AUTHOR'S NOTE: This one goes out to Crimson1. I hope you like it, m'dear!


"Goddamn it! How the hell am I supposed to go on a date with no fucking clothing?" Gojyo continued to stomp around the room in bright blue silk boxers, opening and slamming drawers shut in a futile attempt to find SOME form of clothing that wasn't now hanging from a line off the balcony. This was the first town they'd gotten to in a week after driving through desert conditions, and the very first thing Hakkai did when they'd arrived... was go through the two rooms and steal everyone's clothing to wash. Gojyo knew he shouldn't have taken the shower first! Hakkai had been way too agreeable on that fact.

Hakkai was sitting on his own bed in dark green boxers, reading a book that he looked up from time to time as Gojyo continued to mumble and tear through their luggage, the bed, under the bed... Finally, he sighed and said, "I'm sorry, Gojyo, but with the way your clothing smelled, no respectable lady would go anywhere with you."

"I don't WANT a respectable lady! I want a woman who's gonna rip my goddamn cloths off, push me on the bed, and do every wicked thing she can think of to me, and I can't do ANY of that until I at LEAST buy her dinner. And I can't buy her dinner without at LEAST some fucking pants! Shit, you didn't even leave me sweat pants to put on!"

"Actually... I threw those out."

"WHAT?" Gojyo shouted, whirling around as Hakkai quickly found interest in his book again, raising it high enough to cover his face.

"There were holes in the crotch, Gojyo."

"So, sew 'em up!"

"Yes, because that's the reason I came on this mission. To sew the crotch in sweat pants older than Goku." This wasn't said with any trace of sarcasm at all. It was said with the usual pleasant laugh, smile, and near deadly gleam to his eye as he put the book down across his stomach again.

"They are NOT older than the fucking monkey! He's, like, five-hundred or something!"

"You know what I mean. I'm not wasting my effort on something that should have been in the trash years ago."

Gojyo growled in frustration, running his fingers back through his still damp hair as he paced back and forth, thinking desperately about what to do. Aditya was going to be there soon so they could go out, and all he had was a pair of bright blue boxers. This wasn't good. His desire to get laid had moved beyond the 'need' stage and into the 'must' one. If it killed him, he was gonna get laid, no matter what! He stopped pacing, eyes narrowing as they swept over his bed. "Hey, you think I could use the sheets?"

Hakkai burst out laughing, dropping his book down again. "Gojyo, you're not Roman!"

"Well, duh! I was thinking more like robes... like Sanzo's..."

"And you're not going to cosplay as a monk, either."

He threw his arms out in frustration before flopping onto his bed. "Then think of something, damn it! You're the reason I'm not gonna get my nookie tonight!"

"I'm doing you a favor and not letting you leave this town smelling like cheese stuck to the bottom of Goku's sock. You wouldn't get any 'nookie' smelling like that anyway."

Gojyo glared at him, but was unable to argue with his logic. Image was everything, and if he didn't look or smell good to the ladies... "And there's no way I smelled worse than the monkey," he mumbled.

"Gojyo, we ALL smelled bad enough that the inn keeper charged us double for these rooms. In fact, I'm pretty sure he wanted to throw us all out for being vagrants until he saw Sanzo's sutra."

Gojyo continued to huff as he scanned the basic room. Two beds with sheets, the towel from his hair (which he was sure Hakkai would veto since he already said 'no' to the sheets), a table with a vase of flowers and a rug. Oh, and dripping wet laundry on the line. "And you're positive they're all still really wet?"

"I just checked them five minutes ago, but feel free to check them again yourself."

He knew Hakkai was getting a little irritated and had suggested that to be funny, but he did anyway and found every stitch and thread still way too wet to wear out. Damn it all, what kind of place didn't have a laundromat? Hakkai continued to pretend to ignore him, even though it was obvious in the tightness around the healer's jaw that he was getting ready to throw the book at his head. Hey, if he'd only left Gojyo SOME clothing, he wouldn't be this annoyed!

Gojyo continued to pace the room, lighting a cigarette to help him think. Hakkai continued to read. The clock continued to tick on the wall into the silence that was punctuated by floor boards creaking. What to do, what to do...

A knock came to the door.

Both of them froze, eyes widening a little. Clearing his voice, Gojyo called, "Yeah?" Shit, don't let it be his date, don't let it be...

"It's Aditya. Can I come in?"

It was his date. FUUUUUCK! Gojyo whipped from left to right, trying to think of something. Hakkai was now standing and looking a bit lost as to what to do, and also a little red to know there was a female on the other side of the door and he wasn't exactly decent. Oh, gods... an idea suddenly sprang to life and Gojyo grabbed Hakkai's arm roughly. "Come on, get moving," he hissed, hoping Aditya wouldn't hear him.

"Gojyo, what-," Hakkai began to argue as he was shoved into the closet with his book still in his hand.

"Look, just stay there, be quiet and don't-" He looked up when she knocked on the door again. "COMING!" He turned back to Hakkai, eyes wide and begging. "Don't move."

Hakkai caught on to what he was doing and immediately shook his head, cheeks flaming to an even brighter shade of red. "No, absolutely not, Gojyo! I will NOT sit in this closet while you... and she... and... no!" Dear God, the very idea of listening to that, being in the same room when they...

Gojyo gave him his very best, cutest puppy dog eyes look. "Come on, for me, man? All I'm asking is that you stay here until I get her into the bathroom for a candle lit bath, and then you can rush to the stupid monk and monkey's room."

Hakkai glanced at the door as the woman knocked again, then glanced back at Gojyo's pleading face. He sighed, and dropped to the floor of the closet, not looking at all pleased. "Alright, but please get her in there fast."

