AUTHOR'S NOTE: THANK YOU EVERYONE! I WAS gonna post this at 100 reviews... but there was a slight problem and FF woudln't let me post! HURRAY FOR BEING FIXED...wait...whoa, um forget that little outburst! Anyway, here is a new one, involving ALL the guys as a way of saying THANK YOU!
Everyone woke with a start as Hakkai pulled the Jeep off onto the side of the road, jerking it to a hault. The steaming sun was beating down on them, making little vapor trails in the air. To the right of the road was nothing but dry, dead grass and shriveled trees. To the left, right along where they were parked, was a small lake surrounded by thick grass and tall, heavily shaded trees. It was an oasis of relief in the dry wasteland.
"Keep driving," Sanzo ordered, closing his eyes again.
Hakkai gave him a pleading, exhausted look. "I'm sorry, Sanzo, but I don't think that's such a good idea. We're all hot, dirty and exhausted. The next town is still at least a day's journey away, and this is most likely the only hospitable spot between here and there. We'll start again first thing in the morning."
Sanzo opened one eye a crack and crossed his arms over his chest. "Damn."
"WOOHOO! Here I come, lake!" Goku was out of the back seat before anyone could stop him and running for the water.
BANG!
The boy yelped and hit the ground when a bullet imbedded itself in the tree near his head.
"Idiot! Stop acting like a stupid brat," Sanzo shouted, teeth clenched tightly. The little vein in his forehead was positively ready to explode.
Gojyo chuckled, uncurling himself languidly from the back as well, stretching his arms up over his head. His fingers laced together behind his head and he leaned against the Jeep. "The monk's got a point, monkey."
Blinking, golden eyes blankly, confused, Goku asked, "Huh? What point are you talkin' about?"
"He's right about you being an idiot! Ow! Hey, what the hell is this?" Gojyo shouted, staring at the very abused bag thrown at the back of his head.
"It's my shit. Get Hakuryu unloaded," Sanzo replied, getting up and lighting a cigarette.
"You goddamn prick! Carry your own shit!" Gojyo picked the bag up, half-tempted to throw it back at that arrogant face. Except he knew that would result in certain death. As in, the kind where the bullet wouldn't conveniently 'miss' by an inch. Growling and muttering under his breath, he began throwing the bags and packages on the side of the road. "Come on, ya dumb ape! Start taking care of all this crap."
"Why me? Sanzo didn't say I had to," Goku hollered back, fidgeting back and forth on his feet, staring longingly at the water.
"Well, now I am," Sanzo replied. "Now get moving, and try to keep the kappa from breaking all the stuff." He walked away to sit under the shade of a tree.
Gojyo made a face and flicked him off while his back was turned, eliciting a soft chuckle from Hakkai. "The heat's making Sanzo a little grumpier than usual, don't you think, Gojyo?"
"Heh, didn't think it possible he could get any more bitter," the red head muttered.
"Hey, Hakkai?" Goku asked eagerly, standing still while Hakkai loaded him down with items.
"Yes?"
"Can we go swimming? Please?"
Laughing, he slung two packs over his shoulder and carried the hook with all the travel cooking pots attached to it. "That's a wonderful idea, Goku! Let's get the camp set up, start a fire and then take a nice refreshing swim before dinner and bed."
"Sounds good to me," Gojyo drawled, hefting the driving hammer to his shoulders and adjusting the bag of tent stakes as well. "I'd say right around where the lazy-assed monk is would be a good spot for the tent."
Smiling, Hakkai said with fake sincerity, "Why, Gojyo, I do believe you're correct!"
Grinning wickedly, Gojyo followed Hakkai over to where Sanzo was sitting, smoking and staring out over the lake. He glanced up at them, brows raised in mild shock as they dropped all the tent equipment on the grass next to him. "What's all this?" he demanded.
Hakkai knelt beside the equipment and started sorting it out into piles. Rope, poles, and then the tent itself, straightened out with a deft flick of his wrist, were all spread out without any explaination to the blonde. "Gojyo, would you mind setting up the central pole?"
"My pleasure," he answered. Sanzo drew his hand back quickly to keep it from being stabbed.
"You son of a bitch!" he snarled, his entire body shaking in rage.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Gojyo dismissed the cussing with a wave of his hand. "Can I help it if you're in the way?"
"Yes, it would probably be best to give us a little space for pitching the tent," Hakkai added, still smiling as if there wasn't an irate priest with a gun before him. "Unless...you plan to help?"
Sanzo stood ubruptly, teeth clenched. "Like hell," he ground out. He stomped away angrily, disappearing behind a turn in the hedges.
Hakkai laughed softly and stood up, attaching the first section of the tent to the pole. While Gojyo and Hakkai worked on the tent, Goku went around and gathered fire wood, digging a hole in the ground and lining it with rocks just as Hakkai had shown him countless times before. He arranged the wood neatly and stood back with his hands on his hips, proud of his handiwork. He paused, frowning. Something wasn't right... Oh, wait! He had to START the fire! "Hey, Gojyo, can I have your lighter?"
