Part Twelve
Sora and Co made their way to the wonderful land of Castle Oblivion's matching hallways. And found yet another door with a card lock. Without waiting for any sort of remark Sora immediatly took the last card he had out of his pocket and mumbled something about wanting to kill a certain duck.
Sora stuck the card in silently and they ended
up in...
Olympus Coliseum! Home of hotheads, hairflips,
neverending tornaments, junior heros and a Goat that won't shut the
hell up.
Sora: Did we just time travel?
Goofy: -looking
around- Gawrsh ya know.. I think we did.
Sora: NEAT! But why
Greece?
Donald: Hey retards! Check this out. -points at a
advertisment-
Jiminy: -pops out of Sora's eyelid- Holy smokes!
IT'S IN ENGLISH.
Sora: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! -holds eye and falls over-
JIMINY! WHAT THE CRAP. I CAN'T SEE GAAAAH.
Jiminy: Suck it up you
baby.
Sora: THE PAIN. I'M SEEING SPOTS.
Donald: -eye roll- It
says here they are having some sort of Survival-Cup.
Goofy: Like
Battle Royal?
Donald: ...
Sora: -stands up completely
forgetting about his eye- COOL. When do we get the bomb
collars?
Donald: What the hell are you two talking about?
Sora:
-making martial arts poses- I'll go Kiriyama on those bitches!
Donald: Survival-Cup...Race.
Sora: ..Oh. -frowns-
Goofy:
-pats Sora on the back- Another time.
Donald: -reading the sign-
"Unbeatable Champion competing..Blah blah, May result in deaths.
Do not compete if you are Obese, Pregnant, Or may have mental
illness." Hm..Sora I don't think you can compete.
Sora: I'm
not pregnant!
Donald: -slams his head againts the sign-
Goofy:
I think he was suggesting something else.
Sora: I'M NOT FAT
DONALD! THEREFORE. I COMPETE! Where's the sign up booth?
Donald: I
don't think mental illness cuts it for you..-sigh- Let's go sign
up.
Sora: YAY!
Sora and Co exit stage right towards the place
where you sign up, and Hades who just happens to be taking a stroll
through the Coliseum shows up.
Hades: Eh? A random-advertisement
for doom? Interesting...-reads- WHAT? Hercules Champion? I think not.
Time for some evil plot to get someone else to do my dirty work.
Mwaha. He won't get past me this time! I'll send him to the
Underworld where I'll make him my manbitch. Hahaha.
And then..
Cloud shows up from Cameoland in a stolen cape from someone who will
not be mentioned cause they might suck my blood.
Cloud: ...You are
talking to yourself again.
Hades: Oh? Yeah.. I do that sometimes.
Now, for my evil plot... I wan-
Cloud: You told me the evil
plot.
Hades: I like talking though so I'll repeat it, OKAY? You
got a problem with me reminding you?
Cloud: ...Yes.
Hades:
SHUT UP OKAY. Now.. AS I was saying, The evil plot you compete and
then Kill Hercules.
Cloud: I have an odd feeling this plan won't
work..
Hades: NO. IT WILL. IT'S FLAWLESS. FLAWLESS I SAY NOW SHUT
UP.
Cloud: --
Hades: Where was I..AH. Okay do that and then
you get your memories back.
Cloud: THEN, I get my movie?
Hades:
Huh? What.. No. Sorry bud.
Cloud: -frowns-
Hades: Cheer up Emo
kid, You get your own side story in the next game.
Cloud: ...I'm
not emo.
Hades: Yes you are. Now go do my evil plot! Off with
you!
Cloud walked off. Meanwhile, Sora and Co found their way
to the sign up booth by kicking over every single barrel, which they
happened to lead right to it- There the Greedy Goat, Phil is sitting
there counting money.
Sora: WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!
Goofy: I
don't know! IT'S SCARY.
Goat: Who the hell are you freaks?
Sora:
IT TALKS. Goofy get me a stick!
Goofy: -hands Sora a stick, who
starts poking the goatman with it.-
Phil: Hey cut that out! Are
you weirdos done with the prelims already?
Donald: No w- -gets
mouth covered by Sora-
Sora: YES. COMPETITION NOW PLEASE.
Phil:
You're going to loose. Suit yourself, competition starts in a
few.
Donald: I think we can win.
Phil: Not against the greatest
hero ever you're not.
Sora: Oh you mean me?
Phil: No not you.
Two words: You aint heros.
