The Bitter Taste

The If, Ands, and Buts

xxx

Brooke sat down at her desk in her new room, and had a pen and pad in front of her. It had been a long time since she'd written a song, and she was in the mood. Brooke sighed and poured herself a glass of wine; always a good inspiration for song writing, she thought to herself.

I can remember
The very first time I cried
How I wiped my eyes
And buried the pain inside
All of my memories
Good and bad that's passed
Didn't even take the time to realize

She sang the lyrics out loud and smiled to herself; Brooke wrote them down and leaned back in her chair. She looked up at the ceiling and closed her eyes.

Staring at the cracks in the walls
'Cause I'm waiting for it all
to come to an end
Still I curl up right under the bed
'Cause it's takin' over my head
All over again

Brooke took another sip of her wine and scribbled down the lyrics on her pink notepad. It was the first thing she bought when she started recording her album. At least a dozen songs were written in there, all of them about heartbreak.

Do you even know who you are?
I guess I'm trying to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
I want to be a star
Is life good to you, or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?

Brooke heard a knock on the door and she looked over to see Peyton standing there. Brooke put away her notebook and turned her chair around, "Come on in," she said with a warm smile.

"Thanks," Peyton said as she sat down on Brooke's bed, "You have another glass?" She asked pointing to the wine.

Brooke nodded and poured Peyton a glass of wine and handed it to her, "What's up?" She asked.

"Lucas and I are having some troubles," Peyton said as she took a big gulp from the glass.

"You mean about the letter from Jake?" Brooke asked.

Peyton looked at her in confusion, "How did you know about that?"

"Lucas showed me," she said, "I went over to your house to bitch at him for calling Haley, and we kind of fought and he showed me the letter…"

"Oh," Peyton said and then looked down at the ground, "I really am in love with Lucas…"

"I know," Brooke said softly and then sat down beside Peyton, "You guys are in love…You'll overcome this."

Peyton slowly began to cry, "I don't know if we will," she sobbed, "I was so close to marrying Jake…"

"If you're in love with Jake then why are you with Lucas?" Brooke asked.

"Because I'm in love with Lucas too," Peyton said as she wiped her eyes with her sleeve, "It just sucks…These guys are the two most important people to me, and I love them both."

Brooke sighed, "Remember when Lucas cheated on us?" She asked.

"Yeah," Peyton nodded.

"He loved us both," Brooke said, "It just never works out…"

Peyton's lip quivered, "Either way someone gets hurt," she said sadly.

xxx

Nathan walked along the beach and kicked the sand up. He was so stupid; all he could think about was how much he had hurt the only person that he loved, and that had actually loved him back.

He sat down on the beach and watched the waves crash into each other; he just wanted to lay back and die. Nathan laid back and closed his eyes; he heard somebody sit down beside him.

Nathan opened his eyes and saw Brooke sitting beside him; her hair was blowing back and he couldn't think of a time when she looked more beautiful.

"Do you ever think about what we'd be doing right now if six years ago I would've been the one you chose?" Brooke asked suddenly and then looked down at Nathan.

Nathan nodded, "Everyday," he said truthfully, "I always wonder if we would've gotten married, or if we would have drifted apart…"

"I need you Nathan," Brooke said and then let out a breath, "I've been trying all this time to make it seem like I didn't need you, but the truth is…I've never fallen so hard."

Nathan sat up completely and looked into Brooke's eyes, "I am in love with you Brooke," he said and placed his hand on Brooke's cheek, "I just want to be with you…"

"I'm so scared Nathan," Brooke said as she began to cry, "I've never cared about someone this much, and being here with you right now is like a dream…This almost seems like it's not real, like in the morning none of this—"

Nathan kissed Brooke passionately; he rested his hand on Brooke's thigh as she ran her fingers through Nathan's brown hair. Nathan lifted Brooke's shirt off as she started to unbutton his pants. They stopped kissing and Nathan took off his shirt; they stared at each other as they tried to catch their breath. Brooke smiled and brought Nathan closer to her; they kissed again as Nathan unbuttoned Brooke's pants.

xxx

Peyton pulled into the driveway and saw Lucas loading his bags in the back of his truck. Peyton got out of her car and stormed over to him, "What are you doing?" She asked.

