TOMMY - TWO DAYS LATER
I head down to the kitchen, leaving Zedd and a freshly fed and diapered baby behind both sleeping. It's a little early, but not bad. Mara and Kerch should get here today which should be a big help in keeping Zedd calm and under control. I know he wants to help with the baby, but he still needs to take it easy as despite what he and the others say he did have a rather major surgery and the last thing I want is him pushing himself to hard too soon. I'm surprised to find Kira in the kitchen, head down on her folded arms. Lightly, I touch her shoulder as I softly call her name. "Kira?"
"AHH!" She jumps badly and comes up swinging even as she almost falls off the stool she was on. I block her rapid strikes, wondering what I did that caused this reaction. Was she asleep? Dreaming of past battles maybe?
"Kira, stop. It's me."
She does stop and after a moment, presses the heels of her hands against her eyes. "Sorry, Dr. O. I must have fallen asleep studying. I'll go home and…" Her voice trails off as memory catches up and her face reddens. "Oh. Sorry."
"No harm done." I cross the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee. "So why are you sleeping in the kitchen?"
"Didn't mean to" she answers as she returns to her seat. She takes a swallow of coffee and grimaces at the taste. Guessing that it's cold, I top her cup off, warming the beverage, earning me a nod of thanks. "I woke up and thought I was awake for the day so I came down for coffee."
Looking at her closely for the first time in days, I'm guessing this isn't the first time she's done this. "What were you dreaming about?"
"Just now?" She shrugs. "Don't remember."
I roll my eyes. "Kira, I'm married to big, bad, evil Lord Zedd and share a house with two of his former minions who run a business based on double talked and very carefully worded contracts. Not to mention I was your teacher and am your friend. Give me the courtesy of not lying to me please."
"Is 'I don't want to talk about it' better?" she asks tersely.
"At least it's honest," I answer. I study the young woman before me. "You know you can talk to me, right?"
"I know and if I need to, I'll let you know."
Something's off in her response. "I mean it, Kira."
"I know you do." What isn't she saying? "How's the baby?"
Knowing the subject change is her weak attempt at distracting me, I however relent a bit given how exhausted and on edge she does appear. "Back asleep. She was hungry this morning. Ate almost a full bottle. Very likely would have finished it if I'd been able to keep Zedd from playing with her while I was trying to feed her."
She smiles. "He'll regret trying to play with her while she's eating."
"Oh?"
"Given she'll be eating at the table with the rest of you before you know it and very likely throwing food at him, yeah I'd say he'll learn his lesson that teaching her meal time is play time isn't the best idea."
"Eating at the table, seriously? Jeez, Kira, she was just born two days ago!" Not to mention she has a point about the playing with her food thing. "Give me a little while before I have to worry about it, okay? Bad enough trying to get Zedd to listen to me right now, the last thing I need to think about is when she's old enough to get into things."
She ignores me. "Oh and she'll get into things I'm sure. Not to mention when she goes to school, dating, going to college, getting married, having kids of her own…"
"Oh, god, really? You've been hanging around Zedd too much."
"Oh and let's not forget what fun he's going to be when she brings her first boyfriend home." Kill me now. "Well, or girlfriend. Either way."
"Kira, I'm already having a hard enough time, as I said, getting Zedd to listen to me so that he can recover from his surgery properly before he deals with the baby or - for whatever reason – runs off to the workout room. Could you not send me into a panic attack about things that are decades down the road, please?"
She looks at me oddly. "What do you mean 'for whatever reason'? You seriously have no idea why he's in such a hurry to go work out?"
Why do I feel like I'm about to say something unbelievably stupid? "He said something about getting back in shape, but I told him he has time. I mean we hardly ever come under any attack these days and even if there was some emergency Dar, Pina, or myself could certainly handle it. Besides, as I keep reminding him each time he tries to slip past me, it's going to take longer for him to get back to where he wants to be if he rips his stitches out or worse."
For the first time ever, Kira face palms at me, cursing under her breath as she does. "No offence, but you're an idiot."