Goofy: ...
Phil: Now I give you
Six words: Go away!
Donald: Somebody doesn't know how to
count...
Sora: WE ARE THE GREATEST HEROES EVER! Plus you can't let
me NOT compete.. I'm the main character.
Phil: I can refuse to let
the main character compete ya know.
Sora: B-But!
Phil:
Heh.
Hercules: -Comes straight from the sky!- A message from God!
Let them compete you goat bastard.
Sora: HOLY CRAP. He speaks
english!
Donald: And you don't find it weird that we are?
Sora:
-looks at Donald- Silly Duck. It's perfectly normal for you to speak
English.
Donald: Uh-huh...
Hercules: Anyways..
Phil: Fine
they compete. But only cause I want their entry fee.
Heh-Heh-Heh.
Sora: Entry fee? YOU CAN'T CHARGE THE MAIN CHARACTER!
RAWR!
Goofy: I'm begining to think I shouldn't have mentioned him
being the main character.
Donald: No kidding.
Phil: No fee, no
competition.
Donald: I'd hate to break it to ya, but we're
broke.
Phil: So sell me something.
Sora: Like what? OH OH I
KNOW. -Hands Phil the keyblade- Nice and shiny!
Goofy: Uh Sora..I
don't think-
Sora: SHUSH. My brain is working
Donald: I'm not
sure it's working right..
Phil: WOAH. Okay you can compete.
-greedy grin- Here's how it works-
Cloud comes out of the bathroom
and comes over.
Cloud: Hi.
Sora: H- OH MY GOD A BATHROOM! -runs
over to it- Sweet bathroom! I finally found you!
Cloud: It's not
much use you know.. There isn't a toilet in there.
Sora: WHAT?
-looks in- HOW IS THERE A BATHROOM WITH NO TOILET?
Cloud: -shrug-
Anyway. Hi. I'm Cloud.
Sora: AND I'M- ...Your hair defyies gravity
too! NEAT.
Cloud: Uh..
Phil: More competitors..means..MORE
ENTRIE FEES!
Cloud: Not paying.
Phil: WHAT?
Cloud: I don't
want to. So I'm not going to.
Phil: You can't just not pay!
Cloud:
Watch me.
Phil: -glare-
Hercules: I'm still here ya
know.
Everyone: Yeah we know..
Phil: If you don't pay I'm going
to-
Cloud: Charge at me? Eat my cape?
Sora: SHUT UP! I WANT TO
COMPETE DAMNIT!
Everyone: oo
Sora: COMPETITION NOW. NO MORE
TALK.
Cloud: ...Whatever. Okay.
Phil: Okay but first the
rules..Your goal is simple you-
Sora: -Thinking- Rules?
Boring.. Does this thing ever shut up? This goat is a pain in the
ass. He should die with Donald. Why are all talking animals annoying?
That's probally why most dogs don't talk.. Like Pluto. Pluto doesn't
talk.. I wonder where he went. He WERE following him after all.
Stopped to sleep and- Hey I never got to read that letter. I wonder
what it said. Probably something important telling me how I need to
save the universe again. I'm so awsome like that. ...I wonder
if Cloud uses the same shampoo as me. I think he might, It doesn't
smell like mine though his hair has a more citris-y smell to
it-
Cloud: -Could you stop sniffing my hair?
Sora: HUH? Oh
right..Sorry.
Cloud: Weirdo.
Phil: -And that's the rules. Any
questions?
Sora: -raises hand-
Phil: Yes?
Sora: Could you
repeat that?
Phil: ...No. Okay ready! GO!
Everyone but Phil
runs off in a race to the finish.
Donald and Goofy follow Sora
for all of three minutes, until they relized he had no idea what the
hell he was doing- So Donald took the role of leader in the race for
them. The eventually caught up to Cloud who decided he felt like
standing still.
Goofy: AW. He waited for us! That's so nice of
him.
Donald: Goofy you fucking retard! He's following rule number
56!
Goofy: OH NO! WE ARE DOOMED.
Sora: Rule...56?
Donald:
YES. Wheren't you paying attention?
Sora: Uh to be
honest...no.
Donald: -facepalm-
Goofy: We'll have to follow
rule 93 then!
Donald: Right! BRING IT CLOUD.
Sora: Huuh?
Goofy
and Donald: -pull their weapons out-
Sora: UM?
Cloud: I'm just
standing here. Ignore me.
