The Bitter Taste
My Hopes Are So High…
Brooke sat outside on the river court with a half empty bottle of wine in her hand, and a guitar lying down beside her. Brooke sighed thoughtfully and leaned back on the blanket that she had brought. The rose laid beside her face; almost mocking her. Nathan wasn't giving up, and Brooke didn't know why it was so hard for her to let him in again. Everything was so hard for her lately; ever since she'd been back all she did was cry and drink.
Alex coming to Tree Hill was a rude reality check, Brooke thought to herself. Out of all the people she loved, Brooke knew that Alex was a person she was using. She was using him because in her eyes she needed someone. Brooke didn't need love and respect, she just wanted to feel the attention, and that's exactly what Alex gave her.
Nathan; Brooke took another sip from the bottle of wine and watched her breath evaporate into the air. Brooke never thought she could love again after Lucas, but then she found Felix. Felix was a guy that she thought was the one for her, but again Brooke was wrong. After the Felix incident she looked to Nathan for comfort. Haley left, and it seemed like her and Nathan were the only two who could be there for each other.
Brooke smiled as she thought about their first kiss, their first fight, and their first time being intimate with each other. It was beautiful, Brooke remembered; the apartment was dimmed, and beautiful white roses were scattered everywhere around the apartment. The wine went down smooth as Brooke felt the tears swell up in her eyes as she thought about the night that had changed her life forever, or so she thought. Nathan carried her into the bedroom and told her that he loved her. They kissed, and Brooke couldn't think of a time that she felt more alive.
She went to wipe her eyes, but stopped herself. It was time for her to have at least one good cry. Brooke took another sip of the wine and sat up; she felt dizzy and laid back down. Brooke closed her eyes and then opened them just to see Haley standing over her.
"This is really not a good time," Brooke said as she closed her eyes once more.
Haley sighed, "Lucas called me," she began, "He said that there was trouble between you and Nathan."
"All thanks to you," Brooke said as she started to get up.
Haley crossed her arms and rubbed her arms, "I know how much Nathan loves you, and I know how much you love him," Haley began, "I want to help make this right."
Brooke laughed sarcastically, "So you're playing the peace maker ex wife today?" She asked, "Let me play…The bitter ex who hates your fucking guts," Brooke said coldly and then took another drink.
"Hate me all you want, but don't take your anger out on Nate," Haley said, "He chose me because I made him believe that I made a mistake about the whole Chris thing…I was wrong."
Brooke rolled her eyes, "I guess that makes two of us," she said and then stumbled towards the bench, "I have every right to be mad at Nathan!"
"Nathan's in love with you!" Haley exclaimed, "God dammit Brooke open your eyes!"
"They are open," Brooke said as she sat down on the bench, "They've been open for the last six years of my life!"
Haley walked over towards Brooke, "Don't make the same mistake I did…"
"I'm not going to," Brooke said, "That's why I'm not getting involved with him anymore," she said and then finished off the wine, "Cheers to you Haley James," Brooke said sarcastically. Haley sighed and walked back towards her car while Brooke looked down at the ground and cried.
xxx
Lucas walked out onto the porch and saw Brooke standing there with her hair in a tangle, and her face red, "Brooke," Lucas said, "Is everything okay?" He asked.
"Why did you call her?" Brooke asked.
Lucas looked at her, "You mean Haley?"
"She's not going to make things better," Brooke said, "You saw what happened last time she came back."
Lucas sighed and sat down beside Brooke, "She doesn't love Nathan like you do…"
"Like I do?" Brooke spat, "What the hell do you know about love, Luke?"
Lucas stood up and smacked his hand against the door, "What the hell do you know about love?" He shot back, "Not much, since your last boyfriend was a complete stoner!"
"Fuck you!" Brooke screamed and then went to walk away.
Lucas grabbed Brooke's arm and let out an exasperated breath, "I'm sorry," he said softly.
Brooke stopped and turned towards Lucas, "I was hurt Lucas…I was hurt by you, I was hurt by Felix, and I was hurt by Nathan," she said softly, "I sure as hell know a couple things about love, and every time I love somebody it always ends in heartbreak…"
"Look at this," Lucas said as he handed Brooke an envelope.
Brooke looked at Lucas in confusion, "What's this?"
"Read it," Lucas said, "It's a letter from Jake to Peyton," he said and then sat down on the porch.
Brooke opened the letter and began to read:
Peyton,
Jenny's doing fine, and so am I. I miss you so much Peyton you have no idea. I think about you every single day, and every single minute. I saw a painting today that reminded me of you. It was beautiful, just like you, and it was done with such excellence. I'm sorry that I had to leave, but the last thing I would ever want to do is put you in any danger. The truth it, I'm in love with you Peyton, and I wish that I would've proposed to you earlier instead of the day before I left. I know that the proposal was a heavy thing for you to handle, so don't apologize for postponing it. I love you Peyton, more than you'll ever know. Take care, Jenny sends her love.
Jake
Brooke finished the letter and looked up at Lucas, "When did you find this?" She asked her voice returning to normal.
"The other day," Lucas answered, "On Peyton's dresser…She wants to be with him, and not with me."
