ZEDD

I'm pacing anxiously - and have been for quite some time. They've been gone for hours, actually five hours and nine minutes to be exact. So where the hell did they go? I glance out the front window once more as I pass it again. Still no sign of his vehicle. Suddenly, Jason says, "Zedd you're going to drive yourself nuts. Not to mention wear a permanent grove in the floor."

"Well if you'd tell me where he went and why I could relax a little now couldn't I" I point out still somewhat annoyed at being left out of whatever is going on with my mate.

"I'm sure he'll tell you when he gets back. Or well, when he gets back and sobers up." What now? "Dar, when did you say they left again?"

Glancing up from the TV my friend checks the time before calculating it quickly. "About five hours ago." Again five hours and nine, okay no, eleven minutes ago now.

"Hayley" Jason calls out "we better move our cars."

"Why?" I demand.

"Just precautionary, Zedd" the female responds, coming from the kitchen. "We've dealt with this before so we kind of know what to expect."

"Dealt with what?" She doesn't answer me as she and Jason quickly move their cars out of the driveway and onto the street. On their way in, Jason opens the garage, but locks the door connecting it to the house. "What the hell?"

"It's more secure that way." He says this like it explains everything, but it explains nothing, and again I'm getting mad. "You'll understand soon enough."

About to protest again, I'm sidetracked by some car stereo playing music at a ridiculous volume. "Is that really necessary?"

As the vehicle approaches, the music gets louder and louder until it stops right in front of the house. The sudden silence when the vehicle shuts off makes my ears ring for a minute. Two doors shut and a minute later, a very somber Pina comes in the front door. Thomas must be home! Quickly, I head for the door, only to be stopped by her. "Not yet, Zedd. He still needs some time."

Dar hurriedly takes her in his arms, apparently sensing her distress over something. "Where in all the hells did you go?"

"Angel Grove." She takes a breath. "And now I know why he doesn't- why he said that he'd 'swing by' to see his parents. He goes to the cemetery to visit their graves." She buries her face in Dar's shoulder.

Oh hells. I can't leave him alone after that. I turn for the front door only to find my way blocked by Jason. "Not yet, Zedd. I know you want to go to him and help him, but trust me - not yet."

"But-" I'm suddenly interrupted by the sound of glass shattering against the door leading to the garage, causing me to flinch and Jason to sigh.

"Give him time" Pina agrees. "He bought enough alcohol to bring down a herd of rampaging gondar."

Okay, I know that at one point I wanted to see what he's like drunk, but this wasn't how I wanted to see it. Not to mention that there's a world of difference between drunk for fun and drunk to be drunk. I shoot a glare at the young man still between me and my mate. "Talk. Now."

He sighs. "He lost both of his parents a few years back - pretty much at the same time. Between Hayley and I we got him through it. Every year he goes to pay his respects, goes home - wherever that happens to be - gets rip roaring drunk, breaks the bottles and passes out. I put him to bed and then Hayley and I clean up the mess."

"How did he lose them?" Pina asks.

"His mom was in a car accident and was hurt really badly. His dad - was coming home from visiting her in the hospital and surprised a burglar. They died within hours of each other."

My heart twists in my chest. I can't leave him alone. Another bottle shattering against the wall makes me all the more concerned. "And what happens next year?"

"I really don't know, Zedd. He might want to come home again next year or he might be planning to not come back. We didn't discuss it when I came to see him. I didn't bring it up since I had no way of knowing whether he'd be able to come home in time this year and I didn't want to upset him for no good reason."

I have no answer for that so I resume pacing, waiting for the exploding glass to stop. After a while, it seems to. I start for the door, only to be stopped once more by Jason. "Really, Jason? How long are you going to keep me from my mate?"

"Until it's safe" he answers seriously. "If I let you go in there and you get hurt, it'll be my ass on the line, not yours." He cautiously unlocks and opens the connecting door and peeks out. Suddenly, he jerks back in, slamming the door shut. Almost as soon as it's latched, there's another crash against the door.

Hayley laughs. "Didn't you learn from that three years ago?"

"Yeah, that's why he didn't get me this time" he answers.

"By the sound, I'd say we're up to the big bottles?"

"Yep."

"The- big bottles?" I can't help but ask.

"He's done with beer and has moved on to the hard liquor" Hayley answers me. "Unless the powers help him, morning is going to be pure hell. One day of mourning, grieving and freaking out and one day of recovery. It's the same every year."

"And in a few days, he'll want to go see Sam and David" adds Jason.

"This can't be good for him. Mentally or physically" I state still rather shocked his best friends seem to accept and allow him to continue this every damn year, apparently even the years he held no active powers to help protect his body from the amount of alcohol he's consumed.