"Excuse me?" Raising a brow at her and certain I must have misheard, she however repeats herself firmly and clearly.
"You. Are. An. Idiot."
"How exactly am I an idiot for wanting my husband to recover before he goes off on some completely unnecessary mission to get himself battle ready again?"
She shakes her head at me, blushing fiercely. "He's not obsessed with getting in shape because of fighting. He's obsessed with getting back in shape because of you."
"Again, what?"
"He's in a hurry because he thinks you don't find him attractive anymore."
I almost drop my coffee at this bit of news. "He what?"
"Yeah. Whether I wanted to know it or not, I've been informed that - apparently - you haven't mated in more than three weeks now and that's the longest you've gone since you got married. He thinks that because he's so far out of shape and can't dress decently, you've lost interest and basically find him – for lack of a more polite term – unfuckable."
I can feel my face get hot. This is not a conversation I ever wanted to have with a former student - adult or not. I mean, really, what was Zedd thinking?! Although, except for my embarrassment, it is a little funny… "Well, you did say that you came to let us unload on you for a while. Not what you expected, I know, but Eltarians are a lot less reserved when talking about intimate matters."
"As in, not reserved at all" she agrees dryly. "Believe me, that's not all he's said - just all that's relevant right now."
"Oh god. I can only imagine." I remember far too well the things he's said in front of Sam, David and some of the other Rangers - and that's just what I know about. I'm really going to have to deal with my mate and soon. "I'll talk to Zedd when he wakes up and try and fix this somehow." Though how that will be I honestly have no idea aside the obvious. In the meantime though… "So how long can you stay for? When do you have to be back?"
She shrugs nonchalantly. "Actually I was thinking about taking Zedd up on his offer to come and join the business."
"Don't you only have a year left? Why not finish up first? That way, if you decide that you don't really want to do this and want to go back, you'll be able to use the degree you've earned." I see the hurt flash across her face. "And it's not that I don't want you here - all embarrassment aside. Kira, I want what's best for you and if you don't finish school and decide to go back to Earth, I don't want you to regret not finishing."
"I don't really have a lot to go back for besides that, Tommy, and I can do most of that online."
I decide to go the direct route. "You said that you're single now. What happened with Steve? I thought you were happy with him."
"I was and then I wasn't and now we aren't together anymore."
"What happened?"
"It just didn't work out" she shrugs, but won't meet my gaze. "There was a lot of little factors." She stands up. "I think I'm going to go for a quick walk before your in-laws get here."
She's out the door almost as fast as if she had Connor's super speed. Something is still bothering her and I'm guessing it has to do with her ended relationship. Zedd's spent the most time with her lately. Maybe he knows something.
Before I can follow that train of thought any further, my communicator signals the arrival of a ship and a quick glance shows me that it's Mara and Kerch. Kira must be psychic. I head up to the bedroom, knowing I have time to dress the baby in the outfit that Mara sent the moment we found out it was a girl, but probably not enough to tend to Zedd's insane notions yet. Well I suppose a few more hours won't kill him, or me, maybe.
Half an hour later, the baby and I arrive in the hanger, Pina and Dar already here chatting with Zedd's parents. A lot of time has passed since I first met them and somehow in that time, fences have been mended and bridges built and everyone - mostly - gets along. They all turn at our entrance. Instantly, Mara all but snatches the baby from me without so much as a greeting. Jeez, you'd think they hadn't seen her already. Kerch smiles indulgently at his wife before turning to me. "Hello, Tommy."
I shake his hand. "Hi, Kerch."
"My wife has been - what's the phrase - on pins and needles? waiting to know what you've named the baby." His English is halting and rough at best and he often just resorts to Eltarian, but it tells me a lot about how he views me that he's even trying.
Zedd and I agreed that it would be the perfect moment to tell his parents what we named the baby while his mother was holding her. However - "I think that we should wait for Zedd. And yes, Kerch, that's the correct phrase."
Just then I hear my mate. "You really couldn't wait two more minutes, Thomas?"
