Ether for Sale
Or,
Those Who Hunt Mogs
Chapter Two:
The Business Plan!
The man named Shaker stepped through the door, looking around at the surroundings. The room could hardly be considered spartan, and was certainly not fit residence for a priest. In fact, most of the items probably had very little reason to be in a Yevon temple at all, "New Yevon" or not. The priest looked up from his desk briefly, and seeing the direction of his gaze, cut him off before he could speak. "If you're going to make any jokes about a vow of poverty, leave."
Shaker swallowed his comment, entering and sitting down. "Your messenger said you were looking to hire us. To track someone, right?"
"That's correct. Can you do it?"
The man looked around. "Well, I'm not sure if you know this, but we're not exactly in the business of hunting men. We're not mercenaries, we're Fiend Hunters."
"Let me guess ..." Mep folded his hands, watching the man shrewdly. "You'll do it anyway, but at an exceptional markup."
"50,000 Gil a piece. Men are not the same as monsters, preacher."
Mep nodded, standing up. "I see." He walked over to a bookcase, and picked up the bottle standing on it. "You know, it would be easy to make you a Heretic, Shaker. New Yevon is not as powerless as some people have come to believe."
Shaker shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "20,000 then. Regular price."
"Oh, well I'm sure we can do better then that. You see, I've spoken with the man's wife." Mep smiled. "He'll have a creature with him. An ugly little thing. You don't need to worry. Its about as dangerous as a stuffed animal."
Shaker nodded. "And?"
"And I want you to capture it, and bring it to me."
The mercenary looked around the room again, growing nervous at the tone in the priest's voice. "Uh-huh ..."
Mep smiled, turning to face the mercenary. "This creature is very rare. I would very much like to see it, before anything unfortunate should occur to it. If you could bring it to me ... well, my gratitude would best be expressed in Gil form."
Shaker nodded quickly. (Maybe I'll make some cash on this deal after all.) "Sure. I'll get it. What about the men?"
"They're Heretics. They attacked Yevon guards without provocation. You shouldn't be in too much trouble if they simply ... disappeared."
"All righty my boy! First: firmly grasp the Moogle!" Jymbo said. Teityr made a face, and reached over to the intoxicated furball, picking him up. "Next: Hold him over the bottle!" Teityr did as he was told, praying all the while to whatever gods existed. (Please don't let this be gross, please don't let this be gross...)
"Lastly!" Jymbo leaned forward excitedly. "Grab his Pom-Pom and squeeze!"
"WHAT?!" Teityr shrieked, dropping the Moogle onto the deck of their little boat. It made a whistling noise before snoring and rolling over.
"The red thing on its head, Teityr! What did you think I meant?" Jymbo's eyes widened as he stared at his grandson. "Maybe I should give you an anatomy lesson..."
"THIS!" he shouted, tapping the red object protuding from the Moogle's head. "This is its Pom-Pom! It has nothing to do with the sexual reproduction organs of this creature!" Jymbo turns and points at you. "So there, you lemon-loving pervs!"
"Who're you talking to?" Teityr asked.
"Nevermind!" Jymbo said. "Secondly, THIS!" Jymbo waved at the rest of the Moogle, before tapping it on the belly, causing it to giggle in its sleep. "This is the rest of the Moogle! There's nothing else to know!" Jymbo sat back and waited.
Teityr hesitated, examining the Moogle. "How long have you done this, Grampa?"
"Since I started, my boy, since I started. If you're asking about the business, then its existed for nearly a thousand years! Yep, right about the time Zanarkand fell, the Gak family began trading in Ether!"
Teityr leaned back, impressed. It was the first time his grandfather had spoken about something coherent in all the time he could remember. "So where did you get Mog?"
"Moogles are an exceptionally long-lived species, always assuming noone does anything to shorten that lifespan," Jymbo said. "My father gave him to me when I was just a boy. Yep, I had to live in the doghouse, day and night, fending off the wild Fiends which wanted to eat my tasty Mog."
Teityr nodded, not quite sure if his grandfather was being truthful, and also seriously disliking the manner in which he called Mog 'tasty'. The old man yawned and stretched. "Anywho, Ether is always in rare supply in Spira, what with everybody fighting Fiends all the time. You need to keep your MP up, my boy. Its our job to make sure everybody gets the Ether they need."
He reached into a pocket, and produced an extremely large stack of papers. "This are the order forms."
Teityr took the top page, skimming it quickly. "Grampa, these are at least seventy years old!"
"Tch. You sound just like your grandmother. Can't a man take a break?!" Jymbo folded his arms sullenly. "Think she'd be glad I wasn't a workaholic."
"A seventy year break?!" Teityr exclaimed. "How could you even have been alive that long?!"
Jymbo waved dismissively. "Forget the date, and get to work. I'm gonna take a nap."
"But Grampa-" Teityr began, only to be cut off by a loud snore. "Gramps-" Another, louder snore. "I have a question-"
"I said SNORE Dammit! Leave me be!" Jymbo shouted, rolling over and covering his face with his floppy hat.
Teityr scowled, and grabbed the Mog. "Fine." He did as his grandfather had said, and squeezed the Pom-Pom tentatively. It smooshed like a wet sponge, excreting a silvery goo which dripped into the bottle. The Moogle stirred, and giggled, and then resumed snoring. A bubble appeared out of its nose, swelling along with his breath.
