ZEDD

As far as I can tell, Thomas enjoyed our little game. Except for that one brief flash of something else, the bond was loaded with all the right feelings to keep me from being concerned. He snuggles more tightly into my arms with a contented sigh. Perhaps whatever it was had nothing to do with me and what we were doing? But if that's the case, what was I not doing well enough to keep his attention on us? I'm not sure I really want to know. I'm startled out of my thoughts when Thomas lifts his head. "Zedd? What's wrong? Did I not do something right?"

"Of course not, love" I reassure him. I take a breath and brace myself. "Did I do anything wrong or not good enough?"

"Oh god no! That was - awesome." I smile slightly at the resurrection of the often used word from his youth. Still, he seems to know what triggered my question. He blushes fiercely as he speaks. "Zedd, that little surge of resentment had nothing to do with you, mate. The thought crossed my mind that there are benefits to, well, being dominated - even if it is only for play and I was a little - upset, I guess - that nobody had ever tried to make an effort like that before." He stops for a minute, frowning. "Huh. I guess I was wrong. In spite of all my efforts, they did neglect me."

I don't know how to respond to this except to say, "I'm sorry, Thomas."

"Don't be, it all worked out for the best I suppose. After all had it worked with any of them I might not be laying here with you, right?" Perhaps, or perhaps not, I've always been one to generally get what I want, others that are in my way be damned, and I honestly can't say that if I had learned of the bond through some other means and I had had a chance to get to know him, any mate he might have been with very likely would not have stopped me from claiming him as my own. Still he doesn't really need to know all that.

"Maybe, chances are I would have fought for your affection though, well unless you told me truthfully you were happy and satisfied with whoever you were with. Though that seems unlikely to have been the case as you even state that they neglected your needs."

Immediately, he gifts me with a brilliant smile. "You don't, though. You make sure that I know I'm loved and cared for and that I matter to you."

"Truthfully, I can't understand why they would have neglected you, Thomas, when it's so very easy to make you happy most of the time." And I'd just love to destroy them all for the pain they've caused him. Every one of them had better hope and pray to whatever deity they believe in that they don't run into me while we're on Earth.

He caresses my face. "I wish-" He stops, which puzzles me.

"What do you wish, love?" Whatever it is, I'll fulfill it if possible.

"I wish that I could make you as happy as you do me most of the time. I also wish I could say the words to tell you how much you mean to me, but I can't."

"I told you, Thomas, that you do make me happy every day. I also told you that I don't need the words because I know how you feel. Why does it matter so much?"

"Because I'm - I was - human. It's just what we're taught. I just - I said those things to others before and it never turned out well. It's not that I don't want to say them or that I don't feel that way about you, it's just…it's like when you're a kid and you touch a hot stove-"

"Our love is like a cooking appliance?"

Giving me a look he continues calmly, for the most part. "Let me finish…and yes I think it's a reasonable metaphor, thank you. So when you're a kid and you touch a stove that's hot and you burn your hand, you learn not to touch the stove again because it's hot."

"You were rather neglected as a child weren't you."

"What?"

"Well my parents were always rather busy…okay well they were always occupied with things that weren't me, but still I had enough people around me to prevent me from laying my hand on a hot stove." Though there was that one maid who let me lick the inside of the freezer door. Two hours to get my tongue unstuck, wasn't that a damn learning experience.

Sighing and counting slowly to ten, he continues after a moment of gathering his thoughts and patience. "Look, around here you can't watch your kids every second of every day and sometimes they need to learn things the hard way because they refuse to listen the ten times you told them not to touch the stove because it's hot."

"You touched the stove didn't you."

"That's not the point. The point is…okay now I forgot what the point was." Sighing and laying his head back on my chest he mutters softy for a minute.

I tighten my arms around him, knowing where he was going with his metaphor even if I was having a rather good time teasing him over it. "I'm going to assume it was something relating to being burned so many times before that you eventually learn not to do or in this case say something that could and has resulted in pain in the past."

"Yeah, we'll go with that."

"Listen, even if you're never able to say it, Thomas, I love you. I know you like hearing it which is why I say it so often. I can feel how much you care about me, how much I mean to you through the bond. The actual words aren't needed."

"Again, you do want to hear it though."

I sigh. "It would be a bonus, love, but again, hardly necessary."

He sighs himself and then freezes. He's thinking about something, but I have no idea what. He says something rapidly in one of his many languages. His eyes light up and he changes languages. After a few more changes, he takes my face in his hands and kisses me very softly. In Eltarian, he says, "I love you, kalleimat."

The tenderness with which he says the words puts a lump in my throat. I reply the same way. "I love you, too."

He continues to kiss me, hands caressing my chest as mine run over his back. Neither of us trying to arouse the other, just enjoying. After a long time of this, I pull back just enough to speak. "Thank you, Thomas, for trusting me to say that and enough to play like that with me."

He smiles a slow sexy smile. "It was fun" he agrees. "Although you have no idea how hard it was sometimes not to break character." Wanna bet?

"You were very impressive."

"Not too bad yourself oh great evil one. We should play around like that more often, it was fun, threw a little variety into things without being overwhelmingly new, ya know?"

"I do. Well in that case, what about you, love? Is there a game you'd like to play or a fantasy you'd like to fulfill?"

