The Untitled Story of Stupidity

A tall, slim, graceful girl with sparkling blue-violet eyes walks onto a stage, the microphone held to her lips. She has a proportionate face, with a very nice, neat nose and large eyes framed by the longest, black lashes one could ever dream of having. Her hair is very thick and lustrous, bouncy and full of volume. It's a beautiful obsidian black shot through with streaks of pink, purple, aquamarine, blonde, green, blood red and silver. The hair is long; it reaches down her perfectly curved body and stops mid-thigh, swishing casually and standing out against her white TNA sweater, baby blue jeans and white and rose coloured converses. Harry, Blaise, Draco, Ron, Fred, George, Bill, Charlie, Percy, Sirius, Remus, Dean, Seamus, Crabbe, Goyle, Terry, Oliver and even Severus Snape had eyes as large as Galleons and slack jaws as they watched her do Silent Apparitions- the hardest form of Apparating- all over the stage.

With her left hand- she was ambidextrous, which meant that she could use both hands equally well, but she preferred her left and anyway, her microphone was in her right hand- she flicked her wand and amazing fire flickered on the wicks of the candles. They were blue one moment, then purple, then red and so on and so forth- and once again, it was impossibly hard to do, but this girl made it look as easy as pie.

In the candlelight, she looked stunning. But the best part was yet to come. She began to sing into the microphone. And her singing too, was quite spectacular. It was a thousand wind chimes tinkering in the breeze- sweeter than any songbird's song. She began in a clear, loud, sweet, bell like voice:

Oh yeah yeah yeah

Uh huh huh huh mmmm hmmm.

Look at me you'll never be

As irresistably beautiful like me!

I'm good enough to be in Slytherin, Hufflepuff,

Ravenclaw, Gryffindor-- Yes I know my stuff.

I'm head of every class and I take them all!

All the boys drool over me, wanting me to even glance their way

I've got enough power to chase Voldemort away!

Lovely as I am, I sing like no other

All the animals love me, I'm like their second mother.

I can fight dragons and knarls and boggarts and Prince Charles!

And my name is Crimson Belladonna Carie Marie Awna Raven Dingledarien Sandra Meridan Sheridan Karen Dumbledore SILVER-GOLD!

I'm the last of the vampire/demon/angel/priestesses the legends once foretold

I'm the last of my family, the strongest pure bloods in the wooooorlllllddd!

I AM --

She didn't get any further, because a horde of jealous girls who knew her real identity ran her over with a tank.

A loud voice blared:

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO MARY SUES!

And everyone (even those who killed her, because they had seen the errors of their ways) started crying for their favourite person. They held a big, fancy funeral for her and Voldemort- whom she converted out of love- blew up the world.

The End.