I really don't want to fight with him today, but he's been in a mood since I woke him up with the news that his parents were here. I know I have to deal with his misconception that I'm not interested in him, but right this minute is not the time. I turn to him and see that he's - thankfully - not dressed in his normal leather pants and silk shirt. He tried that yesterday and the waistband was too tight, hurting him. "Mate, I-"
He shakes his head. "Never mind." He turns to his parents. "Hello, Father. Mother."
Mara sounds slightly amused. "Perhaps Tommy should have left you asleep, Zeddic, if you're this irritable. Is he not doing his share of nightly feedings and changes?"
Zedd's mouth sets in a mutinous grimace. "He's actually doing all of them. He refuses to allow me to tend to her."
I try to sound soothing. "Zedd, it's only for a few more days to make sure you heal properly. Right now, it's easier for me to get in and out of bed, kalleimat. You know that and I don't want you to be hurting if it can be avoided."
I don't understand the hurt look in his eyes, nor the reason for the tears I can see gathering there. "You don't think I can handle it."
Pina sighs loudly. "Zedd, remember, your hormones are not yet back to normal." No kidding, though at least he hasn't thrown any more kitchen appliances at me since the toaster incident.
"Mate, again, it has nothing to do with you being unable to handle it. It has to do with me not wanting to see you in completely unnecessary pain after such a major ordeal. Besides I do let you take care of her during the day, mate."
"Oh, sure, while you're working. And that's when Pina, Dar or Kira aren't taking over. And when you're done working for the day, you practically snatch her away from me again." I can already tell there's no way for me to win this fight he's trying to start.
"Zedd, the only time I've ever taken her from you was when you were clearly in pain from over exerting yourself, and that was only long enough to help you back to bed, where I and she laid down with you."
Kerch's voice is oddly gentle when he addresses his first born. "Zeddic, stop trying to fight with your mate. Yes, it's frustrating, but he's trying very hard to take care of both of you. I know you aren't used to being cared for instead of caring for others, but it's not a personal attack, son."
Zedd swallows hard, trying to calm himself. I want to hold him, but the last time he was like this and I tried, he shoved me away and burst into tears. Everyone gives him a minute. Finally, he says, "Well, there's no point in standing around in the hanger. Let's go to the kitchen." He leads the way.
As we go, Mara asks me, "Where is Kira?"
"She went for a quick walk. Something's bothering her, but she won't tell me what it is. She'd been spending a lot of time with Zedd before the baby was born. I'm hoping that he knows something." I know he can hear me.
Thankfully, he speaks up. "The day the baby came, something was bothering her then too but before I could find out what it was, she realized it was time for the baby to come and we got sidetracked by that." He looks a little upset again. "I hope she doesn't think that she's been shoved aside by the baby."
"She's a Ranger, Zedd, and technically still active duty - even without a current nemesis to fight. Personal lives always get shoved aside. You just get used to it" I answer without thinking.
"So that's going to happen when you get called back to active duty?"
I shake my head, getting more than a little frustrated with his continued attempts to fight with me. "I'm not a Ranger, Zedd. Not anymore. It's not the same."
"If you say so." I'm trying hard not to get angry, I really am, but I'm technically sleep deprived, a bit, and this is really grating on my nerves. Dar squeezes my shoulder in sympathy, having himself been the target of Zedd's moods before. Even Kerch gives me a sympathetic smile.
Voice slightly strained, I however think I do a fair job keeping my cool given the situation. "Zedd, kalleimat, the only times I would ever have to use my powers these days would be if a distress call came like something you and the other Reds had to deal with when I was taken all those years ago, or if there was an attack on our family and I had to fight to protect us. Those two instances aside, I have no interest in using my powers for active combat." He sighs in what sounds suspiciously like relief. "I told you some time ago that I no longer have a death wish and since then my reasons for that have multiplied - literally."
