TOMMY

Getting back to my room and finding another pair of Zedd's clothes laid out for me on the dresser - apparently what they'd wanted me to change into this morning that I hadn't thanks to not sleeping in here - I change slowly, still careful of my ribs, but more so because I can't get the stupid boots unbuckled or my pants unbuttoned all that easily.

Struggling with it for more than a few minutes I finally get myself free of the dirty stuff before changing into the clean and deciding that this new pair of pants will just stay unbuttoned for right now.

Moving to the floor length mirror on the far wall I look myself over and return my thoughts to the discussion Zedd and I were having before the snake interrupted. He said that he liked me, but that he wouldn't do anything to me unless I say it's okay. At least that's what I think he said. He talks too much and too fast sometimes.

But if it is what he said, than I'm not too sure how I feel about that. I mean it's good that he won't do anything, but I don't know if I want him attracted to me or not. Why do guys like me like that all of the sudden? Am I really cute like he said? I honestly think I'm a little too old to be called cute anymore. So then why is he - what word did he use? - attracted to me?

Sighing and trying to see things his way, I have to admit that he would be called cute too by Hayley or Kira probably. But does that mean I think he is? But even if I did that doesn't mean I could do anything with him, not after what they did to me. It hurts and it's rough and just…no it's not like with a girl. Or is it? Have I even been with a girl? Frowning hard as I can't really remember what exactly I've done and haven't I hold back on the urge to throw something. It's so frustrating! And right now I think it's partly Zedd's fault it is. He had to go talking about all this. Telling me it's okay to like a guy, that it's not a bad thing that will get me hurt here. And that oh yeah he likes me too by the way.

Moving to my bed and sitting down hard I still work on figuring this whole mess out. Okay so I've never been one of those people who thought it was wrong to like who you like. I mean, male or female doesn't matter to me. There are much more important things than gender. BUT for me and who I'm with, is that true too? And why am I even thinking like this?

Maybe by telling Pina what happened and getting my - what had Zedd said? - chemicals in balance, I can look at things differently. I try to think back and see if Zedd had said anything else before now about liking me, but can't really remember anything. Though I do realize that he had two days on the ship and last night to force me to do what he wanted to me and he didn't.

I sigh again as I suddenly realize that I'm thinking in circles. What it comes down to is that he wants me, but he's not doing anything about it and that means that I can trust him, right? I lay back on the bed, still thinking and ignoring the fact that my clothes still aren't fastened. Right now, I have no idea what I think or how I feel about any of this. I realize that I'm not really bothered by any of it, but I am. Still confused, I sigh again. How can I be both?

Lost in thought, I jump when someone knocks on the door. Wincing at the pull in my ribs, I call out, "Come in!"

Zedd opens the door and walks into the room. "There you are, Thomas. I was wondering…" He stops and takes in my half dressed form stretched out on the bed and I suddenly realize just how I must look and what he must think. Moving to sit up fully and explain, he beats me to it with nothing more than a throat clearing cough. "Um, Thomas, did you need any help?"

Carefully, I sit up and give a nod. "Yeah. I can't do these damn little buttons and I can't wear a T-shirt cause I can't pull it over my head."

He comes over and efficiently fastens my clothes before stepping back out of my personal space. "So why didn't you just come to my room? We were going to meet there anyway and I could have helped you when you arrived."

"I was thinking and lost track of time. I'm sorry."

"What were you thinking about?"

Unsure what to tell him I give a shrug and look out towards the window. "Just things."

"Would you like to tell me what those things are?" Looking interested but not really pushing, he moves towards where I'd tossed my dirty clothes and Dar's boots, calmly picking them up and placing them in a black basket near the closet.

"Maybe. I haven't really finished thinking about them yet though."

"I see. Well perhaps when you do you'll share with me." Fingers running along the buckle of one of the black boots he frowns slightly. "Had trouble with the buckles did you?"

"A little."

"Next time ask me for help Thomas, you've torn this one slightly, I'll have to have Pina fix it." Oh man, I didn't mean too, I mean I'd heard a ripping sound, but it had looked okay when I'd finally gotten it off.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

"It's all right. Accidents will happen, just come to me next time you need help, that way we can work on what you need help with. Okay?"

