Reviews :
Snake557 : yes I today agree. Those were my roots. I think I've milked the jawbreaker route dry, but I was happy to fully revisit it in the beginning of this story :)
Burgie : absolutely! Gideon's now surrounded by love. Definitely support he'll need for the end of this story...
A/N : sorry for my weirdly late updates this week. I'm in a bad place, mentally, and I just.. can't grapple with uploads. Plus side, I numbed my brain enough to finally complete Kepa's and Gideon's very first sex scene! 10K words worth. Probably my fave mature scene to date, and I can't wait for you guys to get to the juicer bits. Whew.
Song Listened To :
Return to Me by CHPTRS
*Chapter 195*
"Well, well," Sezeke stated in grumbly delight as he opened his and Elkuorra's front door wide, ultimately letting in the jungle enclosure's warm morning air, damp with the fresh smell of the ocean right across the way. Sezeke heaved a tired sigh, put his hand on his hip, leaned in on the massive door he had just opened for Gideon and peered to him in earnest. Gideon stood, half awake, auburn hair ruffled and looked as if he had attempted to tidy it. He wore his favorite black t-shirt and a pair of baggy grey jeans with holes in the knees. Gideon looked wildly exhausted, though Sezeke still caught with the kind, humbled smile across Gideon's face, "You actually showed... And you're two minutes early."
"Good morning," Gideon stated in a croak, he cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows in a swing of cute though sleepy, smiling apprehension.
"C'mon in, Elley's got coffee brewing," Sezeke mumbled tiredly as he swirled the spatula he held lazily into the air, his hefty, thudding footsteps, alongside Gideon's, moved deeper into their new home, "She got herself a fancy new frother, so uh... Be prepared to be spoiled."
"Good morning, sweetie," Elkuorra ushered Gideon cutely, her energy and aura was entirely insatiable, she was a beam of sunshine no matter what was going on. This was something Gideon could very easily see in Kepa, and though Kepa had a more devious, feisty side to her, it was clear both women were one in the same. Gideon ushered her a kind greeting and immediately felt at home in their sunny kitchen. Elkuorra wore a lazy little house dress that beautifully draped her knees, her long white and cream tail curled in innocent excitement as she gripped Gideon's upper arm, warmly ushered him to their round dining room table and showed him to his seat, "You sit, my love. Hope you're hungry, you allergic to anything?"
"No, ma'am," Gideon croaked tiredly, though he made sure to give an endless amount of gratitude, and though he was nervous to begin diving into this mess with Kepa's parents, two individuals he hardly knew, he long-blinked and patiently watched as Elkuorra lovingly ruffled Gideon's bangs out of his face and spun to continue working on breakfast with Sezeke.
Gideon sagged his shoulders and watched the two across the kitchen in innocent lessons in looking. Elkuorra sagged next to Sezeke's much taller figure and stood by his side at the stove, though without missing a beat, he warmly cupped his much bigger arm and hand about Elkuorra's lower back. Although there was nearly a decade between the two, they softly murmured sweet nothings to each other in hushed familiarity, as if they hadn't missed a single day apart. The way Elkuorra's beautiful tail would hook about Sezeke's big ankles swiftly made Gideon envision looking at a version of him and Kepa, a more well-seasoned version of the two. He longingly watched as both parents so sweetly began to bicker in the huffs of sarcastic chuckles and whispering quips of inside jokes the two would eventually burst out laughing over. Elkuorra finally scrunched her shoulders in a spin and tried not to catch Sezeke's aimless, innocent little flick of a swat at the side of her rear, Gideon beamed a shy little smile into the big cup of delicious, steamy hot coffee set before him. As he took a big, slow swig of it, he sighed in relief and looked out the huge round kitchen window the table was stationed at. The flyer's enclosure glowed with early morning sunlight, Gideon felt sleepiness flood him as he quickly understood that it was nearly four or so hours before he even would think about getting up, at this time.
"Y'doing okay there, Gideon?" Sezeke's deep voice wondered as him and Elkuorra eventually began to come back and forth between the gap of their lovely, sunny kitchen and the dining room table Gideon sat at, so to place modest plates full of delicious food at each person's spot of choice. Sezeke put his hand on his hip and assessed Gideon for a moment before he was due to turning back into the gape of the kitchen and getting silverware for the three, "You look like you hardly slept last night..."