Gojyo scowled at him, holding the tent up while Hakkai placed another pole in the ground. "In case you failed to notice, chimp, I'm a little busy! Why don't you go bother Sanzo for a light?"
Goku looked at the bushes Sanzo had vanished behind, then back at Gojyo, and then back again. "But...why can't I just use yours?"
"BECAUSE I'M FUCKING BUSY! Go annoy your owner for a while!"
Grumbling, Goku trudged off around the bushes, hitting them as he did. Stupid kappa! Why'd he always have to be such an asshole? He stopped, looking around the area. Where was Sanzo? He glanced further into the clearing, his frown deepening. Sanzo's robe...it was hanging from a tree! And there were his boots and his shirt and his ...and his jeans! "Sanzo! Sanzo, where are you?"
"For the love of the gods, what is it now?"
Goku froze, looking around again. Where the hell was his voice coming from? "San...zo?"
"What?"
It was coming...from the water? Goku went to the edge of the lake... and found Sanzo in water up to his waist, leaning back against a rock and smoking. "WHAT? How come you get to go swimming?"
"Because I wanted to."
"Grrrr..." Goku balled his fists. Then, making a split decision, he whipped his cloak and tunic off, kicking his boots behind him.
Sanzo did a double take, jaw dropping a little. "Just what in the hell are you doing?" he demanded in a low, cold voice.
"I wanna swim, too! HAKKAI! GOJYO! I'm goin' swimming!"
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, YOU LITTLE SHIT?" Gojyo roared. It wasn't long before he and Hakkai both rounded the turn, stopping and gaping as Goku took a running leap, jumping clean over Sanzo's head and right into the lake with the shout of "CANNON BALL!"
Sanzo snarled, shaking himself off as the water cascaded all over. "Goddamn you!" He flung the ruined cigarette away angrily.
Gojyo and Hakkai exchanged glances. "Shall we?" Gojyo asked. He was already taking his belt off and untucking his shirt.
"I suppose the tent can wait a little longer," Hakkai replied, slipping his monocle into a pocket.
"You better keep something on," Sanzo threatened, having resigned himself with the fact that he wasn't going to be getting any down time like he'd planned.
"Naturally," Hakkai answered, blushing a little.
"Yeah, wouldn't wanna make you jealous," Gojyo mocked, leering at the monk.
"Hmph, you wish," he muttered. He moved over a little so that Hakkai could take a spot by the rock as well.
Gojyo waded out after Goku, carefully watching where he put his feet. It would really suck to drown while chasing the monkey. "Yo, monkey-boy!"
"Huh?" Goku turned in time to catch a spray of water right in the face. "Why you...perverted-kappa-cockroach!" He couldn't decide which insult to use, so he used them all together.
"GAAAHH!" Gojyo spluttered, holding an arm up and turning his face away as Goku shoveled water at him in great waves.
"Whoa! Hey, Goku, please be considerate of others," Hakkai admonished, covering his face as well.
Sanzo closed his eyes, the vein surfacing again in his forehead. The cigarette he'd been about to light hung limply between his lips. "Not...again," he muttered, throwing out yet another cigarette. His jaw was clenched so tightly Hakkai could here the joints popping.
"Sanzo?" Hakkai asked hesitantly, keeping one eye on the two now wrestling like mad and the monk next to him clenching his fists.
"That does it!" Sanzo shouted. He dove in after the two, head locking Gojyo and aiming an open-handed smack to Goku's head. "Will. You. Two. Shut. Up!" Each word was punctuated with more backslapping and much jerking around of poor Gojyo's neck.
"Owowowowow! OW! Sanzo, that really- OUCH!" Goku covered his head, trying to avoid the blows.
Gojyo strained against Sanzo's arm, eyes flashing. "You lousy prick! Get the fuck off me NOW!" He managed to get a good grip and flung Sanzo over his shoulder and into the water.
Sanzo managed to keep a hold of the kappa and pulled him down as well. There was much splashing, cussing and hitting as the two fought it out. It seemed the heat had finally melted their resolve.
"Good grief," Hakkai sighed, rolling his eyes. "I think that's quite enough horse play for one day." He made his way over to the two struggling in the water, intent on breaking it up. If he could.
"HEY! Get off of Sanzo, ya pervert!" Goku dove right onto Gojyo's back, legs locking around his waist.
"GODDAMN MONKEY! HAKKAI!" Gojyo was bucking wildly to try and throw Goku off, while keeping one arm around Sanzo's neck, trying to drag the monk down. Sanzo was bent over, pushing against Gojyo's arm to try and get free enough to do some real damage.
