ZEDD

"He's going to need to eat lunch soon Pina, along with getting in some more rest and recreational time. I know he's here to heal but he needs some fun in his days too you know. And why did you kick him out like that? You hurt his feelings. I don't care if he knows what's wrong with me." Wanting nothing more than to go after the boy and make sure he's all right after such an abrupt dismissal Pina however seems to have other ideas.

Silencing me with a hard look she closes the door, cutting off any further arguments I might have. "Fine, Zedd, he'll get fed, I'll play checkers with him, whatever. Now will you please shut up for one minute so I can tell you what I've found out?!"

I can feel my mouth fall open. She never talks to me that way. I should kill her for talking to me in such a manner. How dare she. Who does she think she is? But even as protests and cries of outrage fly through my head I know deep down that something is definitely wrong for her to be so on edge.

Taking a deep breath and steeling myself for the worst I finally dare to ask, "Fine. What have you found out?"

"I don't know for sure, mind you, but I have every reason to believe that you and Tommy are bonded."

Okay I must say out of all of the possibilities that were going through my mind, that was definitely not one of them.

Dumbfounded, I try to grasp just what this means, but am really unable to do so at this exact moment. "What?"

Sighing and rubbing her eyes, she gives a slow nod. "You two are bonded Zedd. I'm almost positive of it."

"To each other?" As soon as the words leave my mouth I realize just how stupid they sound, but really and truly give me a break here. As I'm trying to process this, she pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket and crosses the room.

"I've cross referenced everything we know about your illness and Tommy's abuses. The time lines line up perfectly." I stare at her, hoping that I'm misunderstanding. Praying she's wrong. "Look. Here is the date that he was injured, it links up to the day you ran to us insisting that something was wrong. You felt it."

"That could have been instinct, or power. It doesn't mean we're bonded."

Sighing and moving down her list, she is clearly not being swayed. "The first time he was violated. It matches the timeline of you leaving Rita's and getting violently ill. The next day, same thing."

"I have a virus Pina, just because it coincidently links up with when he was hurt-"

"And his nightmares? Is that a coincidence too? You got sick last night at the exact same time he was thrashing in bed suffering from his dreams." No, no, no, no, no. "Not to mention that would also explain why you felt you 'had to be there' earlier today."

"It's wrong, it has to be wrong. We're not even mates Pina."

She studies me for a minute, shaking her head sadly before she continues. "You know as well as I do that bonded pairs don't necessarily have to be mates. Zedd you were dealing with him for an extended amount of time when he was younger, you even did physical battle against him."

"So?"

"So it's a very real chance that you ended up bonded with him." Handing me her timeline and beginning to go over just that this will mean for me I unintentionally tune her out as I try to wrap my mind around the idea that my Ranger and I are bonded. My Ranger. Why do I say that? He's not mine. We can't be bonded. We just can't!

Suddenly furious over this entire matter and just what it means for the both of us I stand abruptly, knocking my chair over and interrupting whatever she's going on about now as I do. "You mean to tell me that I am bonded with a boy who can't even stand to have me touch him? Who, even uninjured, could not completely grasp what that means to our species?"

"Zedd-"

"And worse yet, who will not even begin to approach our life span? He will die thousands of years before me Pina. What will happen then? Will I go with him? End up violently ill or comatose for the rest of my life? And what if something were to happen to me?! He's human Pina we don't know if bonding even takes to his species or if it does how strongly he'd feel it." I know my voice is low and dangerous as I stare her down, but can't help it. "If this is a joke, Pina, it's a very cruel one."

"If it is a joke, it's one on the cosmic level and none of my doing," she answers quietly. "Zedd this isn't the end of the world, all right. If you are bonded with him, which I believe you are, than that means there's actually nothing wrong with you. You're not ill, and well perhaps this even works in Tommy's favor. If he can feel the bond even a little it could help him become more at ease with you. It could do him good."

