Chapter 15

At the end of the day, he walked to his ward to let his team know that he was knocking off for the day and to bleep him if it was an emergency, then wandered off to Oncology to see Nicky.

He stood the door and watched her sleeping, she looked a lot better already. She had and IV. drip in her arm and noticed she was hooked up to a heart monitor. Dr Wilson was taking no chances, he smiled to himself. He stared at the steady rhythm of her heartbeat on the monitor and could see she was resting peacefully.

He jumped as Cameron's voice broke into his thoughts. "Is she okay?"

He rolled his eyes at her, "Yeah. Anything the matter?"

She shook her head and continued to look at Nicky.

"Well, what are you doing here then?"

"I brought you this." She handed him a large cup of coffee, "I thought you could use it."

He was thrown but thanked her, gratefully taking and sipping it appreciatively.

"Dr House, can I ask you something?" Cameron said quietly.

He nodded, although he was wary of what was coming next.

"What is it about Nicky that attracted you to her?"

He rolled his eyes, this again, he thought.

"Just look at her," House said, his middle finger pointing to Nicky the rest of them still wrapped around the coffee cup. "She's beautiful, smart, intelligent, lovely…" He was smiling as he thought of all the words that would fit her description right now.

But Cameron cut him off, "Alright, I get it," she said, "but she's disfigured, how can she be beautiful?"

"In what way is she disfigured, Cameron?" House said, his anger rising.

"Well," she stammered, "she's had surgery and no reconstruction afterwards, so it can't be pretty."

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that beauty came from within?" House snapped. "Anyway, how do you know that? You must have pulled her records."

She had the decency to look ashamed.

"You think that because you're pretty, I should fall for someone like you, is that it?" House said. Cameron's eyes flew up to his as she waited for him to go on. "It's never going to happen, sweetheart, Nicky is and always will be the woman that I want. You don't even come close."

"Is it because you're both damaged?" Cameron insisted.

House laughed sardonically, "No. That's just a coincidence, and anyway, Nicky's not damaged."

He noticed that Nicky was stirring, he handed the coffee back to Cameron and opened the door quickly, striding over to her and leaving Cameron to it.

He touched Nicky's hair and gently kissed her forehead, "Hey," he whispered.

"Hey," Nicky said quietly, "how about a hug?"

He collapsed the side rails and climbed onto the bed then took her in his arms and held her close, all the time they were watched by Cameron as tears filled her eyes.

"It's dark," Nicky said looking over to the window.

"Yeah, and it's raining too," House replied.

"Can you open the blinds so I can watch the rain?" Nicky asked.

He smiled and opened the blinds, as he walked back over to the bed, he caught sight of Cameron ducking behind a pillar. If that's how she gets her kicks, let her torture herself he thought. He climbed back on the bed and settled Nicky in his arms once more.

"I've always loved watching the rain," Nicky said dreamily. "I think I'll write that in the diary, what do you think?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea," House said quietly as he kissed the top of her head for what must have been the twentieth time already.

True to Dr Wilson's word, Nicky was discharged the next day, he even took her home.

"So this is your place," he said looking around as he shut the door behind him.

"Coffee?" Nicky asked.

"I'd love some," Wilson replied, parking himself on her sofa.

She handed him the coffee and looked at him expectantly, she knew he had something on his mind.

Wilson knew he was rumbled and smiled at her knowingly.

"Spit it out, James," she said breaking into a smile.

He sipped his coffee, biding for time for a moment. "It's you and Greg," he started.

"And?"

"Well, he had his heart broken once and I don't know how he'd cope if it happened again."

"Are you saying I should stop seeing him in case I break his heart?" Nicky said incredulously. "Because if you are, you'd better leave right now. I don't have the energy for this, you of all people should know that."

"No, I'm not saying that at all," Wilson said backing off slightly. "All I'm saying is be gentle with him, he's still bitter, if that's the right word."

"He's a grown up, for God's sake," Nicky said, "he wants to take a chance with me, and I want the same." She sipped her tea for a moment, the smell of coffee turned her stomach right now, then added, "We've both been hurt in the past, but we've moved on now. I was terrified that this was going to end up the same way as the last time, but Greg is different, he's seen the scar, he knows what's ahead and he's living it with me, it's what he wants.

"You don't know what it's like living with cancer, James, you may treat it day in and day out, but you haven't actually lived with it or someone who has it, have you?" He shook his head and she carried on, "It's terrifying, I know I could be dying and I'm literally fighting for my life every single day. Then Greg came along, the timing couldn't have been more perfect," she smiled ironically, "and then I was frightened of letting go, getting in too deep, even getting hurt and yes, hurting him. I'm terrified of dying even more now, because I don't want to leave him, I want to spend every moment with him."

The tears flowed down her cheeks unchecked and Wilson's heart went out to her. He was shaken although he'd heard it all before, he'd never from someone he cared about, and he realised right now, that he really cared about Nicky and what she was going through. She was scared, but also in love, he could see it.

"And I'm going to my hardest to make that happen for you, Nicky," Wilson said gently. He hugged her tightly and she sighed, sounding relieved.

"Look, I've got something for you to read," Nicky said quietly. She got up and took a thick journal and a smaller one out of a drawer. "They are diaries of what it was like last time." She handed it to him and he took it like it was going to disintegrate at his touch. "It's all in there, what I felt like when I was first diagnosed, right up until I beat it. My ex husband kept one too," she said pointing to the smaller one, "well up until the time we split up. It's sometimes not pretty, but it as good as covers everything."

He opened hers and turned a couple of pages, snatching a couple of lines here and there and felt a need to read it all in one go. When he dragged his eyes away, she was looking at him expectantly, but he didn't know what to say.

Eventually he said, "I've got to go."

She knew that within the hour, he'd be locked away in his office reading just how raw emotions ran when a cancer sufferer was having treatment and how hard it really was for those closest.