The Bitter Taste
We've got the Rain on Our Side
I believe we write our own stories--and each time we think we know the end, we don't. Perhaps luck exist somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and from the peace that comes from knowing, that you just can't know it all. Life's funny that way--once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong.
xxx
"Peyton," Brooke said as she walked into her house and hugged her best friend, "I got your text and I came right away. What's wrong?"
Peyton sat there and bit her thumbnail as she looked straight ahead at Eric's crib which was set a couple feet in front of her. Her eyes were wide and bloodshot, Brooke noticed, it was a sure sign that she had been crying. Brooke had gotten the urgent text message while going through some of her and Nathan's stuff. She was more than happy to come over because she needed some girl talk herself, but she knew that Peyton was in need to hear her problems.
"I did something," Peyton said simply as her voice cracked. She looked over at Brooke who looked at her expecting more, "I regret it so bad…"
Brooke put her hand on Peyton's leg and felt her flinch; Brooke cautiously moved her hand away from Peyton and set it on her own lap, "What happened Peyton? Did something happen with Jake?"
Peyton shook her head, "I don't know how it happened," she began to rant, "I was there and she was there and it just happened. I didn't want it to happen!" She said, almost in a pleading voice.
"Tell me what's wrong!" Brooke said as her own eyes began to water.
"I slept with Veronica," Peyton said after a moment of her and Brooke looking at each other.
Brooke's face fell as she uncomfortably shifted, "Veronica? Like…The girl Veronica? Nathan's ex Veronica?"
"Brooke it was a mistake," she said sadly, "God, it was the two of us just in this room and I was so upset about Jake and she was just here and it just happened…"
Brooke looked down at the couch she was sitting on and stood up quickly, "I never knew you were…"
"I'm not!" Peyton quickly cut her off, "I needed to tell you because I knew that you would listen and understand me…And because Veronica is threatening me and telling me she loves me."
Brooke sat back down and bit her bottom lip, "I don't really know what to say Peyton…"
"I know it's weird okay? I know," Peyton began, "But trust me when I tell you that I don't like girls like that. It was a one time thing and it was a mistake."
"Okay," Brooke said.
Peyton let out a deep breath and leaned back on the couch, "Are we still best friends?"
Brooke looked over at Peyton and smirked, "Don't ever doubt it for a second," she said as they hugged, "Have you told Jake?"
xxx
Brooke walked into her house and saw Nathan sitting at the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal and reading a sports magazine. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. Nathan looked up at her and finished chewing, "Everything okay with Peyton?" He asked as he looked back down at his magazine.
"Yeah," Brooke said as she took a sip from her glass, "She just needed somebody to talk to."
Nathan nodded and then looked up at her and smiled, "Her and Jake should come by sometime and maybe Haley and Lucas. We can have a big dinner on the beach or something…"
"You'd love for Haley to come wouldn't you?" Brooke mumbled into her glass.
Nathan looked up at her, "What?"
"You'd love Haley to come wouldn't you?" Brooke screamed, "How much louder do you need me to say it?"
Nathan stood up and walked closer towards Brooke, "What in the fuck are you talking about?"
Brooke roughly opened up the cupboard door and tore dozens of letters out and sprawled them across the counter, "Want to explain this?"
"You're going through my stuff?" Nathan asked angrily and then walked out of the kitchen.
Brooke grabbed a couple letters and followed him into the living room, "Let's see…Oh fuck me, this letter was postmarked the day that we got married. Let's read it shall we? Nathan, I would love to get re married once I came back. I love you too and I'm so glad we're making progress," Brooke threw the letter in his face and screamed, "When did you send her the letter? When?"
"Two days before we got married," Nathan said softly.
Brooke bit her bottom lip and turned around so Nathan couldn't see her crying, "I won't bother reading the rest to you out loud because I'm pretty damn sure you already know what they have to say!"
"There's nothing I can say," Nathan said as he ran a hand on the top of his head.
Brooke threw the rest of the letters to the floor and crossed her arms tightly across her chest, "Why didn't you tell me about the letter?"
"I don't know," Nathan said with a shrug as he looked helplessly at Brooke.
"The worst part about being lied to is knowing you weren't worth the truth," Brooke spat as she walked past him and out the door.
"Brooke!" Nathan yelled as he walked out of the house and ran towards her; he grabbed her by the shoulder and stared at her, "I was confused Brooke!"
"If you were so confused then why would you ask me to marry you and then go through with it?" Brooke asked sadly.
"Because I love you," Nathan said breathlessly, "I loved Haley then too and…And I fucked up."
Brooke shook her head and sat down on the steps leading to their front door, "Let me just sit her and pretend I'm worth something to you."
"You are," Nathan said as he sat down beside her, "You're everything to me…"
"Every time something goes good for us fate somehow fucks it up," Brooke said. She had stopped crying, but the pain in her voice still lingered. She turned towards Nathan and grabbed his hand, "I want to be able to know that we can make it as husband and wife again Nate…I want to be able to trust you and I want to know if you're in this with your whole heart."
Nathan kissed her hands, "I'm in Brooke. I'm in."
"Is this ever going to be good enough for you?" Brooke asked softly and then walked back into the house.
xxx
Peyton walked into the room her and Jake shared and saw Jake frantically packing a suitcase. Peyton cleared her throat and Jake turned around; he looked at her with a face mixed with anger and sadness. Peyton walked over to him and sat on her bed, "You're leaving…"
"I know about you and Veronica…" Jake said as he crossed his arms and looked down at Peyton, "When were you going to tell me?"
