TOMMY - ONE WEEK LATER
Well it took long enough, but I can finally move without feeling like someone's trying to gut me – which I suppose in fairness is what actually happened, though that's beside the point. Pina says that I still need to take it easy and I will - kind of. With me supposedly dead for the moment, I can't handle any business for fear it will get back to Essa and quite frankly Zedd and Kira it seems are having too much fun messing with her. Mara has shooed me away from the children, claiming I still need to rest, which isn't really helping my chances of connecting with my son, nor my slight depression over him seeming to bond with everyone but me.
Okay, so I can't work, can't go outside, can't see my kids and I'm tired of staying in bed, reading, watching movies and sleeping. Well then, that really only leaves me with one option now doesn't it. I head down and into the workout room knowing if Zedd finds me there I'll never hear the end of it, however if I don't do something soon, I'll never survive my boredom. Besides, as long as I take it easy, just a light workout for maybe half an hour, I should be fine and hopefully a little less restless.
A few hours later, I'm standing in a hot shower, feeling both better and worse than I have in a while. I know my body is probably going to ache something fierce in the morning, but damn it's worth it. For the first time since I had Jacob - and if I'm honest with myself, for some time before he was born - I feel like I've actually accomplished something worthwhile. Not to mention I'm on the road to being able to protect my babies once more.
I exhale loudly as the water pours over me. I know I really should have a long soak in the tub, but after my light workout turned into a two hour session, I'm not sure that I could get out without help and I really don't want to have to explain to Zedd why I need his help. No, confessing that I slipped off to exercise after I gave him such a hard time about it after he had Mara Jane and needed to rest would not really look too good.
Once more recalling his reasoning for wanting to workout so badly after having her, I still can't believe he thought I'd lost interest in him. I swear sometimes what goes on his head is still completely baffling to me even after all the years we've been together. Jumping slightly as familiar hands suddenly pull me out of my thoughts as they settle on my shoulders, I can't help but curse myself for not noticing Zedd has joined me a second faster. However, it's not long before that thought and all others disappear when he starts rubbing my shoulders and neck.
"Mmm, nice."
"No wonder you were tossing and turning this morning, your back is in knots." Yeah, sure, we'll go with that being the reason for both.
"Maybe, mostly just restless. You know me, mate, I don't make a good patient. Especially a bedbound one."
"True. Well unless I join you that is." Kissing the spot on my shoulder he'd just worked to loosen, I barely keep myself standing as all I want to do now is go lay down with him and continue this in our bed.
"You do make a good doctor."
"It helps that I have a special interest in my patient."
I'm about to make a smart remark back, until he moves closer to me and I can feel his 'interest' brush against me. Between being uncomfortable toward the end of the pregnancy, coming home early, the surgery and being reinjured, we haven't properly mated in more than a month. And due to the last three we haven't enjoyed each other in any way in nearly as long and, man, do I miss him! I lean back against him, moaning softly. "Zedd, I've missed you."
He nuzzles my neck. "Missed you too, love, and here I thought three weeks without you was bad."
"I know. I do have good news for you however. Pina cleared me today" I tell him. I feel his breath hitch at that. "Was going to tell you tonight, however by the feel of things, I don't think you'd be able to wait that long."
His hands wander a bit before he says, "Perhaps we could take the edge off now and later I can make love to you properly?"
I don't get to respond as he slides his hand down my body and grips me. Quickly, I reach behind me and take him in hand as well. After only a couple of minutes, I can't take it anymore and turn in his arms, kissing him hard. It's not long before we're both crying out, overwhelmed by the pleasure offered by our mate. Zedd wraps me up in his arms as we both recover. "Love you, mate."
"Not more than I love you."
"Wanna bet?" Smiling and backing me up under the hot spray once more he however behaves himself for the most part as I let him wash me, before doing the same for him, both of us taking our time in the activity and just savoring the bit of peace and privacy we have for the moment.
Once done with our shower and the agonizingly long affair that was dinner, I'm almost certain I'm not going to be able to hold myself back much longer. Especially given how flirty my husband has been at the dinner table, now aware that he's been given the go ahead to follow through with his little gestures and looks, and taking full advantage of the situation.
It takes far too long for my liking, but we do eventually make it back to our room. Mara Jane is asleep in her bed, hopefully for the whole night. Jacob's asleep in his crib across the room. Zedd's checking on him one more time before joining me on the bed. As soon as he does, however, I kiss him firmly eager to be intimate with my husband again. He chuckles lightly, "Easy, love. I don't want to rush this."
"Been too long, mate. Need you." I pull him to me, kissing him again.
"Thomas, I need you too, but we need to take this slowly. I don't want to rush things and hurt you."
"Not going to hurt me, but if it'll put your mind at ease I'll just ride you and you can rest your hands on my hips. Though truthfully I do hope you'll want to have another round after that, maybe something a bit more hard and fast." Yes I'm bribing slightly, but in fairness he really doesn't have to worry. So long as he doesn't lay on top of me I hardly think I'll be hurting all that much, at least no more then I already do from my workout.