As I hoped, this small pun makes my mate chuckle, albeit reluctantly. I hear Mara quietly explaining the joke to Kerch. Arriving in the desired room, I quickly fetch my mate a cup of coffee. Dar fixes cups for everyone else and swiftly starts a new pot. Mara tends to take hers like Pina does, but Kerch doesn't care for the drink at all and Pina hands him a bottle from the fridge of some Eltarian beverage that he prefers. Once everyone is settled, Mara fixes me with a look. "Now. What is the child's name?"
I nod at Zedd, allowing him the honor of answering. He takes a quick swallow of coffee before answering. "Well, as you know, both of Thomas' mothers are deceased as is Father's mother. We decided to incorporate their names in hers - along with one other."
Kerch chuckles lightly. "Pina or Kira?"
"Neither." He takes a deep breath and looks at his mother. "Her name is Mara Jane Elizabeth Anise. Mara Jane for short."
Mara sucks in a breath. "Oh, Zeddic. I don't know what to say." She looks at the child in her arms and apparently the right words come. "Welcome to the family, Mara Jane."
HOURS LATER
I watch Zedd put Mara Jane to bed. His parents settled into the guest room next to Kira's and Pina and Dar are very likely still cleaning up from dinner. He has no idea how much I've wanted him these last weeks but he's been so uncomfortable with the pregnancy and then the surgery I didn't dare make a move. Dressed only in my boxers, I let him see my arousal briefly when he turns away from the crib. Quickly though, I turn toward the window, looking out and gripping the sill hard, leaving indentations in the wood. I've decided that it's finally time for him to see and know the struggle I've been through - the one I've been hiding from him so he didn't feel bad. Unfortunately it seems that my efforts have only had the complete opposite effect on him and his self-confidence according to Kira's revelation this morning.
His voice comes from right behind me, softly. "Thomas? What's wrong?"
I let my own voice be unsteady. "Nothing, mate."
He rests his hand on my shoulder and I tense against the desire to simply jump him and put an end to this nonsense, but the recollection of the fact that he is still recovering thankfully keeps me in check. "Please, Thomas. I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to keep picking at you, I was just upset."
"I've long since forgiven you for that, kalleimat. Though I would like to know what you were so upset about."
"It doesn't matter."
"If you're upset, Zedd, it does. You've been upset a lot lately, mate. I thought maybe it was just because you were hurting so badly at the end of the pregnancy, but with Mara Jane here now, it almost seems like it's just gotten worse. Is it because you're still hurting from having her removed? We can have Pina give you another dose of painkillers to help you sleep better if that's the case."
"It's not that."
"Do you honestly feel I don't trust you to take care of her?"
"No."
"Is it because I refuse to let you go down to the workout room and injure yourself by trying to train while still healing?"
"Not really." Looking away and catching his faint mutter of needing to go work out though, I feel my guilt ramp up another notch for the part I played in his complete misunderstanding of the situation.
"Then what is it?"
"Tell me what's wrong with you first?" Clever.
"I can't."
"Why not? I can help. I wish you'd trust me."
My hands tighten and I know that he can hear the faint snapping of some of the wood giving under the pressure of my fingers. I shake my head. "I do trust you. It's not about that, kalleimat, it's… Zedd, please don't ask me."
"Thomas, love, please let me help you." Arms moving to go around me even as he winces at the slight pull on his wound I can't help but suck in a breath and realize that despite wanting him to know how much I want him, he still isn't physically healed enough for it and I have stupidly let him get way too close to me now.
"I can't! I won't! I don't want to hurt you, Zedd!" Oh god, if he doesn't back off soon, I am going to jump him and he will hurt - not deliberately, but it will happen.
He keeps his voice low in deference to the sleeping baby. "How do you think you'll hurt me, Thomas?"
"Zedd, please. Just a few more days so you heal." I soften my tones even further. "I just need to hang on a few more days and I'll be fine, all right."
"What do you mean?" I think he's starting to suspect what the answer is and it's about damn time, because I'm really not going to last here.