"And you need to lay off the sauce," Teityr told the Moogle, which grumbled something rude before saying "kupo..."
Teityr sighed, and got to work.
"I still dunno boss..." Ormi shook the device roughly, banging it against the counter several times. The Sphere Finder did nothing, already beaten beyond repair by the rotund goon's previous attempts to make it work. "It ain't saying nothing about a Sphere -"
"Be quiet you fool!" Leblanc snapped, batting him on the head with her fan. "Do you want to wake everyone in the building?"
Logos emerged from a back room, gesturing quickly. Leblanc and Ormi ducked behind the counter and entered quickly. The room was empty, and had easy access to the ventilation system.
"Brilliant work!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands happily. "How did you manage it?"
"Rin has recently left on a business trip, and the fool working the counter was easy enough to trick..." Logos shrugged. "We have plenty of time."
"Uh, I still don't get what we're doing here..."
Leblanc smiled evilly. "We're getting back at those idiot Dullwings for making a mockery of us, and stealing that Sphere right out from under YOUR noses!" She whirled around and started climbing the desk, fighting with a grate.
Ormi and Logos exchanged knowing glances, but wisely kept their mouths shut. When the vent was open, Logos helped Leblanc climb inside, and stood watch with Ormi.
She crawled on her belly, the vent a little tighter then she'd expected (not that she'd ever admit it). She glanced down through the first vent into the bathroom, and saw the man from the counter enter, a magazine rolled under one arm. She blushed furiously and continued on. The next grate was Paine's room, the third Rikku's. Finally she reached the room she'd wanted, and popped open the vent, sliding out and landing heavily (not that she'd ever admit it) on her backside. She bit back a yelp, covering her mouth with both hands.Yuna groaned, rolling over in her sleep, and Leblanc let out a sigh, sneaking to the edge of the bed. She began searching the pack on the floor for the Sphere her goons had lost. There was no sign of it.
(Damn!) she thought. (They must've sold it already!) She glared at Yuna, fuming, before something on the dresser nearby caught her eye. Frowning, she examined it quickly, before grinning. She snatched the Garment Grid, and made her way to the door silently, fighting a fit of excited giggles. She ran down the hall, and reached the lobby. "C'mon boys," she said. Ormi and Logos emerged from the back, hands held high.
An Al Bhed with a rifle held them at gunpoint, one hand holding up his pants. "I knew I couldn't trust you! You had to be a damn thief, because anybody'd who'd be willing to trade pictures like that just to 'look around' is-" he stopped, staring open-mouthed at Leblanc. "Holy-! You're the chick from that magazine!"
Leblanc's eyes widened when she caught the state of the Al Bhed's pants, and the magazine in question being held precariously between pinkie and ring-finger of the hand holding the rifle. Her mouth worked futilely to speak. Logos was shaking in his boots when he cleared his throat. "I, uh, distinctly recall you saying you didn't care how I distracted him, revenge was the most important -"
"I'll KILL YOU!!!" she shrieked, launching herself at Logos. The attendant and Ormi backed off, watching in amazement as Leblanc beat Logos head into the floor and choked him at the same time. Ormi glanced at the Al Bhed, and read his nametag.
"So, uh, Ropp...can I see that magazine?"
"Fine," Ropp said, passing it to the henchman. "This is much hotter!" he said, grinning.
Leblanc glared up at Ormi, who dropped the magazine instantly. He raised his hands defensively, and tried to back away, but was pinned between the counter and the wall by his girth. "Uh, boss! Its not what it looks like, I swear!"
She hissed like an animal, and tackled him as well, beating him into the ground. The door burst open, and Paine, fully-dressed, entered the lobby, sword in hand. "What's going on here?!" she demanded, as a sleepy Rikku came out behind her, in yellow pajamas with Moomba's printed all over them, rubbing her eyes with one hand, holding a knife in the other.
"What's yawn happening?" Rikku asked.
Ormi, Logos and Leblanc all leaped to their feet, and Leblanc regained her composure instantly. "You've all been bested yet again by Leblanc, loves!" She fanned herself proudly.
Paine hesitated, looking at Rikku, who shrugged. "Who?" she asked.
Ormi and Logos fell down, but Leblanc only flinched. "You stole that Sphere from us in the Calm Lands!"
"Hey!" Rikku shouted, "We didn't steal anything! We got there first!"
Paine shrugged, amused. "That's how it goes. You win some, you lose some. Try not to take it so hard next time."
"Win some, you lose some?!" Leblanc snarled. "Well you're the losers this time, loves!" She held up the garment grid she stole from Yuna's room. "And this is the instrument of my revenge!"
"Hey!" Rikku said.
"Give it back," Paine growled. "Or you're gonna get hurt."
"Want it?" Leblanc grinned. "Come to Luca and get it. "Boys?"
The two goons threw down two smoke bombs, and when the cloud dissipated, the door to the Travel Agency was swinging in the wind. Paine swore loudly, stalking towards the door, and Rikku ran back down the hall to wake Yuna.
"Damn!" Ropp said. "She snatched my magazine too!"
Paine looked back at him, and smirked. "Pull up your pants, big boy."
