Chapter Two
Dear Precious Diary, (I think diary sounds more macho)
Well I'm sorry diary I haven't written in a week. But the party was a blast and I got high on cocaine and took some of the date-rape drugs meant for the ladies. Soo I was like unconscious for a while, thank evilness (I mean I wouldn't say goodness, oh damn I said it) that nothing happened to me. Whew I'm still a sexy virgin…
Well now I'm going to think of a plan. I wanted to call together a deatheater meeting but I was to lazy to and I can't find rodent tail or is it wormtail. I always forget. Anyway I just want to tell what happened today. It was so damn exciting.
Snivellus and Bellatricks went and discovered the The-Boy-Who-Lived-And-Defeated-The-Greatest-And-Hottest-Lord was living at the red haired family's house. Heheh I think they call them selves Weasels. But whatever.
Well I went to see if it was true, I was invisible of course I still had my curlers in whatever is left of my hair so I couldn't be seen, and unfortunately saw it was protected by a spell. A spell even I couldn't get through because it involved love. Love, smhove. I mean who wants to love, I mean I love myself isn't that enough.
So I was spying through the window and saw the little scar head changing into his nighties and turn on his night light. I mean I wasn't looking because I wanted to, I wasn't turned on by the way, but I needed to know his environmental….uhh another wordsie thingy here…heheh (I hope that was good coverup imagine the deatheaters finding this and knowing I'm gay, I maen I'm not gay, uh oh).
Well I managed to find out he wears red pajamas—I mean he sleeps with purple covers—No I mean his best friends are the bushy haired girl and the Weasel boy. (Whew got it right this time). After 6 years of tracking him down, being defeated by him and being constantly mocked because of my disfigurement I have finally found a way. We have to destroy his friends. Yup and it took only 6 years to figure it out.
Yea….I'm good. No wonder I graduated top of my year.
The Fcking Sexiest and Freakishly Cut Lord Who is only a Seventh Quarter Actually Living