"Yeah, I was up and down a lot, but it's okay," Gideon mused as he sagged his tired eyes closed and donned a warm, humble smile, "I'm the one that told Kepa she could call me or request my presence at literally any hour of the night, and... Well, I'm glad she trusts me enough to know that taking me up on my offers will see her through to healing."
"Aww, well that's good, is she okay?" Elkuorra worried as she peered out the big window, Kepa's front door could be seen across the dirt path, which ultimately led to the huge swathe of hot white beach sand.
"She's okay, her first night back in the lighthouse wasn't easy... I left her last night and she panicked because, well... The last time she ever saw me was when I left out that very door," Gideon grumbled in dread, though he cocked an eyebrow and peered down to the hefty plate full of steamy, delicious food before him. Although wanting to stay on topic, he tossed his eyes between Elkuorra and Sezeke in a frozen, smiling look of pure disbelief, "This all looks incredible... Thank you so much for having me over, and such... Sorry my first day here includes me being sleep deprived."
"It was due to my daughter's feelings, I'd say it's worth it, yeah? Don't make habits of it, though," Sezeke mumbled kindly, though Gideon could tell he was trying to refrain from being too kind or smiley, something Gideon was desperate to get beyond. All three beings began to politely eat, though Gideon quickly understood that he was far hungrier than he originally imagined. A few moments of silence went by, silent moments of Gideon lulling his eyes closed and eating with a great deal of fervor, Sezeke finally choked a small laugh and covered his mouth as everyone enjoyed their food. He glanced between Gideon and Elkuorra and finally eyed Gideon across the table, "You act like you've never eaten before, either."
"I was starving and I didn't realize it," Gideon murmured cutely after he politely chewed and swallowed, he continued to eagerly enjoy everything given to him, he bobbed a happy nod and looked entirely pleased, "You guys are amazing cooks, this food is so good..."
"My secrete pancake recipe," Elkuorra whispered cutely as she shrugged her shoulders, "Made them for Kippy again, yesterday morning. She cried."
"I don't blame her," Gideon grinned and bobbed a nod, the food on his plate was quickly becoming devoured, "Thank you, really. This is awesome."
"You're always welcome Giddy, hopefully you won't feel the urge to nap after this," Elkuorra beamed a shy smile, Gideon shrugged and continued to eat, though he gave Elkuorra a sweet, closed-mouth smile as he chewed.
"Thank you for sticking to your word, like that. Sure, it's just something standard, the usual 'you can call me at any time of the night and I'll be there for you' act of kindness, but... I'd say that's a really smart way to begin rebuilding trust with Kepa, huh?" Sezeke mused, Gideon bobbed a humble nod and took a sip of his coffee.
"Sh-she told me all about how she used to call my phone, while I was gone, and it would just roll to voicemail, she said it always killed her," Gideon grumbled, he took in a huge breath and began to feel full, "I understand that letting any single one of her calls roll to voicemail, from here on out, is... Not something I want happening."
"Good man," Elkuorra chirped kindly with a nod, silverware tinkered to their plates, everyone lazily lounged as eating turned into picking which turned into lazy swigs of dwindling coffee.
"Gideon, I think I'd like to start with one thing that has always stuck out to me, it was something I brought up last night," Sezeke stated as he leaned on his elbows. Gideon inhaled a shaky breath and now understood that class was in session, and any prodding from here on out was Gideon's cue to turn his brain on and really digest the information being lofted his way, "You hardly even attended your first day at Academy... Was there a reason you decided to abandon ship, like that? I know Tessa was so excited to see you through the whole day."
"Yeah, I just... Was bullied, I always felt left behind by my family, they're all eons older than me," Gideon tenderly explained, he narrowed his gaze, looked off and shrugged, "Callum just barely tried to make nice to me, none of it felt like a place I'd be welcome in. Tessa may have done what she could, but no one else took me under their wing, no one was excited to hang out with me, no one seemed to care about whatever I brought to the table... That was the day I met Kepa's statue in the light house."
"Y-You... You met Kepa on the day you ditched?" Sezeke wondered in a prickled uplift, as if he now was scrambling to find issues with Gideon, though even just him existing was thwarting Sezeke left and right.