"Or it could kill him." Abruptly, I stand, full of rage and energy. I can practically feel the power coursing through my veins, begging to be let out. "I'm going out. Take care of him."

"Zedd wait!"

Ignoring her I stalk out of my room and head down the hall toward the door I pause as I pass by Thomas' door, which is slightly ajar. Poking my head in to inform him that I'll be out, not wanting to upset him by just disappearing I frown heavily as I don't see him. She told him to go to his room didn't she? He wouldn't disobey, not when he's still fearful and adjusting to us.

About to leave, unsure if I should hunt him down or not as I am still struggling against my anger I stop suddenly as a small sound is heard from the other side of his closed bathroom door.

Was that a whimper? Is he okay? Hearing it again I cross the room to his bathroom just to make sure he's all right as I know his ribs are still bothering him. What if he fell? Maybe he hurt himself? Damn it Pina better keep a better eye on him until he heals or else he…

"Ugh, more." The whispered word catching my attention I lean a bit closer now much more curious than concerned. What is he doing? If he's not hurt and - oh, oh by hell. As one final whimper is heard I catch the scent of a highly satisfied male and know exactly what he was up to, despite how much I wish I didn't.

Stunned, confused, and once more angry, I leave the room and head outside, pausing only long enough to grab my staff on the way.

Pleasuring himself. He'll pleasure himself in the middle of the day, but yet he won't let me lay so much as a hand on him! What is that?! How is that helping him get past being violated?! Damn humans! Annoying, pain in the ass confusing creatures.

"Zedd? Hey have you-"

Passing Dar I ignore whatever he was about to say and head out of the castle, moving as far from it as I can get and while still keeping it in sight I begin working out my frustration, fury, and deprivation.

-ooo-

Hours later, I return, the sky dark overhead and my fury abated for now.

Exhausted, hungry, and badly in need of a shower, I enter the castle hoping Pina has done as I said and tended to Thomas, making certain he was entertained and well fed while I was out.

Deciding to check on him in a minute, but knowing my muscles are going to be sore, I head for the infirmary.

"I'm sorry, Pina. I don't know why I talked to you like that." What now?

Pausing just outside the door to Pina's workroom, I glance inside to see the two standing before each other, Thomas with his head hung miserably and Pina looking none too happy herself.

Giving a soft sigh in response, she lays a hand on his arm. "I know you didn't mean it, Tommy, but I have to say I am a little surprised and hurt you said it at all. What were you feeling then? Do you even know what brought it on?"

"I was very angry, but I don't know why. There was no reason for me to be that angry or mean. I'm really sorry, please don't be mad at me." My heart sinks at the lost and upset tone in his voice. If Pina's right, then the anger he was feeling - was mine.

Suddenly unsure whose guilt I'm feeling now, I shift uncomfortably, knowing the knowledge that we are bonded will now have me second guessing nearly everything I feel for at least a short while.

Apparently my small movement catching her eye, Pina's gaze locks onto where I'm hovering in the doorway and if looks could kill I'd be one dead Eltarian. But then again, so would Dar.

As I stand there thinking, Pina turns her attention back to Thomas. A very miserable Thomas. And it is my fault. With ease that comes from years of practice, I clamp down on my emotions and put them away. Once that's done, my eyes narrow slightly as I realize that, unfortunately, Pina was probably right. With my own feelings pushed aside, I can feel his guilt, remorse, fear, and sorrow. Not strongly, but enough.

"I'm not mad at you Tommy, I understand you were just a bit upset about Zedd leaving and being gone for most of the day, but I promise you, what I told him, it was not something bad. He just needed some time to go off and think is all. He will be back." Me? He yelled at her about me? Realization striking, I hang my head as I now understand how it must have looked to him. His friends on Earth up and abandon him, and then I do the same, only worse, without so much a word of warning to him.

One part of my brain reminds me that Thomas suggested that we were like the yin and yang - opposites that balance. A bond would certainly help make that so, but with his latest fit, as well as mine, I can't help but think of the consequences that go with it. Shaking off that line of thinking for now, I realize that I've missed his response to her. However her next words do give me great pause.

