Reviews :
Firesong-Writes : THANK YOU omg yes, I... ADORE Sezeke, I didn't think he'd turn out to have such a huge part of my heart, but his name is literally this whole story, his turn around is the reason for the name of it all. As for his and Gideon's little chat... Gideon's lucky Elkuorra was present, let's just say lmao. She's a nice buffer for the frustration that comes about. True, Gideon deserves it, but Sezeke is just a ball of spines with the gooiest center and can't stay upset for long. Uhg I love him, I can't wait for you guys to get deeper into the chapters, he has some solid expository scenes, dolling wisdom left and right. He's a good papa for sure.
*Song Listened To*
My Whole Life for This by CHPTRS (first half)
Started with You by CHPTRS (last half)
Every song CHPTRS has made has hit me right in the feels so please go listen to their music, it is incredibly beautiful, even if it is xtain music.
*Chapter 166*
In the warbles of her endless dreaming, easy tosses of coming in and out of simply going with the flow, Ora felt her soul suddenly come alive with light. Like an eruption of lava, as if to be kissed by ten thousand suns, she jolted in electric paralysis and felt as if she had every single shred of understanding of her new best friend, every single envelope of warmth and love suddenly delivered into heart from the universe above, she did everything in her power to suck in the hugest breath and jolt herself clear from her slumber. With said eruption and gasp of a tight inhale, she lurched to an upward sit and suddenly blurt out in said tight, near-scream of a gasping inhale and came face to face with Jukkit's equally as terrified holler of full fear. Ora sucked in air and heavily gasped as she bugged her eyes and urgently peered about her now conscious surroundings. Their dim sprawl of a living room was quiet and only consisted of her and Jukkit, who looked entirely rocked from the face of the internet. The two sat loosely on the couch together, and though Ora had drifted into slumber, Jukkit was previously lazily sat with her, doom-scrolling through meme forums.
"Ora, holy fucking shit, what is your problem!?" Jukkit suddenly erupted, though Ora trembled and urgently began to source Gideon, she gestured her arms outwards and suddenly flung the heavy couch blanket off of her, one that Jukkit had sneakily shared with her.
"Gideon! Gideon," Ora erupted with a choke, she grunted and struggled to get to a stand from their big, billowy white couch and mess of blankets.
"H-He's on the balcony with Albar, did you have a nightmare?" Jukkit's voice trembled having been totally rocked silly due to her suddenness, paired with her terrifying eyes and demeanor as is, he clutched his chest and did everything to try and calm himself down, "Jesus Christ, Ora, don't ever do that again, what the actual fuck, I nearly peed myself."
"Dream, dream," Ora corrected due to Jukkit's question about her having a nightmare, she finally wobbled to her feet with a stomp, got up off the couch she shared with Jukkit and urgently scrambled about the furniture in a dedicated line of action to the balcony.
"Well can you tell me about it? You're just running away after taking proverbial years off my life?" Jukkit erupted in trembling laughter as Ora grappled the balcony door's sliding glass handles and grunted to pull such a heavy door open.
"Later, for Gideon," Ora urged cutely, she pressed out onto their vast balcony and began to urgently cross the blackened tiles.
Gideon and Albar sat on their deck's cozy outdoor furniture. A main outdoor deck with a low black ceiling, the whole of it overlooked the arena, as did the view from their lobby, the same view nearly every room in the house had. The arena was dark and still, it was clear that even though this whole city didn't technically sleep, and time really couldn't be deciphered, it was obvious this was a down point of the day or night. Ora quickly pressed across the cooler black tiles, their deck was at least fifty feet in length, a huge terrace that they collected in to smoke and relax. As Ora approached Gideon and Albar, who were cemented to their cozy outdoor furniture and halfway finished with big blunts they held onto, Ora scurried up to Gideon and was glad to get their lazy slug of eye contact.
"Ora," Albar cued kindly, though Ora urgently gestured to Gideon.
"Dream, BIG dream," Ora started, she was out of breath, she was far more animated than usual, and such show of animation had Gideon flinching in the slug of trying to come to terms with Ora's sober words. He choked a nervous giggle and sat up a bit straighter, he fervently long-blinked his heavy red eyes and squinted in the hopes that it'd somehow help him hear Ora better. She spread her arms out wide, brought them back to her heart and them sprawled them, once more, "BIG light, big sunshine."
