So there I was. On the ground, bleeding out. [Insert generic black male name here], dead at 24 years old. It's a damn shame it happened this way too. Getting hit by a stray bullet in the chest fucking sucks. Shit hurts too. And honestly? I hate this generation. Instead of helping me, the fuckers stand there, recording me as I bleed out. Pretty crazy really, but it is what it is.

Skipping all the Isekai bullshit, cuz it's honestly overdone and you've probably heard it about 30 times already, all done differently but the same, I ended up in Naruto's body.

Yeah.

Shocked me too, but the fuck can I do? I've low key always dreamed of this happening (you have too, don't fucking lie) and now that it has...I really don't know what to do. Time to fuck shit up I guess.

Time Skip ~ Roughly 4 hours

Waking up in a body that isn't yours is incredibly disorienting. Like, alot. Alot alot. But, you get used to it I guess. Moving on, I see that I'm in Tsunami's house, and that there's an air of...happiness and success around the house. Seems like I took over at the end of the Wave mission, which..I don't have too much of a problem with, cuz fighting Zabuza? Hell no.

Standing up, I subtly trace my hands over the body that is now mine (pause). This man is FIT. Holy fuck, I knew that everyone in this show was in shape but GOD DAMN Naruto is RIPPED. Taking a few moments to admire my new physique, it was time to cause chaos.

Rubbing my hands together and smiling like a menace, I slowly walked downstairs. Everyone was doing something different. Tsunami was cooking, Tazuna was drinking, which wasn't a surprise, Kakashi was reading porn while leaning against the wall, Sasuke was on the couch doing Sasuke things, and Sakura..well.. She was doing Sakura things. So staring at Sasuke while foaming at the mouth in "love".

What goes through her head that causes her to foam at the mouth from seeing him? I dunno.

Tsunami looked up and spotted me coming down the stairs, and the way her face lit up when she saw me you would've sworn Jesus was reborn (I mean.. technically..? Nah it's too early for that).

"Naruto! You're awake and walking!" She rushed over and embraced me, pushing her chest in my face.

"I mean yeah, I always healed fast and it's not like I was that hurt. Granted, I am still kinda sore…" Though her chest in my face was helping my condition immensely. No better healing agent than a nice pair of tits, other than a good pair of thicc thighs.

"Well, I'm glad nonetheless. I don't know what I, or Inari would do if our hero was hurt." Fuck. I forgot about that.

"Yeah..cough can you let me go? I'm kinda hungry. Haven't eaten since before the fight and all."

"Ah, I'm actually cooking right now, if you would give me a minute, I'll have lunch ready for everyone." She let me go and went back to the stove, humming a happy tune.

Smirking, I decided now was a good time to let the chaos begin.

Letting out a breath, I walked over to Sasuke. "What's up you emo bitch?"

It was like a record scratched. The whole house was dead silent after what I said, with Kakashi coughing over what suspiciously sounded like a laugh.

"The fuck did you say to me dobe?" Ah, that name.

"I said, what's up you emo bitch? I didn't mutter, utter or stutter. So what's up?"

He just stared at me in disbelief, frozen in place. Sakura, quick to defend the Uchiha's fragile honor, reacted first.

"Narutoooooo…. YOU CAN'T SAY THAT TO HIM!" At the same time, she went in to punch me. Jokes on her, I'm not the punching bag for her I was 2 days ago.

"WEAVE" Right as she swung her fist at me, I leaned back, letting it pass me and swung back, slapping her in the face. It wasn't too hard, just enough that she would feel a sting on her cheek. Damn, that was clean.

That action seemed to bring a rise out of Kakashi, as he got off the wall and walked over to us. "Naruto, why did you hit her?"

Is this ni- fool serious?

"Fuck you mean why did i hit her? This pink bitch hit me everyday since we became a team, AND BEFORE just for saying something. It wasn't even mean. I exist and she goes to swing on me. I simply thought to myself, it's time to swing back. From now on, if she wants the smoke, she can receive it. And that's on Log." And that's just facts. Had to pat myself on the back for that one, such a good comeback.

"I- yeah i guess that's fair.."

"Damn fucking right it is. So from now on," I looked at Sakura "Anytime you wanna hit me, be prepared to be hit back." I smiled at her and walked to the other side of the room, sitting in a chair.

"Hey Kakashi, what book are you reading again?" Time to fuck with this guy.

"Make out Paradise, why? Are you interested in starting? This is the 6th book in the series and it would be utter blasphemy for you to skip the other 5."

Damn. It's gonna be hard to crack this guy. That's fine though.. He'll break eventually.

"Yeah, when we get back to Konoha lend me the first 5. I'll read them all and give you a descriptive summary by the end of 2 weeks. Sound good?"

Now to marinate this fool.

Kakashi stood there with his eyes wide. Then they closed, and he closed his book at the same time. Seeing this, I don't know if I should be concerned or not, but let's see what happens.

"You are now my favorite student, and as such I have now made it my duty to guide you into the light and mold you into a fine pervert, just like me and Jiraiya-sama."

Out of everything I expected, this was not very high on the list. It could be good though, so seeing where this goes would be very beneficial...hmm..

"Works for me. As long as I'm still strong enough to fold the opps I'll be chilling."

A brief look of confusion passes over his face, before he nods. Good, seems like he'll be quick to learn my words.

"Anyways, how long until the bridge is done? I kinda wanna get back to the village. Stuff to see, people to torment. Shit like that."

Kakashi paused and looked up at the ceiling in thought. "Hmm..we should be able to leave in about a day or two? Maybe less if we can speed things up." I looked at Kakashi as if he lost a brain cell or two.

"Umm? Did you forget who you're talking to? Chakra battery here. I may not be at 100% capacity yet, but I should have enough for 50 clones or so."

