Doo Wah Diddy, Diddy Dum, Diddy Doo
An Inuyasha Fanfiction by
Tea Party Hell © Productions
Part 3 What a Dumb-Ass
He's charging towards the bushes, he- "AAAAAAAH! LET ME GO!" He lifts me up by the back of my shirt.
"Who the hell are you?!" Quickly, I notice I'm still holding the binoculars up to his face, two inches away, and staring at me with disgust. I drop them to the ground and laugh nervously.
"I-I-I-I'm…I'm the narrator!" It doesn't seem to help. "Y-you can't hurt the narrator!"
"Says who?!"
"Uhm…actually no, you can't hurt the narrator." God pipes up. Inuyasha turns around hastily.
"WHAT?!"
"I'm pretty sure that's not aloud."
"No, I don't think so either." Kagome adds.
"Kagome!" He turns to Kagome instead of the sky. "What did we say about talking?" She pauses in confusion. "No speakie' unless the man speakie' to you." She lowers her head in shame.
"Anyway," God continues, "you can't cause harm to the narrator or she could start a lawsuit." Inuyasha then turns his face back to me, looking disheartened.
"Is this true?" He asks innocently. My legs dangle in the air.
"…Mhm." He slowly sets me back down.
"This is bullshit. I don't need this." Kagome, God, and I all stare at him. "Look Kagome. I…lll..luu…I love you. There. Now leave me the fuck alone, all of you!" He then dashes out of trace, leaving Kagome standing bewildered in front of her house. She stares at me awkwardly.
"…Heheh…Hi…Kagome." I mutter.
"Heheh…hello. ;" Stupid bitch…trying to be cute. After some mental preparation, I take it on myself to approach her.
"Hey look, Kagome. Don't worry about me. I'm just in the scenery. I promise not to mess around with the plot or interrupt when you guys decide to…you know…do the deed or something."
"Oh my! I would never do that! I have very special morals!" Okay, I'm losing my patience now.
"Okay…fine. But maybe you oughta stop sending mixed signals and get a new skirt."
"What?"
"Your skirt. Hell, you don't even wear a bra. You look like a whore."
"What?!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot that anime girls are conveniently unaware when they're wearing slutty clothes or bending into impossible angles that show off their various womanhood. Look, Kagome. You're gonna have to get a new look. Pull the skirt down. Hell, I know you're pulling it up. And go check out the nearest 28C cup if you can. Anyway look, I gotta go now." This entire speech, Kagome has done nothing but stare at me frozen.
"You're not very nice." Hahahah! Oh my God. Did she seriously just say that…
"Okay well, be that as it may, there's no action anymore." She still looks out of words. "And I have things to do of my own." It seems as though God has finally shut off Kagome as a whole. Her pupils dilate, she doesn't speak a word. Like Inuyasha, I disappear.
