internally. Things had certainly changed. And everything comes full circle.

"She was – she was…" His words were punctuated by sobs, "On a mission. In the outer rim. I should have been there, but the younglings were starting with the lightsaber training and I had promised I could be there." He shook his head angrily. "I should have been there! And I felt something was wrong, I felt it, and I went for my comlink… and then she disappeared." He shook his head, searching for words, choking over them and they eventually came in a whisper. "She was pregnant."

I had to contain my gasp.

"She was so stubborn. She wouldn't stay here. And now they're both gone."

Luke buried his head in my shoulder, soaking my shirt with tears. His comlink beeped on the bed.

"This is Jedi Knight Terain reporting to Master Skywalker. Come in, Master Skywalker."

I picked up the device.

"Jedi Knight Terain, erm, this isn't Master Skywalker. He's unavailable at the moment." I paused, realizing what that must sound like. "I'm a friend. Long story. Anyhow, could I, uhm, take a message?"

"We… we j-just received c-c-c-confirmation that J-Jedi Knight M-Mara Jade's Star Cruiser was … it was … destroyed. In the attacks on the Outer Rim."

I switched the comlink off, dropping it to the bed. It bounced once, twice, eventually laying still on the bedspread. Not now.

It was cold in Luke and his former wife's apartment in the temple, and I pulled a blanket up off the bed, draping it over his shoulders. I was chilly, too, having run out of the apartment so fast I had forgotten a jacket, so I looked around cautiously, searching for another blanket. The only one I could see was stacked under a pile of small, fitted tunics that had certainly belonged to Mara, and Luke looked at me as I stood there, as if to make sure I didn't disturb anything. I didn't. Leave the dead to the dead.

However, in a bit of an attempt to warm myself, I decided a cup of tea would be excellent.

"Luke? Do you have a tea set?"

He murmured something indistinct. Spotting a small, rose-covered pot and two cups on the kitchen counter, I reached for them.

"No!"

I startled, looking at him.

"That was Mara's," he said protectively, sullenly. I retracted my hand, my mouth forming into a silent 'O'. "Look in the cabinet."

There I was able to find another two mugs and a small box of tea leaves, and I put the kettle on the stove, careful not to touch anything else, although Luke was certainly no longer watching – he had returned to nesting his chin in his palms and staring out over the sprawling horizon of Coruscant.

"Here, drink this," I insisted, pushing the cup into his hand a few minutes later. He looked at it disinterestedly. "Drink," I commanded, wrapping my hands around my own little mug and settling back down next to him. 'Just take your time'.

A few days later the Temple had a memorial service for Mara. Luke hardly made it through, and it tore me up emotionally to have to see him like this. For those few days, it was as if our falling out had never happened. It was as if it were those years ago when we were friends. Friends who were with each other through thick and thin.

I didn't know what would happen when Luke's grieving ended. It was possible that he would be angry with me, and I was slowly harboring bitter feelings towards him. In my heart of hearts, I knew it was Mara's fault that he hadn't contacted me. I cursed him for not being stronger, but very rarely can you give entirely of yourself without extreme personal expense.

What would come to pass in the next few months would be difficult to foresee.