ZEDD - A FEW HOURS LATER
Thomas is curled into my side once more, waiting as I recover from another incredible round of mating. Has he been researching while I was gone? Because he's gone from terrified virgin to, well, probably the best lover I've ever had in a matter of weeks - and much of that time was lost in other things. Powers help me once he gets used to being taken - I may actually have to take a vacation.
Stroking my hand along his back, I don't think there's a cell in my body that isn't satisfied. Now, if only he'd let me address his need but he keeps refusing and I don't really understand why. There is no trace of evil in what he's doing as there is too much warmth and - whether he admits it or not - love shining out of his beautiful brown eyes. Inwardly I sigh. If he doesn't allow himself some relief by bedtime tonight, I will know the reason why - welcoming me home be damned. In the meantime -
I look down at my mate. "So, Thomas, besides Eltarian lessons, what else have you been up to while I was gone?"
His voice is lazily comfortable as he answers. "Dar helped me finish the turret repairs, we cleared out one of the old labs for me to use, we got some work done in the garden, put together a couple of supply lists, I think he's ordered me some more language programs, we talked about me having an office as well - we just can't decide where it should be."
Wow - Dar kept him busy in my absence and I'm both pleased and disappointed by this. I would have thought that all the activity would have exhausted him to the point that he'd not have had nightmares, no doubt that was Dar's reasoning as well, but apparently that wasn't the case. Returning my attention to the conversation, I inquire, "Where all have you considered for your office?"
"Near your office, near Dar's office and near my new lab."
I consider this. "You know, you might need two if you're going to help with the business. One for business and one for research so that you can keep everything separated more easily."
He shrugs. "It really depends on what all I do for the business. If I'm actually not involved all that much, I could probably get away with the workspace I have in Dar's office - or just move that stuff to your office. After all, you do have more space than he does." If he did wish to share space mine would be the better choice as I know Dar doesn't like to share his work space, in fairness though neither do I to a degree.
"True. We'll figure something out, as you said, we might as well see how involved you want to be in the business first before deciding anything. That aside though, sounds like you've been pretty busy while I was gone. When did you have time to miss me?"
"Around bedtime mostly." Kissing me once more, he gives a very sultry smile. "It's lonely without you, not to mention kind of cold. You're sort of like my own personal heat rock."
"Is that why you ended up on the couch?"
"Not exactly." Suddenly looking away he heaves a sigh. His voice is soft as he says, "The bed is too big without you in it, Zedd." He almost sounds ashamed at this admission, but I know exactly what he means.
"The bed on Pina's ship is smaller than this one and that one felt too big as well" I inform him. "The only reason I really slept at all was exhaustion and at that point, it's more like passing out." He nods understandingly.
"I have to admit I'm a bit surprised you were on the couch rather than in Goldar's room. I had hoped you'd be all right, but I assumed if you weren't you'd end up in his chambers rather than the recreation room."
"I tried, it wasn't…it didn't feel right. His bed smelled too much like him and Pina and I couldn't sleep."
I soften my own tones. "How bad was it, Thomas? The nightmares, I mean?"
"It wasn't fun."
"More nightmares about what happened at rehab?"
He shudders. "The first one was." First one? By the powers how many did he have?
"And the others?"
"I used to have a nightmare about when I nearly killed Jason in the dark dimension. That one came back for a visit. And a couple about some accidents I had when I was racing."
Ignoring his baiting remark about racing, I can tell he's being evasive, but about what? "Did you have the one about me becoming a rapist again?"
"No, that one didn't come back." Well that's one plus I suppose. "I think it's because, well, we've actually done it now and I know what it's like so I'm not afraid of it anymore."
"Okay, what else then?"
"It's not important." Thomas straightens up, leans over and kisses me as his hands start wandering. Unfortunately, I can see the diversion for what it is.
Deciding not to let him distract me this time I let him think he's going to get by with this as I allow him to start working me up again. Giving him no more than a minute though I thread my fingers through his, kissing him back as I seek out his other hand. Once I have it, I roll us both over, pinning him to the mattress. He moans softly as I press kisses to his neck, throat and shoulder. "Tell me."
Unfortunately, he snaps out of the pleasant haze he was getting lost in. "Zedd, I really-"
I silence him with a kiss. "Thomas, love, please tell me. You never know - it might be something that can be cleared up so that it doesn't come back either."
"I doubt it" he sighs. He closes his eyes, but I'm not sure why. "I dreamed that you were being beaten and tortured and I knew but I couldn't get to you. I tried to get Dar to take me, but he said that I was imagining things since Pina was all right."
Thinking this over I shake my head slowly. "I can't promise I'll never be in a position like that Thomas given my past and what I do now, however I feel fairly confident in saying that even if Dar doubted your claims he would still look into it as I'm, as he put it once, his best friend."
