Chapter 05: Shaky Alliance
"It is absolutely out of the question!" Eagle exclaimed.
This statement was accompanied by a gloved fist slamming into the polished wood of the conference table before him. He let out his breath in a brief sigh afterwards, a look of mild regret coming across his face as he pulled his arms back across his chest and assumed a more composed look.
Standing at the far end of the table from Eagle was Nell, who had watched all this with a less than impressed twist to her lips.
"You didn't need to come to Orange Star's aid," she observed, her words cool and candid. "You were more than welcome to sit back and let us sink or swim on our own."
Eagle snorted and gave a dismissive wave. Throwing Nell a frosty glare for good measure, he turned and began to pace the width of the conference room.
"You're confusing the issue," he snapped. "Green Earth will always be the first to strike against Black Hole, and you know it. But that's one thing, and getting involved in a war that's between Orange Star and Blue Moon is another thing entirely."
"Eagle, you're being ridiculous," Sami burst out. "Just because we're asking for your help doesn't mean we're asking you to fight all our battles for us!"
Along with Andy and Max, Sami was standing along one side of the conference table, watching with mounting apprehension as the exchange between the commanders of two nations became increasingly heated. Upon hearing Sami's rebuke Eagle started and made as if to he was about to look at her, but then, seemingly thinking better of it, he shook his head and redirected his gaze to his boots.
"I am not prepared to take Green Earth to war with someone who is not our enemy," he continued in a more considered tone.
"We're not asking you to," Nell replied. "Orange Star is at war with Black Hole, and no one else. We're only asking you to stand with us as you have ever since Sturm's deception was revealed."
"Except that all along your border, Blue Moon is massing troops! Do you seriously expect me to believe that if they do attack, you won't want my help?"
"You gettin' blinded by your feelings for Green Earth again?" Max said. "If Olaf tries to conquer Orange Star, whose side do you wanna be on, anyway?"
Sami raised an eyebrow at Eagle following that rather blunt question, but he made sure to look only at Max.
"That is a question I shall answer when the time comes," Eagle said, his haughty tone not giving an inch. "But know that I sympathise with your position, Max."
"Yeah, right. You're just glad Jess didn't get her way and Orange Star ended up taking Lash, otherwise you'd be the ones facing war with Blue Moon."
"Are you accusing me of something?" Eagle asked, his voice soft and dangerous.
Max stretched his muscular arms and gave a bored sigh. "I'm just calling 'em like I see 'em."
"Then perhaps your eyes need examining!"
"That's enough, both of you!" The tight set of Nell's lips was a clear indicator that she was not at all pleased. "Commander Eagle, I understand your feelings on this matter, but I don't think it's too much to ask for a bit more decorum. And Max… why don't you go and check in with Rachel? She's been asking for an update on the situation."
"If you're sure," Max said. He did not sound pleased with the suggestion, but he obeyed, leaving the room perhaps a little less tense.
Sami kept her eyes on Eagle as her fellow CO departed, but he had turned his back on all of them and was staring out the window with his arms behind his back and his head held high. As she watched the sunlight seeping through his silvery blue hair it occurred to her that he looked more like a ghost than a man, the spikes turning ethereal where they met the light and melting into nothing.
"Perhaps Eagle and I should continue this in private," Nell said, her voice turning quiet.
Andy didn't look particularly convinced by the idea, but he moved to leave. Sami was about to follow when a sudden impulse seized her and she went over to Nell instead.
"Let me try to talk some sense into him," Sami said, leaning over to whisper in her ear.
"Sami… are you sure?"
The worry that always seemed to be there in Nell's eyes of late burst into full bloom. Sami hated it. The last thing she needed was her superior of all people fretting like a mother hen.
"I think I'll have better luck, ma'am," Sami replied, brushing off that damn concern with a shrug she hoped appeared nonchalant. She had no desire to reveal just how desperate she was to speak with Eagle.
Nell gave a single, slow nod. "Alright then."
With a final fleeting look of sympathy she left, shutting the door behind her almost without a sound, and then Sami and Eagle were alone. Cued by the door closing, he began to speak, though he still did not turn away from the window.
"I apologise, Commander Nell, if I have offended you. But I am not about to compromise-"
"Eagle."