"Okay." Agreeing with a nod I realize that I've once again done something wrong and yet have gotten nothing more than soft words of advice in response. It's really getting amazing. I know I don't get punished for every little thing here, but I don't seem to get in trouble for anything. Briefly, the thought passes through my mind that I could do pretty much anything I want to and get away with it. Before I can follow that line though, Zedd speaks once again and distracts me.

"As for you thinking about things I imagine you have much to think about. I have as well." Really? Like what? Is he thinking about what he said too? Is he sorry he said it? Or is he thinking more about me? This is so confusing.

Curious, I find I have ask. "Like what?"

"Well, as I was changing clothes, it occurred to me that you were able to leave the bed this morning and not wake me. That hasn't happened in - well, a very long time. You shouldn't have been able to do that."

Suddenly, something clicks into place. "Because you and Dar and Pina are all warriors."

He nods. "Exactly." He hesitates for a minute, like he's trying to think of what to say before he tells me something I definitely didn't expect to hear. "I was married once, many years ago. I always woke up when she got up, laid down - hell, some nights she'd just turn over and I'd wake up." Married? He was married? Why didn't he tell me that before? Why isn't he married anymore? And why can I sleep beside him without waking him and she couldn't? Did she snore? Was she a cover hog?

A million questions and a little anger running through me I try to focus on what his point is instead of this no longer here wife, but it's very hard for some reason. Unable to help myself I let one of my many questions slip before I can really think about it. "Why aren't you married anymore, is she dead?"

Looking a little surprised, he shakes his head. "No, we divorced. Things - changed between us and we decided that it was for the best."

"So you parted as friends?" I don't know why it matters to me, but it does and I want to know.

"More or less." The tone of his voice says that it was definitely closer to less than more. Looking uncomfortable with where our talk has gone, he clears his throat changing the subject back to what he must feel is a safer one. "So shall we go take your measurements now?"

"I guess so."

"Good, the sooner we get it done the sooner we can get you some clothing that will be comfortable for you."

As I follow him out of my room and to his, I suddenly realize that the man in front of me - predator that he may be - is a wounded animal in his own way. I know this as surely as I know that I can't button my shirt right now. The only question is what can I do to help him? He seems to know just what I need but I really can't say the same for him. So what can I give or say to make him feel better?

My thoughts are once again interrupted by the dark haired man in front of me as we make it back to his room. "I'll take your measurements with this and then we'll order you some clothes." Picking up a tape measure to show me, he smiles at my frown. "Let me guess - all of the helpful devices we have and you want to know why I'd still use a tape measure."

Nodding and pretty much thinking just that, I'm surprised by his response. "This way is more accurate believe it or not. The scanners have trouble with measurements of the waist and upper arms, plus it's a hassle to use for your inseam."

"Oh. Okay." Well I guess that makes sense.

Unraveling the measuring tape he takes my left arm gently, before wrapping the yellow fabric around it. "Do you have any preferences?"

"Preferences?" Preferences for what? Guys and girls? I'm still trying to figure that one out. "I don't understand." Squirming as he next measures the length of my arm and writes his findings down, I try to be still but am finding it harder and harder.

"Clothes. Do you have any idea what sort of clothes you would like?"

I shrug slightly, but feel fairly relieved that he wasn't asking about the same sex thing again. "I won't know until I see what's available."

He nods. "Fair enough." Continuing to take measurements of my upper body and writing them down as he goes, he finishes fairly quickly and I must say I think I've done pretty well with the whole thing. I mean I haven't started shaking badly or anything even though he's had to put his arms around me a couple of times, I was more or less still, at least not running off from him, and best of all I didn't complain or fight that should count for something.

"Just a few more and then we'll be done." Done with my upper half he kneels down and takes another measurement along the outside of my leg 'hming' as he does. "I think you grew a bit more after your teen years."

"Is that good?"

Smiling he simply gives a small shrug before responding casually. "I don't think it's so much good or bad, just interesting. All right Thomas, I need one more measurement and than we can pick out your clothes. It's best if I do it, but if you're not comfortable with it, there is another way."