"As tempting as that is, and please believe me when I say it is the most tempting offer I could imagine right now, I really don't think that's the best idea as I know I will definitely cause you pain taking you in that manner."
"What? Zedd, seriously I'm okay. Honest, look I can even touch where the scars are now." Illustrating my point by running my hand over the very noticeable and still healing scars, I however make certain he can see it causes me very little discomfort any more. "See, so long as you don't collapse on me when we're done, I'll be fine, I promise."
"It's not your injuries I'm concerned about love." Touching the damaged skin never the less, he shakes his head sadly before refocusing on the matter at hand, though not before I however catch a soft mutter concerning Essa's impending demise. "I wouldn't think Pina would clear you if they still caused you pain."
"Okay, then what's the problem?"
"We haven't mated in so long, I want to make certain you're all right and not hurt by me taking you too roughly."
Puzzled, I pull back slightly. "Zedd, kalleimat, it's not like we haven't done this before. You're acting like it's my first time."
"Remember the first time we mated after I had Mara Jane?" He waits for me to nod before he continues. "Remember how tight I was? It's been longer this time and I have no doubt that your healing is better than mine."
It takes me a minute to follow his train of thought, distracted as I am by the memory he's invoked. Oh god. "Zedd - did I hurt you that time?"
"There was some discomfort at first, but no real pain. Believe me, I didn't mind. As I said, I needed it as much as you did."
"But I thought - I mean I know you felt tight but…" Suddenly, I realize something and pull back even further. "Wait, you lied to me - and broke your promise."
"What now?"
"I said, 'Promise me that you'll stop if it's in the least bit uncomfortable'. You said you would and you didn't." I sit up fully, shaking my head. "Not only that, you've kept it from me all these years." Was I so oblivious to everything except my own needs that I missed his pain? How badly did I hurt him?
Now he looks puzzled. "When you said to let you know if I was uncomfortable I assumed you meant my incision. However as far you taking me, I knew that part was going to be a bit uncomfortable given how long it had been. No different, really, than the first time you took me when you were evil. It was a bit uncomfortable since I hadn't mated with anyone in that way for a really, really, really long time but it didn't last long. But back to the point, it was a simple misunderstanding. We just thought we were on the same page, but we weren't."
I sigh. "Just when I think we're past all that, think that we know each other well enough, I'm wrong again."
"What?"
"I thought we were finally at that point where we just, you know, got each other."
"Thomas we do get each other, just because we weren't exactly on the same page with one specific thing, while I might add we were both rather distracted and needy, doesn't mean we don't know each other quite well. Mate, you didn't harm me, if that's what you're so upset about. I was fine, and what's more badly in need of you. Sort of like when I took you for the first time. If you recall, I'm certain it was more than a bit unpleasant at the start, however try as I might to take things slow, you seemed to refuse to have it that way stating that you were hurting but it was a 'good hurt'." Damn his memory.
"That really isn't the same thing, Zedd."
"Hmm, just like you sneaking off to the workout room when you were supposed to be resting isn't the same as when you told me not to do it?" Fuck. Shaking his head at my guilty look, he continues calmly. "Really Thomas, how inattentive of a mate do you think I am that you would assume I wouldn't notice you missing after the first hour and go looking for you?"
"I didn't mean to be there that long."
"That's really not the point, as you would say."
"I just want to get better. Working out made me feel better, like…like I accomplished something and like I had a goal to strive for again. I haven't been able to do much of anything for anyone these past few weeks, but at least if I can start working out and training again then – " Sighing I shake my head feeling like the more I try to explain the stupider it sounds.
"Then what, love?"
"Then at least I'd be working toward being able to help protect our children again. You shouldn't have to take care of them and me, Zedd. It should be both of us keeping them safe, but instead I nearly get myself killed trying to fend off one lone attacker. And not even a skilled one at that! I just...I want to get better. I hate feeling useless and honestly that's how I've felt these past few weeks." Taking a breath and determined not to further kill the mood by being a sobbing mess, I refocus on my mate and as he said the point of the matter. "You're right though, it was underhanded to keep you from doing what I went and did when in worse shape than you were."
Taking my hands he pulls my attention back to his face a rather stern expression now marring it. "Thomas you are not useless."
"Zedd, our son hates me, he won't even let me feed him without crying, I can't help with the business because of Essa still needing to think I'm dead, your parents won't let me work with Mara Jane because their afraid she'll accidentally hurt me if she gets overexcited or too rough, Dar won't let me help cook worried I'll overdo it and set my recovery back, and Pina and Kira have handled all the household chores for the next month. Not to mention up to this point I've been horrible to you with my mood swings and depression, made you so worried about me you handled everything that needed to be done on Earth by yourself, throw protecting me and the kids into it and I'm not just useless I've been an active burden."
"Like I was after I had Mara Jane?"