"... Is this charades, O?" Gideon gently wondered, he choked a small giggle, though such little cue of giggling might as well have been him striking the flint. Albar began to erupt into laughter, as well, which only caused Gideon's giggling to broaden. The deck sung with boyish laughter as Ora sagged her arms and began to look desperate, though she definitely did what she could to hide her smile, as well. Gideon firmly rubbed his eyes, he was careful of the piercing on the bridge of his nose due to it still being en-route to healing, "Ohh, no, Ora, I'm WAY too stoned for this, I can't..."
"Listen," Ora urged, she gently gripped Gideon's arm and now seemed desperate for Gideon's attention. He flinched and allowed his slow gaze to peer up to her. She urgently stepped back, gestured her arms out in both directions, once more, and shook her head as if to wonder what he could possibly not be understanding about this, "BIG light, sunlight. Big fire breath, phone call."
Albar was now lost in laughter that wheezed out of his big body. He lay half slumped in his chair and covered his face with his paw, he finally ended up choking on his own spit, to which Gideon did whatever he could to quell the contagious laughter that they each fed off of. He could tell Ora was serious, here, so he did what he could to sober up and allow Ora to know that he was taking her seriously, though he wondered if her words would even make sense if he wasn't stoned half to death.
"Ora, what is going on?" Albar wheezed, he wiped his eyes and tossed his narrowed gaze to Gideon in full confusion, "Do YOU know what she means?"
"No, not at all, seriously, O. Big light? What does that mean?" Gideon snorted a giggle and erupted, once more, to which Ora finally slumped her arms and tossed her eyes out to the scenery before her.
Darkened scenery, though she narrowed her gaze and could so simply see the structure of the lighthouse in her mind's eye. She furrowed her brow and had no idea what to even call this structure, she had no clue what to name it, the only thing she knew was that it was an eruption of light, a beacon of a call, indefinitely made for Gideon's greater good. She grit her teeth and gestured her arms, she knew she couldn't give up.
"Like... Tall," Ora urged, she gestured to her chest, once more, right over her heart, though she finally stiffened and stood in a frozen, awkward T-pose. It wasn't until she started twirling did Albar and Gideon explode into laughter they absolutely could not contain. Ora swung out of her twirling and hugely rolled her eyes in the downswing of understanding that explaining this was going to take time, how the hell she was going to get this all across was now something she had no clue how to do. After a few moments of Albar's and Gideon's long-gone laughter, Ora finally stiffened her lip and laid a hefty swat into the side of Gideon's upper arm, to which he flinched and choked a small laugh of nervous, stinging pain, "Listen! BIG light, huge!"
"Ow, my tattoos are still tender," Gideon cried through the tears of his laughter as he scrunched his shoulders and cupped the back of his upper arm, where fresh tattoos still lay in finalized healing.
"Big, tall sunshine," Albar whimpered, he wiped his eyes and shook his head, "Hey, at least it's something to do. Y'got a target on your back after that one fiasco with Coz, though. So maybe I'll try and decode Ora, from here on out, and you do your best to not get jumped by Coz and crew."
"Time," Ora huffed in defeat, she knew this was incredibly important, such a huge dollop of universal energy her massive satellite dish of intuition grappled to, she knew she was the one to deliver it to the right recipient. She knew this was all mean to get through, and though she was frustrated that she'd have to play a never-ending game of charades to get Gideon to truly understand and receive this heavy message so full of love, a bounty so full of desperation and desire, she sighed and began to step away, only temporarily giving up, "Next time..."
"Until next time, O," Albar choked into laughter, once more, though Gideon cocked an eyebrow, wiped his eyes of tears and curiously watched her leave.
"I may have only been here for about a month, but I don't think I've ever seen Ora so animated, like that," Gideon muttered, he lulled his eyes closed and was rocketed into another giggle fit that Albar quickly fell into, as well. Gideon wheezed a whimpering, smiling conclusion as he clutched his chest and allowed louder laughter to coat their portion of the arena, cold walls sung with unfamiliar happiness, "Holy shit that was the funniest thing I've seen in so long!"
"It was good, whatever the hell it meant," Albar's laughter melted into Gideon's, and though the crew on the balcony was too far gone to receive Ora's message, it was clear she was due to now stopping at nothing to desperately get the point across.