Immediately he turns redder than I've ever seen and I feel his body's reaction against me. This must be good indeed to have him ready so fast. Therefore, his swift denial surprises me. "No. At least, nothing that comes to mind right now."

"Thomas, I know you're shy about this sort of thing sometimes, but this is something that mates should be able to discuss." I feel something through the bond that, if I were to try and label it, I'd almost call shame.

"It's not that, just…I'm good with what we did. I liked you being all pretend evil, it was fun." True, but definitely not what we were talking about. Knowing the tactic for what it is, I decide to cut him off at the pass this time.

"Again, it was. However next time I'd very much like to do something for you. Come now, by the way you reacted, I know you have something in mind, very likely something interesting at that."

"Zedd, please don't." He settles back against my side, head on my shoulder and lightly running his hand over my chest. Something's wrong, but I have no idea what it is.

Switching tactics I try once more. "I didn't mean to upset you, love. Whatever I said wrong, I'm sorry. Again, I just want to make sure that you're as well cared for as you care for me."

"Mate, I'm perfectly happy to play whatever games you want, try new things. I have a lot to learn."

"Thomas, please tell me what's wrong, love."

"You have nothing to worry about, Zedd. Everything's fine."

Now I'm really starting to be more than concerned. "To use an Earth phrase, Thomas, I'm calling bullshit. Come on now, we were doing so well here. Please don't do this."

He hesitates for a while. His response is so soft, I almost don't catch it, even with my excellent hearing. "I don't want to lose you."

What in all the hells is he talking about now? "Thomas, unless your fantasy has something to do with killing me, you're not going to lose me. I very much doubt that you could come up with anything that's going to scare me off."

I'm more than a little stunned when he suddenly pulls away from me and sits on the side of the bed, head in his hands. Fear and distress are driving him at the moment and I'm still at a loss. "Zedd, please don't push me on this - not now. You don't understand. You can't."

"Then when? Thomas, pushing me away doesn't help either of us. After you got your memory back, you said that you were tired of hurting us and I told you that taking things entirely on yourself does that very thing. Please. Don't shut me out of whatever's bothering you. Tell me."

"I don't want to lose you, Zedd. I can't. I'm already pushing my luck."

I keep my voice quiet when I speak as I gently stroke his hair. "What do you mean, love?"

"I have to be careful. If I'm too happy for too long, if things go too well for too long, then I risk everything. I don't want to tempt fate or the gods or the powers that be or whatever to take everything away again."

I'd think he was kidding if I couldn't feel how serious he is through the bond. He actually believes that there's a power of some kind out there to get him - punish him for being happy. Or does he? Perhaps he's just telling me this to keep me from pursuing anything else."Thomas, love, I'm not going to leave you that easily. I will fight to stay with you until you don't want me anymore."

I gently pull him into my arms. He curls against me, arms snaking around me and holding tightly as he trembles. He speaks quietly. "You've already fulfilled one of my fantasies, Zedd, without even knowing it."

This surprises me. "Really? What was it?"

He sighs. "And I probably broke a huge rule doing it too." I feel the surge of shame from him again. "Almost as soon as Rita's first spell on me was broken, I always wanted to do it in uniform."

I frown. "Thomas, I know we were on opposite sides of things, but even so, I'm fairly certain that there is no such rule. It makes no sense to have a rule like that."

"Don't use the powers for personal gain and only use them for battle" he says heavily.

"That, love, is a Zordon rule - not a rule of the powers. Not to mention that your powers no longer come from the grid, remember? They come from the great temple and from what I know, no such rule exists. As far as I know, you can use them for whatever you want now that you have access to them."

"How would you know? As you just pointed out, you were on the opposite side."

I try, unsuccessfully, to hide my grin. "Let's say that Dulcea wasn't always trapped on her plateau and she got out in the universe a bit. Some of the things she did at the time, well, her mentor, the then temple keeper, wouldn't have approved of, but weren't technically against the rules. It just wasn't very becoming behavior for a future Keeper of the Powers." At his questioning glance, I answer, "She was, I believe the Earth saying is, sowing her wild oats?"

"Oh." He thinks about this for a long minute. "Somehow that doesn't surprise me all that much." His hold on me loosens slightly, apparently reassured that I'm not going to disappear in the next several minutes. I kiss him lightly, hoping that - as before - my love will leech away his fear. After a few minutes, he pulls back just enough to speak. "Zedd, mate, please, I need you, but I need-"

"I can feel what you need, love, and you'll have it. I promise." I lie him down on the bed and stretch out beside him, kissing him almost lazily as I slowly run my hand down his side, over his hip and down his leg as far as I can reach. My hand follows the same path back as I deepen the kiss. If slow and easy is what he needs, then he shall damn well have it. I take my time, loving without teasing, making sure that he's a thoroughly loved as he's ever been.

I'm so focused on loving him that I almost don't hear his softly spoken plea. "Zedd, please, I'm ready. Need you."

It's only a moment and I'm in him. I start out slowly, gradually building, stopping short of the pace we prefer. Holding my own desire in check, I help him climb higher and higher the peaks of passion and only once he reaches the top do I allow myself any release. After I catch my breath, I quickly grab the discarded cloth and clean us both up. Once I settle back on the bed, he swiftly curls back up into my side. Again he speaks in my native language. "I love you, Zedd."

He's asleep so quickly after that I doubt he hears my own vow of love in return.