TOMMY - THREE DAYS LATER
I sigh softly. Coffee in hand, I'm on the front porch, relaxing. Well, trying to anyway. Something's still wrong with me. Zedd made Pina check me over and scan me when we got home. She gave me a clean bill of health, but I know better. I've been doing everything I can think of to keep him from realizing that something is wrong but I think he knows anyway. What's wrong isn't a reflection on him. It's my punishment for wanting too much. And I know that if I try and explain it to him that he's not going to believe me. I sigh again. If he was the type, this would certainly be a good reason for him to leave me. But he's stayed with me through everything else. Unless this will be the last straw? I hope not but everyone has their limits and this just might be his.
I'm so lost in thought that I jump badly when someone runs their fingers through my hair. I spill my coffee, but not on me fortunately. A curse slips out even as Zedd apologizes. "Sorry love. I thought you heard me coming."
"Just thinking about things."
He sits down next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders. "You seem to be deep in thought a lot lately. Want to talk about it?"
"There's nothing to really talk about, Zedd."
"Okay, then. How about we talk about what's going on with you lately?" Uh oh.
My gaze falls on the cup in my hand. "I'm not sure what you're referring to."
I can feel the incredulous stare boring into the side of my head. "Seriously, Thomas? You think I haven't noticed that our mating has fallen seriously out of balance again?"
I still can't look at him as I shrug lightly. "Zedd, you do realize that it was already out of balance, don't you? Between when I went through the drive and my hormones getting out of control after the powers changed me, you have a bit of catching up to do."
He snorts in disbelief. "Sorry, Thomas, not buying it." I open my mouth to say something, but what he says next stops me cold. "You think I haven't noticed? It used to be that one good kiss had you as ready to go as I was, but now…" He shakes his head. "Now I don't know if you're just going through the motions or if I'm doing something wrong or what. I'm not comfortable with how things are going. Please talk to me."
I have three choices here - deny that there's anything going on, start a fight so that it'll distract him, or tell him the truth. He'll know I'm lying if I try denial. I don't want to fight with him. I really don't want to tell him the truth. Actually, I do have one more option. I stand up and turn for the house. "It's not you, Zedd. It's me. I'm the problem and I really don't want to talk about it."
Leaving my stunned mate behind, I go through the house, drop my coffee cup in the sink and head out back to my weight machines. When all else fails, delay, delay, delay. I set the machine and start exercising. I go through my routine automatically as I try and figure out what to do about my problem, Zedd and our relationship. Pina's our doctor and, with her knowledge of our different genetics, the best one to go to about the problem - if it was physical. Leaving out the whole 'not really comfortable discussing this with her' thing, I know that it's not a physical problem or the powers would have fixed it already.
I have no idea how much time has passed or how many times I've gone through my routine when Dar and Jason approach me. All I do know is that my muscles are screaming for a break. Neither of them looks like they want to be here, so I'm guessing that Zedd's sent them out to try and talk to me. I cut them off before they can even get started. "Still don't want to talk about it."
"I don't really care if you want to or not" Dar responds.
"Me neither" Jason adds, which surprises me. I let the weights settle before I turn my attention to them.
"All right. Then say what you have to say on the matter so we can get this over with." Not that it's really going to matter.
"Whatever the hell is going on, fix it" Dar says bluntly. His attitude sets my teeth on edge.
"I'm trying" I snap back. "I'm doing the best I can."
Jason crouches in front of me. "How are you trying to fix it, bro? What are you trying to fix?" Really? Good cop, bad cop? Are you kidding me?
"That's on a need to know basis and you don't need to know" I tell him.
"Well, it'd be nice if someone besides you knew what was going on" Dar counters. "You forget that some of us have lived a lot longer than you and just might know a bit more than you."
"I really doubt that you'd know about this, so back off."
Jason tries again. "Maybe not, but what if you're wrong? What if someone does know something that would help and you're just too stubborn to ask?"
"I know what works, Jase. I know what I have to do and I'm doing it. I'm being good so-"
His groan cuts me off as his head drops. "Not again. Tommy, I told you before - the Powers That Be aren't out to get you nor is anything else. Bad shit just happens sometimes."
