TOMMY

I open my eyes, disappointed to see that it's morning. As much as I enjoyed last night, I don't think we'll be doing that again for a good long while. While the intensity is awesome, I'd forgotten it came with a side order of passing out and I love cuddling with Zedd afterwards.

I smile as I remember a conversation I'd overheard when I was in college. My new girlfriend at the time, Becky, was talking to a friend of hers, who was complaining that all her boyfriends always fell asleep right after sex.

"I've heard that's the norm," Becky agreed soothingly. "But not every guy is like that."

"Oh yeah? Name one that doesn't."

"Tommy doesn't."

Silence. "He doesn't?"

"Oh god no. Not to mention that he's a world class cuddler. Watching a movie or if I've had a bad day or whatever, he pulls me into his arms and holds me and somehow everything just gets better, you know?"

"Lucky. I don't suppose you'd be willing to loan him out, would you?"

Becky laughed. "I'd have to rent him to you and believe me, you couldn't afford what it would cost you for me to part with him - you or your rich daddy."

My smile fades as I realize that the conversation happened about two months before we broke up - well, she broke up with me. Said I was too clingy. How did we go from one extreme to the other? I'm startled out of my thoughts when I hear the soft murmur. "It's too early to be frowning like that, love."

I know I catch him off guard in return when out of the blue I ask, "Am I too clingy?"

Zedd looks down at me, blinking away the last of his sleep even as puzzlement settles on his face. "What?" I repeat my question. "It's not like you hang on me every waking moment, Thomas, so how could you be? Is this about when I first rescued you? You needed to be near me a lot at the time, you were hurt and thrown into a situation with people you had no memory of."

"I didn't mean then, I just meant in general. Since we've been a couple."

"You cling to me in your sleep." Suddenly smiling he gives a shrug. "But then I do the same so I don't really see the problem."

I shrug and snuggle closer. "As long as you don't mind. But if you do get tired of it, just- just let me know, okay?"

"As long as you realize that there's a galaxy of difference between 'tired of it' and simply not in the mood."

"Not in the mood?"

"Temperamental, aggravated, you know how I get at times, love. I don't mean to be like that, but you know how my mood gets at times and at those times I don't want to hurt your feelings, so it's probably best to let me be for a short time until I can cool off. Other than that, or when I'm engrossed in work I'm more than happy to have you with me. Why? What brought this up?"

"Just thinking about some things." I sigh as he starts rubbing my back. "Please, please, please don't take this the wrong way. Last night was - well, I don't even have the right words to tell you how awesome and fantastic it was, but I don't want to do it again for a good long while."

His hand stops moving. "Did I hurt you, Thomas?"

"No, of course not, well not in a bad way. I mean it's still not exactly the equivalent of petting kittens, but it was definitely a sort of hurt I liked. Besides I would think you'd have known through the bond if I was actually hurting or in real pain."

"As I was in danger of losing control before you, I kind of had to block you out a little bit so I wasn't overwhelmed" he admits, almost sheepishly. "But if that's the case, then why don't you want to do it again? And what does this have to do with you believing you are clingy as you say?"

Suddenly I realize that we're not talking about the same thing and I hasten to reassure him. "No, wait. I didn't mean I don't want you to take me again. I meant that I don't want to take it to that extreme again anytime soon." He relaxes beside me and I'm relieved that I was able to catch the misunderstanding and put an end to it before it got worse. "It's just that - while the intensity is, and again, I don't really have the words to describe it, I'd forgotten about the passing out part and I don't like that. I like curling up with you after and I missed out on that last night thanks to being unconscious."

"Ah, you'd rather forgo the intensity of it in favor of lying with me after. Makes sense."

"You're not-"

"Of course I'm not upset, Thomas. I may not have mentioned it, but I dislike it when you don't get your pleasure too. It almost feels like I am just using you and that's not what I want. Holding back once in a while is fine, but when you were evil and yesterday, well, it made me uncomfortable, yesterday more so than during the whole evil thing."

"Why?"

"When you were evil, any number of things could have contributed to the reason you held back. As we saw then, it was because the rising hormones fueled the spell. Plus, for all your efforts, you only held out three times then. If I'm not mistaken, yesterday it was a lot more and I had no idea why you were doing it until after the fact. I knew that the evil was gone so I couldn't see a reason for you doing it."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."

He squeezes me gently. "Forgiven. I think that, until we know each other better in bed, we need to make sure that we communicate better. Just like your little role play, let me know first what you're doing and why and what you need me to do to help you. I have no problem, as I said, helping you experiment when we play, love. However you have to let me know what I'm helping you with."

I pretend to pout. "But that means no surprises."

Zedd chuckles lightly. "Oh, you mean like pouncing on me in my office?"

I relent at this reminder. "Okay, just very few then."

He kisses me softly. "At the rate we're both learning, I doubt it'll be six months before that much caution is no longer necessary."

Six months. Most of my relationships didn't last that long. Hell, many of them only lasted a couple of months after we got serious and started sleeping together… I blink as this realization clicks in my head. The one exception to the less than six months thing was Kim and we never got past a little heavy petting. It couldn't have been the sex, could it? I mean I did my best to make sure that my girlfriends were satisfied - the ones that I slept with anyway. I mean, I didn't sleep with all of them, but still.

Zedd's voice draws me out of my thoughts again. "You're frowning again. What are you thinking about this time?"

Bluntly, I answer, "Wondering if I'm a lousy lay."

"What?"

Hoping that it's astonishment that's keeping him from saying more than that one outburst, I wait for a moment. When he doesn't say any more, my heart sinks. Maybe it hasn't been as good for him as I thought. I mean, I know he's said that it was satisfying, but if there's something that I'm doing or not doing that needs to change, I wish he'd tell me. I'm more than a little startled when he sits both of us up, kneels next to me and takes my face in his hands. I see the pain in his eyes and my heart sinks further.

"Thomas, I have no idea where you'd have gotten an idea like that in your head, but you need to get rid of it - right now. In spite of your inexperience when we started, you've come a long way and I've told you that our mating is very satisfying. I've not lied to you about that. Except when you're evil, you are a very passionate and giving bed partner, making certain that I'm well cared for in the pleasure department. So much so, in fact, that thoughts of you often distract me from my work. Why else would that happen?"

"Novelty? Because this is new?"

There's a tinge of anger mixed with the pain now. "That may be a small part of it, Thomas, but it in no way is the entirety of how I feel about you or us. I can't believe that you'd think so little of me to think that I'd go to these extremes just for a little relief. I do believe that you've been told - twice, I might add - that I don't sleep around. I have told you on numerous occasions that I have no interest in using you and that I want you to be my mate. I don't want you to be my mate for only a day or a week or a month or a year or ten years or a century. You, Thomas, mean far more to me than that and the actual act of mating isn't required for me to feel that way." Wait, what? How did he get that from…oh, crap, wait.

"I-"

He shakes his head. "No. Don't say any more, Thomas." He gets off the bed and pulls some clothes on. "I need a little while to get control of myself. I'm going to go on the supply run and when I get back and am calmer, we'll finish this discussion."

He snatches up his staff and stalks out of the room. What have I done?