"It gets worse." Oh joy. "It jumped to the next morning. Somehow, you'd gotten free and came home, but you found me sleeping in Dar's bed with him and jumped to the wrong conclusion and-" he hesitates before finishing quickly "you tried to beat me to death." Hastily, he says, "Like I told Dar, when I'm awake, I know that wouldn't happen, but-"
"You can't help what you dream, Thomas." And now I understand why he closed his eyes. He expected to see hurt in mine at how his mind keeps making me be cruel to him, but this time, I'm actually not that hurt.
"I told Dar and like you said he sort of verified that he wouldn't discard any concerns that you might be hurt or in trouble, and he also said something about you very likely trying to kill him not me if anything happened between us, but…" Oh I would, best friend or not, he would pay.
"Oh I would definitely come very close to killing him, make no mistake there."
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to keep having dreams like this."
"Don't be sorry, as I said you can't help what your subconscious comes up with while you're asleep, besides you're not exactly wrong either." My calm tone making him look at me curiously, I give him a slight shrug. "Thomas, not to hurt your feelings, but if you did ever actually - to use the Earth term - cheat on me, then yes, I would probably beat the hell out of you."
"What?" Looking thankfully not scared, but slightly surprised and if I'm right a tad miffed, he shakes his own head now. "Did you just- wait what?"
"You're not damaged anymore Thomas, you don't need to be handled delicately as you did when you first arrived here, you yourself tell me as much all the time. You're an adult male, one who nearly matches me in strength and speed. As I said I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I won't lie to you, if I found out you willingly mated with someone else behind my back while we were still together chances are I would be furious enough to try and beat the hell out of you. In all fairness if the situation were reversed can you tell me you wouldn't do the same?"
Opening his mouth to perhaps insist that he wouldn't he however closes it after a moment looking suddenly thoughtful. "I…I don't know. Maybe. I mean if you were a woman, I know I'd walk away before I would let myself lash out…might beat the hell out of the guy you were cheating on me with, but I'd never hit you."
"But I'm not female."
"Yeah…I don't know, I've never been with a guy before you, I don't know how I'd react."
"I understand that, and I'd never lash out at a female either, but love I have been with males before, and I do have a temper as you've seen. I'd not do anything to harm you permanently, but I'm not going to tell you that I wouldn't be enraged enough to not come at you given how little such a situation would mean you think of me and what we have. Bond mates, they just don't do that sort of thing Thomas."
"So if something happened between us and someone else came along…"
"I wouldn't be happy, but I'd take it a hell of a lot better if you were honest and upfront with me. If you decide that you'd rather be with someone else - tell me. That's all I want is for you to be honest about it. That said, however, I'd have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were cheating before I'd raise a hand to you. And, quite frankly, that's where your dream was wrong. I might have jumped to a wrong conclusion, but it wouldn't be all that hard to tell if you were resting beside someone or mating with them, just as it wouldn't be hard for me to tell if someone was forcing you, or you were willing. Don't worry. I'm not upset, love."
His eyes snap open fully and I can see many emotions there. "How can you not be? I mean all right this instance aside, fine I was half right in that you'd get a bit hostile, but… Zedd every time I have a new nightmare, it always makes you, well…"
"The bad guy" I answer calmly.
"I really don't see how you can be so calm about all this."
"Thomas, think about it. For most of the time you've known me, that's what I was. You're still - adjusting to the new me, I guess you'd say. I certainly still have the capacity to be evil, I just restrain it a lot better these days. Mostly."
"Mostly?"
Giving him a look, my response is dry, "I'm no saint, Thomas. I will do everything in my power to make certain that you, Goldar, and Scorpina are safe and happy. I love you, you're my mate and they're my family, but you three aside I can't truthfully tell you I don't disregard a lot of concern for others, especially when it doesn't benefit me."
"You went and helped your friend."
"True, but we're getting off topic a bit now. Now, a thought occurs to me, does this, your nightmare, have anything to do with you not letting me have my way with you? Self-punishment for the perceived insult?"
His face flames even as he shakes his head in denial. "No, nothing like that." He pauses for a long minute before he shakes his head again. "I know what I'm doing and why but every way I try and phrase it, it sounds stupid and if it sounds stupid in my head I know it's going to sound worse coming out of my mouth."
"I'll take that into consideration" I promise. "Why are you doing it?"
"I didn't lie - this is for you - mostly. I just- when I went through the evil stage and kept denying myself, when I finally did - you know - it was so intense. And now with my senses being enhanced, I was kinda wondering just how intense it would be now. Plus, I kinda wanted it to be, well, I wanted you to take me again for it, but-"
"But?"
"Well, judging by the light outside, I'd guess we've slept through the entire morning and been mating almost all afternoon. I was thinking that we'd need to have dinner first before that because, you know, I'm still kinda new at it and you can't just take me like I did you last night."