I raise one eyebrow at him and he points as he explains. "I have to measure your inseam, from here to here." I bite my lip as I realize that the measurement will bring him very close to parts I'm not ready to have touched just yet, but I can trust him, can't I?

Finally deciding to give him a chance, I nod. "You can try."

"Try?" Smiling slightly he gives a nod in return. "Well I suppose that's fair."

I close my eyes and wait. I feel the knuckles of one hand against my ankle and the other sliding up my leg. I take deep breaths trying to stay calm, and I'm almost able to pull it off when suddenly his hand touches me and I can't help but tense up once more.

"Easy, Thomas. I'm not going to hurt you." A couple of seconds later and he removes his hands entirely and I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. It's okay. It's over and he didn't do anything, just like he promised.

Standing and writing down the final set of numbers, he gives me a reassuring look before turning to his computer. "You did well, Thomas. I'm proud of you." He's proud of me? Really?

Already typing things in and giving me a few minutes to breathe and get myself together, he also gives me time to realize that I'm hard. Startled and puzzled by this reaction and - at the moment - relieved that Zedd doesn't seem to have noticed, I'm suddenly very grateful that the clothes they gave me are so loose.

Okay it's okay just breathe. It's…normal? Right? Right. Normal, he was touching me and I'm a guy and it just happens. But then it didn't happen any other time he touched me, so why now?

Okay figure out why later and focus on keeping him from noticing. Maybe if I can just stay over here until it goes away I'll be okay. "Thomas?"

"Yeah?"

"Come here and look at these clothes." Well so much for that hope. "I don't want to decide for you and have you not be comfortable in them. If it won't hurt your ribs too much, you can grab one of those chairs." A chair, okay a chair is good, maybe if I can sit down and put my hands in my lap he won't see. Right, good plan.

"Okay." Relieved, I move quickly to grab a chair from across the room and find that it is deceptively heavy. I frown. Either Zedd will have to get it or I'll have to slide it across the floor. Well since I'm trying to keep Zedd away from me for the moment I guess I don't have much choice here.

Starting to slide the chair across the stone floor I stop almost immediately as the legs scrape loudly and I'm sure leave noticeable marks. Great so much for that idea. In the middle of trying to think up another way to get my seat where it needs to be Zedd beats me to the punch as he without a word crosses the room and easily picks up the troublesome piece of furniture, sitting it down in front of the computer beside his own.

"Sorry, it was too heavy for me." Though apparently not for him it would seem.

"It's not your fault, I forget that your species doesn't have the strength mine does sometimes. Come and sit down and we'll get started."

Moving to my seat I take it slowly placing my hands in my lap in what I hope is a casual way, before my focus is drawn to the clothes on the computer screen.

"Now let's start with undergarments." Oh man it's going to be a long afternoon.

-ooo-

Well it had taken the better part of an hour but some how, some way we've managed to finish. Watching as Zedd scrolls through my selections again to make sure we haven't missed anything, I'm about to ask about lunch when suddenly, he frowns. "Thomas, are you aware that more than half of the things you've chosen are in white?"

"Huh?"

"Look. Most of these shirts are white and so are some of the pants." Well yeah, what did he want me to get, orange?

I shrug not really understanding what the problem is or why there even is one. After all he said I could pick what I liked didn't he? And well I liked those white shirts and those pants and the hoodie with the picture of the falcon on the back. "Is that bad?"

"No, just surprising." Somehow, I get the feeling that there is more to it than just 'surprising', but I can't figure out what. Still though his grin says a lot, whatever he's not telling it's at least making him happy, something I've been trying to do but unsure of how to.

"Why is it surprising?"

Hesitating a moment, he looks unsure about answering before finally deciding to give another non-answer as it were. "I didn't think you would wear white. I kind of thought you'd wear black." Black? Well I picked some black stuff. Sort of.

Frowning and looking through what I picked again I see that really the only colors I did choose were white, black, red, and one or two green things like a pair of pants and t-shirt thrown in. Wow there really is a lot of white isn't there. Why did I do that anyways? Was it because I like white, or something else?