Donald: Oh. -puts weapon away-
Sora:
I think I speak for everyone here when I say huuuuh?
Cloud: Go
win, kaythnx. I'm just here okay?
Sora: OKAY! -runs ahead- I'M
WINNING WEEEEEE!
Goofy: Sora wait! You have no clue what yer
doin'! -runs after-
Donald: I don't suppose you'd be willing to
shoot me in the head?
Cloud: Sorry. I'm fresh out of guns.
Donald:
Cut my head off?
Cloud: ... I have to kill someone else
first.
Donald: Riight.
Cloud: Go catch up to your idiots.
Sora
runs back Goofy behind him
Sora: DONALD.. I don't know where I'm
going.
Donald: Ofcourse you don't retard! That's what you get for
not paying attention!
Sora: ..BORED NOW.
Goofy: Are you sure
you don't have ADD?
Sora: ADD? Nuu..I don't think so- HEY CLOUD!
LET'S FIGHT!
Goofy: Yeah he has it..
Donald: It took you this
long to notice?
Sora: CLOUD FIGHT TIME! NOW.
Cloud: ...
Sora:
-jumps up and down- FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
Cloud: Whatever.
Battle
Start!
Cloud pulls out his
UltraMegaMummifiedLongSwordOfDOOM.
Sora: ...OH SNAP. PHIL HAS MY
KEYBLADE!
Cloud: What?
Sora: OH MAN OH MAN! -pulls at his hair-
I CAN'T FIGHT NOW.. Sorry.
Cloud: Oh...okay then. I'll
just..go.
Sora: Okay! Can I say I won?
Cloud: -shrug-
Sure.
Sora: YAY I WIN! MWAHAHA.
Cloud: ...
Battle
End
Sora: HAHA -dance his victory dance-
Donald: You didn't
even fight!
Sora: I WON THOUGH. HAHA Go Sora! Go Sora! It's your
birthday! Uh-Huh! Get funky!
Donald: Are you still on
drugs?
Goofy: Cloud went poof guys..
Jiminy: -Pops up from
underneath Sora's toenail- He's making a run for the finish! AFTER
HIM!
Sora: AHHHHHHHH MY TOE. -falls over- Wait? Finish you say? NO
WAY. I WIN! ONLY ME! THE MAIN CHARACTER! BLONDIE IS GOING DOWN!
-races forward-
Jiminy: After that Emo!
Goofy: CHARGE!
Donald:
Stupididioticretard..I'm coming I'm coming. -follows-
Sora
runs while screaming at the top of his lungs while Goofy and Donald
try to keep up. Sora stops short and they crashed into him. Cloud's
sitting on the floor Indian style while Hercules is pointing at him
with a angry face.
Sora: I CAUGHT UP! WOO! I must be the
Flash!
Donald: You didn't catch up. They just stopped
walking.
Sora: Shut up! Don't defy my speed skills!
Hercules:
You can't defeat me Cloud! Haha.
Cloud: I think I can defeat some
guy in a shirt.
Hercules: Don't be dissing my shirt! snap snap
Cloud: ...Excuse me. stand up and starts laughing Okay
done.
Hercules: UGH!
Sora: -sits and watches with
popcorn-
Donald: SORA! You should atleast help!
Sora: You
kidding? And ruin the show? No way.
Donald: -kicks Sora over-
Hercules: ..SEE. I have back up!
Cloud: That kid doesn't even
have his weapon..
Sora: -sweatdrop- Yeaaaah...
Hercules: We can
still take him!
Cloud: Uh-huh.. -eyeroll- I can still win and get
back my Movie! Uh..oh and the memories! That too.
Sora: You're in
a movie? COOL!
Cloud: -blush- Yeah well...
Sora: Can I have an
autograph incase you get super uber famous!
Cloud: Well
sur-
Hercules: EXCUSE ME. That's waaaaay off topic!
Donald:
Memories too eh?
Cloud: Uh.. right right. Yeah. I kinda forgot
everything. I feel like I'm suppose to be doing
something..
ELSEWHERE:
Sephiroth: MWAHAHA THE WORLD IS
MINE!
Tifa: Ah shit. Where the hell is Cloud?
Cloud: Hm..
well, once I get the memory back I'll remember.
Hades: -Comes
completely out of nowhere- You are ruining the evil plan of mine
Cloud. Keep your mouth shut.
Sora: OH MY GOD. YOUR HEAD IS ON
FIRE!
