Title: Tastes of Home
Writer: Azure K Mello
Part:3
Other notes in prior parts.
A/N: Bif means boyfriend. Some people write bf if this is said out loud it becomes bif.
"That was weird," said Amy jogging her brother from his thoughts.
"What meeting Ephram's ex?"
"What are you talking about?" asked Amy looking truly confused, "I just meant that Ephram smoking and swearing was odd."
"And they say you're the smart one. That was Ephram's ex, that's why it was all so intense."
"Ephram's straight. Remember? He likes me."
"I'm not arguing with that. I don't think that's really the point. All I'm saying is that in the not too distant past he and that Jackson guy were more than friends." He smiled, "Sorry, if it bursts your bubble."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So did you come to apologize?" asked Ephram in an affected bored tone still shaking with his outburst.
"No, I came to beg."
"For what?"
"I never meant to hurt you. I was trying to protect you," Ephram opened his mouth to speak but Jackson placed a finger over the boys mouth, "give me a minute. Ok? I was so afraid of saying something tactless and hurting you further. I didn't want to be the cause of your pain. I was an idiot. You were drowning in pain already and I was so afraid to hurt you. And by the time I realized what a huge mistake I had made and how much I loved you: you were gone. Please, Eff, I know how badly I fucked up. I know how much I hurt you. But I'm begging you to give me another chance."
Laughing dryly Ephram said, "No."
"But," Jackson was confused. "You said you loved me."
"I do. And that's why this can't happen. It would *mean* something to me. When you kissed me back there at the truck I nearly melted."
Slowly it dawned on Jackson what Ephram had thought he meant. "Ephram, I love you. I want you back. I wouldn't drive across the country for a hookup. . . maybe good Chinese food but not a hookup. There's no one I can even think of but you."
"It's a pity. If you had come for Chinese food you might have gotten some satisfaction."
"Why can't this happen? Please?"
He shrugged and knew his words would hurt the boy he had once considered his red headed god. And while he didn't want to hurt Jackson he couldn't bring himself to make up excuses, they had always been honest to one another. "Because I don't trust you. Because what happens next time you decide you decide what's best for me? You made a mistake back there at Bright's truck, you said that you were my dirty secret. We both know that it isn't true."
"Bright? Are you and he?"
"Don't be fucking stupid."
"He looks at you-"
"That doesn't matter! I don't want him!" Ephram's eyes held nothing but pain and anger.
"So there's been no one?"
"There was one person. But I set it up to fail."
"Why?"
"Why do you think? I didn't want her I just wanted to be normal."
"*Her*?"
"Don't be such a child."
"So you are keeping secrets."
"Not for the reasons you think."
"Then why? Why are you pretending to be something you aren't?"
"Mom never liked that I was gay. She wasn't upset or anything. Just scared that I would get sick, or bullied, or any of the other things the media would have you believe instantly happen to someone if they aren't straight. So I thought I could be different when I came here, or that I could at least pass as normal. I made sure it would fail. That I couldn't be with Amy."
"Amy? That girl!"
"Her boyfriend was in a coma and she was lovesick. And then Dad got the bif out of the coma but then killed him in follow up surgery. There was never any danger of having to actually date her."
"So you're pretending to be something you aren't to make your dead mother happy?!! I'll tell you what I think: I think you're a coward. I think you're too ashamed to tell people who you are."
"You can't play the righteous, moral card with me. I'm not the one who fucked up. You dumped a boy you are purportedly in love with because you were too scared to stand by him. It doesn't matter if these people don't know what I am, *they* don't matter. The only person who mattered is standing here making an ass out of himself. Go home, Jackson, just go." Ephram stood and turned to leave. He didn't look back when Jack called to him, he didn't want the other boy to see his tears. And even as he asked his question he hated himself for caring. Was he masochistic for wanting to know? "Has there been anyone for you?"
Jackson's caustic laugh was all that broke the silence as Ephram tried not to sob. "Don't be ridiculous. I couldn't touch anyone else without hating myself and long for them to be you. It wouldn't have been fair on any of us: them, or me, or you."
Nodding Ephram still did not turn back to him. As he walked away he wondered if he was a bad person for being happy at Jack's words.