Thinking it over and studying Zedd carefully as I do, I finally come up with what I think is at least part of the reason for my choices. "You already wear a lot of black. If I wear white, it balances. Kind of like -" I frown. I can see the symbol in my head, but what's the name of it? It's very important in fighting…no not fighting but a special kind of fighting - what did Zedd and Conner call that kind of fighting? - material, marshal, marvel, martial - Wait that's it! Martial arts, that's what it was, and that symbol the white and black one that goes along with it. Thinking harder now, determined to remember it's name just as I did the type of fighting it relates to I can picture several versions of, but I still can't come up with the name.

Finally frustration wins out and I slam my hand down angrily on the desk. "Damn it, I can't remember what it is!"

Looking surprised by my show of force, Zedd holds up a soothing hand, and lowers his voice accordingly. "Calm down, Thomas. What are you thinking of? Describe it for me and maybe I can help you." Maybe, though I really would have rather remembered on my own.

Taking a breath and picturing it again I try my best to paint a picture for Zedd. "It's a symbol I think. Half of it is black with a white dot and the other half is white with a black dot. It's very important in martial arts and I know it means balance."

Frowning for a moment Zedd seems more uncertain about my description than about knowing what it is, before he answers calmly. "It's a circular shape, yes? And the two halves aren't straight, but reflections of each other?" Pretty much. When I nod he goes on, finally telling me the name that's escaped my mind. "So you are referring to yin and yang?"

Knowing the words the second they leave his mouth I hit the desk once more only this time in excitement rather than anger. "Yes, that's it!" I might not have remembered its name, but I was still able to make myself understood, that has to be progress, right? "We're kind of like that - opposites, but we balance each other, see?"

Eyes half closed, Zedd considers what I've said before slowly and carefully speaking once more. "I hadn't thought of that before, Thomas, but you are right. In many ways, we are opposites that could very well balance each other. You…you feel we balance each other do you?"

Thinking about it for a minute I give a nod, thinking we could if I can just try to be less jumpy around him. "Yes."

Smiling and patting my shoulder, he looks happier than I've seen him since I got here. "I think you're right."

"He's more right than either of you know." Jumping a bit as Pina's voice comes from the doorway behind us I give Zedd a weak smile as his hand squeezes my shoulder reassuringly, silently promising there's no danger and therefore no need to be so jumpy.

Both of us turning to face her, Zedd finds his voice first, though it is a bit edged thanks to my slight scare. "Pina, whatever are you talking about? And since when do you not knock?" Oh no, here comes another mini-battle between them.

Surprised when Pina directs her attention to me, mostly ignoring Zedd's questions, it looks like something serious has happened, and it's clearly something I'm not going to be told about. "Tommy, could you please go to your room? I need to talk to Zedd about what's been wrong with him."

Curious to know myself and feeling bad if there is something really wrong I look between them before making a small plea. "Can't I stay? What if he needs me to be here with him?"

Both of them looking startled Pina questions my choice of words first. "What do you mean Tommy? Why would he need you here with him?"

"Because you look all serious and when people look serious and ask other people to go out of the room it's usually bad news and sometimes it helps getting bad news if you have friends with you and me and Zedd are friends." Looking at Zedd I can't help but wonder if that's all we'll be after all that's been said and done today. "Right?"

Recovering from his shock slowly he gives a small nod. "Um, yes we're friends Thomas."

"See? So can I stay?"

Sighing and shaking her head it would seem Pina is having none of it. "As sweet as I think it is you want to stay to offer comfort Tommy, you just can't. Not this time. I'm sorry it's just doctor patient privilege." Translation - it's none of my business and it's going to stay that way.

Sighing myself I nod and stand up to go, asking Zedd just one more question on the way out. "So when do you think I'll have my new clothes?"

"I should think in just a couple of days." Apparently realizing I'm a bit upset about being kicked out his tone is gentle as he continues. "I'll come and get you when Pina and I are finished talking. We'll do something fun, okay?"

I nod, but Pina shakes her head. "Actually, Tommy, I'll come and get you. I have a few more scans I'd like to do and I want to try using my machine on your ribs to help them heal faster." Aww but Zedd actually wanted to do something fun. Man this is just not my day.

"All right." Head down I leave the room, hearing Zedd argue as I go that I'm going to need lunch soon along with some recreational time. Shaking my head, I go to my room already knowing he's going to lose the fight as Pina in the end is just tougher. Poor Zedd.