ZEDD
I set my head down on my desk, cursing under my breath and ready to go back to bed after only working for an hour or two. Thomas was right. Once more, I'm exhausted and not due to anything fun either. Maybe lunch will help. I rise and leave my office. My thoughts turn once more to my mate. As tired as he was this morning, he needs to rest too, before his body succumbs to the misery that we're still recovering from.
Once he's rested, we are going to have to talk before I fall ill again. Still unsure how to approach him, I head into the kitchen. As I open the door, I hear a faint curse and find Thomas with his hands braced on the counter, bent over. I hurry over to him my concern mounting once more. "Thomas, are you all right?"
He straightens slowly, seeming to force himself to mask any pain he's in. "My back hurts a little. I'm all right, Zedd. I was stiff from falling asleep in the chair and then I did some things in the garden that Dar and Pina had asked me to do when you guys were down. I should have waited until I'd worked the kinks from my muscles first."
"Here, let me help." Lightly, I touch his back only to have him he move away before I can even think of doing more.
"I'll be okay. Give me a few minutes and I'll get lunch finished."
I'm at a loss. Why did he pull away like that? Is he hurt worse than he's letting on? He moves around the kitchen and I can see just how uncomfortable he is, so why not let me try and fix it? "If you let me see where the knots are, I can probably work at least the worst ones out for you and then a hot shower should-"
"I'll get a shower later, it'll be fine." Moving away from me again as I reach for him, I'm uncertain who's becoming more frustrated now, me or him, given the fact his physical dodging of me is starting to work my own frayed nerves now.
"Well if you won't let me fix it, perhaps Pina has something that will help. I'm sure she's got some salve or very light muscle relaxers that could ease the pain long enough for you to at least get a soak or better yet some sleep."
"I'll be fine, Zedd. I don't need to be babied!" he snaps. He stops and draws a breath, visibly calming himself. He sighs and says, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I'm just tired and sore. I will be fine."
Still a little stung, I nod. "If you say so."
Pina and Dar come in, looking much like I feel. Thomas sighs again. "Just as I thought, you made it till lunch, but that's about as far as you should push it. You guys need to catch a nap after you finish eating. The extra rest will help and hopefully by dinner time you'll feel up to another meal and shower."
Dar and I look to Pina, who shrugs. "Well, it certainly couldn't hurt. After all, he knows about this better than we do. As quickly as Eltarians recover from most illnesses, this isn't an Eltarian illness and I'm unsure if our natural healing will counter it like normal." It certainly hasn't seemed to so far.
"Thank you, Pina" Thomas says.
"For what?" she asks, puzzled.
Turning back to what he's preparing for lunch, he shakes his head, his annoyance leaking through to me even with him still blocking me so tightly. "For believing me, trusting me. It's something that's in short supply lately."
"I told you I trusted you this morning, Thomas" I protest, my own aggravation growing.
He slams his hand down on the counter. "And yet, you've questioned and argued almost everything I've said since you got sick. That's not trust, Zedd, that's doubt. Why don't you just come out and say it? Because I'm from a lesser species and stupid and careless enough to get shot in the head, making me more stupid, you thought I wouldn't notice - that it would be okay not to believe me. Well, guess what? It's not okay." He heads for the door. "Lunch is on the stove. I'll deal with dinner later - unless I'm too stupid for that too."
"Thomas-"
"Fuck off, Zedd. Leave me alone." He slams the door behind him.
Stunned, I turn to my companions. Quietly, Pina comments, "He's tired, Zedd. It's making him more emotional and more volatile."
"It doesn't help, though, that he's right," Dar puts in. I'm confused and I turn to Dar for an explanation. "Even if you don't question him out loud, you've looked to Pina for confirmation every time he's told us something about this illness."
"I did?" In all fairness, she is our doctor of sorts and certainly more familiar with Eltarian physiology than he is. Still though, I honestly didn't realize I was doing any such thing. "I didn't realize-"
"It's as much old habit as anything," Dar assures me. "It's been just the three of us for a long time."
"I know he's not stupid or careless, and even if I did look to Pina for some subconscious confirmation about our illness I don't see where the hell he gets the notion I view him as…" My voice trails off. I had, at one point, said that he was careless enough to get shot. It was the same day I'd lost my temper and it was part of how I'd goaded him into sparring. Quickly, I fill in the curious pair. "This is the second time he's brought up things from that day. Why?"
Pina frowns. "Two disagreements - one where you got angry and one where he did and on the same day. Both of them hurtful to him, however unintentional or well-meaning the first one was."
"Quite frankly, I don't think you'll be able to pin down anything until he gets some rest and quits blocking you. He does still have you blocked, right?"
I nod at Dar. Suddenly several thoughts link together. "What if - what if he's trying to break the bond? What if these little fights are - consciously or unconsciously - his way of keeping space between us? Physical and emotional? When I told him I wanted to spend time with him after breakfast he wouldn't, insisting I needed to go tend to work. Also I touched his back earlier, when I came in for lunch and noticed he was in pain, I barely got my hand on him before he moved away from me, and rather quickly at that. Originally I thought it was because he was hurt more than he implied, but what if it's not?"
They sigh. Finally Pina says, "Give him until dinner to see if he's over his anger. Whether or not he is, I think we're going to have to sit him down and have a talk as I don't think he understands just what bonding means to our kind."
