Insomnia

By The Eternity Dragon

Disclaimer: …..o..0;

Chapter 12

To nav.love who had the audacity to tell me to just get up and write. Thanks a lot for that.

If I had thought

(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)

He never mentioned that to me, and I never noticed, not even once.

Kai had been sitting in his bedroom alone for what seemed like hours until the door opened, quietly, letting a little sliver of light in from the hallway slide across the wall and onto the bed. He didn't open his eyes, he was too exhausted, his mind was spinning horribly, as it always does when one is full of conflicting thoughts. Half a mind here, half a mind there, and all he seemed to think about was what Tala had said.

"I have to go."

In that voice, had he done something, said something? Was it selfish of himself to not want Tala to leave? Of course it was, but that didn't stop the fact that he didn't want him to go, nor did it lessen the pain on his chest.

The door closed again, and he heard light footsteps across the room, he thought he knew whose the footsteps where, and beneath the wrist that he had draped over his eyes, so that the glare from the artificial light outside his window could not burn itself behind his closed lids, he smiled.

Someone leaned over him, light breath tickling his skin, and then warm lips where on his own mouth, sunshine sweet and heady, and he smiles. Like he's been smiling since this morning, and then the mouth moves away and pressure is moved onto his lower abdomen and hips as he moves his arms from his face and looks up into those dark blue eyes, as he knew he would be.

Tyson is looking at him, his blithe mouth, half playful, twisting slightly with another emotion he can't quite explain, as though he's jealous.

"You've been smoking." The high shouldered youth tells him, stretching like a Cat, fingers moving slowly up to his neck and resting firmly on his shoulders.

Kai remains where he is, lazy, regarding Tyson through heavy lidded eyes,

"I was smoking out on the balcony; I don't think you can smell it in here, Tala always tells me off when smoke. So I do it secretly."

"You can't smell it," Tyson told him, straddling his hips, he thought there was a dark look in his eyes as he said it, "but I can taste it in your mouth, it's bitter."

Kai smiled, "Well, Tala never kissed me, so that's how I guess I got away with it."

And it makes me jealous, so very jealous I think I might be sick with it. Even when I have no right to be.

Tyson in voluntarily narrowed his eyes, and his mouth for a moment held the thought that was lingering on his mind, before he corrected it, making it smooth and hollow again.

"I don't like smoking." Tyson told him; he was leaning down, the entire slim length of his body pressed against Kai's, warm and solid, and he bit back a moan that seemed to be throbbing at the back of his throat.

"But I like the taste." And he kissed him again, but deeper and more urgent this time.

I want to be the only one who thinks of you in this way.

It starts out like this, and moves on, almost sleepily at first, their hands are warm and playing with each others, tangled in their hair and Kai splays those long fingers against the back of Tyson's neck, angling the kiss as his heart begins to race inside his chest. Oh, how he's so tired of waiting, and how he's wanted, and how this is so much fuller then anything he ever thought of by himself.

Tyson is smiling against his neck, he can feel it, those lips trailing down to his collar bone, hot and raw, and there's more laughter, and it's silly that they haven't done it before, because they've both been waiting. But Kai thinks that perhaps they've been waiting for too long, as his hand brushed against the naked skin of Tyson's torso, he can feel the stomach muscles clench and contract beneath his feather light touch. And they've moved, Tyson is beneath him now, legs entwined with his, their breath has become shorter now more erratic and Kai wonders how it is that the shirt that Tyson was wearing is now halfway up to his shoulders, and how his own torso is now naked and lit limn in the light from outside. He can only see the outline and the shadows on their bodies, and as he bends again, meeting that urgent, hungry mouth which opens like a flower beneath his own, and he takes it in, biting and sucking, and feels his body rise towards him, needing like himself. And it is beautiful, and he does wonder as the whisper thin fabric moves so easily over Tyson's head, why there is something pressing so urgently against his mind.

I am jealous, because now I know with out a doubt. That this can only be a replica of what came before. To you, this is not unique. I know I am selfish for just thinking this- but now I know.

Tyson's head is tilted back, and his eyes are closed as Kai moves down lower, there is a feeling building up there, and his fingers dig into the soft skin of Kai's back, behind the shoulder blades, he wants it there, harder not softer, and he's saying things with his mouth that he can't understand. Emotions and feelings turned into words and noises, he tilts his hips higher, against Kai, against that place. And he feels Kai's mouth in the darkness against his own, suppressing that moan. He wants to feel helpless, but he can't, he's greedy, like a child with hands that beg for more. He can tell Kai wants it slow, but he doesn't, he doesn't think he can stand it slow again-not again, not with Kai. When he opens his eyes, this might not be real and he'll be dreaming again, and this is someone else like it has been so many times.

