Title: Tastes of Home
Writer: Azure K Mello
Part:5
Feedback: Please! I wait for it like a trained dog, plus I like to know what people are thinking, it's reassuring.
Other notes in prior parts.
"Hello?" he asked slowly as he lifted the receiver.
"Hey, how are you?" asked Bright's voice.
"I'm fine," Ephram's voice was cautious at the worried note in Bright's voice.
"Well I just thought you looked upset with that Jackson guy."
"Jackson is. . . complicated." He spoke slowly.
"I get it, Ephram."
"I doubt it."
"So your ex turns up from the city and you go into hardcore brood mode."
"He kind of makes me go crazy. Sorry if I seemed off earlier. I'll be normal by Monday."
"No that's cool. I just wanted to see if you were ok. Do you want to do something tonight?"
"I'm fine but I'd rather brood, sorry, I think I'm just gonna play the piano and sit around pitying myself." He nodded as if agreeing with himself, "I sent him home." The doorbell started to go and Ephram rolled his eyes again. "Someone's at the door." He turned and looked through the window. "*Jackson's* at the door great. . . I'll talk to you later. Goodnight." He hung up without thinking and went to open the door. "Hey," he nodded. "It's cold out."
"Yes, it is." Jackson stood hugging himself. "So this is *not* a line: it just sounds like one. When I got my driver's license two weeks ago I inherited the duct tape chariot." The car that had belonged to his older brother had been christened because the headlights were held in with duct tape. "As I was leaving town my radiator fell out onto the road. It's gonna take two days to get fixed and there is no bus, and the train station is a free clinic."
"My dad runs it, that's his practice."
"Oh, well I just wanted to let you know I'm still here. I just didn't want you to see me on the street and accuse me of stalking you. I will get out of "your town" as soon as possible." He smiled apologetically.
"Where are you going to stay?" Ephram asked softly. He knew that Jackson was telling the truth about his car, he knew Jackson too well for the boy to lie.
"There's an inn in town."
"No."
"No I *can't* stay there?" asked Jackson looking worried.
"Come in." said Ephram stepping back from the door.
He hesitated. "I don't want. . ."
"It's cold and you're letting the air in. You might not be in my good graces right now but you're always welcome wherever I am if you need it."
"Thank you." Jackson stepped inside and smiled nervously. "Now what?"
"Now you get out of the way." Delia stood behind him with a huge plate of cookies. "I'm about to drop these."
Laughing, he stepped out of the way. "Hey, Kidtastic!"
"Hello," Delia's voice was cold as she passed him on her way to the kitchen.
"I thought you said she missed me."
"I thought she did." Ephram smiled apologetically. As the phone in his hand rang. "Hello."
"Eff, hi, It's Chloe. I just thought I should give you the heads up."
"He's already here, Clo."
"Oh, I thought I would be in time to warn you."
"No, you aren't. What are you doing tonight?"
"Going to the hookah bar."
"Fun. Well I'm going to go."
"He's there, isn't he? In your house?" she said with sudden shock.
"Night, Chloe!" he said and hung up.
"Phoned to warn you?"
"I love that girl," Ephram said with a smile, "she's everyone's mom."
"You still talk to her?"
"About once a week." This conversation was forced and Ephram smiled weakly as Madison came in the door behind him. "That was a lot of cookies."
"Sam and she got carried away. That was only about a third of them." She smiled at him in a forced way and then turned to the lanky red head, "Hi, I'm Madison."
"I'm Jackson, a friend of Ephram's."
"It's nice to meet you. Delia," she called, "I want you to take a shower! You're covered in flower." She started to walk upstairs to adjust the heat for the little girl when she turned back, "If you guys are hungry there's food in the fridge." She turned and walked up the stairs with Delia close behind her.
"She's nice."
"Where's your stuff?" asked Ephram noting Jackson's lack of a bag.
"Oh fuck! I guess I left it all at the mechanics."
"Let's go."
"You'll come with me?"
"You're a foreigner in mountain country. You need a guide." He smirked and started humming dueling banjos.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a really cold, clear night and they walked in an uncomfortable silence looking up at the sky. Ephram kicked a stone and avoided eye contact while Jackson stared at him. The New Yorker tried to think of something to say. All he felt was confused. Why was Ephram letting him stay? Why was it always hard for them? Why was it that after all this time he still felt safest with Ephram? A boy who was a year younger and a lot smaller than he himself was? And why did he still so badly long to be in that boy's arms? Why was this slight and contrary being in the spotlight of his every waking thought?
And then his mouth was moving and he wasn't really thinking about what was coming out. He just focused on Ephram turning to him to watch him talk. "I hate this."