"We always keep a close eye on him when he's done" Jason assures me as if that should make the matter all right.

About to protest again I stop as a sound catches my attention - and instantly breaks my heart. "He's - crying. Jason, please-" I'll go through him if I have to, but I'd so much rather not - mostly for Thomas.

He hesitates. "I don't know, Zedd. He's never wanted anyone around when he's like this before."

"He's never had a proper mate to help him before either" I argue. "I know he likes to do things by himself, thinks that he has to, but sometimes it's not what he needs." I catch a flicker of something on his face. "And you know it too."

His voice is surprisingly hostile when he finally answers me. "Fine, Zedd. And when he turns on us both, don't say I didn't warn you."

He stalks away, out the back door. I start for the garage door, but this time Dar stops me. "If you're going to ignore Jason's advice about waiting until he's done throwing things, at least go around the other way - away from where he's launching glass projectiles."

"Good point." I head out the front door and around to the garage. I ease the door open and slip inside, studying my mate for a minute. The suit, which was perfect when he left this morning, now looks like it's been slept in. Considering how many crashes I've heard and how much broken glass there is, I have a guess at how much alcohol he's consumed. If he does this every year, it's amazing he hasn't died of alcohol poisoning before now. He finishes the bottle in his hand and, with a grunt of effort, wings it at the door where it explodes.

He staggers over to a box on the floor and retrieves another bottle. As he cracks it open, I speak softly. "Thomas."

"Get out" he slurs at me. "Jason shouldn't have let you in here. Get out."

"Why, love? Why won't you let me be here for you?"

He takes a long drink from the bottle in his hand. "I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to be logical. I don't want to deal with anybody right now - not even you."

"Thomas-"

"And you can kiss my ass over that 'Thomas' bullshit, too. I'm a grown man and I should be able to be called whatever I want because I'm all grown up." I open my mouth to respond, but he cuts me off before I can get started. "And don't you dare tell me that I'm not handling my problems like an adult. You've never really talked about your family, Zedd so maybe they're alive and maybe they're not and maybe you don't care either way, but I loved my parents and they loved me and they'll never get to know that I've finally found a way to be happy." Yeah love, you look real happy right now.

I don't know what to say to his rant that isn't going to make matters worse. He takes another deep drink and then continues, more quietly. "They would have loved you too, you know. Just because you love me and try to make me happy. Then they would have gotten to know you and they would have loved you because you're you." Tears start flowing again and he wipes them away roughly. After another drink, he says, "Dad would have enjoyed your sense of humor. Mom would have thought you were the third most handsome man in the universe - right after Dad and me." A small smile breaks on his face. "We always said that she was a little biased." The smile disappears and with a cry of rage, he slings the half full bottle across the room and sinks to the floor, sobbing.

I sit next to him and gently stroke his hair. "It's not fair, Zedd. I try to be a good man. I try and do what's right. I've been a Ranger so long and so much, why did the Powers That Be punish me like that? Why did I have to lose them to find you?"

"Love, that's not how it is. It was never a choice between them and me."

"Wanna bet?" He crawls away from me and over to the box, pulling out another bottle and fucking hell I'm going to have to find a way to get rid of the rest of those before he does drink himself to death. After opening it and taking a drink, he says, "I lost my parents while Mercer and I were working up the proposal for the island lab project. It wasn't long after them dying that the funding for the project went through. We went to the island, things went bad, which created Mesogog and then I came back here and then there were the kids to take the powers. Then I got the Black powers and then I nearly died and you came. The whole thing happened, the project was approved because I lost my parents and the committee felt sorry for me. I wasn't originally supposed to go to the island, but after Mom and Dad - died - I thought I needed the change in scenery. I was supposed to cord- coord- run things from here. "

I'm puzzled. I still don't understand how he thinks that it was me or them. "Love-"

"Just - leave me alone. Get out. I'm selfish enough to want them and you and I don't deserve any of you."

"We're not going to do this again, Thomas. It's not selfish, it's natural. You do deserve to have both me and your parents, but it didn't work out that way. You are not the only one who has lost parents."

"Have you lost yours?"

"Not the way that you have, no. However I'm not exactly looked upon fondly by them or any of my family last time I checked. I told you love, Scorpina and Goldar are my family, and yours too now."

"They're not my family. Goldar barely even tolerates me and even if he did it's not the same. You have no idea what it's really like. Leave me alone, Zedd, before I decide to intentionally break my promise not to hurt you anymore."

"Excuse me?"

"Get out before I knock you out." He's not serious, is he? Right now, he couldn't knock out a fly, never mind me. I don't leave, but I do reluctantly back off and let him return to his drinking. Hopefully, once he's sober, he'll make sense once more.