ZEDD
I watch Thomas go in the bathroom and close the door. He isn't blocking me out, but he's keeping himself under very tight control for now. I'm startled when Pina speaks.
"Maybe it's just me, but - except for the depression and martyr thing - he seems much better than when you brought him home." When I look at her, surprised, she continues. "Well, his logic was always good, but he's expressing himself better too. What if the spell was also slowing his recovery? I mean, he'll still have to relearn some things, but it should be easier now if-"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," Dar says. "We need to do this a step at a time. Talk to the Keeper if we can first and find out what she has to say. Then we can make a decision and move forward."
"What do we do for tonight?" I find myself asking.
Dar gives me a tired look. "You and your boy are going to have to figure out that one for yourselves. Though I strongly suggest you do as you said and lock the damn door so he can't run off again and get him and you into a panicked meltdown. For the moment, beyond that though, I'm out of ideas. As far as I'm concerned, everybody needs to go to bed and sleep and we'll deal with tomorrow when it comes. If nothing else, Zedd, assure him that if he's evil again tomorrow and rebelling, I have no problem putting him in his place - and I don't have to involve his mate to do it."
We're all startled to hear Thomas call out from the bathroom. "I can hear you, you know. I'm stupid, not deaf."
This startles a giggle out of Pina and a grin from me. Dar replies, "Good, then I don't have to repeat myself."
The former Ranger comes out of the bathroom, shirt in hand. "Just make sure you do it and don't let me hurt anybody."
Dar nods in acknowledgement, picks up his tool roll along with the shackles and heads for the door. Pina follows him out, shutting the door behind them. Thomas drops the shirt in the hamper and turns to the dresser to get something to sleep in. I wish I knew what to say to him to help.
He steps back into the bathroom to change and while he's in the other room, I lock the door as I said I would. He returns shortly, dumping the rest of the clothes in the hamper as well. He goes around the bed and climbs in. Finally, he says, "Look, Zedd. I know you want to help me but I really have no idea what I need right now or how you can help. I know that you're frustrated and stuck because of it and I'm sorry."
I take a slow, deep breath. Think, Zedd. "Then let's figure out what you do need instead of ignoring it and hoping it'll eventually work itself out on its own. As I think we both are aware of how well that went last time" I state, gesturing to my still filthy clothing. "For right this moment, let's assume that the evil is gone, the spell is gone - never to come back. After that, what's your biggest issue?"
"Us." Startled by this answer, I look over at him. He's not looking at me but rather his hands in his lap and he's blushing fiercely again. I hadn't realized that he'd started thinking in terms of 'us', but it pleases me greatly. "I remember what we did while I was under the spell, Zedd, but now that it's broken, I don't know if I can do any of it again."
"So you're back to being afraid of intimacy with me?" Wonderful.
"It's worse now," he admits softly. "Not only do I have all my fears from before, but now I'm afraid of hurting you again."
I consider this for a long minute. I remember the idea I had forming before we were interrupted by our guests' untimely arrival. "For one thing, Thomas, you remember I had no problem telling you when you started hurting me. Once I did, you stopped, in spite of the evil influence. I have no doubt that you'd take direction that way again."
"I don't want to hurt you at all, Zedd."
"Listen, I don't know if you've noticed this, but I like it a bit rough at times. All evil aside, I would be lying if I said I didn't highly enjoy your rather forceful style at the time." When he looks a bit concerned, I continue. "I also don't mind taking it easy, but I want you to realize there is very little you could do to actually hurt me unintentionally."
"Maybe."
"All right, well that's one thing, and we can come back to that I guess. For another, back before this, you mentioned that you were curious about sex between males but not ready to try anything and I told you I would see if I could come up with an idea." He nods shortly and I go on. "Well, I did come up with something, but I wasn't really sure how you'd react to it."
"What?"
"We could watch some of my more adult movies and I can answer any questions that might arise. That gives you more information to work with and will hopefully alleviate some of your concerns."
Shaking his head, his response is not an outright refusal, but it definitely isn't something I expected. "Information only goes so far, Zedd. It does nothing for practical experience." What now?
"What do you mean, Thomas?"
He sighs. "It's kind of like when I was in college working toward my degree. Studying and bookwork and information only go so far. Practical knowledge and hands on experience is required to complete an education." You didn't get enough hands on experience last night?