"Yeah, just her statue... Novus and I came back every day, I painted on some of the walls on the inside, we cleaned it up nice, and... I painted Kepa's statue, not having a single clue she was an actual being," Gideon looked off in bittersweet, smiling nostalgia, "I went to go color in her mouth and she popped to life and just about scared the crap out of me."
"Ohh, I like hearing about this," Elkuorra pleaded cutely as she clapped her hands and peered hard into Gideon's eyes with a whole world of delight.
"Yeah, she... She got to know me for about a week or two before she finally came to life," Gideon looked down to his hands and shook his head, "She, uh... Her statue caught a lot of my tears, I spent many an afternoon resting my head on her stone shoulder."
"Before you knew she was real?" Elkuorra wondered in a swing of enchanted wonder, Gideon nodded, to which Elkuorra visibly swooned and peered hard up into Sezeke's grumpy eyes, Elkuorra flattened her ears in a sag of drowning sweetness and clasped her hands together as she whispered up into Sezeke's shoulder, "It's a true love story."
"I ditched the whole idea of Academy because my family was attached to it, they constantly left me out of conversation, they hardly ever cared about what I was up to," Gideon shook his head and smiled down to his nearly-empty plate, "Kepa and Novus quickly became my tiny little family unit... To which Lash and Mara snuck their way in, as well. I got so tired of trying to fit into the cool crowd, I truly had no clue what I needed to do to be desired... Hell, I STILL don't know."
"But, things are better now, aren't they?" Sezeke wondered, Gideon nodded and sighed.
"Yeah, they're definitely trying MUCH harder to connect with me. I get calls to hang out, I constantly get texts asking how I am... I-I have sensory issues, and I sort of had a meltdown in public yesterday, and Tessa aided me in such a way that I've never been aided before," Gideon listed excitedly, he gestured to his head and narrowed his gaze in tender explaining, "I get over-stimulated by bright lights and loud noises, and... I guess we were sitting next to a noisy intersection and I just shut down. Tessa muted my hearing so I could collect myself. It was awesome."
"She muted your hearing?" Elkuorra wondered in wowed surprise, Gideon nodded and pointed to his temple.
"Yeah, kind of like a light switch, or a dimmer... I can cancel out noise if I need to now, Beaux helped Tessa install it into my coding yesterday," Gideon explained happily, Sezeke bobbed a nod and looked as if he had collected enough information to proceed with his teachings.
"Gideon, it's blatantly obvious to me that you view your human-requirement for love and attention as needy," Sezeke mused wisely, "You have never truly felt like you fit into any one space, so requesting others to treat you in such a way that speaks to you comes across as what you think would be needy and annoying. Everyone else seems to have a cookie-cutter shaped lifestyle, that when you go to request YOURS, which looks potentially like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle, people freeze up and don't know how to handle you. Is this correct?"
"Entirely," Gideon scoffed in delighted surprise.
"So, now you're out here thinking you're due to fending for yourself cause there's nearly no one in Arcade that can meet you where your needs are... Your TRUE needs, not some watered down bullshit," Sezeke gestured his hand as him and Gideon tightly held eyes, "The idea that you have to act a certain way, or do certain things in a certain order, is something you'd seen other people use as transactions into the 'cool club'... These people are your family, and you look right up to them, so of course you're thinking that by walking like a duck and quacking like a duck, you'll BECOME a duck... But, you're not a duck to begin with. Your heart can't ignore any of that."
"You're a swan," Elkuorra quietly added, Sezeke choked a small laugh and gave her a playfully annoyed side-eye; Gideon couldn't help but grin.
"So, now... Sure, you've found Kepa, you have Lash and Mara, but you still have like a thousand other family members that kind of pat you atop of your head, if even that, and have no clue how to connect with you," Sezeke took in a big breath and circled his claws in a motion, "There's this never-ending cycle happening, now. You carry on thinking your basic needs are a burden to everyone around you, so not only do you not get exactly what you need, you're now creating this new identity around your pain and solely your pain."
Gideon sucked in a trembling breath and was certain this conversation would immediately start out with every nasty thing he's ever done in the arena, though he bobbed a nod and squeezed his teary eyes shut as Sezeke hit Gideon right at the epicenter of this whole mess. Sezeke blurt a knowing, apologetic chuckle as a tear escaped Gideon's eye, something he quickly swiped away.
