The Bitter Taste
Coffee & Cigarettes
One of the toughest parts in life is deciding when to give up or try harder…
xxx
Brooke sat on the porch swing as Haley and Lucas still slept. They were letting her stay with them for a while until she got settled into Tree Hill. Brooke took a sip of her coffee and looked at the divorce papers which she had sitting beside her; she didn't think it was going to be this hard to sign them. All the anger she felt and all the emotion left her when Nathan had given her the papers already signed. Of course she hated him for what he had done, but she had never really thought about it being over. Brooke ran her fingers through her now brunette hair; after her confrontation with Nathan she had gone to the store and dyed her hair back to her original almond brown. She had also been eating a lot, thanks to Karen and Haley who wouldn't let her skip a meal. Brooke had to smile to herself; it was like she was her old self again. She had the brown hair and she was putting on the weight that she had drastically lost over the last couple of months. It felt good to have some normality in her life after everything had been so fucked up.
The front door opened and Brooke looked up as Haley walked out and stretched her arms out. She took a sip of her coffee and smiled at Brooke, "Morning brunette," she said with a smile, "I love it."
"I knew you would," Brooke said with a pearly white smile.
Haley let out a small laugh and walked over towards the porch swing; she picked up the papers to sit down beside Brooke. She sat down and looked at them, "A divorce?"
"Yep," Brooke said as she bit her bottom lip.
Haley set down the papers and put her hand on top of Brooke's, "Are you okay?"
"You know? The weirdest thing actually," Brooke began as she wiped her nose, "I never thought that I'd be this upset about it…"
Haley sighed and combed through Brooke's hair, "What do you want Brooke?"
"The truth?"
Haley nodded.
"I want Nathan to come up to me and kiss me and make love to me. I want things to go back to normal," Brooke said with a hopeful smile, "But it's like…Every time I try to think about us being together all I can think about is the hurt and the pain that he brought to our relationship by doing just one stupid thing with one stupid, stupid girl."
Haley wiped one of Brooke's tears, "You need to talk to him Brooke," she began, "You need to tell him how you feel and you need to listen to him. You walked out without letting him say a word and you didn't get to say a hell of a lot either."
"I know…" Brooke said.
xxx
Nathan sat down and switched through the channels, not really paying attention to what was on the screen. He had done it; he had gotten the divorce papers and he had signed them. It took almost all the strength in him to do it, but Nathan knew that it was time to let Brooke go. Nathan couldn't forget the look on Brooke's face when he handed them to her; it was a mix of hurt and confusion, and maybe some anger. Everything had gone by so fast for them, and he had royally fucked it up. Nathan just couldn't watch Brooke hurt herself anymore. He heard the front door open and saw Peyton walking in; she dried herself off and smiled at Nathan.
"It's a hell of a storm out there," Peyton said as she made sure the front door was tightly shut.
"Yeah," Nathan said without any true emotion.
Peyton sat down beside Nate and looked at him, "What's wrong Nate?"
"I gave Brooke those divorce papers last night," he began.
She sighed and put her head down, "I thought you were going to wait a little bit?"
"How long am I supposed to wait Peyt?" Nathan asked, "She's made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to be with me anymore…"
Peyton put a comforting hand on Nathan's shoulder, "Give her time," she said, "I mean…Brooke's been through a lot."
"Yeah…All thanks to me right?" Nathan said sarcastically and then got up from the couch and walked out.
xxx
"You two do realize how much I hate you for making me come out tonight," Brooke said as she, Haley, and Lucas walked into Tric. They had forced Brooke to come out even though she was not in any mood to party and be happy.
Lucas put his arm around both Brooke and Haley and looked down at Brooke, "Oh Brooke," he said with a big smile, "You could never hate us." He said as he and Haley laughed.
Brooke playfully rolled her eyes and smiled, "I'm getting a drink," she said as she left the couple to wonder. Brooke pushed through the crowd and made her way to the bar; she sat down and ordered a martini. She looked around and watched as Haley and Lucas danced closely together; just holding each other and laughing. Brooke smiled; she was surprised they weren't married. Brooke looked down at the floor. Marriage--a fucking waste of time. She downed her martini and ordered another.
"Whoa there rock star," Peyton said as she rested her hand on Brooke's back and sat down beside her. She smiled and played around with Brooke's hair, "Being blonde too hard for you?" Peyton teased.
Brooke took a sip of her martini and smiled, "Nobody can pull it off like you P. Sawyer."
"How are you feeling B…" Peyton stopped from using her old nickname for Brooke, "How are you feeling Brooke?"