Brooke sat down beside Lucas and rested her hand on his knee, "That's not true Luke, Peyton loves you."
"It's in the letter Brooke," Lucas said as he pointed to the letter in her hand, "How can I love somebody who's in love with someone else?"
Brooke looked sympathetically at Lucas and sighed, "I don't know," she said softly.
"This whole time…" Lucas began, "I always thought it was about me not loving Peyton enough, so I always tried to love me for the both of us," he said and then put his head in his hands.
Brooke got up, "Talk to her," she said and then walked down the porch steps.
xxx
There was a knock at Nathan's door and he answered it. Haley stood there and looked up at him, "Hey Nathan," she said with a nervous smile.
"Long time no see," Nathan said as Haley walked into the apartment.
"Yeah," Haley said, "After the divorce Chris and I decided to move to New York," she began.
Nathan crossed his arms and leaned against a wall, "Are you two married?" He asked.
"We're engaged," Haley said as she looked away from Nathan, "But I didn't come here to talk to you about me…"
Nathan looked at her, "Then why are you here?"
"I came to talk to you about Brooke," Haley began, "I already talked to her last night, and she wasn't too happy to see me…"
"Yeah," Nathan said, "She hates me too…"
Haley sighed, "I know that I messed things up between the two of you because I took advantage of your love for me," she said.
"I made a mistake," Nathan said, "I shouldn't have believed you when you said that you were back for good…"
Haley bit her top lip and ran her hand through her hair, "I'm sorry Nathan, but you and I…"
"This isn't about us," Nathan butted in, "This about me and Brooke…"
Haley nodded her head, "Right," she said, "Just…You love her Nathan I know you do," she said, "Don't do anything stupid."
"Is that all?" Nathan asked.
Haley nodded, "The wedding's in two months…"
Nathan laughed and looked at Haley like she was crazy, "Yeah right Hales," he said and then shook his head.
Haley smiled weakly, "Ex husband and new husband don't get along," she registered, "I was just trying to be…Polite," she said and then walked towards the door, "It was nice to see you."
"Good luck with Chris," Nathan said, "I'm sure you two will be very happy," he said with a hint of sarcasm. Haley nodded and walked out of the apartment.
xxx
Peyton walked into her house and saw Lucas sitting at the kitchen table with a white envelope in his hands. Peyton smiled at him, "Hey," she said, "What's that?" She asked, referring to the envelope.
"The letter from Jake," Lucas said as he watched Peyton's smile fall, "I don't think I can do this anymore…"
Peyton rubbed her temples, "First off," she said, "What the hell are you doing in my stuff?" She yelled, "And second off, what can't you do anymore?"
"I knew there was something," Lucas said, "You wish I were Jake!"
"That's not even close to the truth," Peyton cried, "God Lucas, stop being so jealous!"
Lucas scoffed, "I'm sorry Peyton, but it kind of sucks when you find out your girlfriend was set to get married to someone else!"
"I said no!" Peyton yelled.
"Because he was leaving," Lucas pointed out, "I'm never going to be Jake for you, and as long as I'm here the only thing in the back of my head is the fact that every time you're kissing me, and every time you're with me you're wishing that I'm Jake…And that freakin' sucks Pey!"
Lucas got up and walked towards the front door, Peyton followed him, "That's not fair Luke!" Peyton said, "You don't even know how I feel about this situation!"
"I know that you love him," Lucas said.
Peyton sighed, "Yeah I do love him," she said, "But I love you too, and I'll always love you."
"Only when it's convenient," Lucas said sarcastically and then turned back towards the door.
Peyton pushed him, "How dare you say that!" She screamed, "I expected you to act more mature than this!"
"And I expected you to be my girlfriend," Lucas said, "Not some lovesick puppy, who might I add is in love with someone else!"
Peyton stepped back and wiped her eyes, "Then leave," she said and looked away from him.
Lucas looked at her once more and walked out of the door; slamming it on the way out.
xxx
Nathan walked into Brooke's room and saw her lying on the bed with an ice pack on her head, "Hang over?" He asked.
"Yeah," Brooke said weakly and then sat up, "If I weren't so hung over I'd probably tell you to leave…Just to let you know."
Nathan shrugged, "And if I weren't so guilty I probably wouldn't be here…"
"Did Haley come and talk to you?" Brooke asked apprehensively.
"Yeah," Nathan said as he rolled his eyes.
Brooke chuckled, "Did she sweep you off your feet again?" She asked sarcastically, "Are you guys having another wedding?"
"No," Nathan said as he watched Brooke walked over to the window, "This bitterness is really getting old Brooke."
Brooke rolled her eyes, "It gets easier with practice," she said.
"Why are we still playing this game?" Nathan asked, "I've apologized for everything…"
Brooke looked at him and crossed her arms, "The game started the day you told me that you loved me," she said, "So if you want to talk about games look to yourself!"
"Fine," Nathan said, "Then I guess we shouldn't be together," he said and then headed towards the door.
Brooke looked down at the ground, "You're giving up on me that easily?" She asked sadly.
"You gave up on me Brooke," Nathan said and then walked out of the house.
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