Title:
Chrismukkah With The Cohens
Disclaimer:
I own nothing related to The O.C.. Not for profit.
Description:
A few missing Cohens+1 scenes from 3.10 The Chrismukkah Bar
Mitz-vahkkah.
Beta Reader:fredsmith518
Chapter 2
Kirsten was in the kitchen with Sandy, putting up Chrismukkah decorations, when she paused for a minute to watch the kids in the back yard. The four of them were out there around the pool having some kind of intense conversation. Some kind of private intense conversation. Marissa and Summer had arrived a little earlier for a late breakfast, and then they and the boys had moved quickly out to the patio to have their apparently very important talk.
When Kirsten saw Ryan dip the pool skimmer into the pool, she smiled to herself and shook her head a little in amusement. He had picked up that pool skimmer when she had gone out there earlier to put out a few more poinsettias. They had all tried to pretend that they hadn't immediately stopped talking as soon as they had seen her. Ryan had started cleaning the pool, Marissa had concentrated on eating her cereal, Summer had studied her nails, and Seth had feigned a deep interest in his coffee. And none of them had said a word until she was back inside.
It was all too funny. She wondered what was so important, and confidential. Kirsten shrugged to herself and rejoined her husband in the decorating. They'd probably find out soon enough. Their son could never keep a secret. And she was right. In a few minutes, right after the girls left, Ryan and Seth came into the kitchen, and Seth announced that he wanted Ryan to have a Bar Mitzvah.
Oh, boy.
"A Bar Mitzvah? For Ryan?"
"Ooh... It just makes me feel all tingly hearing you say it."
"Do you have any idea how offensive this is?"
"We're not trying to offend, just... help."
"Well, you gotta be Jewish to be Bar Mitzvah'ed. Let's just start there."
"Why are you guys doing this?"
"Our friend Johnny. He can't afford knee surgery. It's like a fundraiser."
"Which is where we need you, Mom."
"It's a sacred religious event. A tradition that marks a Jewish child's obligation to observe the Ten Commandments."
"I'm sorry. And that's the problem with the Jews right there. We have no concept of marketing."
"You're on thin ice."
"Now, listen to me. A long time ago, Mom's team allowed Christmas to be about reindeers, and snowmen, and Tim Allen movies. And I would say that that's a pretty religious holiday."
"The birth of Christ? I'd say so."
"You betcha. Well now the Bar Mitzvah is our greatest export possibility. It's got huge crossover potential."
"It's an honorary Bar Mitzvah."
"It's a Chrismukkah Bar-Mitzvahkkah."
"I like it... and they're helping their friend."
"But, we need your blessing."
"That's right."
"The club is throwing a holiday party, anyway. We'll hijack it. We'll just tell the Newpsies that we're raising money for the hospital. Sandy, it could be really fun."
"It's honorary?"
"Hey."
"Minimal Hebrew."
"Which I'm fine with."
"No tallis, no challah, no tefillin."
"Hey, as long as people are dancing to YMCA and handing over envelopes of cash, we're in."
"Then so are we."
"Mazal Tov, buddy!"
Once that was settled, Kirsten smiled and looked around at her men for a moment. This was going to be fun. And a lot of work. She clapped her hands once to get everyone's attention.
"Okay, guys. If we're going to do this thing, we have a lot to do. The country club's holiday party is tomorrow."
That got an immediate response, the three of them talking all at once.
"Honey, I don't know..."
"Mom..."
"I can't learn everything by then..."
Kirsten put up her hands to silence them all. "We can do this. We just have to work together and get organized. Seth, now, what was it you had in mind? A Chrismukkah Bar Mitzvakkah? Is that right?"
Kirsten listened intently while Seth explained his idea and Ryan gave more information about their friend Johnny and the surgery he needed. By the end of it, Sandy was shaking his head.
"Sorry, guys, that's not going to work."
Seth was aghast. "What? Dad –"
Sandy put up his hands. "Seth, I just meant, because it isn't a real Bar Mitzvah, and the guests are all going to be gentiles, and they're not going to know to give money to Ryan, and I'm not sure they'd go along with it anyway..."