Bigger feet that pressed through Sugar Rush's grass, Ralph's swollen eyes aimlessly watched his feet carry on. The wind rustled his messy auburn hair about, he inhaled a deep breath his rib cage could hardly afford. He tossed his eyes up and felt his heart surge with the same hit of remembrance that came to him daily, the remembrance that his precious fourth born was long gone. It was enough to take his legs out from under him, every time he had to allow Gideon's name spill through his mind, the heartbreak was enough to ensure Ralph that laying down and never getting back up would just be easier than enduring the idea that his precious brood would never be the same, ever again. Although these thoughts hung over him, as he neared Rancis's little home on the outskirts of Orion City, he heaved a shaky breath and tried to keep tears from collecting in his tired eyes.
He was eternally angry at this entire situation, the whole of it was fair to no one, though he knew Rancis was out here all by himself, suffering with little to no support. Ralph knew Rancis had clawed his way from the depths of a horrible life, as he did, both men did everything in their power to raise good children, and though somewhere along the lines, they both failed, however permanent or temporary this felt. Ralph knew Rancis needed him, he knew it was time to bury the hatchet and hopefully move on to healing, together. With the thunk of big knuckles on Rancis's warm front door all splashed with Sugar Rush's Sunday morning sunshine, Ralph patiently stepped back and awaited the croak of Rancis's front door, and with said slow and nervous croak, Ralph sucked in a trembling breath at the sheer sight of Rancis's sunken, exhausted, defeated face, Ralph was certain he likely looked the exact same, to Rancis, as well.
"Hey," Ralph huffed, his voice clipped a choke of an inhale as he bobbed a nod, looked off and already showed frustration over the fact that he was getting emotional. Ralph firmly rubbed the back of his head and cleared his throat, he tossed Rancis a humbled look and staggered a shy notion out into the wind, "We should talk, huh."
"Yeah," Rancis whispered with a nod and a stiffened upper lip, and with ease Ralph was eternally grateful for, Rancis swung his front door open and happily allowed Ralph to come inside.
Although small and obviously built for someone Rancis's size, his little abode was very palace-esque and was clearly built by Tessa, her handiwork was everywhere in the architecture, a signature style she breathed into the life of Sugar Rush's beautiful glory. Rancis's little one bedroom home was tidy, it was clear Rancis was at least doing okay, though with the way he physically looked, Ralph understood everyone was in the same boat. Everyone had lost substantial amount of weight, and though a group meeting suggested often coding-resets, the group came to the conclusion that allowing the ebb and flow of mental and physical grief was wiser than erasing the pain and acting like nothing was wrong. Due to not letting anything get out of hand, this unfortunately left everyone looking rather boney and disheveled. Rancis's eyes were sunken, his jaw looked a bit more structured and prominent, his shoulders peaked with heftier clavicles, as did Ralph's. Rancis gently gestured for Ralph to sit nearby, his couch was big enough to support him. As Ralph gently grunted to a sit, Rancis took the other bend of the couch and sat adjacent to Ralph with the slouch of his elbows to his knees, the hang of his hands between his spread knees and thighs, Rancis sighed a nasally sigh and bobbed a small nod as both men hovered in tender silence with one another.
"I, uh..." Ralph started, he croaked a shaky little laugh and firmly rubbed his face, "I promised myself I'd make it out of this conversation without crying."
"Don't, man, I'm certainly not going to, you know you aren't either," Rancis's deep voice croaked in hoarse exhaustion, he heaved a shaky breath through his nose and shrugged, "We both lost our sons. There's no way around it."
"I-I just came over here to apologize, Ranc," Ralph grunted, he grimaced as big tears spilled down his cheeks, he glanced in Rancis's direction and crumpled, "We've been through thick and thin and... This past month, I've abandoned you."
"No, Ralph, it's... It's okay," Rancis started through a trembling chuckle as his eyes also welled with tears, he cleared his throat, shook his head and looked down with a crumple of grimacing as well.
"It's not okay," Ralph huffed darkly, "You didn't ask Callum to do any of this. We both allowed their feelings to go unheard and they ran away with the pain of it all. The very least I could've done was reminded you that we're family and that I wouldn't abandon you, but I failed you. Please forgive me."
"It's okay," Rancis staggered as tears also spilled down his cheeks, "Ralph, I... I would go back and get this whole thing under control if I could, I'd wrangle the issues right out of Callum, I'd sit him down and expand on it until it was no longer an issue... None of this would've leaked over to Gideon had I been more attentive. Wren has stopped talking to me, due to it..."
"Yeah, my kids aren't nearly as angry with me, but... We've all fallen apart, Oliver hasn't said a single word to any of us since last Saturday," Ralph struggled to get words out, he inhaled a thick, shaky breath and shook his head, "It starts with us, Rancis... We have to pull everyone back together, we have to grieve together. All of us grieving separately isn't healthy."