Hades: Yes, I'm fully aware of that.
Hercules: Hades! My
arch nemesis!
Hades: What what? Still alive? Cloud I told you to
kill the freak didn't I? -sigh- Well this is disapointing. This is
coming out of your paycheck boy. You're fired.
Cloud: Nobody fires
Cloud!
Hades: I think I just did. Welcome to the world of
Unemployment. Anywho..AH. Right. Kill the pansy. Allow me to follow
rule 69! Hahaha.
Donald: Not rule 69!
Cloud: OH GOD NO!
Goofy:
EWWWWW..
Sora: oo?
Hercules: So it was you who initiated
rule 12!
Hades: Yes it was me! And I'm responsable for rule 51
too! I'm unstoppable! Follow me for rule 69 dearie.
Hercules:
Never!
Sora: Hey what's going on?
Donald: Shuuush! Follow rule
6 Sora!
Goofy: Ahha! Sora rule 576! Now! Go go!
Donald:
Ofcourse! Why didn't I think of that! Sora go interfere!
Sora: My
brain hurts.. But okay! -steps infront of Hades- BAD HOTHEAD
BAD!
Hades: I guess I'll just have to pull rule 3! KILL THE
OPPONENTS.
Sora: THERE'S A RULE LIKE THAT? Uh-oh..
Battle
Start
Hades: Rule # 10. There are no rules. HAHA
Sora: This
won't end well..
Hades: HAHA. -throws fire at him-
Sora:
AAAAAHHHH. -runs-
Hades: Chicken?
Sora: YES.
Hades: I like
my chicken fried! -sets Sora on fire-
Sora: AAAHH I'M ON FIRE! I'M
ON FIRE! -runs in circles- WATER. I NEED WATER. HEEEEELP.
Hades:
Oh this is amusing.
Sora: I NEED LIQUID! SOMEBODY PUT ME OUT!
AAAH.
Hades: -laughing histerically-
Sora: HEEEEEELP!
-Stops.Drops.And rolls- Oh thank god. I..wait a minute. I HAVE TO
PEE!
Hades: Thanks for sharing. Really.
Sora: -evil grin-
Hades: Eh?
Sora: -steps closer-
Hades: The
hell?
------------------
Battle End
Sora:
VICTORY!
Donald: You put Hades out..
Sora: Yup. -big
grin-
Goofy: Ew..
Hercules: I never even thought of winning
that way.
Sora: -flexs- I have the skills. I'm a genius!
Donald:
Sora you peed on his head..
Sora: AND WON. Haha!
Donald: Yeah
but still..You peed on his head.
Sora: No more Mr.Hothead. Haha!
Skills!
Goofy: I'm speechless.
Hercules: I guess you don't need
to find a bathroom anymore huh..?
Sora: Nope! -smiles-
Donald:
That means.. We can leave the Castle! OH THANK GOD.
Goofy: Good!
No more crazy memory loosing world!
Donald: Woohoo!
Phil walks
up holding the keyblade.
Phil: The games are cancelled.
Sora:
All well..Let's go!
Hercules: Bye then!
Sora: See ya!
Donald:
Sora don't you think you should get something back first?
HintHintTheKeyblade.
Sora: Huh? NAW. It was Phil's payment.
Phil:
I'm not giving it back anyway!
Sora: See?
Donald: No really we
need it.
Sora: All in good time, my pantless friend.
Jiminy:
-pops out from behind Sora's ear- We're leaving?
Sora: YUP!
Cloud:
-hairflip- Um.. Yeah. I'm going to go figure out what I was
forgetting.
Goofy: Good luck with that.
Sora: Don't I get some
sort of prize for winning?
Phil: Technically, you didn't
win.
Sora: I beat Hades! I get some sort of prize!
Phil: Nope.
Beat it.
Sora: FINE. BYE THEN YOU FUCKING RETARDED GOAT.
Phil:
Bye!
Sora and Co make their way to the big ridiculously long
ladder that just happens to be everywhere.
Sora: WAIT. Hold up
guys!
Donald: What now?
Sora: -puts hand out- Just wait a
second okay..
Donald: What the hell? Get a move on!
Sora: Any
second now...
Goofy?
Donald: Don't be stupid Sora come
on.
Sora: Wait for it..
Donald: -taps foot-
Sora: -keyblade
pops in hand- YES! Haha!
Donald: Now can we go?
Sora: Yup!
Off
in the distance they herd Phil cursing them out..
