Reviews :

chuckiboo : you're definitely on to something, there, friend. There's a lot to get through but it all is eventually expanded on!

Firesong-Writes : Hi! omg thank you so so so much. Uhg I adore Wren. I feel bad because the Fluggerbutter's perspective on all of this comes in waves and makes appearances in certain scenes, cause it's more focused on Gideon's story, but Wren definitely stole the show, there. These chapters have been so sad, and I feel AWFUL saying this, but I'm only JUST now writing brighter, happier chapters, which is about chapter 190ish and on... I feel awful, there's nearly 40 chapters of anguish and I hope no one hates me for it lol. I only JUST got to a chapter where I wasn't depressed through it lol. AUHG I'M SORRY haha


Song Listened To :

The Light by CHPTRS


*Chapter 162*

Through a sudden, thick inhale, Kepa bugged her eyes in a glossy jump of leaping out of an ambiguously bad dream. She tensed, yanked her bedsheets tight into her chest, with the fold of her arms, and as her wings and tail curled about her body, she firmly sniffled the air and remembered where she was. Although her and Gideon shared this bed for only one night, she still ruminated in the spot he once lay, with his hoodie mushed to her front. She heaved a shaky breath and long-blinked her swollen eyes. For the first time since Gideon had left, she had managed to get more than five hours of sleep. Having been about two weeks since she and her father reunited, she understood his presence merely being one room over greatly aided in her doing everything she could to at least attempt to sleep. She found turning to stone every night, so to wistfully will time away, wasn't aiding her in recovering. Due to hovering in a frozen state of existing, she was still in and out of consciousness, more time for her brain to hurt without the proper rest that sleep provided. Having her father one room over helped her feel safe, the kind of safety Gideon provided whenever they slept together, the power of a trustworthy presence.

Having put Gideon's red hoodie on, refusing her father's gentle suggestions of washing it, she was glad he had given up on the advice that it was getting dirty, collecting her tears, it had turned into a security blanket, one of which Sezeke wasn't about to rob Kepa of. She sleepily climbed her stairwell, passing her father's new bedroom in the process. Like usual, he was up with the sun, his bedroom was always pristinely tidy anytime she passed it, the bed was always made, his new items were organized and available in a visually pleasing kind of way. Her bigger paws saw her up the stairs, and as she entered the kitchen, she realized that the day was pushing noon. She almost relished in the idea that the two technically didn't exist anymore, their names skillfully were deleted from the grid, and although they were still coded for Turbotime, pretending to be non-existent beings allowed them nearly all the time in the world to spend their new days together relearning one another, falling back into father-daughter routines. Kepa diligently allowed walls to come down and actively allowed Sezeke to properly father her, authority she typically would resist against, though in this season of her life, the true-north guidance was beyond welcomed.

"Kippy," Sezeke mumbled sweetly as he gently broadened from his downward lean into the fridge, he pulled out a thing of coffee creamer and gave his daughter a loving smile, "Coffee?"

"Please," Kepa whimpered, her eyes were alive with fresh tears, Sezeke nodded and prepared the coffee maker.

He moved in slow, methodical easiness, the nature of his kind was that of nesting, brooding tenderness, as opposed to the stereotypical, hot-headed, fiery mess dragons would usually be paired with. His energy was like still water, a flow that allowed Kepa to feel free to express everything on her heart with ease. She sat at the island with what was becoming routine; she'd crawl from her bedroom late morning with fresh tears, Sezeke would soothe her soul with reassurance, they'd discuss their past ailments together and finish a few cups of coffee with the dainty suggestion of just what they were to do with the day ahead. She whimpered a noise of sorrowful grief and shoved her face into the big, billowy sleeves that she sagged her hands into. She grimaced a small noise and, although she was prepared to cutely unload to her father about everything on her heart, the obvious that was torturing her, she started with a newer notion, this time.

"Dad, I don't want this to go away, too," Kepa quietly whimpered into her hands, to which Sezeke gently halted the motion of pouring water into the coffee maker, he threw his stunned gaze over his shoulder.

"...You mean this? Us?" Sezeke perked up, he donned a wide, fang-filled grin, muttered a sweet, guffawing notion and set the jug of water down, so to begin approaching Kepa. He tsked her a noise as her sweet cries continued on, and as he approached her, he opened his arms for her as she sat at the stool, at the kitchen island, "C'mere..."

"I can't stand being abandoned again, please don't leave me," Kepa cried as she unravelled and allowed the scoop of Sezeke's arms to embrace her with an upward snug of cocooning force. Sezeke tenderly shushed her and stroked the back of her lovely hair.