"I can't go back to the palace," Rancis whimpered, he covered his face and grimaced a small cry into his palm, "I-I can't go back... Even with permission, I'm wrought with guilt. I can't do it, I can hardly face you let alone Vanellope, that my child just... Allowed all this to happen, goaded Gideon to Game Over, and then... I had the audacity to feel the urge to cover for him."
"I'd feel the knee-jerk reaction to do the same, Ranc," Ralph muttered sorrowfully, he shrugged and shook his head, "He's your baby, you'd do anything for them..."
"I would," Rancis squeaked nervously, he coughed and desperately cleared his throat, "I don't know how to get my kids to feel like they're enough, without powers, if I, myself, don't feel like I'm enough without powers. Living in a palace full of people who have incredible abilities, watching your babies grow up feeling useless, it's... Defeating."
"I never put myself in your shoes," Ralph mumbled, he looked about Rancis's cozy little home, sunlight glinted in, a kiss of warm hope, "I never thought about anyone but myself. Even with Gideon, the poor thing was desperate for a different type of attention, attention he was desperately spelling out for us, and we looked up and acted as if we didn't speak his language."
"We've failed," Rancis croaked tiredly, "What do you do when you fail and there's no revival? How the hell are we supposed to pick up and move on? There's no way, the guilt is too much."
"I don't think it's possible," Ralph mumbled tiredly as he shook his head and lulled his eyes closed, "It's... Gunna be a long road of this pain, but I don't want you to be out here enduring it all by yourself, Rancis, please come home... Please."
"I can't," Rancis whimpered, he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, "Zed temporarily took me off the roster, I don't see anyone but Taffyta and Penny... I can't go home, I can't."
"Then I'll be over here every day, dammit, I can't have you just out here all by yourself, Rancis," Ralph grunted in full frustration as Rancis sagged and peered his wet eyes tight into Ralph's. Ralph crumpled and rubbed his face, "You're my brother, Rancis, I can't... I can't just allow another person I love to fall through the cracks. I can't."
Rancis bobbed a nod and tearfully looked off as both men silently came unglued, though he flinched as Ralph got to a firm stand, grappled Rancis's shoulder, yanked him up to his feet and swallowed him into the hugest hug. Rancis gripped his arms about Ralph's chest as best as he could, both men clutched onto each other with the truest form of tender apology, whispery cries into each other's shoulders, both having lost the youngest pieces of themselves, though somehow the largest. The hugest hit ever felt in the whole span of their lives, Ralph finally pulled from Rancis and firmly gripped his shoulder.
"I don't care if you get tired of me, I don't care if I lose more sleep, I'm going to come over every day so you don't have to endure this by yourself, okay?" Ralph staggered, he wiped his face and desperately tried to collect himself, as did Rancis. Gratefully, Rancis bobbed a nod and heaved in a huge breath to also try and desperately collect himself, both men hovered tight to each other's presence, a swathe of desperation laid upon the land, a desperation to keep Sugar Rush in tact as best as they could, "I don't care what we talk about, we can just sit here and cry in secrecy, I don't even care. All I know is... I know what it's like to endure pain like this, alone. Back when I thought I lost my children, Vanellope, Taffyta, Sugar Rush, I had to sit in my home game ALONE, and just... Cried, in ruin. I'm not going to let you endure that pain by yourself."
"Thank you, Ralph," Rancis wheezed sorrowfully, he shook his head and rubbed his forehead, "I don't deserve this kindness."
"Yes you do," Ralph corrected with a nod and heaved a long sigh, "I needed to ignore you for a bit. I was angry at you, but... There's no sense. We endure this together, like family does."
Rancis bobbed a firm nod as the two glued together in another squeeze of a hug, and though Rancis felt as if this was the worst thing that has ever happened to him, to his extended family, to Sugar Rush, he marinated in Ralph's fervent desire to keep everyone glued, the fervent desire to hold fast and pray for a miracle. He knew everyone was hurting in some way, shape or form, and the best thing to do was to not compare hurt, to not boast about who could possibly be hurting worse. Held gripped in a final gloss of forgiveness, Sugar Rush sung with renewal, the final push they needed to finally try and attempt the long, harrowing journey of healing and grieving, to allow loved ones to finally come around and soothe wounds, it was all Ralph ever wanted for the brood him and his original crew had so meticulously and lovingly brought into this world.