His whole body tensed as he realised who it was in the conference room with him. For a moment Sami was afraid he was going to bolt. Even watching him from behind she could see the panic gripping his body.
"Sami," he said at last. Indecision hung heavy in the wake of his voice, before he let out a long, hissing sigh and shook his head. "It's you."
"Yes. Me." She didn't even try to restrain her anger as she said it.
"Is anything wrong?"
The question was slow, wary even, the kind asked by a man expecting the ground to fall away from under his feet. Sami's frustration built with every word, every breath, and the little tilt of his head in her direction – just enough to show he was listening but not enough to actually see her – was the final straw.
"Something's wrong," she growled. "You're not even looking at me!"
Still there was no response. He was trying so hard not to let anything show, and it was only making Sami wonder what he was trying to hide. After half a year in which she had heard nothing from him, she had her suspicions. It was a mess. She didn't know where they stood. Didn't know what Eagle was thinking, didn't know what he was feeling. She was so sick and tired of it.
All she wanted now was the truth.
Sami was not much given to regret. She didn't believe in stressing over things she couldn't change, and she made a point of dealing with what was in front of her instead of fretting about what might have been. Even so, she couldn't help but wonder if she had made a mistake six months ago, during the final battle of the Omega War. What had Eagle wanted to promise her, before she cut him off? She'd told him that they could talk when it was all over, but they never had. The battle had been so long and so exhausting, and after Von Bolt was finally vanquished, everything had fallen into chaos. It had been all they could do to stay standing, let alone find a private moment. There just hadn't been time, and then…
And then it had all been over. He'd gone back to Green Earth and she'd returned to Orange Star, and they hadn't spoken since.
She realised that he was finally looking her in the eye. Eagle always had such nobility, such strength in his bearing. Even now, resigned to meeting her gaze, he was filled with pride and certainty. If he was ashamed of the way he had acted, he made sure not to show it.
At last he took a considered breath and began to speak. "Sami, how I feel about you hasn't changed. I want you to know that."
The worst part of it was how quiet and calm he sounded. Sami wanted to scream and shout until he broke and gave her something – anything – as long as it was more than this pathetic trickle.
"You're not acting like it," she said instead, her every effort going towards caging the growl that threatened to consume her voice.
"But we're too far apart," he continued as though he had not heard her. "You in Orange Star, me in Green Earth. I've missed you, and yet I've come to realise that there's more longing and emptiness than anything else. Our situation is simply too complicated. The conflict that I feel…" he shook his head and looked away. "It's just not how things are supposed to be."
Sami's lips twisted into a black scowl. "You could have told me."
"I didn't want to tell you in some email or phone conversation," he countered. "You deserve better than that."
"I deserve better than six months of nothing!"
He closed his eyes and swallowed. "Very well. I… concede that you may have a point. My conduct in this was not gentlemanly. I apologise."
Sami put a hand to her forehead and rubbed, hard. The ripple of pain across her skin was a welcome respite from the swirl of anger and confusion in her gut. Physical pain she could handle, she understood.
"Look, Eagle, you've obviously had a lot of time to think about this," she said, pulling her emotions back one by one until there was only a tense undercurrent to her voice. "It's just that I'm still trying to catch up, okay?"
"I understand."
"Do you, or are you just saying that?" She hissed, unable to stop the scowl on her lips from growing.
"Sami-"
"No!" She slammed her hands down on the table as if in mockery of his earlier outburst. "I don't want to hear any more excuses!"
"Excuses?" Eagle made to say something else before with a jerk of his head he cut himself short and settled for glowering at her. "Do you think so little of me? I have told you nothing but the truth, Sami, I give you my word!"
"What made you realise?" She growled.
"What?" He spat, glaring at her with condescension dripping from his eyes.
Sami shoved a breath out and shook her hair back from her eyes. The messy red tufts were spilling forward, and their faint touch against her skin was infuriating. She wanted to rip her hair out and throw it at him, to taint his pristine uniform with her memory. The weight of her dog tags around her neck was nagging at her as well. The cold metal felt wrong against her skin, so calm and cool; she was hot, and angry. How could Eagle be so self-centred as to decide the fate of their relationship all by himself? She could only think of one answer, one explanation, and the more she thought about it the angrier she grew.
