Title: Thoughts in the night chapter Seven

Author: Dís Thráinsdotter

Disclaimer: I don't own Tolkien´s characters, I merely borrow them.

Summary: Glóin sits thinking about his life one night when he can't sleep. Post Hobbit but before LotR.

As much as I would like to say that I trusted Bilbo Baggins all the time I have to tell the truth even to myself, and the truth is that I didn't trust him during most of the journey. But on the other hand I wasn't sure that we would be able to make the journey and get our home back in the first place. My wide Nei, Thórin´s sister Dis and the other women doubted that it would be possible to do it even though Dis was willing to allow her sons, Fili and Kili to go with us and she told her brother that he had better take care of them or she would kill him. I didn't allow my own son, Gimli, to go with us even though he pleaded with both Thórin Oakenshield and Gandalf to be allowed to go with us. He was no more than 62 years old and thought himself ready for anything but I didn't agree with him, much to his anger. I was however able to convince my son to remain in our home in the Blue Mountains and it was with relief I waved goodbye to him as we left.

One thing that was on my mind while we went into the mountains was what Gandalf had said in Bilbo´s house. He said that he had found our King, Thráin II, in the dungeons of the Necromancer and it had been a shock, particularly for Balin to hear it. During the days that followed, I sometimes saw tears in Balin´s eyes and on one occasion he said while Bilbo slept "I should have searched longer, maybe I would have found him". But Thórin told him that he shouldn't accuse himself for what had happened, had he gone any further chances would have been that he would have been taken prisoner himself and either forced to watch as Thráin was tormented or tormented himself while Thráin was forced to watch, and that would have been worse. But I could see that it didn't take away the feeling of guilt from Balin and finally Thórin told him that he was blameless and that not even Thráin would have accused him of anything. "You did seek for my father, and almost was taken prisoner by the Orcs if I remember what you said then rightly" Thórin told him "there was nothing you could have done".

The most hair-raising part of it came when a thunderstorm forced all of us into a cave. Fili and Kili had checked it before they told us about it and when we came there Gandalf also checked it carefully. He found it to be satisfactory but didn't allow any fire in there. My brother and I thought that it could be useful with a fire but Gandalf didn't agree with us, and now that I think back on it. I would have to agree with him. Mahal knows what would have happened if we had lit a fire in what turned out to be the Goblins Front Porch, no doubt we would all have been caught and that would have been horrible. It became horrible enough as it did, with all of us except Gandalf taken captive by the Goblins and forced to go into the mountain. I have nightmares at times about the passages of the Goblins, their singing and their whips on our backs. I managed to bite back the yelps most of the time but others were jammering and bleating as we came into the cavern.

When they tied our hands behind our backs, linked us in a line and forced us across the floor over to the Great Goblin I thought I heard Thórin saying that if the Goblin chief recognised him we would all be in trouble, but I could see on the slump of his shoulders that he didn't have much hope that we weren't recognised by them, he in particular. And so it was, he didn't give his father's name when he named himself as Thórin the Dwarf but their chief still named him with his surname and told him that he knew too much about us. I guess we all held our breath when Thórin gave an explanation as to what we were doing, he told us later that he hadn't had the faintest idea what to say when the truth wasn't accepted, but when one of them showed Thórin´s sword we all gasped. The Orcs were clearly displeased to see it, and if we had been hated before we were even more hated by them when they realised what the sword was.

I thought that I would never see my wife or my children ever again when the fire and torches went out, the Goblin chief was killed and a voice told us to follow it. Running for what felt like ages, stumbling on snags in the floor and jerked by the people before or after me doing it we stopped and found, much to our relief that Gandalf had rescued us. Not that he had much time to explain things but we did get a bit of rest as the chains were cut of us and what a relief it was. I honestly had never felt so afraid as I did when we ran through the passages, slightly lit by the staff Gandalf held so we could see where we were going. Fighting the Goblins wasn't easy, particularly when we had to fight them in the dark but we were able to get out and find a place where we could rest. It was when we had caught our breaths that we realised that we were one man short, the Burglar was missing. While we were discussing what to do, Balin didn't take part in that discussion as he was on watch duty, Bilbo returned to us. He had been lying unconscious for a while and found the way out only after having had a riddle competition with a most horrible creature. The most amazing thing was that he was able to sneak up on us without even Balin noticing that he was there, and no one had ever been able to do that before. While I listened to Bilbo telling his tale of how he had been able to get out of that horrible place. I suddenly realised that there was more to him than I had previously thought.

TBC