Chapter Four

Dear Precious Diary, (I think diary sounds more macho) (UH HUH. Macho I think not.)

Well its moi Wormtail again, mine is the dark black riting again, now lets see what the dark lord's got for us today…

Well I'm sorry diary I haven't written in a week.(Ok he's talking to his diary. Now he some serious issues.) But the party was a blast and I got high on cocaine and took some of the date-rape drugs meant for the ladies(No I think the guys mistook you for a lady and gave it.). Soo I was like unconscious for a while, thank evilness (I mean I wouldn't say goodness, oh damn I said it)(Sigh I guess he used permanent ink too) that nothing happened to me. Whew I'm still a sexy virgin…(Okay sexy, no…..virgin, always.)

Well now I'm going to think of a plan. I wanted to call together a death eater meeting (Isn't that wat u said last time?)but I was to lazy(Just like his muggle father, wow now I really hope he doesn't find this. Damn stupid permanent ink, nooo) to and I can't find rodent tail (WTF rodent tail? VENGENCE will me MINE! cough )or is it wormtail. I always forget. Anyway I just want to tell what happened today. It was so damn exciting.

Snivellus and Bellatricks went and discovered the The-Boy-Who-Lived-And-Defeated-The-Greatest-And-Hottest-Lord was living at the red haired family's house. Heheh I think they call them selves Weasels(Hey its better than Marvalo, what's that a name of canned tuna?). But whatever.

Well I went to see if it was true, I was invisible of course I still had my curlers in whatever is left of my hair(Do you even have any hair left) so I couldn't be seen, and unfortunately saw it was protected by a spell. A spell even I couldn't get through because it involved love. Love, smhove. I mean who wants to love, I mean I love myself isn't that enough. (Umm apparently not if u were defeated by a baby)

So I was spying through the window and saw the little scar head changing into his nighties and turn on his night light. I mean I wasn't looking because I wanted to,(rolling eyes, wait did I just rite that, oh whatever. I'm sure u didn't want to look) I wasn't turned on by the way, but I needed to know his environmental….uhh another wordsie thingy here…heheh (I hope that was good coverup imagine the deatheaters finding this and knowing I'm gay, I maen I'm not gay, uh oh). (Uh oh is sooo right. That was so not a good cover up man, like dude I could've done better than that. Well anyway can't wait to tell everyone he's gay.)

Well I managed to find out he wears red pajamas—I mean he sleeps with purple covers—No I mean his best friends are the bushy haired girl and the Weasel boy. (Whew got it right this time)(Uh huh good try, ur still gay). After 6 years of tracking him down, being defeated by him and being constantly mocked because of my disfigurement (Oh disfigurement? I thought that was a HALLOWEEN MASK.) I have finally found a way. We have to destroy his friends. Yup and it took only 6 years to figure it out. (Only? Whats with the only?)

Yea….I'm good. No wonder I graduated top of my year. (Wow must've been a preety dumb class)

The Fcking Sexiest and Freakishly Cut Lord Who is only a Seventh Quarter Actually Living

(Oh my gosh after reading that I feel the urge to hurl. Excuse me for a moment..

(Ok back cough, splutter o my well I gtg its my 8:30 curfew)