Lucas sighed and turned to face her, "This isn't fair to you, and this isn't fair to me…"

"Don't leave me Luke," Peyton pleaded as she began to cry, "We can work this out…Please."

Lucas shook his head and placed his hand on Peyton's cheek and tenderly wiped a tear away, "I can't stop you from loving Jake, that wouldn't be fair to you," he said softly, "Hell, it isn't fair to me to watch somebody I love, love somebody else…"

"I've never stopped loving you," Peyton said sadly and then looked away.

Lucas smiled sadly and kissed Peyton on the cheek, "I love you Pey," he said and got into his car. Peyton watched as he drove off; Peyton turned and walked into the house, and for once her life not having somebody there to hold her and tell her everything was okay.

xxx

What day is it

And in what month

This clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up and I can't back down

I've been losing so much time

Brooke felt the sun beaming down on her; she opened her eyes and looked beside her to see an empty spot beside her. Brooke sat up quickly and looked around for Nathan. She got up and walked alongside the beach.

Cause it's you and me and all of the people

Nothing to do, nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all of the people and

I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

She saw Nathan sitting on a rock looking out onto the water; he looked over at Brooke and smiled. Brooke ran over to him and sat down beside him. She let the sun beat down on her; she looked over at Nathan and rested her head on his shoulder.

All of the things that I want to say

Just aren't coming out right

I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning

I don't know where to go from here

"This feels right," Brooke said; her voice raspy but sexy. Nathan looked down at her and they kissed softly.

Nathan put his arm around Brooke and let her lean on his chest, "I love you…"

"I love you too," Brooke said and the two of them kissed passionately.

Cause it's you and me and all of the people

With nothing to do, nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all of the people and

I don't why I can't keep my eyes off you

Brooke drove home after Nathan had made her breakfast; she smiled the whole way home. Brooke walked into her room and saw Lucas sitting on her bed, "Lucas?" She asked.

"I'm sorry," Lucas said as he stood up, "I just kind of needed someone to talk to…"

Brooke put her hand on his shoulder, "No, no…It's fine, what's wrong?" She asked as the two of them sat down on her bed.

"I moved out of Peyton's house," Lucas said as he looked down at the ground.

Brooke looked at him sympathetically, "I'm sorry Luke," she said sincerely, "Peyton's my best friend…And I know this is hard for you right now, but I know you two will work it out."

"No," Lucas said, "We won't work it out…She wants to be with Jake, so I'm going to let her be with Jake."

Brooke put her hand on Lucas's shoulder, "Lucas…"

Something about you now

I can't quite figure out

Everything she does is beautiful

Everything she does is right

"I finally figured out what you and Peyton had to go through," Lucas said as he looked up at Brooke, "And now I know what you're going through with this whole Nathan thing…"

Brooke nodded, "Actually Nathan and I are…We're back together," she said with a small smile.

"I'm glad," Lucas said and smiled back at Brooke, "That's really good," he said and got up from the bed.

Cause it's you and me and all of the people

With nothing to do, nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all of the people and

I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of

Brooke stuck her hands in her pockets, "Are you going to be okay?' She asked.

"Yeah," Lucas said as he opened the door, "I'll talk to you later okay?"

xxx

Nathan sat in his apartment as he thought about his night with Brooke; it was something that he had wanted for all the six years of his life without her. He laid back on the couch and closed his eyes as he thought about Brooke, and how much he really did care about her. Nathan heard a knock on his door, he answered the door and saw Brooke standing there crying.

You and me and all of the people

With nothing to do nothin to prove and

It's you and me and all of the people and

I don't why I can't keep my eyes off of you

"Brooke," Nathan said in concern as he put his arms around her and hugged her, "Are you okay?

Brooke wiped her eyes, "It's my mom…She's in the hospital," Brooke said sadly, "I need to go back to New York to see her."

"I'm coming with you," Nathan said.

Brooke smiled sadly, "You don't have to do this Nate," she said.

"I want to Brooke," Nathan said as the two of them walked back in his room, "When do we have to leave?" He asked as he began to pack.

Brooke leaned against the doorframe, "Tonight," she said.

What day is it

And in what month

This clock never seemed so alive

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