"Thank you for that, I do accept your apology, and as I said I'm not mad, but perhaps you could refrain - not call me an evil bitch in the future, all right?" He called her what now? Well then, it would seem the boy still has a bit of bite after all.

Nodding smally and looking as embarrassed by his earlier outburst as upset, he slowly accepts the hug she offers him in peace before they pull apart and Pina makes her next suggestion.

"Come on, we'll go find Zedd. Maybe he can help you feel better."

Ah, there's my cue. Just about to step into the room, I pause at Thomas' next words. "I doubt it."

Pina and I both raise eyebrows at this remark. Fortunately, she asks before I do. "Why do you doubt it, Tommy?"

"He's already upset, remember? How can you make someone else feel better when you're upset yourself?"

She cocks her head clearly trying to think of some way around this, but in the end can only really ask, "How do you know he's still upset? As I said he really just needed some time to think Tommy, that doesn't mean he's upset. Not really."

The look he gives her is clearly questioning her intelligence and I am forced to cover my mouth to keep from laughing as he answers. "I already told you why he's upset."

"Well perhaps you could tell me again?"

Heaving a sigh as if he's the one having to take the extra time to reiterate himself all of the time, the Ranger begins slowly and surely. "You asked me to leave the room before you talked to him. After you did, he went out somewhere and hasn't been back since. I've heard loud noises outside and I know you heard them too, but you've been ignoring them. That means that you know what they were and you were hoping that ignoring them would make me think that they were normal or nothing important. I think that Zedd was angry or upset by whatever you told him and when he went out, he was causing the noises. It's been quiet for a while now, so I'm guessing he's done doing whatever he was doing. And I think what he was doing was having a - what's the word? - a tantrum. Or as my grandma used to say, 'pitching a fit'."

As he stops for breath, I can't help but grin. Once again, he's proven that he's not as bad as the humans were lead to believe. His reasoning skills are definitely intact and he seems to be having less difficulty with the language, especially if he's using phrases like 'evil bitch'. Briefly, I realize that the drugs they were giving him on Earth had some bearing on his thinking processes. They must have, if he can reason like this now. My attention is once more drawn back into the room as Pina giggles.

"I can't really hide much from you, can I?"

Smiling slightly, he shrugs. "I don't know, but I sort of wish you wouldn't try to. I know you're just trying to maybe keep me from getting upset, but not everything is gonna upset me you know. I'm not a kid, I don't need to be protected." You're right you're not, however that does not however mean that you do not need protection from certain things, Thomas.

"All right Tommy." Taking a breath and apparently giving in to him on some level, she continues in a calmer manner than I would under the circumstances. "I do think that Zedd was the source of the sounds we've been hearing. And yes, he probably was 'pitching a fit'. But trust me on this - what I told him? It was not anything bad. He will be fine, he just…He just has to come to terms with it."

"Then why was he upset? And why couldn't I stay to hear?"

Sighing and still clearly not wanting to tell him that this does in fact involve him just yet, she gives a clever and semi-true response. "He needs to come to terms with it himself before he'll be able to handle someone else knowing. However I'm sure he'll tell you when he's ready."

Thomas frowns thoughtfully for a long minute before surprising us both once again with his insight and reasoning skills. "So it's kind of like what happened to me at the rehab place. I'm not ready to tell Zedd yet and he's probably not ready to tell me what you told him."

Looking pleased, Pina nods. "Exactly. I told him to trust you to know when you're ready to tell him and I'll say the same to you. When he's ready to tell you, he will. Now, all of that said, let's say we'll forget what happened this afternoon, all right." At his relieved nod she continues calmly. "Good. Do you want to try the treatment again tomorrow?"

Another nod is given, accompanied by a small yawn. "Maybe tomorrow will be a better day."

