A/N: I do not know why I'm writing this story. It is sick and twisted and wrong. I do know, however, that I do not own Resident Evil. Or Jill. Or Avon. How cool would that be, though?
Jill Valentine was a whiny, stubborn little bitch. It was dark out. So she whined. It was raining. So she cried. And some fucking weird dog thing was chasing after her. So she flipped it off. You see, Jill was never one to think things through before she did them. To most people, flipping off a half-dead dog thing that was already chasing you would be a bad idea. But, unfortunately, Jill was a giant pile of cunt and did not understand such things. Anyway.
Jill ran from the creepy-ass dog for about a mile before coming to a clearing. She looked around the clearing and saw what appeared to be a mansion. Now, Jill has something known as a fetish for large houses, so she peed a little bit in awe.
Jill walked up to the house and reapplied her makeup and straightened her hair. Then she daintily knocked. As she waited for a response, she got out her products for sale. Jill, being the stupid little motherfucker she is, didn't realize that the creepy old house in the middle of nowhere was abandoned. What a retard. So she did the only thing a sensible person would do.
She walked inside.
"HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THIS IS AVON CALLING, AND HAVE WE GOT DEALS FOR YOU!" Jill screamed at no one.
Yes. Jill Shanaenae Valentine worked for Avon, and was a door-to-door salestranny. And boy was she horny.
When no one answered her obnoxious shouting, she took it as a sign that she should find whoever owned this house and fuck the living daylights outta them… I mean, sell them Avon jewelry and such.
She turned around towards the front door in one super-cool 180 move, and saw that dumbfuck dog there. Although, in this light, it looked… rather attractive. Sexy, even, Jill thought. She seductively walked toward the door. "Hey baby… You wanna treat?" Jill said, pulling up her leg sleeve to reveal a leg hairier than the dog. "Oh dear, I seem to have forgotten to shave this month." Jill said, and soon after began tittering like a schoolgirl.
Jill shook it off, and took off her beret. With a sudden movement, she threw it and it hit the dog-thing square in the face. It began to growl, and suddenly lunged at Jill, who had been busy readying the kinky playthings she always carried with her. The dog pinned her down, and she began to giggle again.
"Oh, you're so NAUGHTY!" Jill screamed in the dog's face. With that, the dog opened his mouth wide and bit her face, ripping and mauling it.
"AHHH! EEK! THIS… IS… NOT.. THECKTHY!" (That last word was "sexy"- Poor Jill had her tongue being eaten off at this point) She managed to throw the dog off, then stabbed it through the eye with a dildo. She then ran through a nearby door.
She rubbed some pot she found on the ground all over her wounds, and suddenly her face was back to normal and she had regained use of her right ovary! Happy and somewhat sexually pleased, Jill continued her search for a fuck buddy- I mean, customer.
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I know it's short, but all the chapters will be. Deal with it. Tell me what you think, though. Chapter 2 soon!
