THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD!
Hakkai stared at the ceiling, a hand to his forehead, unblinking and looking as if he'd just been hit with a club to the head. Sanzo was snarling in his own bed, sitting up, hitting his pillow and lying down again before rolling over and pulling out his gun, holding it like it was his one life-line to sanity. Goku was snoring softly, a pillow over his head and completely dead to the God-awful racket going on in the room next to them. And Gojyo...well...
THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD!
...Gojyo was in the room next to him making the God-awful noise. Hakkai closed his eyes, felt his cheeks burn up at the sounds now punctuating the thudding of the headboard against the wall.
"Ahh...Gojyo...yeah, baby!"
"I'm going to kill him. I swear to fucking God, I am going kill him tonight," Sanzo ground out, sitting up and clicking the barrel open. He rummaged around in his bag and came out with the box of bullets to see how low he was...and threw the box back when he saw he was almost out. Sanzo only had what bullets were in the chamber and in the box to last until they got to the next town, a two day drive from here. "Fucking son of a bitch!"
Hakkai's eyes widened as another female's voice began to join. Two women? "Oh, fuck me, yeah, that's it!"
THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD!
"He's been at it for three hours," Hakkai groaned, trying to ignore the impossible. How did the kappa do it? Two women, three hours...it surely had to be a record! Gojyo had been saying for the last week and a half he was horny, but this was ridiculous!
"Another one? How many women does he have in there?" Sanzo exclaimed as a third girl joined in the moaning, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, covering his face with both hands. "I'll strangle him. I'll strangle him until he passes out and then I'll cut his dick off. Maybe then we'll get some peace and quiet."
Hakkai sat up as well, shooting a look at the wall next to him when the thudding got louder and harder, vibrating up to the ceiling. "It sounds like he's about to break right through the wall. Sanzo, this is...ANOTHER ONE? Good grief..." Four women! How...where...he couldn't even begin to imagine (nor did he really want to either) what Gojyo could possibly do with four women.
"Goddamn it, this is insane!" Sanzo lit a cigarette, peering out the window at the quickly lightening sky. His glare flickered from there over to the still slumbering Goku and grew darker. "And how can that stupid as hell monkey sleep through all this!"
Hakkai tensed as Sanzo rechecked his gun for the fourth time. "Sanzo?"
"Just thinking...for now. You think one bullet right between the eyes will do the trick?"
"Sanzo, you're not going to kill him over this."
THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD!
"Gojyo, God, yes...right there!"
On second thought, maybe he should let the monk end it now. He was exhausted from driving since early yesterday morning, and Gojyo's extracurricular activities were grating on even his temper. Couldn't they at least have the decency to take it somewhere else?
Sanzo's teeth were grinding loud enough for Hakkai to hear them across the room. "That's it! That is fucking it!" The blonde practically ran for the door, clicking the safety off the gun as he threw the door open, letting it slam against the wall.
Hakkai was up and after him instantly. As much as he wished the nightmare of being able to hear his friend have sex would end, he couldn't let Sanzo kill him. Gojyo was still his very good friend, and they did need him on this journey. "Sanzo, wait! You don't want to do that."
"Like hell I don't!" Sanzo bit out sharply. He was so focused on the door next to theirs that he didn't seem to notice Hakkai had grabbed his arm and turned him around. "This has got to stop, and a good way of doing that is killing him."
"You're only going to waist what few bullets you have left. Just put the gun down, please, and let me handle this."
Sanzo hesitated only a moment longer before putting the safety back and leaning against the wall behind him. "You have five minutes to do whatever you're going to do. After that, I start shooting."
Hakkai smiled and nodded. "Fair enough." He went over to the door and knocked on it, waiting.
The thudding and the moaning stopped abruptly. "Is that your friend?" he heard Gojyo ask one of the women.
"Could be. I told her she just had to come up...Hey, where you goin'?"
"Gotta give her a proper welcome, don't I?" Gojyo's purring laugh filtered through the door as the lock was slid back and the door opened. He was shirtless, a couple of hickies on his neck and holding his jeans up with one hand. The wicked smile quickly faded when he saw Hakkai standing in the door way. "Hakkai, what the...?"
Hakkai smiled at Gojyo's shocked face and wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling the stunned red-head closer and kissing him right on the mouth. And he made very certain that it involved a lot of tongue and was very visible to all the women on the bed, who were gaping at them with almost the same shocked expression Gojyo had. As he drew back, he moved his arm lower down around Gojyo's waist, right above his ass. "Hey, sweetie! I was wondering where you- what is this?" He pretended to just notice the naked women all over the bed, giving them the coldest glare he could manage without cracking up. Even Sanzo was slack jawed, the cigarette he had just lit almost falling from his fingers. "Gojyo, what in the HELL is this?"
"What...Hakkai...Ladies, he's not..." Gojyo was too stunned to formulate a single coherent sentence.
"You know I thought you smelled like a whore last night," Hakkai continued, whirling around on Gojyo. With his back turned on the 'ladies' he broke out in a grin, which was answered with a murderous glare Sanzo would have been proud of. "It's bad enough you're cheating on me, but with FOUR WOMEN!"
"Wait...you're gay?" one of the women on the bed asked.
Quickly hiding the smile again as Gojyo's jaw opened and shut without anything coming out, Hakkai said, "He's been my partner for almost three years now."
"I KNEW IT!" the blonde woman shrieked, jumping out of the bed and grabbing random pieces of clothing to throw on. "I just knew he was too good to be true! No straight man can last that long! Come on, girls!"
Gojyo looked like he'd just been kicked in the groin. All the women glared at him as they threw their clothing on and shoved their way out of the room. "No, wait...it's not what you...DAMN IT, HAKKAI! Please, come back!"
Smiling, Hakkai crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry, Gojyo, I don't think they're listening to you."
"Hakkai...you're one evil fucking bastard, you know that, right?" Gojyo said through clenched teeth.
Watching the balled fists closely, he stepped out of the room. "Good night, Gojyo. Pleasant dreams." He shut the door carefully behind him, grinning again when he heard the anguished cry from behind the door. The door jiggled a little as Gojyo fell against it and slid down to the floor.
Sanzo was staring at him, eyes a touch wide and the cigarette burning freely in his hand. "Shit..."
Hakkai laughed. "At least it's quiet now."
"Yeah, but...Hakkai?"
"Hm?"
"Shit..." It seemed that was all the usually verbose monk had to say about the matter.