"No Naruto, you're supposed to be letting your body recuperate from the stress you went through a few days ago on the bridge. No extreme activities until we leave."

This motherfucker really doesn't wanna leave. Alright, two can play at that game.

"You just want to stay so you can keep staring at Tsunami's ass when you think people aren't looking. You're not low Kakashi, we can see you staring HARD at her ass. Pretty sure I saw you take out the sharingan once to memorize the shape of it."

"You're damn fucking right I am. That's a fine piece of ass that she has. Not too big, not too small, nice and round with a bit of plumpness. Pretty sure I saw that thang jiggle a few times too. You're not ruining this for me, Naruto. Let me stare in peace."

On this day Kakashi, you have gained my respect. I was wrong. Kakashi, is in fact a real one. Pretty sure a tear rolled down my cheek when he said that.

"That...that was beautiful. I'm truly moved. I'll be honest with you Sensei, I was skeptical of you before, but now...now I truly know that you are the one destined to guide me. Please take me under your tutelage. Teach me what you know."

Halfway through this, I stood up and bowed to him. A truly moving experience for the both of us, I can tell.

Kakashi placed his hand on my head.

"Stand up my student, I shall guide you to the best of my ability, and show you just what it means to claim the title of pervert. There are levels to this my young disciple, and I'm making it my personal goal to help you reach the level of Mega Pervert, the highest level there is. No one has reached that, not even Jiraiya-sama who is at the second highest level of Super-Pervert."

What a truly beautiful experience, two bros bonding, walking the path of the pervert together (pause).

"One condition though."

"What is it Naruto?"

"I'm trying to be a pervert but in style. Not down bad like you, or log-forbid down horrendous like Jiraiya. My pride as a male does not allow that."

You could see the visible pain in Kakashi's eyes when he heard that. But behind that, was understanding. Understanding and determination.

"Okay Naruto. We will make you into the world's smoothest pervert, able to pick up any bitch you want. That is my life's goal."

Ah, how it feels to gain a follower. This is good, now I know that anything I do, Kakashi will simply turn a blind eye...yes this is great.

"Okay. Now, Shadow Clone Jutsu!" 50 clones popped up around me before abruptly running off in the direction of the bridge, their orders already specified at the moment of creation.

Fuck, now I'm tired. That took much more out of me than I thought it would. Oh yeah. Naruto has absolute shitty chakra control. Sure, it got better with tree climbing but fuck me is it still awful. Sigh. Guess that's another thing to work on. Whatever.

"Tsunami, the food ready yet?" I mean, it has been like..15 minutes since I came down. It's gotta be at least almost done.

"Naruto, your plate is on the table already. If you hadn't been so engrossed in your conversation with Kakashi you would've realized that." She rolled her eyes at me and went back to washing the dishes, which apparently is what she's been doing for the past 10 minutes.

Shrugging, I grab my plate and dig in.

Time Skip ~ The Next Morning

After eating a nice breakfast cooked by Tsunami (I swear she never leaves the damn kitchen), we began packing our stuff to head back to the village. Turns out, the 50 clones I sent last night were more than enough help to finish the bridge, giving us the opportunity to leave in the morning. Honestly? I couldn't fucking wait. I wanna go 'home' and wreak absolute havoc on them people.

Anyways, at the start of the bridge leaving wave, the whole town came to see us off, yelling byes and good lucks and thank yous. It was nice. At the front of the crowd, Inari, Tsunami and Tazuna stood. We walked over to them and said our goodbyes, one by one. I gave Inari a head pat and told him to hold on to that bravery he has and to be a great man. I gave Tsunami a big hug and totally didn't cop a feel of her ass. It didn't happen. For Tazuna? A simple wave. Fuck that guy.

As we were walking out, I overheard them talking about what to name the bridge and how they came to the name "The Great Naruto Bridge".

What a shitty name.

Although, I guess having a bridge named after you isn't too bad, if a little tacky. It is what it is.

The whole way back home, Kakashi and I planned silently. Discussing our plans for furthering my progress along the path of the pervert. One of the first things I decided? Clothes.

When we stopped for the night to camp, about halfway back to the village I told the whole team, "I have first dibs on going to the store when we get back. I realize that I have bad drip, and that's not doing anything for my rep."

They all stared at me confused, as if I said something that was dumb. Dumbasses, can't let a man have his drip.

"I need to cop me some 1's, and if they don't have them some black sandals to color...yess.. A supreme shirt and one of them heavy jackets that got writing on them…"

I took out a notepad and began writing all this down.

"To top it off? Black joggers. Yes. Maximum drip will be achieved." Cue maniacal laughter.

Safe to say, I scared the shit out of Sasuke and Sakura while Kakashi was looking at me with stars in his eyes. Weird one he is. After fucking with their minds, I decided that it was time to sleep.

The next day, traveling the rest of the way back was silent. No one spoke. Not even Sakura, who normally was pestering Sasuke for dates and other meaningless shit (the poor lad). It's weird really. Not hearing the Pink Howler Monkey yknow...Howl. Oh well. Less strain on my ears so you won't hear me complaining.

We decided to camp for the night again, despite being around 20 minutes away from the village because it was late. We'd get in during the day time and then do the debrief then, and have the rest of the day (and week) off. It sounded like a good plan to me, because I'd be able to get started on acquiring drip.

Once the morning came, and we neared the village, I realized that alot of people would notice the change in my personality. Sakura and Sasuke haven't said anything so they could focus on finishing the mission, so they were probably gonna grill me at some point while we're home. Kakashi..while the change was welcome I know he's going to be suspicious too. Hm. I need to make a plan.

Seeing the gates come into view, I cracked a smile.

Shit's gonna get messy, and I'm gonna love it.

Wait till these fools realize that I'm not Naruto.