"Hate what?" asked Ephram in a politely interested voice.
"This," Jack motioned between them. "I hate being awkward with you. I hate it. I love you and since when did I ever have a problem talking?" Ephram smiled the older boy did tend to ramble. "There was a time when we didn't need to talk. And when we could. . ." his words faltered.
"When we could finish each other's sentences. You don't need to tell me I was there."
"God, you must be freezing!" said Jack as he caught sight of Ephram's blue lips and started to shrug out of his jacket.
"I fine." Said Ephram pushing away Jack's hands.
"You're so thin. You lost weight."
"Sorry, *Mom*."
"Don't be flip."
Rolling his eyes Ephram tried to think of something to say to keep the conversation going, "So have you heard from Colleges yet? A few seniors at school got letters back."
"The University of Denver accepted me. I'm waiting on all the others." He waited for the question he knew would come.
"Why did you apply there?"
"It's about two hours from this cute little mountain town a friend of mine lives in and I was hoping to spend my weekends with him."
"How long have you been planning this trip?"
"Not long, eighteen months. And me being me I planned on this working. I wouldn't be me if I didn't expect things to work. I just instantly count my chickens."
"And it would have worked out if I weren't such a chicken myself."
"You aren't, Eff, I was upset when I said it. You're the strongest person I know."
"You didn't mean it, I do. I'm afraid you might not know me that well any more. I'm not the great Ephram Brown, I'm not that cocky and sure of myself. And I'm not whoever I was with you, I'm not happy or calm or trusting. . . I'm just broken, and I can't see a way to pull myself back together. I moved to this town that didn't want me and I was the freak who read Japanese comics and wore black, so I shut myself off and I can't find the switch to get the lights back. And it all was so fucking bad and everyone who gave a damn about me was gone. The only thing that stopped me from topping myself was Delia, I couldn't leave her with Dad. So she saved me. And then Dad says we have to stay here as mom wanted us to move here. So I did it, and I'm really trying. But what for? There is no point to my continued subsistence. What doesn't kill only prolongs the inevitable. Sorry you had to come all the way up here to find out. I love you so much, I just don't know. . . I need time, ok?"
"I love you and I'm here for you. And I know that it will be ok, because it always is." Jackson smiled, "It'll all be ok," he repeated the phrase in a surer tone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you to all the people who've sent me e-mail! I always like to hear from readers!!
Writer: Azure K Mello
Part:5
Feedback: Please! I wait for it like a trained dog, plus I like to know what people are thinking, it's reassuring.
Other notes in prior parts.
"Hello?" he asked slowly as he lifted the receiver.
"Hey, how are you?" asked Bright's voice.
"I'm fine," Ephram's voice was cautious at the worried note in Bright's voice.
"Well I just thought you looked upset with that Jackson guy."
"Jackson is. . . complicated." He spoke slowly.
"I get it, Ephram."
"I doubt it."
"So your ex turns up from the city and you go into hardcore brood mode."
"He kind of makes me go crazy. Sorry if I seemed off earlier. I'll be normal by Monday."
"No that's cool. I just wanted to see if you were ok. Do you want to do something tonight?"
"I'm fine but I'd rather brood, sorry, I think I'm just gonna play the piano and sit around pitying myself." He nodded as if agreeing with himself, "I sent him home." The doorbell started to go and Ephram rolled his eyes again. "Someone's at the door." He turned and looked through the window. "*Jackson's* at the door great. . . I'll talk to you later. Goodnight." He hung up without thinking and went to open the door. "Hey," he nodded. "It's cold out."
"Yes, it is." Jackson stood hugging himself. "So this is *not* a line: it just sounds like one. When I got my driver's license two weeks ago I inherited the duct tape chariot." The car that had belonged to his older brother had been christened because the headlights were held in with duct tape. "As I was leaving town my radiator fell out onto the road. It's gonna take two days to get fixed and there is no bus, and the train station is a free clinic."
"My dad runs it, that's his practice."
"Oh, well I just wanted to let you know I'm still here. I just didn't want you to see me on the street and accuse me of stalking you. I will get out of "your town" as soon as possible." He smiled apologetically.
"Where are you going to stay?" Ephram asked softly. He knew that Jackson was telling the truth about his car, he knew Jackson too well for the boy to lie.
"There's an inn in town."
"No."
"No I *can't* stay there?" asked Jackson looking worried.
"Come in." said Ephram stepping back from the door.
He hesitated. "I don't want. . ."
"It's cold and you're letting the air in. You might not be in my good graces right now but you're always welcome wherever I am if you need it."
"Thank you." Jackson stepped inside and smiled nervously. "Now what?"