It becomes raw after that, the hot kisses become fierce, biting, sweet and bitter, everywhere, he wants him everywhere, but that's not enough, and he's groaning into his mouth, but he doesn't want it there, he wants it lower. And his head is thrown back now. Oh, oh, oh, don't stop, don't stop.

There is sweat across both their hips, and Tyson reaches forwards, his hands fumbling, neither of them is laughing and his heart like a bird fluttering inside his ribcage.

Kai's mouth, the whole length of that beautiful mouth, is against his ear, and his tongue, lithe and tasting the salt of his skin. As Tyson's fingers unfasten the catch of his trousers, trembling. And there's that predatory, dominating feeling as he pushes him down again beneath him, and feels his whole body quiver in that high expectation as the night air flutters against their bare skin.

And then…and then…a sharp intake of breath, oh fuck, fuck it hurts! As he moves, as everything moves. And he's wondering, as there are legs about his shoulders, and he's thinking, in bubbles that explode into thoughts. He doesn't think he's breathing enough, but it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter when the laughter went, Kai can't remember, he can't remember ever feeling like this, the pain, and the pleasure, he can't tell which is which. Did he always want this? Right from the first time he saw him? When did it happen? The noise seems to hang, tremulous in the still air, and Kai finds himself pressing his lips onto the pair beneath him, sharing in their urgency and consolidating. And he's arching against him, saying his name over and over, like a mantra, like a prayer, and they can't stop, and he can feel it too, and he wants it, oh he wants it.

Oh how he wanted it.

And then.

And then…

Kai is sleeping, and it's warm, and their limbs are entwined, and Tyson is pressing his nose against his chest, his ear against his ribcage listening to his heart beat, slow and rhythmic. His own is still fast, fluttering like a bird as he thinks, as he has been thinking for the last half an hour ever since he woke up. Hiwatari moves in his sleep, his eyebrows knitting in a slight frown, hair sticky with sweat is draped across his forehead, and he looks like a child, vulnerable, only wanting to be loved.

For the first time Tyson isn't sure of what he wants, he looks at Kai with his deep, bottomless eyes, and pushes the smoky strands away from the clear, smooth skin. Kai doesn't wake up, he won't wake up, he's too deeply asleep to wake up.

Maybe it's that which makes his heart ache in this peculiar manner, something he told himself he'd never let happen again, maybe he's delirious and perhaps that's why he's bending his head to kiss that perfect mouth just one more time, just to make sure this is real. It must be a reaction to the smoke or something that's making his head spin and toes curl up when he breathes in that musky, bitter sweet smell of Kai's neck. That must be the reason why he's feathering Kai's face in those whisper light kisses, over his eyes with those long lashes, on his cheeks, his perfectly straight nose, and his temple. Even though he knows he won't wake up, and that this won't lead to some sexual act. It is the first time he has done something like that. There must be a first time for everything.

Kai is smiling in his sleep, his breathing still slow and heavy, and as Tyson lies there, thinking, maybe, maybe this might work, if they take unhurried steps, that maybe, despite what he thought, it hadn't ever been that way. And that, if he keeps it from Kai, what Kai doesn't know will never hurt him. After all, who would tell?

He'll try, he'll try because he wants this, he wants it so badly.

It is as Tyson falls asleep that the nightmare begins, and Kai, who is mumbling something, frowning again, his fingers, flexing and unflexing against Tyson's shoulder, says, in a distinct, hurt, lonely, needing voice, "Tala, Tala no!"

There is a pause, endless and limitless, in which Tyson opens his eyes and regards the wall, relentless and carefully, gradually he can feel a part of himself inside begin to harden against his resolve.

A part of him he cannot take back.

Through out all of this, I had never foreseen the intervention of you, Tala Valkov.

(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)(…)

A/N I felt terrible after writing this to give you such a short chapter- but hopefully the smut make up for it on that part. I have to say, things, are now (for me at least) beginning to look interesting, as, here my complicated interrelationships are really going to kick in.

I apologise for grammatical errors, I'll look at this tomorrow and probably go "Ugh!" and re-structure it, but I'm too tired now and I want to get this posted. God fanfictioning always makes me want to fan art afterwards….Soriku in particular (;