Writer: Azure K Mello
Part:3
Other notes in prior parts.
A/N: Bif means boyfriend. Some people write bf if this is said out loud it becomes bif.
"That was weird," said Amy jogging her brother from his thoughts.
"What meeting Ephram's ex?"
"What are you talking about?" asked Amy looking truly confused, "I just meant that Ephram smoking and swearing was odd."
"And they say you're the smart one. That was Ephram's ex, that's why it was all so intense."
"Ephram's straight. Remember? He likes me."
"I'm not arguing with that. I don't think that's really the point. All I'm saying is that in the not too distant past he and that Jackson guy were more than friends." He smiled, "Sorry, if it bursts your bubble."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So did you come to apologize?" asked Ephram in an affected bored tone still shaking with his outburst.
"No, I came to beg."
"For what?"
"I never meant to hurt you. I was trying to protect you," Ephram opened his mouth to speak but Jackson placed a finger over the boys mouth, "give me a minute. Ok? I was so afraid of saying something tactless and hurting you further. I didn't want to be the cause of your pain. I was an idiot. You were drowning in pain already and I was so afraid to hurt you. And by the time I realized what a huge mistake I had made and how much I loved you: you were gone. Please, Eff, I know how badly I fucked up. I know how much I hurt you. But I'm begging you to give me another chance."
Laughing dryly Ephram said, "No."
"But," Jackson was confused. "You said you loved me."
"I do. And that's why this can't happen. It would *mean* something to me. When you kissed me back there at the truck I nearly melted."
Slowly it dawned on Jackson what Ephram had thought he meant. "Ephram, I love you. I want you back. I wouldn't drive across the country for a hookup. . . maybe good Chinese food but not a hookup. There's no one I can even think of but you."
"It's a pity. If you had come for Chinese food you might have gotten some satisfaction."
"Why can't this happen? Please?"
He shrugged and knew his words would hurt the boy he had once considered his red headed god. And while he didn't want to hurt Jackson he couldn't bring himself to make up excuses, they had always been honest to one another. "Because I don't trust you. Because what happens next time you decide you decide what's best for me? You made a mistake back there at Bright's truck, you said that you were my dirty secret. We both know that it isn't true."
"Bright? Are you and he?"
"Don't be fucking stupid."
"He looks at you-"
"That doesn't matter! I don't want him!" Ephram's eyes held nothing but pain and anger.
"So there's been no one?"
"There was one person. But I set it up to fail."
"Why?"
"Why do you think? I didn't want her I just wanted to be normal."
"*Her*?"
"Don't be such a child."
"So you are keeping secrets."
"Not for the reasons you think."
"Then why? Why are you pretending to be something you aren't?"
"Mom never liked that I was gay. She wasn't upset or anything. Just scared that I would get sick, or bullied, or any of the other things the media would have you believe instantly happen to someone if they aren't straight. So I thought I could be different when I came here, or that I could at least pass as normal. I made sure it would fail. That I couldn't be with Amy."
"Amy? That girl!"
"Her boyfriend was in a coma and she was lovesick. And then Dad got the bif out of the coma but then killed him in follow up surgery. There was never any danger of having to actually date her."
"So you're pretending to be something you aren't to make your dead mother happy?!! I'll tell you what I think: I think you're a coward. I think you're too ashamed to tell people who you are."
"You can't play the righteous, moral card with me. I'm not the one who fucked up. You dumped a boy you are purportedly in love with because you were too scared to stand by him. It doesn't matter if these people don't know what I am, *they* don't matter. The only person who mattered is standing here making an ass out of himself. Go home, Jackson, just go." Ephram stood and turned to leave. He didn't look back when Jack called to him, he didn't want the other boy to see his tears. And even as he asked his question he hated himself for caring. Was he masochistic for wanting to know? "Has there been anyone for you?"
Jackson's caustic laugh was all that broke the silence as Ephram tried not to sob. "Don't be ridiculous. I couldn't touch anyone else without hating myself and long for them to be you. It wouldn't have been fair on any of us: them, or me, or you."
Nodding Ephram still did not turn back to him. As he walked away he wondered if he was a bad person for being happy at Jack's words.