"Then explain this, Jason. Explain it all."
"What?" Dar asks.
With a sigh, Jason says, "Tommy thinks that there's a power or something out there that has it in for him. When things start to go really well for him, something always seems to go horribly wrong."
Dar blinks at this for a minute and then says, "It's called 'life', kid. Suck it up."
I can feel myself turn cold at his attitude. "It's partly why I lost my parents, Dar."
"Partly?" Jason sounds surprised.
"I used to think they died just because of how well things were going. I realized that it wasn't the only reason the day I went to visit their graves. It was also so that I could mess up other peoples' lives, too." I take a deep breath and continue, my gaze off in the distance so that I don't have to see their expressions.
"Remember, Jason, I had just gotten my doctorate about a month before, my project was one of a handful that were being considered for sponsorship and the racing team was doing well. The whole plan was I was going to stay here in the States working for Mercer while a team was sent to the island lab, if we got the sponsorship. And then - Mom and Dad died." I see him nod out of the corner of my eye. "I found out later that the committee making the decision for funding found out about my parents and awarded my idea the go ahead. I decided that the change in scenery would be good for me since I was having trouble coping. It was on that island that I found the Dino Thunder gems. Since I was so close at hand, it was easy for Mercer to pick my brain for ideas for the Tyrannodrones. I thought we were just having theoretical discussions, but now I know better."
I take another breath. "For whatever reason, Mercer tried to use some of my research on himself. I didn't know it at the time, all I knew was that Mesogog was suddenly there and trying to enslave me to help him. I blew up the lab and got away. Fast forward a bit. I had finally started to relax, thinking I'd destroyed Mesogog when the island went up, but then the Tyrannodrones started making their appearances. The kids ended up with the gems and I took on the mentor role, having kind of been there, done that - until Mesogog got his claws on the black gem. Once it was freed, the only way to keep it safe was for me to take it. We couldn't wait for another suitable teenager to show up."
"Then - then I got hurt and Zedd came for me. And I got better. And then I got better than I'd ever been when the Ninjetti powers woke up and changed me. Things have been going too well, even with all the little things that have gone wrong. It's bad enough that I had to lose my parents to find Zedd, but now it looks like I'm not even going to be allowed to have him anymore either." Pain fills my heart and I can barely speak. "Since my accident on the reservation, I can't -" I struggle for a word, finally settling on one that's not quite right, but closest to what I want to say. "I can't participate in our mating anymore like I used to."
"What do you - oh." Jason seems to get it first, but is apparently at a loss as to what to say now.
Finally Dar says, "So - you think, because you can't get it up, that something out there is out to ruin your life."
Quietly, I answer. "It's my punishment, Dar. I misused my powers while we were gone and things were going too well. I was too happy."
When he speaks again, there's no mistaking his condescension. "Are you seriously so self centered that you think that there's something out there with nothing better to do than to screw with you and your tiny little life? There's over ten billion people on this planet alone, never mind the rest of the universe, and you think that they're after Tommy Oliver?" Well, when you put it like that… "Even with all the powers you've held in the past and the power you currently hold, sure that might draw you some attention, but there are far more entertaining playthings out there - and much more powerful ones, too. Some coincidences are just that and, Zedd aside, not all that many creatures or powers are going to find you all that interesting. Get over yourself and stop acting like a child."
"Thanks so much, Dar. Yep, look at that. Just totally fixed my problem."
"Your problem is all in your head, brat, and the sooner you realize it, the sooner it'll be gone." He turns to head for the house but turns back just as quickly. "And if you seriously think that Zedd's going to get rid of you because of your little 'problem', then you still don't know him or understand bonding all that well."
He stalks off, leaving me alone with Jason, who stands and looks at me helplessly. "I don't know what I can tell you, Tommy, that I haven't said a dozen times before."
"Jase-" He shakes his head and turns away from me as well, leaving me alone in my misery and certainty that it's not in my head, that something else is going on.