I kiss him to stop the flow of rambling. "I have no problem helping you with this kind of experimentation, Thomas, as long as you're ready for it and not pushing yourself. And, yes, we probably should get some food first as I will admit I am starving. However, how far do you want to take this experiment of yours?"
"What do you mean?"
I lower my head and run my tongue over his nipple, before biting gently and then soothing it. I feel him harden instantly under me even as he arches up toward my mouth, silently begging for more. I continue to arouse him until he's unconsciously thrusting against me, his body seeking its relief. I release him and roll off of him. That'll teach him for teasing me earlier. "I could help you stay aroused until then."
He groans loudly. "Yeah, maybe not. While I have to admit the idea is sort of intriguing, I don't want it to be over in a few seconds either."
"Perhaps once you're more used to the level of input you now get from your new senses."
"Yeah, maybe. In the meantime, we both need showers and food."
I lean back over and give him a parting kiss. "Since you've declined my suggestion for your experiment, I won't suggest we take one together - this time. I'll be back in a few minutes."
A little over half an hour later and we're headed for the kitchen. I can hear Pina and Dar's laughter before we get there and I'm once more enjoying the feeling of contentment. As before, I know it can't last, but I'm determined to revel in it while it does. We enter the kitchen and a quick glance at our other companions and it's all I can do to control my laughter. We are, all of us, sporting scratches and bruises and swollen lips - all signs of active, extended mating.
Throwing me a cocky grin, Dar says, "Just in time. But then again, you rarely miss a meal."
"True."
Pina comments, "By the way, since Tommy doesn't really seem to need me anymore, I was thinking that I'd move my things back into my old room near Dar's."
"Why aren't you just moving into his room?" Thomas asks reasonably.
"Because the two of us have too much stuff to cram into one room," Dar answers.
Is that all that's stopping them? I just assumed they each wanted their own space to a degree. "You know, I could just take the wall out that separates the rooms - make it into one large room." I look at Thomas. "I could do that with our rooms too, once you get the rest of the things you want from Earth."
"We don't have to worry about that right now" he answers. "Even if I am cleared for travel, I'm not really in a rush to go at the moment. Although, that does remind me. You asked about going back with me when I go. The problem is that I have no idea how long I'll be gone taking care of things and you can't put your business on hold indefinitely. Dar can't take me since you need him and Pina can't either since - doing what you do, you might need her medical skills. And god only knows what Andros might have to do or where he'll be when I decide to go."
He does have a point. However given the trouble he had with us being separated only a few days I'm remiss to let him run off alone for an undetermined amount of time right now. We all contemplate the situation, trying to figure out a solution as we begin to eat. Suddenly, Pina says, "Tommy, didn't you say that you have a house on Earth?" He nods and she continues. "I don't know how much room you have, but why couldn't we all go and stay with you? Most of our business is handled by email and calls - very rarely in person and we could easily leave the planet when that's necessary."
So simple and obvious a solution - should have thought of that sooner. "Do you have enough room for all of us, Thomas?"
"Yes." He thinks about her proposal for a little longer. "That would probably work - especially if the kids have beaten Mesogog. Then we wouldn't have to worry about them hanging out all the time." That would be a plus as while I think I could tolerate the young girl the boys however might end up fed to their little raptor pets.
Almost as if reading my mind, Thomas gives me a slight scowl. "But they very likely would be there at times and would be around me when I'm out, which if you want to go out I'd advise you to be with me too for at least the first few days. This means you have to be nice to them, Zedd. I know they can be a bit annoying at times, but they mean well and they're still to a degree just kids and still learning."
Heaving a sigh I give his worries a slightly dismissive gesture. "Fine, fine, I won't end their lives."
"And as far as you being cleared to travel, since you appear to be fully physically healed and your changes complete, there's no reason that you can't go when you want" Pina states pulling the topic away from the annoyance that will be the children.
"Cool."
Conversation continues throughout the meal, Pina and I filling in our mates about what had happened and why we had to go. Thomas comments, "Dar said that you view her almost as a little sister."
"Not exactly." I think for a moment, trying to come up with an analogy in English for what Essa and I are to each other. I feel his tinge of jealousy as it's taking me a fair moment to come up with anything. "More like you and the Ranger children, I think."
"Oh, like a mentor."
"Kind of" I nod. "And I could no more turn my back on her than you could if what happened to her happened to one of yours." Especially since it was frighteningly similar to what he went through in rehab - imprisoned and abused and almost molested. I shudder as I realize that if she hadn't gotten that message out to me when she did, then she probably never would have. "It seems to be my lot in life lately - saving others."
Thomas grins at me. "Sometimes karma has to balance itself."
"Who is this 'Karma'? You've mentioned them before," Dar asks.
Thomas laughs lightly. "Karma isn't a who, Dar." He explains the concept to us and we all are fascinated at the things that humans come up with to try and explain the organized chaos that is their lives. On the other hand, who would have thought that one human teenage male would ultimately make such a difference in my own existence?
