ZEDD

I stare after my mate as he suddenly dashes through the kitchen before I can even greet him, now completely confused by his behavior. First he leaves my side this morning, far earlier than is normal, then when I begin to wonder where he went off to he abruptly and completely blocks me out, and now he doesn't even speak to me? What the hell is going on? He was fine last night. More than fine even. So what the hell is his problem now?

"Well, he was intent on something, wasn't he?" Dar comments. At my questioning look, he says, "He didn't even acknowledge us - just went straight through." To put it bluntly, no shit.

"I don't know what the hell has gotten into him this morning, he was fine last night."

"I know." At my confused look he smirks around his cup of coffee. "We heard you two being 'fine' when we were starting to fall asleep."

"He's a bit loud," I agree though not sorry in the least for it.

"So are you, still though as you said he seemed fine last night. Odds are he's just looking for Pina about something - maybe his treatment."

"Maybe." But somehow I seriously doubt it. We move on to talking about the contracts that we have pending, the one we're still going to refuse and other business related matters as well as who will stay with Thomas if I am needed to go handle said business myself for some reason.

We're both startled when the kitchen door is suddenly slammed open by Pina, much as her mate had only two days before. "Zeddic." Her voice is low and dangerous and her tone tells me that whatever I say next had better be the right thing. "When did you tell Tommy that you didn't want to be bonded to him?"

"I what now?" Of all the things she could have said that was not one I was expecting.

"When did you tell Tommy you didn't want to be bonded to him and why?" she demands again in the same near deadly tone.

I think back carefully to our discussions about the bond. "The only thing that I can think of was when I was first explaining the bond to him and I said that I wouldn't have wished such a thing on him or me because we didn't know what effect it would have on his recovery."

Speaking through her teeth, Pina says, "Try again." I frown, coming up with all of nothing.

"Pina I swear I have no idea where he would have gotten such a notion," I insist seriously. "What did he say exactly that made you think-"

"Something about being 'stuck in a forced bond' maybe?"

"Stuck in a- oh." Suddenly I do recall saying that - and the circumstances around it. "He took that out of context and completely away from the references."

"What did you say exactly?" Dar asks, finally coming out of his own stunned state.

I sigh. "I said, 'Shame on me for being stuck in a forced bond that could very well kill me when you go back and take up those fucking powers again'." I quickly explain the situation that brought that statement into being as well as the fact I said it over a damn week ago. "He told you about that? Why? I thought we'd moved past that little spat, why the hell bring it up now and why not just talk to me about it?" I ask in frustration.

"He wanted to know if there was a way to break the bond so that you could be - in his words - unstuck. I'm guessing he didn't come to you because he didn't want you to know what he was trying to plan."

"Or because Pina is the most knowledgeable about interspecies bonding right now," Dar says reasonably.

Distress floods my being at the idea of breaking the bond - even if it were possible. "Where is he?"

"Don't you know?" Pina answers. I shake my head, fighting back panic. I need to find him and fix this! Now! Who knows what he could do when thinking like this!

"He's blocking me and I don't know where to start looking. There's too many places that he could be and-" I stop as Dar slams his hand on the counter.

"Zedd-" There is warning in his tone. "Calm down."

Pina says, "He didn't take my pack so he's not headed off the grounds."

Dar speaks up again. "He didn't come back through here. If he were headed for the gardens, he'd be going the long way around. You need to calm down and think a minute. He's not stupid enough to harm himself Zedd if he's doing this for you as he implied to Pina. He knows injuring himself would injure you and thus defeat the purpose. We just have to find him is all."

I exhale slowly, finally having gotten a grip on myself. "The tower, our room, out front, the dungeons - too many possibilities. And that's if he wants to be found."

"I told him that, as far as I know, there's no way to break the bond," Pina informs me. "I get the feeling that there's more to it than just getting you unstuck, but I'm not really sure what it is."

"Well, their relationship has developed rather quickly - even by human standards and definitely by ours," Dar puts in. True - sometimes it takes centuries to get to where we are now. "Maybe it has something to do with that."

Another slow breath in and out. Think, Zedd. You know Thomas fairly well - well, the boy at least. The man, not so much, but still… Finally looking at them hopelessly, I say, "I'm not sure."

"All right," Dar responds with a sigh. "Let's look for him. Pina, you check the grounds. Zedd, you check the tower, your office and your room. I'll check the dungeon, hangar and lower levels."

I respond with a sigh of my own. "If we don't find him quickly, we might just have to wait him out."