"I hope so." You and me both. "Now, let's see if we can find Zedd. Even if you can't make each other feel better, at least you might be able to help him forget about what's on his mind for a while." Fat chance. How am I supposed to forget my problem if I'm going to be spending time with the source of it? Well, to be fair, he's not the problem - not directly anyway, but his 'look but don't touch' presence certainly doesn't help matters.

I take a deep breath and step into the room. Without a word to either of them just yet, I cross to the cabinets, extract a bottle and take a couple of pills from it. I swallow them down and turn my attention to the pair. Trying to think of something calming and reassuring to say to my Ranger I'm beaten to it as Pina speaks up once more, and not to me.

"Actually, Tommy, why don't we go and fix Zedd something to eat while he grabs a shower? Once he's done, I'll go back to my research and you can stay with him."

Frowning and turning away from me, Thomas seems less than pleased by this, though I'm not so certain it's because he'll be spending more time with me if his earlier anger over my abrupt departure is any indication. "I thought you were done with that since you found out what was wrong with him."

Nodding, Pina moves to her desk and retrieves some files, most likely the printouts she'd gotten from my email on Thomas. "I'm done with that research, but I'm still working on your files from Earth. Unfortunately, that requires a lot of cross referencing since I'm not really that familiar with your way of taking notes."

The boy thinks a moment, before frowning heavily. "If I remember right, which I'm not too sure I am, they use a different language when they write things like that. Hayley told me when I was in the hospital. It's a backwards type of language."

Feeling bad for him as I think he misunderstands, I shake my head. "We already explained that Thomas, remember? The words you see aren't backwards or wrong, you're just unable to see and understand them like you used to."

Turning to me he shakes his head sternly. "I know that Zedd. That's not what I'm saying. This is different, in this the words really are mixed up and different."

"You mean they're in a different language?" Looking through the files, Pina gives a slow nod finding this makes some form of sense. "Do you remember what the language is called?"

"I…um…" Face scrunched up in a highly endearing manner, he shakes his head. "Hayley told me I think, I just…"

"It's all right Tommy, I can find out, it'll just take a little bit of time is all and-"

"No, I know I can remember. I just…" Taking a deep breath and trying to will himself to relax it takes him a good minute or so, but he does much to his credit eventually recall. "Latin." Eyes lighting up, he gives a stern nod. "It's Latin I think."

Tired of being ignored I ask, "Isn't that a dead language on your planet?"

"I think so, but I think doctors still use it."

Writing this down, Pina is already moving to her computer looking for the language and translator with which she can turn it into Eltarian. "Thank you, Tommy. That's very helpful. Zedd, go get your shower and Tommy and I will get you something to eat while the translator begins working. Then you two can spend some time together."

Thomas looks pleased by this suggestion, although I cannot understand why as he still has a hard time being around me.

"All right, well I'll go jump in the shower then."

"K."

Making a dismissive gesture Pina's focus remains on her computer, and I have to wonder if they will actually leave the infirmary to make me a plate of food or not, as once the woman does get started on something she is very reluctant to stop.

Deciding I'll find out soon enough I head for my room and start gathering clothes for sleeping in, still thinking. I drop them in the bathroom and start the shower, before shaving quickly, and stepping in, allowing the spray to relax my muscles. As I reach for the soap, I stop as realization blooms.

Whatever happened to him, he is still Thomas at his core - still a champion of good and still a man who helps people. Right now, he thinks I need help and that he can help me. Continuing my shower absently, I follow this line of thinking. He thinks he can help me, but how? Anything I can think of to help me 'forget' is definitely not going to happen, even though a part of me responds to that idea. Even though that idea is appealing. Highly appealing. Especially after having time to calm down and think about just what Thomas was doing this afternoon. What I actually could be doing right now.

Abandoning all thought for the moment, I wrap my hand around that part that truly does need some attention, before I start stroking slowly, building up to the rhythm I know and like. Biting my lip to keep quiet, knowing that the chance of being heard is slim, I nevertheless do not want to press my luck in case Thomas comes looking for me much as I had with him earlier today.

