TOMMY
I sigh heavily once I'm absolutely certain that Zedd won't hear it. I remind myself that this is no different than when Jason left for the peace conference or I went to college or Kim left- Well, that's not true. This is different than all of those things in that Zedd won't be gone that long. At least I hope he won't. Realizing unhappily that I really know nothing about why he's going, when he'll be back or who he's going to help, I feel a bit aggravated at him and myself for neglecting to ask. Deciding to find out more about the matter when he comes home as there's nothing I can really do about it now, I clear Pina and Zedd's dishes and set places for Dar and myself.
I've just finished when he comes in. "We'll stick to the schedule as much as we reasonably can. So for tonight, dinner, clean up and practice."
"In the morning, I'll work on the tower then language lessons after lunch." At least that should keep me busy for a while.
Seeming to notice my lack of enthusiasm and the fact I'm mostly picking at my food, he frowns and after a moment changes the subject. "I was thinking about what you said earlier, about helping the children and researching. If you were serious about returning to your research, we can put together a list of what you'll need. Also, we can clear out one of the old labs for you to use."
"I would like to revisit some of what I was working on as it really might help the kids with Mesogog. I just wish I had my old notes. I'm going to have to do this from memory."
"Could Hayley send them to you?"
I shake my head. "No, only my very early notes. The ones I was actually working from were lost when I had to blow the island lab." Dar looks at me curiously.
"You blew up an island?"
Nodding, I give him a brief rundown of the matter.
"While I understand your reasons for doing that, it seems a bit careless that you didn't have a better escape plan." I'm not arguing with that as I am by all accounts very lucky to still be alive. "As for your work…You lost everything? No backups?"
"I had one backup on a flash drive and I have no idea where the damn thing is now. It's not entirely impossible that Anton/Mesogog has it now."
We continue discussing different things including what language I might try next as we eat and clean up. We head out and practice. He's not taking it anywhere as easy on me as Zedd does and I'm relishing the challenge. We stay out much longer than usual before we head in and I get a well-deserved shower. I sigh as I realize that, with Zedd gone, I'm going to need something to sleep in since he won't be here to share body heat. I throw on a tee shirt and sweatpants, put in a movie and get comfortable.
The movie ends, but I'm no closer to sleep. I've never noticed before how big this bed is before. Sighing, I try to think of something to help me sleep. I remember that I can read now so I head for my old room and the boxes in the closet. It's not long before I'm settled back in bed. Granted, my vocabulary isn't quite back up to what it was, but what better way to bring it back than one of my favorite books?
I'm not sure what time it is when I suddenly wake up, gasping for air. Realizing the room is empty calms me down somewhat, before ramping up my paranoia. Damn it Zedd you told me you wouldn't leave me here alone and…and that's not fair. He had to go. If someone is in trouble and he can help them he needed to go and I need to suck it up like the power holder I am even if I really don't want to. Now irritated and angry at myself I throw my book across the room, cursing loudly and at length in three languages.
Running out of steam after a while and a bit surprised my yells of rage haven't brought Dar down to see what's up, I decide that going back to sleep is definitely not an option for the moment. However I'm really not in the mood to read anymore either, nor watch another movie. Not left with many choices now I get up, leave the room, and head for the kitchen. I need something to drink and maybe a snack before I even attempt to try and fall back asleep.
I dig through the cabinets and the freezer, not finding anything that I want. I'm still digging in the fridge when I hear, "What in all the hells are you looking for, brat?" Really? My screams didn't wake him, but moving a few items around in the kitchen has him up in no time.
"I don't know. Something chocolate, I guess."
"Why?" Habit maybe. I don't remember everything from my past, but the thought of eating vegetables or fruit after a nightmare just doesn't feel right. Not giving me a chance to explain though as he spies the time on the clock, he continues unhappily. "And why are you up? I know you're too old for a bedtime of sorts, but this is late even for me."
"I can't sleep."
"Why?"
Looking back in the fridge, feeling rather stupid now, I tell him the reason under my breath. "Fucking nightmare."
"Oh." Looking far less annoyed now, he heaves a sigh before shaking his head. "I thought those had stopped."
"So did I."
He thinks for a minute before turning on the main light and gesturing to a nearby stool. "Sit down out of my way." He moves around the kitchen as I take a seat at the counter. "Zedd was afraid this would happen." Do what now?
"He said he thought I'd have a nightmare?"
"Not exactly." Pulling out a bowl and some ingredients, he stiffens a yawn. "He was afraid to leave you, but he didn't specify why exactly. However I could tell he was worried about something more than just not being around for a few days."
"Oh, I don't want him to worry. Besides he had to go, I would have been mad at him and myself if he'd ignored someone who needed help because of me."
"I know, I told him as much." Pausing and seeming to think something over, he mutters softly under his breath before heaving a sigh and seeming to steel himself. "I also told him I'd take care of you, even though you don't really need that much taking care of." Okay. "So…"
"So…" Not sure where he's going with this, I wait for him to elaborate.
"So, you want to talk about it?"
"Not really. It's just the same old crap. It doesn't help that - except for my semi-comatose state after you guys were sick - this is the first time I've slept alone in weeks." Okay so maybe I did want to talk about it a little, but really it's aggravating to have one sleeping arrangement for so long and then have it abruptly changed.
"Bed too big and empty?" he says understandingly.
"Yeah. Plus, I'm not exactly happy with myself." At his curious look I sigh in slight annoyance. "I didn't want Zedd to leave. I know he had to, and there would be no way I would ever let him stay instead of helping someone just because of me, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm just a bit upset by how abrupt a decision it was, and the fact he wouldn't give me any of the details concerning it, not to mention I really thought I'd be over the nightmares after all the progress I've made, too."
"He wasn't trying to keep anything from you. This female, she's not a threat to your bond, I can assure you of that as Zedd views her I believe almost as a little sister of sorts. As for the rest of it, maybe when you go back to Earth to deal with things, you should confront the source of your nightmares - see that they aren't a threat anymore."
"Maybe, but in the meantime-"
"In the meantime you still can't sleep." He sighs. "How about this - after this, you try and go back to sleep. If you can't or you have another nightmare, you can bring Zedd's pillow and the top comforter from the bed and come in and lay down with me just so that you aren't alone."
"I'm not worried about being alone."
"Fair enough, but it would also help if you were to have another nightmare as I'd hear you and at least be able to wake you up."
"Maybe. Why do I need Zedd's pillow and the blanket?"
Looking at me as if I'm once more suffering from a brain injury he shakes his head. "His pillow should have his scent on it, and while I don't find that comforting, you should. At least more so than the smell of Pina or myself would be which is what my bedding smells like. The comforter, it's chilly this time of year as you already know, without Zedd to curl up to you're going to need the extra bedding to stay warm.
"I'll think about it. But you better stay on your side of the bed if I do."
"You're not exactly my type" he answers dryly.
