Dealer
Chapter 7b: Outside
All things eventually come to be and slowly fade away. Every event leaves an imprint on a person, on her personality and her mind. The memories might be bright, vivid – those of a child during festival week – they could be invisible, impossible to recall yet implanted deeply in the reaches of the mind – they could be dark, blurred: the memories of death. But time heals all wounds, and in their place leaves scars that tell a story. My past, and my heart, were littered with scars.
I sighed, running my thumb over the faded pink line on my right hand. Despite a cosmetic operation by one of the most skilled medidroids in our sector, the thick skin stubbornly refused to relent its presence. It faded, sure, but it was still there, and it was a constant reminder of the pain in my past.
"Come on Mom," Kierii said, nudging me with her shoulder, her hands buried in the intricate circuit board of a hyperdrive. "You yell at me when I don't do my chores and you can't even keep your mind on your job!"
"Yes, well, when you're thirty-six you can keep your own counsel on what to do, too," I replied, sticking my hands back into the complex breaker of the Falcon's hyperdrive for what seemed like it must be the 1000th time. Why in space Han keeps that hunk of junk around… "And tomorrow you'll only be what, twenty years off the mark?"
She smiled, nodding.
"Well, if you still want to take the day, keep working!"
As I worked, I thought about what Kierii had said. She was right – lately I had trouble focusing.
Kierii had many friends at the Temple, and she loved to go and spend time visiting them. She was, in the end, still a Force-sensitive – she fit in with them, and they meshed. So that afternoon, I took her to the Temple residences on my speeder, and she quickly wished me good-bye before taking off, her back bouncing about as she ran down the hall. I laughed, shaking my head and stuff my hands in my pockets, turning to retreat down the hall.
"Oh, hello, Senator," I said, startled as I turned around and nearly bumped into Leia Organa Solo. The woman looked at me exasperatedly, hands on her hips.
"Oh, for Force's sake, I've told you to call me Leia!" she insisted, shaking her head. "How are you? What brings you to the Temple?"
"Oh, I can't complain." Yeah, right. "Kierii came to spend the night with some of her friends. Her birthday is tomorrow, so I suppose they're throwing her a bit of a party in the residence quarters." I paused. "What are you doing here?"
Leia twirled a section of metal around in her hand, one that I had neglected to notice until that moment.
"Well, I've been doing some saber training because security keeps insisting it would be much safer for me to have some method of self-defense, since I am a Force-sensitive, and then I stopped by to visit Anakin and Jacen in the boy's quarters," she said, pocketing her weapon with a shrug. "I'm heading back to the Senatorial Apartments now though. Would you like to stop by and have some tea?"
"Oh, no, I really need to be getting back to the shop…"
"Oh, relax! It's only a block from here anyway, I'll have you on your way in a standard hour, that's a promise."
"No, I really should—"
"Great! It's settled then."
I sighed defeatedly. Damn these politicians.
And that is how I came to be sitting in the Solo household, nursing a cup of sweet Ansionian tea, Leia talking happily across from me. The dull beams of afternoon light sparkled through the vast windows that formed one wall of the apartment, reflecting off the soft colors of the walls and warming the furniture that obstructed its path. It spilled across my lap and down the front of Leia's senatorial robes, bouncing off to illuminate the surroundings. The apartment was quietly devoid of presence, the decorations warm but pristinely cool, a home that had once been lively with children but now housed a quiet lonely couple – or usually, only one half of that duo.
"I heard my husband's hunk of junk is in the shop again," Leia commented with a sigh.
"Yes, there's something wrong with the hyperdrive."
"Oh, I'll be darned if that blasted thing has ever worked while I'm on that ship!" she remarked a bit bitterly. I laughed.
"The Falcon spends more time hogging our hangars than it does in space, I think," I mused. Leia shook her head.
"I wouldn't doubt it. Especially now that Han has his own star cruiser, I don't know why he even keeps that piece of scrap metal around."
"Nostalgia?" I suggested. Leia scoffed, rolling her eyes.
"Probably. As if he has nothing better to do than squander funds."
"Well, as long as he's squandering them at my shop it's fine with me! Half our customers must have mentioned Captain Solo referred them when they first showed up."
Leia smirked.