"Never, never," Sezeke whispered in full confidence, he pressed a firm few kisses into her forehead and leaned his head away, so to look into her eyes. Although he was diligently certain in giving her space to cry, he understood that she had been doing an overabundance of it, and it was beginning to take huger hits on her mental health. With a firm press, he lovingly swept his bigger hand across the side of her face and hair, he began to fervently pet the side of her head, all down her lovely ear, her soft pink hair, he narrowed his gaze and was thrilled she finally peeled her wet eyes opened and peered up to him in desperation, "I know Flint definitely started this trend, then the game got unplugged... I think the nail in the coffin was Gideon leaving... I understand how you'd think this is all just a sick game of repeating trauma, huh."

"Yeah," She whimpered in a grimace of crumpling, she choked a cry and sagged her cheek into Sezeke's chest, over his heart.

She grappled her arms about his center and wept, weeping she was sure was something due to swallowing her whole for the rest of her life. She couldn't ever imagine another day where crying wasn't included, her heart was broken into a million pieces that Sezeke's presence could only provide bandaids for. Although better than absolutely nothing, she knew Gideon's departure, never enduring his wild, fiery spirit ever again, his romantic notions, the wide open arms of acceptance her soul had ever had the honor of experiencing, she knew without a single doubt there'd never be anything quite like it, ever again. Sezeke continued to patiently pet her hair, he stood still, unwavering, unconditional love, he promised he'd stand here with her until he died of starvation, he'd do anything to assure her his feet were planted.

"No one is ever going to hurt you ever again," Sezeke whispered in promise as he lulled his eyes closed, "You and I share the same grief... We both have lost lovers, the hardest part about all of this is... We will never know if they're alive or not. Just because Gideon won, just because Flint merely SAID he wouldn't lay a finger on your mother... We only have each other to rely on, from here on out."

"I'm so glad you understand," Kepa staggered through tears, her arms trembled, she had grown skinny, and though Sezeke did what he could to convince her to eat, there would be stretches of days where she wouldn't. Kepa squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, "I never got to tell him how I truly feel..."

"Y'know," Sezeke started, he inhaled a huge, deep breath and lulled his eyes closed, "I know, in times like these, it's hard to assume things will ever go right, ever again, but... You and I both know the universe works in our favor. It's in our name."

"Favor," Kepa repeated through a whimper, her official last name, though only freshly a permanent thing added to her coding. She sagged out of Sezeke's chest and wiped her nose with the back of her hand, "How is manifesting even possible if you can't bring yourself to positive thoughts, papa..."

"That's toxic positivity talking," Sezeke whispered, he grunted and pulled over the other stool so to sit and meet her eye level. He wore a lazy black t-shirt and sweats, both beings were crowned with sleepy, low-flying days to come, though Sezeke narrowed his sweet gaze, grunted to a sit and held Kepa's hands in his, between their laps, "Do you ever have intrusive thoughts, and then worry that the universe will play off of those thoughts? That you'll manifest the horrible thoughts you sometimes can't control?"

"All the time," Kepa murmured in defeat, she sighed through the gape of her mouth and peered to her father with drooped ears.

"Those aren't your intentions, the universe is well aware that you and I don't have negative intentions... Sometimes, experiences hit us to the ground and keep us down, but you have every intention to feel the sun again, don't you?" Sezeke wondered gently, he sweetly tucked her messy pink hair behind her bigger ear, Kepa nodded, "You're a feeling being, full of all sorts of energies. It's only right you have an ebb and flow, the universe has this as well."

Kepa peered hard into her father's wise, alluring gaze and patiently awaited his notions, he inhaled a steady breath and looked as if his soul was beginning to ignite with ideas, notions Kepa's shivering heart so desperately awaited, guidance she was prepared to succumb to.

"Manifesting is possible inside every season of life... You manifested sunshine prior to this mess, you were a squatter, at your lowest, yet you looked up," Sezeke narrowed his gaze and leaned into Kepa's sweet face with a hiss of furthering love, "You believed."

"The lighthouse," Kepa cued as huge tears spilled down her cheeks, freely, she long-blinked with the sighing sag of her shoulders and a grimace of promised weeping to come, "Dad, I can't... I can't do this. I can't put my hopes into manifesting Gideon home, I can't mess with free will, you know this."

"It's not messing with free will, it's a beacon of a reminder, it's a toss of a white flag, a call outwards and upwards. He's answered that call before, hasn't he?" Sezeke stated with humming confidence, he shook his head and looked down to their hands, "Kepa... Everything you've ever heard about Game Over being a luxurious thing to win, treated like Kings afterwards, that's all false. I can't speak for Gideon, I can't speak for your mother or your sister, but... I can promise you, they're in some form of hell. The winners aren't treated like celebrities. They're feared, people flee their presence... I may not know Gideon nearly as well as you do, but, that doesn't sound like Gideon, does it?"

