Ether for Sale!
Or,
Those Who Hunt Moogles
Chapter Seven
Things to Do in Spira When You're A Retired Summoner
Paine nudged Rikku, cutting off her snores abruptly. "Huh?" the groggy young blonde asked, squinting up at her friend. Paine shook her head, and held out her hand. "I think Yuna's finally done," she explained.
Yuna strode past them quickly, and Rikku got to her feet. After stretching, she scrubbed sleepily at her eyes with the back of her hand. "I just got to the good part of the dream, too..."
"Rikku, you really should be more polite," Yuna said. "Master Maechen had a great deal of things to tell us about Spira on our last pilgrimage, and I learned a good many things during this conversation as well-"
"Oh, Lady Yuna-" Paine muttered, in a near-perfect imitation of Maechen; Yuna burst into a flat-out run. Paine and Rikku had to sprint to catch up with her, and couldn't stop until she skidded to a halt at the entrance to the Mushroom Rock Road.
Yuna was doubled over, breathing hard, and Paine and Rikku waited, biting their lips for her to speak. After she was done panting, Yuna straightened again, and turned to her friends. "After all," she continued, "our elders have much to teach us."
Her two friends exploded in laughter, Rikku cracking up so much that she fell down, clutching her sides and rolling around.
"...From their own experiences..." Yuna finished lamely, her face bright red. "Oh...You don't think I offended him, do you?"
Paine wiped a tear from her eye, and patted Yuna on her back. "I'm sure he doesn't even remember."
Though it seemed impossible, Yuna turned even redder. "Paine! That's not nice!" Rikku, meanwhile, laughed even harder.
And then they picked up Clasko. Rikku thought about asking him why the wimpy recruit had never taken his advice and became a Chocobo breeder, even though he'd seemed so psyched about it two years ago...but she didn't.
The Chocobo stopped on the edge of the road, hanging its head, its "Wark!" now a "Wheeze..." There was a few more seconds of struggle, as the Hypello tried to pull his hand free of the reins and lead rope, where he'd gotten entangled during the bizarre events leading to their escape. The Hypello climbed up onto the wagon, and he too, decided to rest. Soon, both he and the Chocobo were snoozing quietly...too exhausted to realize they were right in the middle of bandit country.
And then they got jobs as diggers. Paine thought Yuna chose it as penance for running away from 'Old Man Maechen', and was going to tease her about it...but she didn't. She didn't know why she'd blown off Gippal...why she'd panicked when she realized Yuna and Rikku might learn something about her. She shook off the feeling. What was done was done, and they still had things to do.
The attention he'd paid Yuna -and even Paine- while giving her the brush-off had set a jealous spark inside her -even though she didn't want to admit it- so Rikku had thought briefly about bringing up an embarrassing story about Gippal her father had told her...but she didn't. He probably had more then a few about her. So she folded her arms behind her head, and said nothing, having (almost) convinced herself that she'd gotten the better of the exchange, remaining aloof and unattainable, instead of snubbed and teased.
Yuna had thought something had been funny about her friend's reactions to the strange Machine Faction leader during the exchange, and was going to speak up...but she didn't. Discretion was the better part of valor: Rikku and Paine were being awfully quiet about what had happened at the Youth League Headquarters, so she could be quiet too. Paine would tell them...when she felt the time was right. And Rikku, well...As long as she stopped teasing her about poor Maechen. The Gullwings started off towards the road again, heads held high.
Tobli ran back and forth, babbling manically. Passersby stayed as close to the edge of the road, doing their best to stay out of his sight. A few people had recognized him from his various other exploits throughout the years, and word had quickly spread not to get caught up in his mischief. And with the panicked little man running about, talking at such length and such speed that it was impossible to understand him, he certainly appeared to be up to mischief.
However his helpful Hypello assistants tried, no one would stick around long enough to listen to their explanations. They were about to go searching themselves, when there was a odd rustling noise nearby...in the reeds along the Moonflow.
Curious, one wandered to the edge of the flow, and peered in. "Ish shombobody there?"
W'ont Wor'ky, still clutching his merchandise in a fearsome grip, floated alongside the Moonflow, coming to rest among the reeds just as the Hypello called out to him. However, his whole body was bruised and stiff, and it took tremendous strength of will to raise his hand -
- and at that precise moment, a small woman leapt in front of the Hypello, shoving him backwards. "Where's that little rat Tobli! He and me are gunna have WORDS!"
The Hypello raised its arms and fled, with the woman in hot pursuit.