Peyton sighed, "I was going to right now," she said, "But I guess I'm too late…"
"Why…Why wouldn't you just tell me?" Jake asked sternly.
"Because I was embarrassed and ashamed," Peyton said as she brought her knees up, "How'd you find out?"
"I heard you and Brooke talking about it," Jake said as he zipped up his suitcase.
Peyton looked away from him as a single tear rolled down her cheek, "So much for being a family," she commented cynically.
"I can't do this Peyton," he said as he looked around at the surroundings, "This is too much for me to handle right now."
Peyton wiped her tears and closed her eyes, "You're just going to leave again? Like the last time and the last time? What? Are you just disgusted because I was with another girl?"
"I don't know what to think," Jake said as he let out a deep breath, "I didn't realize things were going so bad that you had to resort to being with women."
Peyton stood up and pushed Jake back, "Exactly!" She yelled, "You didn't realize things were going so bad because you were never there!"
"And whose fault is that?" Jake yelled back, which made Peyton jump. She had never heard Jake yell before, "You're always chasing me away!"
"You're always running away Jake! If anything I'm chasing after you," Peyton said as she stood up and paced her room, "I love you," she whimpered.
Jake walked closer towards her and put his hand on her cheek, "You miss him," he said simply.
"What?" Peyton said as she backed away from Jake in what seemed like utter disgust.
"Lucas," Jake said, "For as long as I've known you, you've loved him more than anybody…"
Peyton felt her knees get weak so she grabbed on to her bed banister, "This isn't about Lucas," she said through gritted teeth.
"Of course it is," he said quietly, "I need to go Peyton."
He reached for Peyton and she stepped back, "Don't."
"I don't want it to be like this," Jake said.
Peyton rolled her eyes, "I don't want you to leave, so I guess the both of us aren't going to get what we want."
"I do love you," Jake said as he grabbed his suitcase and walked towards the door.
"Famous last words?" Peyton said sarcastically as she turned away from him and looked out her window.
Jake sighed and walked towards Eric's room and took Jenny's hand. He looked down at Eric sleeping in his crib and kissed the top of his head. Jake and Jenny walked out of the house and Jake looked up at Peyton's window where she was standing looking down at him.
xxx
Haley heard a knock on her door and opened it to see Brooke and Peyton both standing there with tear stained cheeks. Haley smiled warmly and opened the door wider so the girls could come in. Peyton buried her face in Haley's shoulder, "Jake left," she said and then began to cry again.
"Peyton," Haley said in a nurturing voice, "You need some sleep," she said and then rubbed Peyton's back as she walked back towards the bedrooms.
Peyton opened a bedroom door and saw Lucas sitting there putting on his socks; he looked up and smiled at her, "Hey."
"Hey," Peyton said as she quickly tried to wipe her tears away, "That's good that you and Haley are good again."
Lucas smiled, "Yeah," he said and then looked at Peyton closer and his smile fell, "What's wrong?" He asked as he walked towards her.
"Jake left," Peyton said as she looked down at the ground.
"Hey," he said softly and pulled her into a hug, "Are you okay?"
Peyton shook her head, "Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah," Lucas said as the hug broke, but he still had a hold of her arms.
"Why did you call me that one day to come down to that motel room?" Peyton asked.
Lucas shrugged, "I don't know. You're just the person I kind of run to when I have problems…"
"I feel the same way," Peyton said as she smiled sadly.
Lucas smirked at her and rubbed her arm, "You're going to be okay Peyton. You're going to find somebody else."
Peyton closed her eyes and kissed Lucas suddenly, "I love you," she said after he pulled away.
"I…I can't," Lucas said as he took a step back. Peyton touched her lips gently and rushed out of the room and locked herself in another.
xxx
Haley sat down in the kitchen and sighed, "Poor Peyton," she said and then looked up at Brooke who was staring at her, "What?"
"I know about the letters," Brooke said with bitterness dripping from her tongue.
Haley groaned and leaned back in her chair, "I know you're probably really upset but…"
"There is no but," Brooke said in a harsh voice, "How could you do that to me?"
"I was a different person back then. Hell, we were all different people back then Brooke," Haley began, "I missed Nathan and he was with you and I was jealous."
"So you take me in and become one of my best friends and never even bother to tell me?" Brooke asked.
Haley shook her head, "I forgot about the letters Brooke to tell you the truth. Half of them were probably just drunk doodling," she said with a small laugh.
"Obviously they meant something because Nathan kept them," Brooke said with a pang of hurt in her voice, "It's like I'm never good enough."
Haley stood up and gave Brooke a confused look, "Nathan and I don't love each other anymore Brooke! The things that happened between us are in the past and we've come to accept that and so have you! I don't want Nathan," she said, "I have Lucas."
"I'm sorry," Brooke said as she put her face in her hands, "God…"
Haley gave her a hug, "Don't apologize."
"I just…I never want to feel like somebody doesn't want to be with me," Brooke said as she wiped her nose, "He's the most important thing in my life and that scares me sometimes."
Haley smiled softly and they both turned as the front door opened. Nathan walked in with his hands in his pockets; Haley wiped Brooke's tears, "I bet it scares him too," she whispered and then walked back towards her room.
Before Brooke could even say a word Nathan walked up to her and held her close, "I burnt them," he said quickly, "Every single letter."
"Nathan," Brooke said as she looked up into his eyes, "You didn't have to do that."
"Of course I did," he said with a cute little smirk on his face, "And I'm telling you right now…This is good enough for me. This is all I need. I'm in alright? I'm all in. Forever."
Brooke kissed him, "Thank God," she said as Nathan held her in his arms.
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