"Not at all," Kepa whimpered as she grit her teeth and looked down to their hands as well.

"I have a proposal, a ritual of release that we need," Sezeke started with clarity, "We need healing, we need to release this sorrow and leave it up to the lighthouse."

"I don't want to see the lighthouse," Kepa complained in whining, teary debate, Sezeke shook his head and lulled his patient gaze closed.

"It's time, my love... This is the only way we're going to be able to move forward, this is the only way we're going to be able to release that literal and proverbial beacon of light out into the air, a beacon of light not only for Gideon, but for Callum as well," Sezeke pressed fervently, "This is for everyone's healing, but on the off chance that the throws of beams miraculously reaches both boys, especially Gideon... A master at manifesting, a master at intuition, he's as sharp as they come... It's a shred of a chance we'd be foolish not to at least TRY. At the very least, it'll benefit our process of moving forward."

"I just don't want to go inside the lighthouse, it's too difficult," Kepa whimpered, though she shrugged and bobbed a nod as Sezeke kindly adhered to her boundary, "I'd be willing to light the lamp with you... You think Lash would be okay with us stationing the lighthouse right on the outskirts of the courtyard walls? The ocean is on the other side of it, anyways."

"I've already asked his permission, to which he granted," Sezeke soothed with snarky knowing as he tucked some of Kepa's hair behind her bigger cat ear, once more. She scoffed an annoyed little chuckle, rolled her eyes and looked off with a smirk, "Do you remember that big fight your mother and I got into, a few weeks before we were all separated?"

"Yeah," Kepa murmured as she curiously peered into her father's gaze. Although Elkuorra and Sezeke were a tightly woven bond of love, Kepa recalled their arguments. Like any couple, theirs stood out in the notions of diligent healing afterwards, diligent promise that nothing would break them. There was one big fight in particular that had Kepa's memories rushing her with realization, "Ohh, right... You guys cut each other's hair."

"You remember how I feel about it," Sezeke mumbled as he sat back a little, though as the notion hit Kepa head on, she watched as her father pulled from behind his back his incredibly long, dark silver hair, all tidily braided down his spine. It was at least four feet long, an insane length of hair he now held in both of his clawed hands, almost out before Kepa. He heaved a trembling sigh and peered tight into Kepa's now prickled, understanding gaze, "I haven't cut my hair since. Hair holds the energy of your experiences... Every last fiber of your wins and losses. I think it's time we start fresh, here."

"Cut our hair?" Kepa gently wove her claws into her matted, messy pink hair and choked a nasally giggle, "I've given up taking care of it, because of this mess, so... I think chopping it all off would be something I'd welcome. You, on the other hand, dad this is like a decade of growth, you sure about this?"

"I'm sure," Sezeke sighed as he looked down to his healthy, lovely dark hair, so cleanly woven into the thick braid it was in. He smiled into Kepa's eyes and bobbed a nod, "Fresh cuts, fresh start, use our fire to light the lighthouse's lamp once and for all. It's what Gideon would want, it's what we need to heal from this. A reminder of hope, to carry on when it's darkest."

Kepa exhaled a trembling breath through her nose and processed her father's wise words and ideas. All of this was something she was equally floored to participate in and terrified to even so much as leave her house, let alone chop her hair off and send the beams out into the black. She squeezed her eyes shut and understood having hope was all they had to their name, the notion of praying the universe truly would work in their favor, her ultimate wish for either Gideon's true, genuine happiness, a full return home was something she could get on board with manifesting, with desiring. The selfless ability to set aside just what she'd want for this situation, and understand that Gideon had simply set out on a journey to find himself. Although the desire of her heart would be that he circled back and realized he had lost himself in Kepa, she finally revisited her father's gaze and understood she had to let go, she had to understand that if this was all truly hers, it'd return home.

"Let's do it," Kepa whispered in clarified certainty with a nod, to which Sezeke beamed in trembling nervousness.

"That's my girl," Sezeke chirped quietly, he gently nudged Kepa's arm and brought himself to a stand, "I'll make the coffee... You prepare the bathroom."

"Fur's about to fly, hope you understand," Kepa murmured with a giggle, a foreign feeling hit her, one of a glint of promised happiness, and as she temporarily left her father's presence, she could feel the burning, sunny embodiment of Gideon's love deep down, love she was well aware had the power to prevail, no matter how dark the night got.