Something within her snapped and she tore her dog tags from around her neck, sent them careening into the table like a fatally wounded plane falling from the sky.
Eagle flinched as they crashed into the lacquered wood, leaving nothing but a brief scratch and a metallic whimper.
"You say you've just come to realise all this," Sami said, her voice strangely smooth now that she had given into her fury. "That's crap. You didn't just realise this, something made you realise it. Someone made you realise it. Didn't they?"
He stared at her for a long moment, his grey eyes hard as flint. At last he let out a breath with a shudder and glanced away, his eyes lingering on the fallen dog tags.
"Yes."
"Who is she?"
"Does it matter?"
Sami snorted and shook her head in disgust. She'd thought Eagle was better than this. He had his faults, certainly, but she had always thought he was a man of great honesty and integrity. How could he have left her dangling in limbo for months when he knew there was nothing left? He had hidden behind excuses not to tell her the truth, all too happy to delay the awful confrontation. It had shocked her when he hadn't even spoken to her after the battle on the coast, citing the urgent need for their top command to coordinate, but now she knew the real reason why. He'd run from her like a coward.
The thought sent a fresh wave of disgust flooding through her veins.
"You won't tell me her name." She shook her head slowly, reeling from the loathing she felt when she looked at this stranger standing before her with his prideful bearing and stony composure. "If I hadn't cornered you in here, would you have even spoken to me at all?"
Eagle's nostrils flared and Sami knew she had struck a nerve. His eyes were filled with anger, locked onto her dog tags where they sat on the table.
"Her name is Angel," he said at last, his voice cold and flat.
"Well, I suppose I can't compete with an angel," she muttered.
He ignored her, his face taut and hard. He was walling off his emotions with ruthless determination, Sami realised. He was shutting her out.
"Green Earth has been training rigorously in preparation for any potential future conflict," Eagle continued, his voice completely devoid of feeling now. "Drake, Jess and myself have each been working with a new commanding officer. Angel was assigned to me."
"I've never heard it called that before," Sami retorted, no longer caring how bitter and upset she sounded.
It didn't matter. Eagle didn't respond at all, fixated upon his precious control.
"Angel and I spent a great deal of time together. We became close. You and I were too separate. I needed something else, something closer. I wanted to feel loved, and for all that we had… it was not enough."
Sami was at a total loss for words. Even if the perfect reply had come to her, she wouldn't have trusted her voice to hold whilst saying it. There was a strange feeling running through her, making her feel almost unsteady, something deeper than the shock and the anger. Her eyes felt hot and weak.
With a stab of panic Sami realised that she was about to cry.
Swiftly she turned away so that Eagle would not see. She wrenched her eyes shut and crossed her arms, digging her fingernails into her arms until there was only hard, burning pain. She refused to cry, zeroing in on her anger and disgust instead. The whole thing was a farce. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her tears. He didn't deserve to witness that. Not anymore.
Her eyes still closed, Sami suddenly found herself imagining Andy and Nell standing outside the door, crouched over to listen through the keyhole. Focus on the mission, soldier. The thought brought a slight twinge of relief. Nell was expecting her to try and talk some sense into Eagle regarding the Black Hole situation, and that was exactly what she'd damn well do.
"Black Hole," she said in the ramrod hard voice of a Special Forces captain. "Will you commit to an alliance against them or not?"
He blinked several times, and did not answer. This was clearly not what he had expected her to say next, Sami thought with no small pleasure.
"I… you know my concerns," he said after a time, confusion clouding his voice as he struggled to adjust.
"I'm dismissing them," she snapped. "We'll commit to an alliance against Black Hole and only Black Hole. Call it upholding the Allied Nations Charter if you like. If Orange Star enters into a conflict with anyone else, you'll be considered a neutral party for the purposes of that war, and we'll make every effort to keep you as far away from it as we can."
"Blue Moon may not see things the same way."
"I don't give a damn how Blue Moon sees things! You owe us this."
Another long silence. "I suppose that's true."
"Then we're finished here," Sami muttered in disgust. "You can draw up the specifics with Nell."
She stormed out of the room without another word, slamming the door behind her and leaving Eagle to fade away alone.
