-1DISCLAIMER: Still don't own Resident Evil, or anything else worthwhile. I do, however, own YOU. Muahaha.
Anyway.
Jill breathed deeply and took a look at her surroundings. She was in what appeared to be a dining room. "I had sex in a dining room once." said Jill happily. She started walking through the room. The table was incredibly long and hard. Like a penis, thought Jill.
Finding nothing particularly interesting in this room (though she did stop to finger a knife thoughtfully- then decided it would be too painful), she walked into the next hallway. Turning to her left, she thought she heard a sound. Being the nosy bitch she is, she investigated. Then she turned the corner and stopped dead in her tracks.
What she saw there was a figure hunched over another body, eating it.
It was the hottest fucking thing she had ever witnessed. As she watched, she felt heat start to rise to her face. Looking down, she saw a bulge in her pants.
Yes. Jill had her first erection.
The material of Jill's jeans brushed up against the zombie-thingy. It wasn't that Jill was standing close to it, it was just that her erection was, let us say, about 7 feet long. Yeah. Ouch.
The zombie stood up and began walking toward Jill, mumbling and groaning. Oh wow, Jill thought. He has orgasms just walking around, too!
Jill was sadly mistaken. For as soon as the zombie reached her, it grabbed her by the head and began eating her neck. "Wow, this is going to leave a MAJOR hickey!" said Jill, elated.
It was only when Jill found that her head was hanging off of her neck at a strange angle did she realize that the zombie wasn't trying to make out with her- It was trying to eat her. This did turn her on a little bit, but still, it was unacceptable.
She pushed the zombie away, treated her half-neck with some more pot, and then faced the little flesh eater bitch again.
"ZOMBIE-BITCH!" Jill screamed, her voice somehow magnified by about fifty times. Too bad the zombie was deaf anyway. "I CHALLENGE YOU… TO A DANCE-OFF!"
And with that, Jill pulled out her Avon Bling-Bling©, turned her beret, and blasted music from her boom box. She sang along with the song as she began her mortifying dance.
"PROMISCUOUS JILL, WHEREVER YOU ARE, LALALALALALA, HMMMHMMHMMM…" Jill erupted, though she didn't quite know all the words. She attempted to spin on her head, and with a sickening crack, she broke her neck and oragasmed a little.
Then it was the zombie's turn. He was a little nervous, as he hadn't practiced dancing in awhile…
FLASHBACK!
A young zombie is seen in his family's living room, with N'SYNC blaring, and his parents sitting on the couch, watching. He was steadying himself for the main chorus, when his dancing prowess would be unleashed. With each beat, he felt himself get more nervous. Finally, it came.
The zombie moved, executing each step with perfection. Until…
"Bye, Bye, BYE!" little zombiekins sang along, emphasizing the last "bye" with a solid kick. His poor little rotten zombie flesh couldn't take the strain, and his leg flew off, kicking his father's head off.
He ran out of the house sobbing, leaving his mother to gnaw on his severed leg.
FLAAAAAAASHBACK!
The zombie stepped up to start dancing. "YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT, ZOMBIE! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT!" Jill screamed from the sidelines which, since it was such a narrow hallway, was right in the zombie's ear. He started moving, but almost as soon as it started, it stopped. With a yell, the zombie slipped on Jill's blood and his head burst open.
"You got served, muthafucka! Eat that, whitey! Yo momma!" Jill threw these and other gangster insults at the decapitated zombie corpse for about a quarter of an hour. She then slipped into some lingerie and continued her relentless search for a penis to call her own.
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Hmm… I don't really like this chapter as much as the first one. But I promise it'll get better. I hope. Meh, keep reading. You don't have a life anyway, do you?
Reviews were great for last chapter, keep 'em coming!