W'ont Wor'ky continued holding his hand up, straining for every last second, before his strength gave out. His hand dropped back onto his chest, the movement submerging him for a moment -
- the same moment a young girl peered into the reeds, also having thought she heard something.
"Uh...hello?" she asked. There was seemingly nothing, so she shrugged and reached out quickly, grabbing the short old woman by the collar and hauling her into the air. Flailing about angrily, the old bat kept snarling and snapping until the girl smacked her on the head.
"Grandma! Will you please behave!" the girl yelled. She rolled bright blue eyes in exasperation, and somewhere, a dozen suitors swooned. ("Somewhere" was actually several feet to her left. They just started following the young blonde one day, and refused to go away, even after repeated beatings by the old woman.)
Eyebrow twitching furiously, the old woman nodded. Anyone who saw them side by side would be startled by her resemblance to Jymbo Gak...right down to the whiskers on her chin. She readjusted her bizarre purple poncho with a snap once her granddaughter set her down. "I managed to get Tobli to admit where our package is. His Hypello is late with the shipment, and if we can go find him while he sets up for his show" -she followed this with a derisive snort - "he'll comp us two tickets."
"Great!" the girl exclaimed, clapping excitedly. "I wanna see!" Then she froze, smile slipping from her face. "hey...if you already got that from him, why were you still chasing the poor little Hypello?"
"Kicks and giggles," the old woman answered, pointing towards the road towards Djose. "Let's go! The faster we get this done with-"
"-the faster we can go home!" the girl finished, and the two females charged down the path.
Meanwhile, W'ont Wor'ky -no longer possessing strength enough to move or do anything to save himself- began drifting helplessly away from the shore...
"I hate you both...so much..." Shaker said, just before shrieking out in pain as his stretcher bounced. "Knock it off! This isn't a race ya know! Its not like we're gonna catch 'em anytime soon!" he snapped, before readjusting his blankets.
"...show you a shakin' race..." Peppor grumbled to himself as he dragged along his brother's stretcher, purposefully aiming for a rock.
Solt followed dejectedly along behind them, kicking pebbles along the path. Shaker had given them both quite a verbal beating -"Cause I can't feel my freakin' hands enough to throttle you!"- and Solt felt pretty down. He was supposed to have been watching the road from the Al Bhed hideout, not playing along with Peppor's strange Hypello-shaving obsession...if he had, he might've seen Gippal, the Machine Faction leader. The Shakes family had a past with the Al Bhed.
As Fiend Hunters they'd gotten plenty of work from Yevon during the days of Sin...but a lot of it had been violent. Roughing up Al Bhed leaders, stealing or destroying Machina, even capturing certain notable figures for Heresy Examiners.
And so, when Gippal had appeared -after watching Shaker turned into paste by that crazed yellow bird- he discovered his missing workers in the ditch -where Shaker had tossed them- and proceeded to beat them all senseless. They'd just barely managed to escape with their lives.
He had to find some way to make it up to Shaker. Someway... "Eureka!" he shouted, gesturing off the road.
"What now?" Shaker groaned.
"A short cut! If we cuttingly-cut through these woods, we can bypass the Moonflow!"
"And what?" his injured brother asked with a glare.
Solt smiled, and raised his fist into the air. "We can reachingly-reach Guadosalam before them!"
Shaker glanced off the road, then at Solt. "Hmm...Mep said, leave it to the Syndicate...The Syndicate is based in Guadosalam..." He grinned evilly, a new scheme working its way through his head. "We can get our Machina and take down those sales-geeks, and get home before sundown!" He slapped Peppor's leg. "Into the woods! Solt, on point! Find us a decent path, and let's get to Guadosalam!"
Solt charged ahead, while Peppor just shrugged and plodded on, dragging Shaker roughly down the path. "Hey!" Solt exclaimed. "It appears someone has already blazingly-blazed a shortcut!"
The branches closed behind them, disguising the "path"...and two bandit guards snickered darkly, following the Shakes family.
"Ah, here we are!" the old woman announced.
"Shave me!" the Hypello suddenly yelped, startled awake by the sudden noise. "We are under shiege!"
"...right," the old lady said, reaching up onto the cart and seizing her crate. "Tell Tobli he can forget about charging us for delivery."
"Grandma!" the girl exclaimed. "We're not gonna leave this poor Hypello all alone out here, are we? What about the bandits!"
"Eh, I didn't see any."
"That's cause I fought them all!"
"Hypello, you broke our crate!" the old lady suddenly shouted, shoving the crate back onto the cart. "All of it...everything...we can't sell anything like this!" The old woman leaped onto the cart, seizing the Hypello by his neck and shaking him about. "You've ruined us! RUINED!"