"That's pointless. You won't be able to get any work done if you're worrying about it."

"What else can I do, Dar? Once again, there are too many places to hide and only three of us. He could elude us for a long time, if he chooses to."

"First things first," Pina states. "We'll go and do a quick check. After that, we'll go back to our work. Zedd's right - he can dodge us for a long time. But - when he's ready to talk, he will come and seek one of us out."

Reluctantly, we head out to check our areas. What if I can't find him? What if he doesn't want me to find him? Worse yet what do I say if I do? How do I make him understand that I no longer have a problem with the bond? Especially when he's blocking me like this and can't feel that I'm being honest.

Much to my growing concern I don't find him in the tower this time, or my office. I'm relieved however when I find him in our room, sitting in a chair looking out the window. "Thomas, there you are."

"Here I am" he agrees.

"What in the hell happened last night to make you recall some stupid spat I had with you over a week ago?" I ask abruptly, still agitated with concern for him and myself to a degree.

His voice is flat. "I don't want to talk right now, Zedd." Oh really, because I'm just super excited to be having this conversation.

Regardless, I cross the room and sit in another chair. "All right. Then just listen. When I said that I was stuck in a forced bond, I was angry. Dar had pissed me off by challenging me, you were taking his side, I lost my temper and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you, but you of all people by now know what I get like when I'm upset, that doesn't excuse it or what I said to you by any means, I'm just trying to explain why I said it."

"They say that the truth comes out when people are angry."

"That may be true, but it's also true that people don't always express themselves correctly when angry, as I just said. First of all, this isn't a forced bond. It is possible to create such a thing, but that's not the case with us. It just – happened, it does that among my species. Second of all, if you remember when I was explaining to you about the bond, I'd said that I wouldn't have wished that on you or me since we wouldn't know what it would do to your recovery - thus the reason I felt stuck."

"And now it could kill you," he says bitterly.

"We don't know that, Thomas." Growing frustrated at his lack of help and responses, I find myself reaching now. "Wasn't it again you that said we shouldn't look at the worst possible outcome, that we should just focus on what we have and enjoy it, while we can?"

"I wasn't thinking clearly at the time I said that. I wasn't really considering that it could again, kill you."

"Everyone dies eventually, Thomas."

He ignores me. "And it's all my fault."

It's what now? "I don't understand." He doesn't elaborate. "Thomas, it's not your fault. It is what it is. I told you that."

"I'm sorry, Zedd."

"I'm not. Thomas, I don't have a problem with the bond anymore, if you would just unblock me, you'd know that." Getting no response, I try again, knowing I'm starting to sound desperate. "Thomas, I'm not afraid of what could happen because we're bonded. I'm not worried about some backlash happening to me because of you. So why are you? We were doing so well, I was happy, you were happy, why the hell are you so suddenly determined that that's a bad thing?"

"I don't know how to make this any clearer, Zedd. I. Don't. Want. To. Talk."

I sigh. "Fine, Thomas. But maybe you should talk to Pina and get more information about bonding in general - if not about how it pertains to Eltarians. Since you won't talk to me, perhaps she can clear up any misunderstandings or misinformation."

He doesn't answer me. Reluctantly, I rise and leave the room. I head for my office, unhappy. I get some work done on the contracts by lunchtime and take them to Dar's office. He looks up when I come in. "Hell, Zedd, are you all right?"

I shrug, not really caring at the moment. "I guess so." Though now that he mentions it, my depression aside, I am feeling a bit exhausted.

"You don't look so good. Maybe you should go see Pina."

"I'm just worried about Thomas."

Frowning and not seeming convinced, he shakes his head. "Zedd I've seen you concerned, this is not concerned. You look…I don't know, but maybe you should sit down and I'll go get Pina."

"You worry too much. I probably just need some lunch. Here's some of the contracts. I'll deal with the rest later. I'll see you in the kitchen."

I head for the kitchen and when I get there, I sit down on a nearby stool. Now that Dar has pointed it out, I really don't feel all that well, more so than just exhaustion as I originally chalked it up to in his office. I fold my arms on the countertop and rest my head on them. I hope that whatever I have Thomas can't catch because - odds are - one of our recent visitors brought it with them. When did it get so cold in the castle? I mean, I know that being made of stone the temperature stays fairly low, but still.

I'm vaguely aware when the door opens again. Pina speaks, "Zedd?"

"I'm not asleep." I can feel her run her fingers through my hair, her cool fingers feeling good when they brush my forehead. "I don't feel so good."