That thought in mind I remember the little sounds I heard from Thomas this afternoon. Imagining that it was me giving him that pleasure heightens my own and my hand moves faster, eyes falling shut. "Thomas, oh faster, faster pet."

Picturing his innocent position, face flushed, breathing heavy and wanting, hands gripping me in a needing manner I soon reach the point of no return, shuddering as I finish my fantasy and self much quicker than I would normally like, but in a no less satisfying manner.

Once I calm down, catch my breath and clean up, I suddenly realize that I made no conscious effort to shield Thomas from my feelings, something that I truly need to get into the habit of doing now that he is in such close proximity to me.

Drying myself and dressing as quickly as possible and hurry from my room to the kitchen. Hopefully, I blocked everything subconsciously as I tried to be quiet.

However, upon reaching the kitchen, I find my hope was in vain.

Thomas is sitting on the floor with his back against the cabinets, knees drawn up to his chest, with his arms wrapped around them.

Kneeling next to him, concern stamped all over her face, Pina continues to try and coax him out of his huddled position, clearly concerned for his wellbeing and possibly sanity at this point. "Tommy please tell me what's wrong. Please. I just want to help, but I can't if you won't talk to me." Though I'm not for certain, I would say it's a fairly good possibility that he is not about to talk about anything concerning what just happened with his new female friend.

I study the young man on the floor for a brief moment and see the beads of sweat on his forehead and the heightened color of his face. Guilt and faint lust crashes down on me, though I'm quick to shield him from that, knowing he's definitely been through enough for one day. Instead I focus on what he's feeling and find that embarrassment is at the top of the list, followed by confusion and guilt.

Trying not to startle them both, I speak softly, feigning slight confusion. "What's wrong?"

The anxiety is thick in Pina's voice as she answers. "I don't know and he won't tell me. We were fixing you a plate of food when I realized I hadn't put out food for the wild darkos-" Oh geez of course she'd still be feeding those wild cat creatures scraps. "So I grabbed some left over roast, ran out to the back steps and filled their bowls, before coming back and finding him curled up on the floor like this. He refuses to tell me what happened though."

Thinking of the best way to handle this, my voice is calm as I answer her. "Pina, why don't you go back to your research and I'll see what I can find out? Perhaps he'd be more comfortable talking to me this time."

Her head whips around and she fixes me with a steely gaze, clearly knowing that I am aware of something that she is not. "What do you know?"

"Slightly more than you do about men - seeing as I am one." Her eyes narrow and it's not difficult to read the potential threats there. Still I've no real interest in explaining myself to her right now, thus I press my point. "Or maybe you should go see Dar instead. I'm sure he misses your - ahem - company."

Slowly, she stands up. There is steel in her voice, too as she says, "You and I WILL talk later." I've no doubt we will.

I shrug, apparently unconcerned. "As you wish."

Giving Thomas one final look she leaves and I wait until I know that she is out of hearing range, before crouching down where I'm standing to be more on Thomas' level but yet not too close. I keep my voice low. "Thomas, are you all right?"

Voice shaky and face now buried in his arms he gives a weak shrug. "No…Yes…I don't know. I think so."

"Will you tell me what happened?" When I get a negative head shake I try again, despite already having a fairly good idea. "I might be able to help. I know I'm not as knowledgeable as Pina with medical matters, but I am pretty good at understanding normal male problems."

Raising his head a bit, he looks nearly torn between trusting me with what's occurred and simply continuing to curl up in the kitchen for the rest of the night. "It's embarrassing."

Biting my lip and thinking this over, I decide to try a tactic that had worked quite well last night. "What if I tell you something embarrassing about myself? Would that make you feel better? Then perhaps you could tell me what's wrong?"

Looking uncertain he however in the end nods just a bit, if anything than most likely assuming it will buy him some time.