"And so NOW, you've clawed your WHOLE way through this mess, and sure, you're getting needs met, but... I see a huge mistake you're already making, and I can't believe I'm saying this," Sezeke choked a small laugh and peered out the gape of the huge window they sat at, "I SO greatly appreciate you babying Kepa, like you want to, but you need to make sure this doesn't consume you, this... Bending over backwards and losing sleep nonsense. I know I told you last night to treat Kepa like a princess, but, you HAVE to know that there is a certain level of detachment in a relationship that is healthy. In ANY relationship, siblings, parents, in-laws..."
"I see what Seze's saying, love," Elkuorra chimed in, "You spent the first half of this mess not getting a shred of the things you needed, from the majority, though now that it's a love fest all around and wrongs are being righted... You're going to exhaust yourself being at EVERYONE'S beck and call. Sure, you maybe messed up and you definitely need to earn trust, but you still have your own needs. I know you don't want to do anything to hurt Kepa, but..."
"You need to heal, you need to gain foundation. Sure, this first week back is difficult and I think it's sweet you're letting her lean on you, but you need to understand that your needs are just as important," Sezeke firmly weighed in, he gave Gideon a look of apology and shook his head, "You look absolutely exhausted... I know Kepa's worth it all, but just understand that boundaries need to be presented, from all angles."
"Instead of feeling the urge to jump up and fix everything you've broken, just be a listening ear, like what everyone has been doing for you," Elkuorra shrugged, "Sure, they're all doing their part to make sure you're heard and included, but... Do you see anyone else losing sleep over it?"
"No," Gideon grumbled sorrowfully, "I just... Abandoned everyone, especially Kepa. I want it to be clear that I'm now always available."
"But, you're not, you shouldn't be, you're your own person," Sezeke argued, "Just because you wronged me and there's healing that needs to be done doesn't mean I want you to only get two hours of sleep every night until I feel better... Where does that leave you? Battered, broken, sleep deprived. How can you do anything, how can you help anyone if you have yet to help yourself?"
Gideon nodded and now freely allowed tears to sag down his cheeks. He sniffled, looked off and sucked in a huge, trembling breath as his tremors mildly began to set in. He rubbed his forehead in full exhaustion and understood he was going to have to potentially set a boundary with Kepa, something he truly didn't want to have to do. He grimaced and shrugged.
"I-I won't be able to sleep at night knowing she tried to call me and I didn't answer," Gideon complained, Sezeke furrowed his brow.
"You won't sleep either way, Gideon," Sezeke choked a laugh, "Either you need to lay some ground rules, or even just spend the night with... Holy hell, why did I almost just suggest that."
"No, that's a good suggestion though," Elkuorra hurriedly argued, Sezeke squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.
"What, spend the night with Kepa at the light house?" Gideon wondered in teary innocence, Elkuorra nodded and frowned.
"I put myself in Kippy's shoes... I'd want someone there with me, it's a win win. You'd both get sleep, she'd be reassured that you're there," Elkuorra explained, though Gideon grimaced.
"I guess... We vowed each other we'd be taking this really slow," Gideon worried, he tip-toed through this conversation with as much grace as he could.
"You can sleep cuddled up next to someone and have it not resolve in sex," Sezeke muttered, to which Gideon snapped his mouth shut and felt his face get hot.
"Well, yeah, but... Seze," Elkuorra grinned in full, incredulous disbelief and gestured between herself and Sezeke, "Put us in that position..."
"I-I wasn't trying to steer the conversation to this subtopic!" Sezeke rushed in a squeeze of high-pitched complaining that both Gideon and Elkuorra loudly laughed about, "My point is... You're flighty, you're eager to help everyone else out in this created identity of pain before it just collapses, and you flee for good. YOU need to believe that your needs are valid before anything can get better. Sure, Kepa misses you and she's worried, but you also need sleep. She HAS to know that surely those calls wake you up and such."
"Yeah, she knows, but she didn't know I was coming over here, first thing," Gideon grumbled in loo of Kepa's feelings, "I think, had she known I was going to be getting up really early, she would've let me sleep."
"You should tell her," Elkuorra urged, Gideon shrugged and nodded.
"Yeah, I'm... Still trying to navigate all of this," Gideon worried, Sezeke bobbed a nod and took the final swig of his coffee.