"Now you get out of the way." Delia stood behind him with a huge plate of cookies. "I'm about to drop these."
Laughing, he stepped out of the way. "Hey, Kidtastic!"
"Hello," Delia's voice was cold as she passed him on her way to the kitchen.
"I thought you said she missed me."
"I thought she did." Ephram smiled apologetically. As the phone in his hand rang. "Hello."
"Eff, hi, It's Chloe. I just thought I should give you the heads up."
"He's already here, Clo."
"Oh, I thought I would be in time to warn you."
"No, you aren't. What are you doing tonight?"
"Going to the hookah bar."
"Fun. Well I'm going to go."
"He's there, isn't he? In your house?" she said with sudden shock.
"Night, Chloe!" he said and hung up.
"Phoned to warn you?"
"I love that girl," Ephram said with a smile, "she's everyone's mom."
"You still talk to her?"
"About once a week." This conversation was forced and Ephram smiled weakly as Madison came in the door behind him. "That was a lot of cookies."
"Sam and she got carried away. That was only about a third of them." She smiled at him in a forced way and then turned to the lanky red head, "Hi, I'm Madison."
"I'm Jackson, a friend of Ephram's."
"It's nice to meet you. Delia," she called, "I want you to take a shower! You're covered in flower." She started to walk upstairs to adjust the heat for the little girl when she turned back, "If you guys are hungry there's food in the fridge." She turned and walked up the stairs with Delia close behind her.
"She's nice."
"Where's your stuff?" asked Ephram noting Jackson's lack of a bag.
"Oh fuck! I guess I left it all at the mechanics."
"Let's go."
"You'll come with me?"
"You're a foreigner in mountain country. You need a guide." He smirked and started humming dueling banjos.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a really cold, clear night and they walked in an uncomfortable silence looking up at the sky. Ephram kicked a stone and avoided eye contact while Jackson stared at him. The New Yorker tried to think of something to say. All he felt was confused. Why was Ephram letting him stay? Why was it always hard for them? Why was it that after all this time he still felt safest with Ephram? A boy who was a year younger and a lot smaller than he himself was? And why did he still so badly long to be in that boy's arms? Why was this slight and contrary being in the spotlight of his every waking thought?
And then his mouth was moving and he wasn't really thinking about what was coming out. He just focused on Ephram turning to him to watch him talk. "I hate this."
"Hate what?" asked Ephram in a politely interested voice.
"This," Jack motioned between them. "I hate being awkward with you. I hate it. I love you and since when did I ever have a problem talking?" Ephram smiled the older boy did tend to ramble. "There was a time when we didn't need to talk. And when we could. . ." his words faltered.
"When we could finish each other's sentences. You don't need to tell me I was there."
"God, you must be freezing!" said Jack as he caught sight of Ephram's blue lips and started to shrug out of his jacket.
"I fine." Said Ephram pushing away Jack's hands.
"You're so thin. You lost weight."
"Sorry, *Mom*."
"Don't be flip."
Rolling his eyes Ephram tried to think of something to say to keep the conversation going, "So have you heard from Colleges yet? A few seniors at school got letters back."
"The University of Denver accepted me. I'm waiting on all the others." He waited for the question he knew would come.
"Why did you apply there?"
"It's about two hours from this cute little mountain town a friend of mine lives in and I was hoping to spend my weekends with him."
"How long have you been planning this trip?"
"Not long, eighteen months. And me being me I planned on this working. I wouldn't be me if I didn't expect things to work. I just instantly count my chickens."
"And it would have worked out if I weren't such a chicken myself."
"You aren't, Eff, I was upset when I said it. You're the strongest person I know."
"You didn't mean it, I do. I'm afraid you might not know me that well any more. I'm not the great Ephram Brown, I'm not that cocky and sure of myself. And I'm not whoever I was with you, I'm not happy or calm or trusting. . . I'm just broken, and I can't see a way to pull myself back together. I moved to this town that didn't want me and I was the freak who read Japanese comics and wore black, so I shut myself off and I can't find the switch to get the lights back. And it all was so fucking bad and everyone who gave a damn about me was gone. The only thing that stopped me from topping myself was Delia, I couldn't leave her with Dad. So she saved me. And then Dad says we have to stay here as mom wanted us to move here. So I did it, and I'm really trying. But what for? There is no point to my continued subsistence. What doesn't kill only prolongs the inevitable. Sorry you had to come all the way up here to find out. I love you so much, I just don't know. . . I need time, ok?"
"I love you and I'm here for you. And I know that it will be ok, because it always is." Jackson smiled, "It'll all be ok," he repeated the phrase in a surer tone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you to all the people who've sent me e-mail! I always like to hear from readers!!