He flashed a quick grin and a wink and said, "Hey, you know me. Five minutes and you're free to come out." He shut the closet door on Hakkai and ran for the door and the woman on the other side.

Aditya looked less than pleased when he finally opened the door, giving her his most charming grin and leaning on the door frame to show off his body a bit more. As he'd expected, her eyes drifted down his frame and softened before taking on an aroused glow. "Hey... sorry about that."

"Oh... that's okay. Actually, it's better than okay. I, uh..." Her eyes continued to drift lower, down his abs, stopping when they came to his thighs before she swallowed a little. "I see you weren't just boasting back in town."

Gojyo stepped away from the door to let her in, grin widening. "I'd never lie to a pretty girl. Listen, sorry about coming to the door like this. Had a bit of an accident and the dry cleaner didn't get my clothing done in time."

"That's alright," she exclaimed quickly, still lookinver over her shoulder at, eyes heating up even more when he put himself a little closer to her. "Um... so... I guess we could... stay in tonight. You could always just take me out for... for breakfast."

"I like that idea. Smart as well as beautiful." Her eyes closed as he leaned down to kiss her, hands resting on her hips. She responded instantly, kissing him back, her little tongue darting out to run along his lips, fingers fisting in his hair. Yeah... that's just what he wanted. Aditya moaned a little in protest as he drew back. "Say, why don't we-,"

"I'm already ahead of you," she breathed out, stepping out of his embrace with a sensual smile gracing her lips. "Just give me five minutes in the bathroom to get... comfortable."

Gojyo's smile turned wicked a split second before it faded completely, his eyes going wide in fear. Oh, shit... "Uh, Aditya, honey, that's not the bath-,"

Aditya's hand curled over the closet door and opened it before he could get his warning out completely. She turned to enter, still smiling over her shoulder, screaming and jumping nearly a mile when she was confronted with Hakkai curled on the floor of the closet, red all the way down his chest with his book propped against his knees. "W-What the..."

"Oh... hello," Hakkai tried as pleasantly as he could, hunching himself further into the closet. "Please, don't mind me."

She spun around, jaw dropped in outrage as she faced Gojyo, her breasts rising and falling angrily. Gojyo's stomach knotted up as he winced under that fierce gaze. "Look, let me explain. See, you remember how I said the laundry wasn't done yet-,"

"Don't even TRY that with me, you pervert!" she screamed. "You and your sick friend can just blow each other!" Aditya stormed over to the door with Gojyo following behind her, trying to get her to listen. He was NOT gay, why couldn't she understand that?

"Hey, babe, just hold on a- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?"

Aditya screamed again when she nearly collided with Goku and Sanzo standing outside the door in their boxers, both looking decidedly annoyed.

"We want our clothing back, ya damned cockroach pervert," Goku shouted.

Gojyo glanced over at Aditya as her eyes became impossibly round. Her lips moved but nothing came out for a little while. Shit, this wasn't good at all... "FOUR of you? Good gods, what the hell do you need ME for when you've got four damn boyfriends?" she railed.

"It's not like that, if you'd just let me-," Gojyo began, trying to give her the puppy dog eyes that usually worked on Hakkai. It didn't look like it was going to be successful twice in one day.

"I mean, how much sex do you NEED in one day? Four... men... aren't enough for you?" she continued.

"What the hell is this bitch talking about?" Sanzo demanded coldly, pushing his way passed her and into the room as if he owned it. "Hakkai, where the fuck are my robes? And what the hell are you doing in the closet? Don't tell me you've gone kinky like that asshole there."

"Hello, Sanzo. Hey, Goku," Hakkai called, still sitting on the floor of the closet to preserve what little dignity he had left in front of a complete stranger. It was fine and good if the others were comfortable parading around in their underwear, but one simply didn't do that in front of a lady they'd only just met under very... dubious... conditions.

"HEY, that's not why he's in-," Gojyo began to shout desperately. Aditya was slowly shaking her head and backing away with the most angry look he'd seen on a woman in years.

"Come on, water sprite, where're my pants?" Goku continued, shoving Gojyo roughly. "I know you've got 'em in here, an' I want 'em back!"

"Will you shut it, you little monkey?" he growled, trying to clamp a hand over the kid's mouth and stop him from saying anything else incriminating.

"EW! Lemme go, ya pervert! Stop gropin' me!" Goku struggled and finally broke free. And that was it for his date. Hands raised in the signal of her giving up, she marched off toward the stairs.

Gojyo tried to push his way by the kid as Aditya ran off, muttering about 'queer bastards' and such. Damn it, he had to get to her NOW and explain what was going! "Aditya, wait! HEY! Lemme buy you a drink and expl- Aw, FUCK!" The door to the inn slammed shut after her. He stomped back into the room, slamming the door himself before dropping onto the bed and covering his face with the pillow. Great, now she was going to go tell her girl friends, who were going to tell their girl friends, which meant he was not going to be getting ANY sort of female action at all in this town. And it was all because hakkai couldn't stand a little stink. Goddamn it all to hell!

"Hey... what's his problem?" Sanzo muttered.

"We sort of ruined his date," Hakkai answered tactfully.

"Well, WE want our clothing back now," Goku piped up. "The room service people kept lookin' at me funny, an' I think it's cuz I don't have pants. How'm I supposed to eat without cloths?"

Gojyo picked his head up and whipped the pillow at the kid, taking him dead in the face. Hadn't he JUST asked Hakkai a very similar question earlier? "SHUT THE FUCK UP, MONKEY! WHO GIVES TWO SHITS ABOUT YOUR GODDAMN STOMACH?"

"I DO! SHUT UP YOURSELF, YOU NASTY KAPPA!"