Seth was shaking his head, trying to reject everything that his father was saying. Obviously, he didn't want to see his brilliant plan go down the tubes. But Kirsten nodded. She could see what Sandy was getting at, and she had an idea.
"Seth, honey, how about this: we'll make it a charity event for Hoag Hospital. The Newpsies are used to that. They'll give the money to the hospital, and in return for the donations, the hospital will give your friend his arthroscopic surgery for free. It all comes out the same in the end."
Ryan asked, "Yeah? Do you think the hospital will go for that?"
"Sure, they've done stuff like that before."
Ryan and Seth looked at each other, doing that silent communication thing that they always did. Once they'd come to an agreement, Seth spoke up. "Yeah, okay, I guess. As long as we still get to do the Bar-Mitzvakkah."
Kirsten smiled indulgently at her son. "Of course."
Seth grinned back. "Great!" He looked at Ryan. "This is going to be so much fun!" But then Seth's smile faded and he looked down. "Better than mine..."
Ryan patted Seth on the back. "I wish I'd been there."
Kirsten raised her eyebrows. "Have you seen the pictures? We have a photo album..."
Ryan shrugged. "Sure."
Kirsten gave Seth a reassuring smile then led the family into the living room. She headed over to the bookcase where they kept their albums and pulled out the one for Seth's Bar Mitzvah. She handed it to Ryan. "Here you go."
"Thanks."
Ryan sat down and started looking at it. Seth sat down next to him and joined in. Kirsten took a quick look at the pictures herself, then shared a look with Sandy. They both knew that it had been a bad experience for Seth. What had been supposed to be the best time of his young life... Well, maybe this could make up for it.
Sandy cleared his throat. "Ryan, I'll get you a copy of the Torah for you to study – that's the Old Testament to you – and more information about what you'll need to do and what you can expect."
"Okay, thanks."
"Seth, do you still have that CD that Rabbi Gutterman made for you?"
Seth stood up. "Yeah. Somewhere." After a moment, he gestured towards the upstairs. "I think it's up in my room." He looked at Ryan. "Come on, buddy." Ryan stood up, still holding the album.
After Seth and Ryan disappeared upstairs, Kirsten turned to Sandy.
"I'll go see about getting this thing set up at the club. Maybe I'll get Julie to help me..."
"Sounds good." Sandy frowned. "So, you really think this thing can work?"
Kirsten shrugged. "Well, yeah, I mean, it's basically just another charity event. The Bar Mitzvah part can be just like the entertainment for the party." Kirsten looked at Sandy, concerned that would be offensive. "Is that okay?"
It was Sandy's turn to shrug. "Yeah, I guess. Since it's just honorary. It will give the Newpsies a little culture."
They shared a little smile, then Kirsten kissed Sandy on the cheek. "Okay. I should go."
"I'll finish up the decorating here while you're gone."
Kirsten responded, absentmindedly, "Great."
Her mind was already miles away, thinking about everything that needed to be done. She needed to talk Julie into helping, make arrangements with the hospital, make arrangements with the Newpsies at the club, print up brochures, arrange for decorations, hire a photographer, get flowers, ...
Kirsten grabbed her purse and keys and headed out the door. She had a lot to do.
Ryan sat on his bed, with his laptop on his lap, scouring the internet for information about Bar Mitzvahs. He was still trying to get a handle on this whole thing. Ryan sighed and put the computer to the side and picked up the Old Testament again. He should never have let Seth talk him into this. He was going to make total fool out of himself in front of the entire town, as if they didn't look at him askance already.
He was relieved when Sandy came out to the pool house. "Hey, kid. How's it going?"
Ryan shrugged. "Fine, I guess." He sighed and laid the book down. "There's a lot to learn."
Sandy sat in the chair at the foot of the bed. "Don't worry about it too much. You'll do fine."
Ryan wasn't so sure. He wished he had Sandy's confidence.