"If you stand up for your own needs and make clear that you have solid boundaries, everyone else will follow suit," Sezeke assured, "Try kindly telling Kepa that you get up early every morning for mentoring, so there should probably be a cut-off time to hang outs or phone calls. Surely she'd respect that."
"Oh, I have no doubt she would, but... I know her," Gideon dared gently, "She'd only say that and then would suffer in silence."
"People pleaser, she is," Sezeke muttered in dread, he took in a huge breath and bobbed a nod, "Why don't we work together, then... I'll wrangle her in and make clear that she can call US in loo of waking you up, and we can reassure her that you're still around and nothing has changed. This new normal isn't, well... Normal just yet. It will be, but for now? Not so much."
"The key thing here is that you're teachable," Elkuorra sweetly complimented, "You're willing... I'm sure this is the main reason why Kepa has let you back into her heart. She sees that you're aware you ran off and made hard choices, but have come back to desperately make it right."
"Desperately," Gideon repeated Elkuorra's words for emphasis, he bobbed a nod and heaved a long sigh, "One day at a time..."
"Got any plans today, then? Y'gunna go home and nap?" Elkuorra sweetly wondered, though Gideon bugged his eyes and looked down.
"Not even... After this, I'm picking Kepa up and am going to take her to introduce her to my father," Gideon stated sweetly, Elkuorra clutched her sternum in sweet surprise as Sezeke equally brightened, "He's been texting me nonstop, since yesterday morning... And then, I'm... Gunna go try and convince my uncle Rancis to move back to palace grounds."
"Rancis, he's Callum's father, right?" Sezeke grit his teeth and looked down in dread, "Whew... Good luck, bud."
"You're shaking, love," Elkuorra fervently worried, noting Gideon's tremors.
"Oh, yeah, that's..." Gideon sucked in a trembling breath and cupped his forehead with one of his shaking hands. He rested his elbow to the table and now understood he needed a moment to collect himself, and as Elkuorra and Sezeke so patiently awaited his word, after a few long moments, Sezeke finally filled the gap.
"Y'know, Gideon, being vulnerable and needing to lean on others isn't weakness," Sezeke mumbled warmly, "It's clear you're trying to be everyone's beacon of hope, now, you're trying to be the super hero everyone suddenly needs. You previously were drowning in sorrow... You left and went through literal hell and back, and now you're here catering to everyone but yourself."
"I-I just don't feel as though I deserve to rest until I've made up for the massive amount of pain I've caused," Gideon unravelled, he sucked in a hiccup and grimaced a small little cry into his hand as he shyly tried to stay composed but failed, "I want to make sure everyone else is covered, I'll be... Fine..."
"You clearly won't," Elkuorra warmly shushed as she stood, rounded the table and took the empty chair next to Gideon. She offered a few napkins and was glad Gideon softened, politely took her offer for a tissue to wipe his tears and gave her a gracious smile through his crumpling, "You DO deserve to rest, before others, with others, on your own time... Please promise me you'll at least get a nap in, sometime today..."
"Open the light house patio doors, nap in the common room, the sound of the ocean right there, I promise that will not only help you out, but Kepa will have new memories of you being present," Sezeke assured with a nod, "That's all her worry is based around, late at night when you two are separated... The sole fact that you're not present."
"You may have a busy morning, but block out the rest of the day and dedicate it to resting, please?" Elkuorra politely begged as she rubbed Gideon's upper back with a swathe of motherly care, an over abundance she had no clue where to put, so she just dumped it into Gideon unflinchingly, "Kepa WILL understand..."
"And if she doesn't, as much as I'd go to war against you, for her, bud..." Sezeke rolled his eyes and looked off, as if this following statement wasn't something he wanted to admit, "You're someone I need to protect, as well... My daughter adores you. I don't have much of a choice."
"Must be hard," Gideon nasally grumbled as him and Elkuorra erupted into a bout of laughter.
"It is, my guy, don't push it," Sezeke stabbed with a snarky smile he definitely tried to conceal, but failed, "Just take our advice, for the day... Tomorrow, we can discuss how you feel about it and move on, from there."
"Thorough," Gideon mused with a sigh as he glanced to Elkuorra, both beings shared in understanding smiles.
"Well, you're worth it," Sezeke muttered under his breath in warm admittance.