"Grandma, stop!" the girl cried, grabbing the old woman by her legs, and tugging ineffectually at her.
"Shave...me!" the Hypello cried in a (literally) strangled voice.
"Ouch," Teityr said, sitting up. Wood chips fell from his clothing, and he immediately set about pulling splinters from his arms. "Ow! Ow! Where the heck are we?"
Abruptly he realized he had an audience, and looked up at the two women. "And, um...what are you doing to that Hypello?" He had struggled for a bit, only just managing to avoid saying "Holy crap, you're gorgeous!" to the young girl.
"GRRRAAAAARRRRR!" the old woman howled, leaping for Teityr's throat. "Grandma, no!" The granddaughter hauled back desperately, keeping the maniacal woman from attacking.
"Um, well, okay!" Teityr said abruptly, jumping to his feet. He dug around in the cart until he discovered Mog and Jymbo, both of which were still KO'd, and -with a lot less effort then you'd think- stuffed his grandpa and his Moogle into his bag, and ran off down the road. "I gotta be going! Bye!"
He ran off as fast as he could, wondering why nothing good could ever happen to him.
"Holy crap, that guy was gorgeous..." the girl said out loud. She sighed dreamily, and a few feet to her left, her suitors cried their lament.
(A few thought to collaborate on a song with which to woo her back...but it won't work.)
"That was JYMBO GAK!" her grandmother howled, her rage rekindled anew. "I should have known! Damn that two-bit Ether Salesman!"
"Jymbo...Gak?" the girl asked, confused. Jymbo was certainly not the name she would have expected fo such a handsome boy. His eyes still made her a little flustered, and she quickly turned red. "Sphere Break, think Sphere Break," she muttered to herself.
"We, the Dub family have always been rivals with the Gaks!" her grandmother continued We sell Elixir, they sell Ether! We can never be at peace! I will destroy him for this!" She abruptly changed tactics, instead of struggling she grabbed her granddaughter and scrambled atop her head, screaming at the top of her lungs. "YOU HEAR ME GAK! I WILL DESTROY YOU!"
"Sorry for the trouble," the girl told the Hypello, tucking her grandma under her arm and setting off quickly down the path towards the Moonflow proper.
There was a moment of confusion, where the Hypello exchanged glances with the Chocobo. It said "Wark?" in a tone that might well have meant, "What now?"
With a shrug, the Hypello answered the only way it knew how. Lifting its arms into the air, it waved frantically, shouting, "Shave me, shave me!"
...And then they fought some bandits.
When they finished, Yuna began lecturing the bandits, and Paine just sat back, folding her arms across her chest, while Rikku wandered about the tall grass 'searching for Rabites', or so she said. Paine figured she was probably hoping to get out of earshot, so she wouldn't have to hear Yuna's speech for the eighteenth time.
"Y'know Yuna, I'm sure this is really...I dunno...Therapeutic? But can we please go DO something?" Paine asked.
"Now say it back to me!" Yuna shouted, placing the point of Brotherhood beneath the bandit's chin.
"Stealing is wrong," he said with a loud gulp. "And uh...and..."
Yuna raised the sword threateningly. "And!" she demanded, eyes blazing with fury.
"And we should always listen and never run away from our elders!" he cried, curling into a ball and sobbing uncontrollably.
"That's good!" Yuna said, switching back to the Gunner Dressphere in a flash. "All right Gullwings! Its a long way to the Moonflow crossing, and there are a lot of bandits here!" She went forward with a look of determination, and Paine just shook her head.
Rikku came back from the grass, limping. "Hey, I found a whole nest of Rabites."
Paine shrugged. "Better walk it off. Its gonna be a long day."
Somewhere up ahead, they heard a loud cry. "What was that?" Paine asked, putting a hand on her sword. Rikku reached instinctively for her knives, and Yuna pulled her Tiny Bees, running down the path. "Let's go, Gullwings!"
"Shave me!" a Hypello shouted ahead of them, waving its hands frantically.
(Author's Note)
Who are the mysterious Elixir Salesgirls? Will I ever write another chapter? Who knows!
Jymbo and Teityr now have faces. And bodies. And stuff. Check 'em out at aquosus(dot)deviantart(dot)com.
The very same Aquosus is in the hospital with a collapsed lung. Send him your well wishes, comment on his dev-art, or review his fanfic, Secret Fields. His author name -as you may have surmised- is also "Aquosus".