I swallow hard before I speak again, making sure my tone is even. "Well, I'd had an idea about that too." His gaze flickers to me curiously before returning to his hands. "I'm just not sure how you'd react – or would have reacted before - if I'd mentioned it." Carefully, very carefully and you might just get him to agree.
"Okay, what?" he asks cautiously.
"If there was something that you wanted to try, you could use me. After all, you wouldn't get any kind of response from a doll or something of that nature, but I can give you that."
"A doll?" Brow raised at this, I can tell he's waiting for an explanation.
Tone flat I give him a slight look. "I told you, it was boring on the moon."
"Yeah, but a sex doll?"
"I don't have one if that's what you're asking. Look while stuck without a job and decent home I had to find some way to amuse myself and Rita wanted to see what kind of things you humans liked to play with…However anyone who spends enough money to purchase a human life like mating doll is tad odd even in my book. Especially when it takes very minimal effort to simply pick up a human at a bar and convince them to spend the night."
"You went bar hopping?"
"I think you're missing the point of this," I state trying to steer him back onto the topic at hand. "And no I didn't go bar hopping, however I observed how you humans interacted and it seems to me that very few had trouble finding someone to mate with if they tried. So again, I say, I would be more than willing to let you try on me if it will help put you more at ease and alleviate some of your concerns and fears."
"Not to mention that you might get a little pleasure out of it, right?" Right now I'd settle for your hand. I thought a few years of a dry spell was bad, I forgot what hell it's like to actually get to mate on a steady basis and then have it abruptly come to a halt - even if it was only for a day or two.
"Well, I wouldn't be heartbroken, that's true. And if I keep my promise not to touch you like that, but give you free rein, that might help you." Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as he thinks this over. "That would give you complete control over what does and does not happen."
"Even if it did…Zedd even if I did agree and we tried this and say hypothetically it helped to some degree, it's not exactly going to solve my other concerns." Other concerns? At my questioning look he heaves a sigh. "Even if I got to the point where I was comfortable 'taking you' that doesn't mean I'd be suddenly relaxed about you doing the same to me. It wouldn't be fair to you."
"Thomas, I'm fairly certain that if I can get you comfortable with everything else, you'll eventually work it out on your own where you're okay with me being the one in control so to speak." At his doubtful look I decide to try a slightly different approach. "I live a very, very long time Thomas, trust me I can outwait you on this. You will eventually get somewhat bored or curious enough to want to try something new, and if that takes a few days, a few months, or a few years, I'm fine with that…okay maybe not fine, but I can deal with it, trust me."
"Maybe," he says slowly. "I'll have to think about it."
"Of course. I wasn't expecting an answer tonight, Thomas. For now, you need to get some sleep."
He says, "But what if-" A huge yawn cuts him off and triggers one in me as well.
"Try and let it go for tonight, pet. Tomorrow-" I stop as his head snaps up and he glares at me.
"I hate when you do that." What did I do now? All I did was say he needed rest and- Oh, yes. I called him pet again. I'd forgotten about that.
"I've never seen someone protest what they're called as much as you do. I picked it up watching British television. I don't mean it in the literal sense. It's only - what do you call it? - an endearment."
"I don't like it. It feels like I'm - I don't know - beneath you, somehow."
"And yet," I point out "I call you by your full name because I feel that you're my equal."
Thomas frowns. "Pina told me that once."
"And it's true. Now, there are many things that we need to talk about, but now is not the time. Get some sleep."
He settles in on the far side of the bed. "Zedd, you need to get some sleep too. Especially if it's necessary for you to rescan me tomorrow."
"I need to clean up first and then-"
"But if-"
Impatient, I say, "Thomas, even if you do wake up evil again tomorrow, at least I'll be rested enough to deal with it. Please stop arguing or this will go on all night and neither of us will be in any kind of shape to do much of anything tomorrow, further delaying anything that we might need to do. Besides I told you before it wasn't you sleeping that made you evil."
"All right," he says softly. I turn off most of the lights, grab something to sleep in and head into the bathroom. I clean up quickly and put some healing salve on the worst of my injuries before returning to the bedroom. With a heavy sigh, I settle into bed myself, Thomas' even breathing indicating that he's already asleep. It's not long before I'm asleep myself.