Brooke shrugged off the mistake, "I'm guessing you know about the divorce papers?"
"Yeah," Peyton nodded softly, "You know…I wasn't bull shitting when I said Nathan was in love with you, and I know that he's just thinking irrationally right now."
Brooke rolled her eyes, "God Peyton you're not his mother," she snapped. Peyton gave her a look and Brooke mentally kicked herself; she calmed herself and played with the olive in her martini, "He got the divorce papers himself and signed them. You don't have to make excuses for him."
"You sound like you still want to be with him," Peyton pointed out, "What do you want?"
Brooke took out her cigarettes and smacked the bottom of the pack against her wrist, "I didn't think it was really going to be over…And it just isn't fair that he's the one ending it; I mean…I'm the one who got fucked over."
"I'm you're best friend," Peyton began, "If you're in love with him, god dammit, tell me!" She let out a comforting laugh, "He would take you back so quickly and rip up those papers."
Brooke lit her cigarette and took a drag, "It's like half of me wants to be with him, and half of me wants to get over him."
Peyton watched as Brooke's gaze traveled towards the dance floor; she looked over and saw Nathan dancing with an attractive red head. Peyton looked over to where Brooke was sitting and she was gone. Peyton stood up and looked around, but couldn't find her anywhere.
xxx
Brooke took shot after shot as she sat in the VIP room with a couple of people. She laughed as she chain smoked like a chimney and downed shots with the best of them. Brooke crushed out her cigarette and walked outside; everything was blurry. She laughed and lost her balance; she grabbed onto the railing and sat on the steps. Brooke heard footsteps behind her and saw Nathan standing there with his hands in his pockets. She glared at him and lit another cigarette; she blew the smoke and leaned back.
Nathan sat down beside Brooke on the step and he could smell the alcohol from her breath, "You're drunk."
"No shit," Brooke said coldly, "You know…I actually came here to talk to you rationally, but then I saw you bumping on some red head so I decided to have my own fun."
Nathan groaned and rubbed his eyes, "Brooke…"
"You know…I never really thought red heads were your type," she slurred, "But I guess you're just full of surprises! And a lot of other stuff too," she said with a dry laugh as she threw her cigarette over the railing of the stairs.
Nathan looked down, "This needs to stop Brooke."
"Whatever," Brooke said as she carefully walked down the stairs and towards the road.
Nathan ran in front of her and grabbed her, "Let me take you home…"
"Hell no!" Brooke screamed as she walked over to Luke's car, "I'll just wait for Lucas and Haley to come out."
Nathan slammed his hand on the top of the car causing Brooke to jump, "Dammit Brooke!" He screamed, "Just because you're leaving doesn't mean I'm letting you go!"
"How can you say you love me if you're in there dancing with another girl?" Brooke said as the tears ran down her cheeks.
Nathan wiped them away and looked into her eyes, "Do you think I would ever make that mistake again? You're everything to me!"
"Sometimes everything isn't enough," Brooke began, "I gave you so much of me, and you made me feel like I was needed. Now I'm here, standing out in the cold and you're begging me to stay."
Nathan grabbed softly onto Brooke's face as he had her against the car, "So that's it…You're just going to forget about you and me?"
"I'm scared Nate," Brooke said; her voice low and raspy.
Nathan wiped his own tear away, "You're scared because you know somebody actually wants to be with you?" He asked, "Without you…Everything means nothing."
"Nate…" Brooke began, but was cut off by a hard, passionate kiss. His hands traveled up her little, blue dress as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
xxx
It was that familiar place again; Nathan threw Brooke down on his bed and turned on the radio. Michelle Featherstone played from the speakers as they ripped the clothes off of each other. It was like old times; it was the same bed and the same two people. He still nibbled on her neck like he used to, and she still had that amazing way of making him whisper her name.
If
I build a wall
a hundred feet tall
would that keep you in?
"Nathan," Brooke said softly as he kissed her stomach.
If
I promise not to fight
at least not tonight
would you stay
the night?
The kiss broke and the two of them laid naked on top of each other, "Brooke," Nathan said as he tried to catch his breath.
If
I wore that little dress
that you like the best
would you
pass my test?
"I think I should go," she said finally.
Brooke got off of him and gathered her dress and underwear, "Don't," Nathan said.
She turned around and looked at him with tears in her eyes, "I can't do this…I'm sorry."
Would
you stay?
Would you stay with me?
"Will you just stay the night?" Nathan asked hopefully.
Brooke put her bottom lip as she climbed back into bed with Nathan; he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek, "Goodnight Nathan," she said in almost a whisper.
Would
you stay?
Would you stay with me?
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