I take a breath, trying to settle myself down so I can refocus. Unfortunately, I get his scent with it and my control starts to slip at a dangerous pace. "Please, Zedd, back up. I can't think when you're this close. You have to let me go and back away before lose it"
He reluctantly releases me, thankfully before it's completely too late, and takes a step back. I force myself to stay as I am until I regain a firm hold on myself. "Talk to me, love. What's wrong?"
The anxiety in his voice helps me focus once more. "Zedd, I love you and Mara Jane more than my own life. I promised you - and myself - a long time ago that I'd never deliberately hurt you again like I did when I was evil." I know I sound ashamed with what I say next. "I want you so much that I can't be sure I won't hurt you - and not in a good or fun way. I cannot and will not take that chance, Zedd."
Silence falls for several minutes and I momentarily think this was all for nothing as I'm now almost certain he's going to start an argument with me once more. However, what finally comes out of his mouth is anything but the rampage of hormonal aggravation I've been faced with over the past few weeks. "You - haven't lost interest in me?" His uncertain tone makes my heart twist.
I moan softly. "Of course not! Zedd, why in the hell would you ever doubt my desire for you?"
Looking down and still not anywhere near as confident as he normally is when in his prime, his shrug again makes me feel horrible about what I've apparently put him through, even if not purposely. "You didn't seem to want to mate with me these past few weeks. I thought maybe I'd gotten past the point of what you could tolerate appearance and behavior wise.
"Mate, between how uncomfortable you were toward the end of the pregnancy and you recovering from surgery, I didn't want to make things worse for you. I still don't."
"And what are you doing to yourself?"
"I don't understand what you mean."
"Thomas, we haven't gone this long without mating in a very long time. I know your changed hormones settled years ago, but is this causing you a problem?"
"I'm - dealing with it, Zedd. When it gets too bad, either I take care of it myself or I go see Pina and she gives me something that counters the hormones." Taking another breath, I admit, "There are days where it gets so bad that all I can think about is finding you and bending you over the nearest piece of furniture and-" I stop, having to get myself under control once more. I can't do this to him. I snatch my clothes back out of the hamper and throw them on quickly. "I'll be back."
He beats me to the door, blocking it with his body. I back away from the temptation. "Wait, Thomas."
"Zedd, please, you aren't ready and I can't be sure I'll be gentle with you." Belatedly, I realize there's another potential problem. "Not to mention, even if we could, we'd probably wake the baby."
"There's ways, Thomas, if you trust me."
I eye him suspiciously. "How?"
He smiles my favorite sexy smile. "Get undressed and on the bed, love, and I'll show you."
I hesitate, but know deep down I am not going to win this battle. "Promise me that you'll stop if it's in the least uncomfortable."
"I promise." The firm words reassure me slightly and I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt. Swiftly, I do as he asked as he turns off all the lights except the one on the nightstand. In a minute, he's undressed and straddling me. "Take hold of the headboard, Thomas, and don't let go - no matter how much you want to." Once I do, he slowly takes me in, making me moan loudly. "Shh, Thomas or I'll have to find a way to muffle you."
"Oh god, Zedd, please."
He starts to move. "This is almost all leg work, love, with very little to no real use of my abdominal muscles and therefore no discomfort." Doubting of his claim of no discomfort, I however am honestly and truly past the point of being able to focus enough to care right now.
He moves faster and I'm very quickly lost, thrusting up to meet him and knowing I won't last long as tight as he's gotten in the past few weeks. He knows just when I'm about to lose it, swiftly snatching up a pillow and dropping it on my face so that I cover my mouth and cry out without worry. I feel him tighten up as he loses it with me, his release shooting onto my stomach and chest. It's not long after that he has us both cleaned up and pulls the pillow off my face before pressing a kiss to my still panting mouth, which I return wholeheartedly. Abruptly, I pull back and search his face. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"Mm hmm. I needed that almost as much as you did" he admits. He turns off the light and we curl up together facing each other, trading soft kisses for a long time until we fall asleep. I know it'll only be a short nap before the baby needs me, but the lack of sleep is totally worth it to reassure my mate that I still want him.