"All right. Well one time when I was about your age, I was training with a large group of other warriors. These were very - what do you humans call it? - hardcore fighters. Very strong, and very vicious. Well one day while I was doing battle against a group of them, one swung his sword down at me and sliced through the back of my pants." Smiling as this earns me a small snicker from the boy, I continue shaking my head as I do. "So there I stood trying to project this strong, cool, dangerous image to these warriors, all of which are now laughing as my butt is on display for all to see." Of course I did in the end manage to slaughter them all, though I don't believe I'll mention that right now.

"I guess that would be kind of embarrassing."

"Very much so. Especially considering my reputation. So… do you think perhaps you could tell me what's wrong now? Even if it is embarrassing? I promise I won't laugh or think less of you Thomas. I really am just worried."

He is quiet so long I'm beginning to doubt he will, and just when I am about to give up completely, he finally, softly speaks once more. "I was helping Pina make you something to eat. Then for no reason, I got hard and started feeling good and - Icameallovermyself."

Taking a minute to pick apart the last bit, I finally translate it and realize that that would indeed explain the embarrassment and the confusion. Taking a deep breath and wishing I knew what to say in order to reassure him, I however am only able to come up with what needs to be done first in the matter as well as what I will now have to tell him to hopefully ease his confusion and troubles over it all. "I see. All right, well let's get you cleaned up first and then we'll talk."

I realize that it will be hard to explain the bond to him in his current mental capacity - but apparently, I have no choice. On top of everything he has to relearn, now he has to learn to block the sending and receiving of emotions.

Seeing that the boy has yet to move I ease across the kitchen, noting that he is shaking, but knowing it's not out of fear from me. "I promise it will be all right Thomas. These things happen, it's nothing highly unusual."

"Not when you're thirteen maybe but I'm twenty nine, I'm an adult, this doesn't just happen. Or it shouldn't." Voice miserable and so very lost, he is making it harder and harder to keep a hold on my guilt.

Still managing though, I repress it and the desire which is quickly rising up due to the strong smell of sex and his timid position, before I allow calm feelings to escape my mental barricade as I try to decide what to do. All right so he will clearly not stand willingly, even though I'm certain he would like nothing better than to get cleaned up, however that is not happening right now due to his overactive emotions and fears. Fine, so how do I get him from the kitchen to the bathroom without making him move?

Looking around and finally hitting on my solution I grab the plate that they loaded for me and hold it out to him, answer the questioning look he gives me with a reassuring smile. "You are obviously in no condition to walk and I cannot carry you and the plate. Strong as I may be, I still only have two hands. So, I will carry you and you will carry the plate - simple."

Thomas blinks at me for a moment before taking the plate from my hands still looking a bit lost as I slide one arm under his knees and the other behind him. A small twinge in my back and arms reminds me that I have already overdone it today and I am pushing my luck however I ignore it, knowing that my Ranger must come first.

Carrying him to his bathroom and setting him down on the edge of the tub I get out a cloth for him and go to his room to grab some fresh pants. "I'm sorry I took off earlier Thomas. I hope I didn't worry you any by doing that."

Looking up at me as I set his sleep wear on the edge of the sink, he shakes his head slowly. "It's okay, you didn't worry me." The lie coming slowly and badly, he holds out the plate of food to me.

"Still though it was inconsiderate of me. I promise I won't do it again, at least not without tell you first so you're not left wondering where I am." Taking the plate and setting it on the counter I gently urge him to stand so I can unbutton his wet pants for him, before heading out. "I assume you'd like to do this part by yourself?"

He nods and after I've gotten the black pants unbuttoned for him I pick up the plate once more, preparing to leave. "Then I will let you do this alone. I am going to my room to eat. You can join me there when you're finished changing. If I finish before you get there, I'm going to come and check on you to be sure you are all right though, understand?"

He nods again and I leave the room, headed for my own. For the brief moments I am in the hall, I hear some telling sounds coming from Pina's room. Well it would seem she's forgiven Dar then. How nice for them.

Shaking my head, and rather annoyed that it seems I am the only one in this palace that is unable to fulfill that rather basic need without consequences I enter my own room and shut the door.