"Not even close to the same thing, mate. Especially considering you had to forgo the end of your recovery because I couldn't handle our workload for you, which by the way you managed to do for me while also overseeing construction on a house and taking care of our daughter."
"Thomas, in all fairness Goldar and Pina have been handling most of the work where our contracts are concerned these past few weeks. As for the house, your fellow Rangers were more than willing to step in and oversee things for me when they realized my temper was not going to allow me to personally deal with the crew on hand."
"What about Mara Jane?"
Smiling, he leans his forehead against mine seeming far too amused by my last ditch effort. "My love, the day after you left to come home and it was just the two of us, I ended up a miserable wreck, unable to sleep until the early morning due to missing you lying next to me. Meanwhile our daughter got up, dressed herself, made a bowl of cereal for herself and me I might add, before going to the living room to watch cartoons. For the next week when she wasn't trying to take my mind off of missing Daddy, she was helping pack up her things to be moved, doing her lessons, telling me how she was going to help take care of her new brother, and keeping Conner out of my damn way when we moved the last of our stuff."
"She did all that?"
"She did. I mean true she did make our cereal with apple juice instead of milk, and keeping Conner busy did end up with him taking a soccer ball to the face, but still I definitely wouldn't have managed without you there if I didn't have her – how did she put it – taking care of me for Daddy."
Smiling slightly, I shake my head. "As proud of her as I am, you know that just makes it worse. She shouldn't have had to do all that, and neither should you. I should have been there with you both."
"Love you needed rest, and I'm especially glad you did get it considering we were unaware of the damage being done to you internally. If you hadn't come back before us and been able to take a break I really don't want to think about what could have happened."
"I would have managed. Besides you didn't get to rest before Mara Jane was born or again, not even after. Not to mention we didn't get attacked when you were recovering because you pissed off some love crazed stalker that wanted to kill you and kidnap our kids. I however did and-"
He presses his fingers against my lips, stopping me. "And you saved our children, my love. Saved them and me." At my confused look, he elaborates, "Thomas, really, do you think I'd be functional at all if I'd lost any of you, never mind all of you? Forget the mess I was the day of the attack with you hurt, how much worse would I have been if he had gotten the children away? And then if I'd lost you on top of it?"
"Zedd, I-"
"I didn't lie to Essa" he says softly, catching me by surprise. "If I lost you and the children and the bond didn't take me, I would take my own life. I will not live without you or them." Recalling the promise I'd made Pina and Dar give me, how I'd made them swear on their honor as not only warriors, but also as part of our family to take care of Zedd if something should happen to me I can only hope that if it does come down to it they find some way to make certain he finds some form of happiness again.
"So long as you're around I don't think you have to worry about losing any of us. As Mara Jane says, I know you'll keep us safe, forever and ever."
"I hope so." He kisses me tenderly, pressing me back against the bed. It's not long before he's nipping at my neck. His need has moved beyond simply the physical, needing reassurance that I'm still with him and all right. After a short time he becomes more aggressive and I allow myself to get lost in the sensations he's creating. And oh god I understand his concern about hurting me when he slides two fingers in me, forcefully bringing back memories of the first time he took me.
Gasping, I take a moment to get myself together, taken more by surprise really than anything else as truthfully it's not that bad, but I do definitely feel like I did then - hurts, but it's a good hurt. "Oh Zedd, more please!"
"Easy, love" he murmurs, his voice shaking in restraint.
"No. No more waiting. I need you now." I can feel how much he needs me too and thankfully that helps us both out as he after only a bit of hesitation complies with my desperate demand.
In a moment he's in position and presses in. He breaches me and, just like all those years ago, my hands fist in the covers and I curse, although this time in several languages. He stops but this time I'm not having it. I catch him by surprise when I wrap my legs around him - ignoring the slight ache still present in my muscles - and pull, forcing him the rest of the way into me. He gasps. "By the hells Thomas!"
I pull him down and kiss him hard. "Now, Zedd. Love me as only you can."
He begins to move and god I've missed this! It won't take much to push me over the edge, but it seems that's not what he has in mind. "Oh Thomas you feel so good. Wait for me."
"I - oh god - don't know if I can."
He wraps his hand around me, tightening at the base. He switches to Eltarian. "I promise, love, it will be so much better if you can."
We learned a long time ago that him switching languages when there's a chance of a flashback tends to curtail them or prevents them entirely. My back arches as he hits that spot inside just right and it reduces my ability to speak to little more than gibberish. "Ah, Zedd, please - need - want - more - close - oh HELLS!" I practically scream as he starts pounding me mercilessly and abruptly releases his grip on me, launching me into my release while he's only a few strokes behind me.
Once we both come down a bit, he eases out of me, quickly cleaning me up before pulling me close. We set aside talking any more tonight, but tomorrow or the next day, I have to talk to him and Kira about ending their game with Essa. It's gone on long enough and for the sake of our children the sooner she's actually dealt with the better.