A/N: I know this is taking too long. I'm really sorry. To those of you who are my loyal readers, thanks a lot for sticking with me and not completely hating me. After all, I think I've taken just about all the creative license I'm allowed. Don't worry though, I promise to make everything moderately okay in the end.

Summary: So far, not too much has changed. I'm going really slowly, for some unkown reason (and yes, that means I don't even know why). Anyway, to refresh you all, just in case, Abby got kidnapped by Ari and McGee. Gibbs had a timeline. He found Abby's dead body well within his limit. I guess that's all youneed to really know. Wow, it's a much more interesting story, in my head.


Gibbs watched as Tony pulled Kate away. He had thought that no one would ever be able to intimidate him. As Kate's eyes bored into his, he knew he would never forget the haunted look on her face as long as he lived. It didn't matter that he had no intention of letting them cut Abby open. After all, it had been her worst nightmare at one point.

"Now what Ducky?" asked Gibbs wearily. The last thing he wanted to be right now was the boss, but it was the one thing he had to be.

"Now we…" Ducky sighed heavily. "We take her to the truck, Jethro."

They looked at each other, then at Abby. Without so much as a word, Gibbs picked up her fragile body and cradled her in his arms. Ducky looked over at him and, realizing that Gibbs would never ask for help in this situation, left Gibbs alone.

Gibbs looked down at her pale face and sank to the floor. He pulled her body against him and hugged her tightly. Maybe it was weird, or even wrong to hug a dead person, but it was the farthest thing from Gibbs' mind. All he knew was that he had screwed up Abby's life, and now he wished he could take it back.

Suddenly, Gibbs was furious, and not completely at himself. "Why her God?" He looked up at the ceiling and yelled, still holding her against him as though trying to put some of his own life back into her. "What the Hell did she ever do to you?" He sighed. "And why couldn't it have been me instead?"

With the realization that it could have been him, Gibbs started to cry. He didn't care what anyone thought anymore, he just knew that there was no holding them back and he didn't want to anyway. As he watched the tears, his tears, roll off her skin and onto the carpet, he found that it was somewhat comforting to have the drops rolling down his cheeks. For once, he didn't hurriedly wipe them away or try to hide them. For once, Gibbs was a Marine, and yes damn-it-all, he was crying.

He cradled her body to him for another minute then got up carefully. Hr had one arm supporting her neck, and the other was under her knees. Her hair fell over his arm and cascaded like an ebony-coloured waterfall towards the floor. He had never realized just how long or how beautiful it had really been. Not that it really mattered anymore, as he would never get to tell her that.

Of course, there were lots of things he had never truly realized about his beloved lab rat and would now never get to tell her. He had never realized just how green her eyes were, now that he thought about it. He had never realized what a sweet name she had, not that he would have ever dared to tell her that. He had never realized just how pale she truly was. He knew that this was partially due to the fact that she was dead, but she had had much fairer skin than anyone else he knew.

He sighed and actually started to move towards the front door, still thinking about all the things he had suddenly realized, and just how late he had been.

Gibbs walked purposefully to the truck, refusing to meet the eyes of any of his colleagues. He shifted Abby's body ever so slightly in his arms and held her closer. When he finally reached the truck, he refused to let Ducky help him, and he eventually just stood aside.

Gibbs laid her gently on the cold, metal table, realizing that this was what she had feared more than anything else in the world. "You sick bastards," murmured Gibbs as he took off his jacket. He knew all too well just how cold the gurneys were, after all. He lifted the top half of Abby's body and slid his jacket underneath her.

"I'm so sorry Abbs." He brushed back her hair with more tenderness than a father and his newborn daughter. "It shouldn't have ended like this." He brushed a gentle kiss against her cheek and felt the tear coming back. He brushed them away helplessly and quickly buckled the straps, feeling more and more heartless by the second.

Tony met him at the door of the truck. "Boss, I- I just wanted to, you know…" He trailed off carefully.

"No, Tony, I really don't know."

He shrugged helplessly. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry we didn't get here in time, and I'm sorry I was messing around."

Gibbs looked at him long and hard. "You don't really think that this is your fault, do you Tony?" He looked at him incredulously.

"Well, I- That is-" Tony's voice caught in his throat. "Yeah Boss, I really do."

Gibbs was absolutely stunned. How could Tony, the hardest person Gibbs had ever had to shake, be the one accusing himself for what had happened. Gibbs turned Tony and made him look directly into his piercing blue eyes. "Tony, it's not your fault."

Tony opened his mouth to object, but Gibbs cut him off by continuing.

"Look, I know about you and Kate. We all knew it was only a matter of time before something happened between you two anyway. Abby wouldn't want you to blame yourself; she'd think she had ruined things. You know that, don't you?" Gibbs put a hand on Tony's arm. "She'd want you to be happy." On the last bit, Gibbs started to tear up again and found he couldn't look Tony in the eye.

Tony shook his head. "You're wrong Boss…" he whispered, almost inaudibly.

"Good God, it's not just you, is it?" Gibbs spun around to face him again. "Wait, wait, wait; let me guess. Kate thinks it's her fault, and I'm going to bet that Ducky even blames himself!"

Tony looked at him, for once at a loss for words, but Gibbs wasn't quite finished.

"What the Hell is wrong with you all anyway?" He was really getting into it now, and he wondered if it was even about convincing Tony anymore, or if he was really trying to convince some monster within himself. "If it had been anyone else in the world, even if they looked slightly like Abby, we would never make it our fault. It's Ari's damn fault, or McGee's, or even mine, but certainly not yours, Kate's or Ducky's!"

Tony just stood there, dumbfounded, while Gibbs stalked furiously to his car. Finally, he came to his senses and ran after his boss and friend. As Gibbs opened the door to his car, Tony grabbed it and refused to let go.

Gibbs sighed. "Tony, let go of the goddamned door," he told him, his voice sounding wearier than ever before, and certainly lacking the forcefulness it had held less than a minute ago.

"Boss, I really-"

"Tony, let it go." Gibbs was silently pleading with him. It scared and shocked poor Tony. At that moment, he would have given anything in the world to have Gibbs back to yelling and slapping him. But this… Tony couldn't stand seeing Gibbs so helpless and broken.

"Let what go Boss?" he asked gently, hoping for one last chance.

"Tony," Gibbs' voice took on a little bit more feeling as he gave his subordinate one last chance.

Tony nodded and let go of the door, but not without putting in his last say. "You know Gibbs, Abby would have wanted the same things you told me to apply to you."

Gibbs didn't say a word as he slammed the door in Tony's face, nearly slipping off his nose in the process. The brakes squealed, and Gibbs careened down the long driveway more recklessly than they had ever seen him.

Kate came to stand by Tony. "It's worse than we thought, isn't it?"

"Oh yeah Kate, it's much worse."

They stood next to each other for a long time, not saying anything.

Finally, Ducky came over. "Come on you two, there's nothing more we can do for him now."

Slowly the three of them turned back to the van…