"So have you seen my brother lately?" she asked casually, adding another spoonful of blue milk to her tea. Honestly, she might as well just only drink the milk. I quirked an eyebrow at her, setting my teacup down on my saucer.
"We're on better terms than we were seven months ago, that's for certain."
"Well, I'm not surprised. You're not the only one who didn't like Mara." Leia said her former sister-in-law's name with a touch of distaste on her tongue. I looked down into the clear cup of liquid I was holding in my hands.
"You're so in love, you know that?"
"What?" I asked, snapping my eyes up. She smiled at me, raising her eyebrows. "No, no, no. No, we aren't."
Memories jumped to the front of my mind.
FireDancers. Kisses. Dances. The nights I cried myself to sleep. Why did I do that if I didn't care about him? Because I was worried about him? Or because I knew…
"You know it too," she said. I shook my head.
"No," I said, standing up. "Thank you for the tea, senator, but I really need to get going." I set my cup and saucer down on the table and started to walk away.
"Before you go," Leia called after me. I stopped, listening. "Promise me you'll think about it. Just, you know, mull it over."
I laughed a bit. She didn't even need to say it.
After a long afternoon repairing the Falcon's hyperdrive, I was in my pajama pants, curled up on the couch with a data pad that contained a cheesy romance novel I had been working on for quite some time. I was holding a soggy bowl of cereal and a mug of hot liquid, a thick blanket tugged up around my waist as I read the data pad by propping it against my thighs. A moment later, a rapping at the door disrupted me.
I cursed, the data pad tumbling to the floor as I set my cereal bowl down on the coffee table and tugged my blanket over my shoulders, taking a sip from my mug as I walked over to the door. I opened it tiredly. I hated it when people interrupted my personal time.
"Hey." A familiar face was standing in front of me.
"Luke… what are you doing here?" I asked, pulling my blanket further across my chest.
"Well, I know Kierii's at the temple tonight, so I thought maybe you would want to go grab something to eat."
"Oh, I'm really not decent…" I said, motioning to my appearance and running a hand over my messy hair. Then I motioned to the coffee table. "Plus, I already ate."
He laughed.
"Gungan puffs never have, and never will qualify as food."
I shrugged.
"Well, since you're here, can I offer you a drink? It's no short trek from the Temple."
"That would be nice," he said, nodding. I pursed my lips, walking over to the mini bar where an open bottle of Alderaanian whiskey was sitting on the top, part of it being used as a compliment to my hot drink. I set the mug down and dropped my blanket, kicking it into the corner. As I mixed up two drinks, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, trying to retie my unwashed hair into a neater ponytail.
"Well, here's to old friends," I said, handing Luke his glass and clinking mine against it before throwing back half the contents of mine. He spluttered over his.
"Damn, you make a good FireDancer!" he choked, clapping his chest. I laughed.
"Yeah, well, I had a lot of time to perfect it." There was a slight hint of bitterness in my voice, and my words were followed by an awkward silence.
"I really am sorry, you know. About everything. For everything I've done. For every time I've hurt you."
I looked at him sadly.
"Me too."
"Can I ever make that up to you?"
"Did you love her?" I asked abruptly. Luke dropped his eyes away from mine, taking another swig of his drink.
"I—Ye—I-- I don't know," he said defeatedly. "I thought I did. But now, I don't know." He looked at me again, setting his now-empty glass on the table. I ran my tongue over my lips, pulling the last traces of alcohol from them. "Do you love me?"
I startled, looking at him suddenly.
"What?"
"Do you love me?"
I sighed, setting my glass down next to his and shaking my head. Immediately I recognized this feeling.
'It could never work.'
I was going to lose him again.
I looked at him, and my eyes must have revealed my thoughts. He stepped towards me, his bright blue eyes watching mine closely, tracking my every move, every thought.
"Why couldn't it work?" he asked with a slight shake of his head.
I paused, my mouth open stupidly, not really sure what to say. 'Because it couldn't.'
"Because it could," he said quietly, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling my frame towards his, claiming my lips in a breathtaking kiss. My breath caught in my chest, and I closed my eyes, pressing back against his mouth, utterly entranced by his touch.
Maybe he was right.
. . . We could keep things just the same
Leave here the way we came
With nothing to lose
But I don't want to if you don't want to
Never
waste another day wondering what you threw away
Holding me –
holding you
