With Cloud gibbering to himself in the back, Barrett pulled up outside Kalm. The pokey headed one had a rough time these days, even with Sephiroth gone, but always pulled through. The only inn in Kalm was run by a friendly guy who used to live in Midgar, and knew Barrett pretty well, after they spent the night there all those months ago. Red and Yuffie left the jeep before he'd even killed the engine, leaving the gun armed warrior to carry Cloud in by himself.

'Yo, Yuffie!' He yelled at the two disappearing shapes. 'Get Tifa on the damn PHS, will ya?' The taller shape threw a thumbs up over her shoulder, then both were gone. That new materia must have hit shops, or something. Not that it really mattered to Barrett, he only liked the big stuff that made a mess. Some materia was useless-what the hell were you supposed to do with that white stuff that Aeris had?

It didn't actually matter, as Aeris wasn't coming back. That was for sure. Barrett threw open the boot, heaved Cloud over his shoulder, and walked over across the cobbles into Kalm Inn. It was much warmer inside, a fire burning in the back room.

'Hey, it's Mr Smoothie!' The innkeeper, Reed, called out. 'What can I get ya, big boy?' Then, he saw what was over Barrett's shoulder. 'Had a night on the town, gorgeous? I see you picked up a hot blonde. Muscular too… Yeah., that happened when me and this guy called Reeve hit Junon for the night. That was crazy, he is sooooo…well, you know. Damn, we almost slaughtered by that giant snake thing on the way back, somebody oughta-'

'Reed, can you just shut the hell up and give me a god damn key?'

'Oh, yeah, sure. Uh…room ones free, that's got a double bed.' He eyed over Barrett again. 'But, uh….I doubt you'll want that one. Uh…oh yeah, we have a nice single on the left,'

'Stop bullshitting, Reed. You only got one big room, upstairs, on the left. I jes' hope you ain't putting' up no ex-Shinra stiffs for the night…damn puppies…' He snatched the key, and went upstairs, carrying Cloud like toddle carries his teddy.

'Whoa…' Reed muttered. 'I bet he's a killer in the sack…but he must get lonely all the time, when no one's there, and he needs some 'luvin,' He grinned. 'Let's hope he isn't right handed!'

Upstairs, Barrett cursed the hyper gay innkeeper and threw Cloud unceremoniously on the bed. He groaned with the impact, and rolled over onto his back.

'You like that?' Barrett asked, then pulled up a chair, and sat on it backwards. 'Shit, you took one helluva beatin'. I'm not sure how long it'll take before you get back to normal. Tifa's on the way, you know she does all that doctor shit these days…' He trailed off, not sure what to say next, so turned around and headed for the stairs.

'Barrett…' a voice called from behind him.

'Yeah?'

'Did…did I ever renew my…health insurance?'

'Lemme put it to 'ya this way: after that coma of yours, no insurance company on the planet is gonna give you a lollipop, let alone take claims. You get knocked around too much, little man,'

'Whatever,' Cloud replied, now staring at the ceiling, hands behind his head. 'I'' just dress up as a girl again, and use Tifa's card instead…'

Maybe he was delirious, Barrett thought, or maybe this was why Cloud had two women fall in love with him, and manage to alienate one, and…well….He'd never been laid, that was for sure.

'You oughta pay the innkeeper a visit,' Barrett quipped. 'Shit, maybe 'ya could ask him for a hot dog, you might like it,' With that, he shut the door, leaving Cloud to chuckle to himself. It hadn't worked.

'Hey, Reed,' He yelled, sure that Barrett had left by now. There was a muffled thump as the wardrobe doors spilled open, revealing Reed and about six types of male lingerie. 'It didn't work, Reed. Back to square one, I think,'

'Dam it,' Reed shook his head. 'When am I gonna get that bad boy in the sack?'