"Goku, please get- whooooa!" Hakkai was accidentally tripped as Sanzo swung his leg around to try and catch Gojyo. He slipped, falling to his knees. The only thing that saved him from falling completely was grabbing a hold of Sanzo's waist. It ended up putting him very close to not one but TWO areas he'd rather avoid on his friends. He caught a knee in the ribs from Gojyo (on accident, of course) and struggled to find his footing quickly. Thank God there weren't any passers-by. With the way everyone was arranged, it looked a lot like a group orgy instead of a fight!
"Damn it, Hakkai, do something about your kappa!"
"You need to get control of your pet first," Hakkai answered, narrowly avoiding a kick in the jaw from said pet.
"Will ya cut that out?" Gojyo shouted, trying to keep his hold on Sanzo and pry Goku off his back at the same time. He managed to get Sanzo onto his knees in front of him, falling down under Goku's weight so that his chest was pressed up against the monk's back.
Sighing, Hakkai pushed away from the group. This was beyond him to fix. "I'm done! You guys are too much for- oh! Um...guys?" All his attention was focused across the lake now. He glanced again at the three still wrestling and then back. Oh, dear...
"Fucking...morons...dead...very dead!"
"Keep talkin', monk!"
"Hey, guys?" Hakkai was motioning urgently for them to stop. Sanzo was now trying to throw both Gojyo and Goku over his shoulders, but it wasn't working so it was making it look...VERY bad!
"Leave Sanzo alone!"
"HEY, GUYS!" Hakkai shouted over the noise.
They all three froze, glaring at Hakkai.
He pointed over their shoulders, face very pale and eyes wide. "It seems... we have an audience."
"Huh?" both Goku and Gojyo said. Gojyo and Sanzo let go of each other and Goku climbed off of Gojyo's back. All three followed where Hakkai was pointing...
And saw they had quite an audience indeed. As in, five adults...and thirty school children. And all of them had the biggest, widest, most horrified expressions on their faces. A few of the mothers had managed to cover eyes, but the damage was done.
"Shit," Gojyo muttered.
"Mommy, what are those men doing?" one youngster asked loudly. A few of the boys were imitating the fight. Sanzo actually turned a little red, but whether it was anger or embarassment was anyone's guess.
"Nothin, dear, just keep moving along! Just ignore those men, children," the mother answered quickly.
"Shit, tell me that's NOT what we looked like," Gojyo exclaimed.
"Um... If it'll make you feel better, I suppose...," Hakkai answered.
"Hey, where'd my boxer's go?" Goku asked, still not understanding exactly how embarassing the situation was.
The kids filed off, and still the four stood rooted to the spot, too shocked to move. "Damn...this is bad," Gojyo muttered.
The mother who had spoken stayed behind and, when the children were out of ear shot, she put her hands on her hips and shouted, "Get a room, perverts! This is a FAMILY lake! We don't need your kind sending our children to therapy!" before storming off after the group.
It was Goku who spoke first into the silence. "Wait...did she just call us perverts?"
"So it would seem," Sanzo answered, trudging out of the water. He bent down and grabbed his cigarettes, finally lighting one. He took a hit, blowing out the smoke around the stick in his mouth as he combed out his hair with his fingers. It was obvious he was trying to ignore what had just happened.
"But why would she...say, you don't think maybe...maybe she thought... It didn't look like THAT, did it?"
Hakkai covered his eyes with one hand, the blush creeping down his neck. Even Gojyo had the grace to look embarassed. That was answer enough.
Goku's eyes went wide and his jaw worked but nothing came out for a long time. He'd finally figured out what was wrong. "B-but...Aw, man! Why does this always happen to us?"
"Maybe because Red over here can't seem to take the hint that I'm not interested," Sanzo snarled.
"Excuse me? I thought we already went over this?" Gojyo shouted. He tramped out of the water, his leopard print boxers clinging to his legs. "Sha Gojyo has not, does not and never will sleep with a guy! It's your idiot monkey humping my back that got us into this!"
"I wasn't humping your back, pervert," Goku shouted as well, still searching around for his missing boxers. "You're the one who took my clothing off!"
"Like hell I did! It was all Hakkai!"
Hakkai gave Gojyo a very cold look. "In case you failed to notice, Gojyo, I wasn't anywhere near Goku's boxers. It was either you or Sanzo."
"I deny any part of undressing that monkey," Sanzo said quickly.
"Yeah, right! We all know how you monks are with your boys!" Gojyo screamed and dove under the water as the gun was aimed in his direction.
All four of them froze when footsteps broke the underbrush and ten law officials rounded the corner. The sheriff paused, eyes flicking to take them all in. "We received reports about four guys screwing in the lake. I guess that would be you four. You are all under arrest for indecent exposure, harrassing the locals, carrying a concealed weapon, lewd behavior, subjecting minors to unecessary sexual behavior and a whole list of other things that I can't quite remember. Come along peacefully or we're going to have to use force."
All four looked at each other. "Goddamn it, why DOES this always happen to us?" Gojyo demanded.
"Whatever, Pinkie," the sheriff said, taking a firm grip on Gojyo's arm. "Next time, save the kinky behavior for the bedroom, okay?"
