The Bitter Taste
& Watched My Bad Habits Flush Away
And there's those occasional nights, when you break down and cry, because you know things will never be the same.
xxx
I must quit…
I must quit…
You…
Brooke opened her eyes and looked around the room that she was in. She looked down and saw Nathan's hand around her waist; Brooke carefully got out of the bed and put on her shoes. She crept quietly towards the door and looked once more back at him; she smiled sadly to herself and shut the bedroom door behind her. Brooke walked down the hallway and peeked into Eric's room; she entered the room and stood over his crib. She smiled down at him and ran a finger along his soft cheek.
"You're the last person I thought I'd see walking out of Nathan's room this early in the morning," she heard Peyton's voice say.
Brooke turned around and saw Peyton sitting in a rocking chair with a cup of coffee on her lap, "I didn't even see you there," Brooke said.
"Why are you running from him Brooke?" Peyton asked.
Brooke sighed, "I'm not running from him…I just…I don't want to be by his side when he wakes up."
"Did you…?"
Brooke shook her head, "No…We didn't have sex. We were going to, but I didn't want it to go that far, because I knew I would end up regretting it."
"So what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know," Brooke answered, "I haven't really thought that far ahead yet."
Peyton let out a deep breath, "You kind of led him on you know that right?"
"I was drunk Peyt," Brooke said as she sat down in the recliner that was against the wall, "…It didn't mean anything."
Peyton rolled her eyes, "You think you can pull that shit on me Brooke? Of course it meant something…It probably meant everything to you."
"I can't do this right now," Brooke began, "Do you think it was easy for me to kiss him and be in that bed with him? I put up this wall and I almost let him through, but all I could think about was how bad he hurt me…"
"Sometimes you've got to just move on," Peyton said as she put her hand on Brooke's knee, "People are always going to hurt you, and it's your call whether or not they're ever going to hurt you again."
Brooke nodded and gave Peyton a quick smile; she got up and walked out of Eric's room. She looked over and saw Nathan leaning against the wall. She jumped back and put her hand on her heart, "Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me!"
"So it didn't mean anything?" Nathan asked; Brooke could see the sadness in his eyes as he looked down at her.
Brooke glared at him, "You were eavesdropping on our conversation?"
"It seems like that's the only way I can get the truth out of you," Nathan shot back.
Brooke scoffed, "Don't even start with that truth crap! You're not exactly the most honest person in this world."
"I at least don't give out a cheap ass kiss!" Nathan said as his voice got louder.
Brooke pushed past him, "You kissed me Nate…Remember?"
Nathan followed her downstairs and grabbed a hold of her arm, "I've apologized Brooke so many fucking times."
"And you think that makes everything better?" Brooke asked sarcastically, "God Nate! I don't think you understand what has happened between us. See, you cheated on me, and it's not like that high school cheating shit, we were married! Did you honestly expect me to stay around?"
Nathan let go of Brooke's arm and cross his arms across his chest, "You left when I needed you the most."
"You didn't need me," Brooke said cynically, "You had some trampy slut taking up all your time."
Nathan took a step back and shrugged, "I didn't love her…I never loved her. It's you that I love…It's always been you."
"Don't waste your time on saying things you're only going to take back and regret later on," Brooke said and then walked out of the house.
xxx
Lucas pulled into the driveway and looked over at Brooke, "So are you going to tell me why you spent the night at Nathan's or am I going to have to wait for Hales to tell me?"
"I went home with him last night…We made out and we were going to have sex, but I stopped and then this morning we got into another fight," Brooke said as the two of them got out of the car.
They sat down on the porch swing and Brooke squinted her eyes from the sunlight, "Are you going to sign the papers now?" He asked.
"I guess now I have to," Brooke said with a little shrug, "It's weird though…I never thought it'd really be over."
Lucas gave her a sympathetic smile, "That's how it was with me and Peyton…I never could imagine life without her, but then as the days went by I realized that I could live just being her friend."
"I don't know if Nathan and I can ever be friends," Brooke said with a hopeful laugh.
Lucas chuckled and put a friendly arm around Brooke, "You're smart Brooke…I think you can decide what you want to do with your life."
Lucas walked into the house and Brooke got the divorce papers out of her purse. She got out her pen and looked at them for a second. She sighed and walked into the house.
xxx
It was a beautiful, dark night as Nathan stood on the beach; it was the same place where he and Brooke had made love and decided that they wanted to be together. He sat down on a huge rock and threw pebbles into the water. He saw Brooke walk over towards him; he looked down and kicked the sand around a little bit.
"You're late," Nathan said.
Brooke moved a strand of hair out of her face, "Yeah…I had some things to think about before I came."
"So…" Nathan said after a few seconds of silence, "Why'd you need to see me?"
Brooke took the papers out of her purse and handed them to Nathan, "I signed them," she said as she turned to hide her teary eyes.
Nathan looked at them for a second and then looked back up at Brooke, "Wow…So this is it?"
"I don't want us to completely hate each other and ignore each other," Brooke began, "But I do want us to be happy."
"What will it take you to understand that I'm not lying when I say I need you?" Nathan began.
Brooke ran her fingers through her hair, "You gave me those papers first already signed; I'm doing what you and I both want."
"You want this?" Nathan asked as he held up the papers.
Brooke nodded and handed Nathan her wedding ring, "It was real wasn't it? We were just two kids, but we really loved each other."
"It was real," Nathan said softly as he took the ring and put it in his pocket, "It still is…"
Brooke gave him a sad smile and shook her head slowly, "It's not Nathan…It's time to let it go."
"Fine…Then this is it," Nathan said as he stood up and faced Brooke.
Brooke put her hand on Nathan's arm, "Bye Nathan…"
Nathan watched Brooke walked down the beach; that was it. It was over, and Nathan didn't know how to think. He had given Brooke the papers, but he didn't think she was actually going to sign them. There it was her signature. Nathan sighed and walked back up to his house.
He got a beer out of the fridge and sat down; Peyton walked in and sat down beside him. She looked at the signatures on the paper and gave him a sympathetic look, "You know Nate, just because something ended, doesn't mean it shouldn't have happened."
"I just lost the only thing that was ever worth fighting for," Nathan said and then walked out of the kitchen.
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