Sandy settled into the chair. "Listen, I just wanted to explain about why I was against this at first. Becoming a Bar Mitzvah is one of the seminal events in a Jewish person's life –"
Ryan interrupted. "It was Seth's idea. I didn't really want to do it."
Sandy smiled. "I figured that."
Ryan hesitated for a moment before adding, "You know why he wants to do this, right? He wants a do-over for his own Bar Mitzvah. You know that nobody came because they all went to Luke's birthday party, right?"
Sandy raised his eyebrows. "Huh. Luke's birthday? I never knew why none of the kids who RSVP'ed showed up."
"Yeah."
Sandy leaned forward. "You know, you're performing quite the mitzvah for Seth, and for your friend Johnny, by doing this." At Ryan's confused look, Sandy smiled and explained. "Mitzvah in this case means any good deed, any act of human kindness."
"Um... Thanks." He'd have to remember that.
Sandy sat back again. "Anyway, as I was saying, I was against this at first because a Bar Mitzvah, like I said earlier, is a sacred religious service for Jewish boys and girls –"
"Right, I know. We shouldn't be doing this –" Ryan didn't want to offend Sandy all over again.
"But –" Sandy interrupted, "But, what Seth wants out of this – the party, the money, the dancing, the friends – that's not the religious part of a Bar Mitzvah. It has become traditional to do those things as part of the celebration, but they aren't central to it. So I'm fine with doing those things."
Ryan nodded slowly. Okay, that made sense.
Sandy continued, "As far as the religious ceremony goes..." Ryan held his breath and waited. "We're not going to do the real thing. That's why I'm okay with this now. You'll just do a little bit of it – what I explained to you before – and give Newport a little taste of Jewish culture. But it won't be real. We're not going to have a Rabbi, you're not going to dress in the sacred clothes, and so forth. So, just do what you can in the next twenty-four hours: study the Torah, listen to the CD. And, really, don't worry about getting everything perfect. Just do your best."
Ryan breathed a sigh of relief. "Yeah, okay." He could do that.
Sandy smiled at Ryan and stood up. "The other reason I came out here is to get a picture of you when you were younger. Kirsten sent me. It's a recent tradition to put out a large picture of the Bar Mitzvah boy for people to sign."
"Like at weddings?"
"Right. So I need a picture. Since you're older than usual, Kirsten thought it would be a good idea to use a picture of you at thirteen." Ryan was about to interrupt when Sandy held up his hand. "I know you may not have a picture of when you were exactly thirteen, but let's see what you have."
Ryan sighed. "Sure."
Ryan put his Bar Mitzvah stuff to the side and got up from the bed. He headed for the drawer where he kept his photo album. When he had come to Newport, he had brought no pictures with him, but now he had a little collection. Not only ones that had been taken since he'd been with the Cohens, but his mother had also sent some, and he had brought some back from his summer in Chino that Theresa's mother had given him.
Ryan took out the photo album and handed it to Sandy, who sat down on the edge of the bed and gestured for Ryan to sit down with him. After Ryan did that, Sandy opened the album and they looked through it. After considering and rejecting several pictures, Sandy picked up one of Ryan in a Little League uniform.
"How old are you here?"
"Um, nine, I think. Eight or nine."
"I didn't know you played baseball."
Ryan shrugged. "I only did Little League for a couple years."
"Did you get this one from Theresa?"
Ryan thought for a moment. "No, I think Mom sent it."
Sandy nodded, then studied the picture. "I like this one. Do you mind if we use it?"
"Um, sure, yeah, go ahead."
"Great."
Sandy closed the photo album and put it on the bed, then stood up. Ryan followed suit.
"Well, I'm off. I have to bring this picture to Kirsten, then I'm sure she'll have other errands for me."
Ryan took a quick look at all the books and stuff on his bed. "I guess I'd better get back to studying."
Sandy reached over and rubbed Ryan's arm for a moment. "You'll do fine. And if you have any questions, just ask Seth, or you can reach me on my cell."
"Okay."
Sandy nodded once more, and then headed back to the house. Ryan sighed and settled back on his bed and picked up the Torah again. He had a lot to do.
TBC
